Throwing in the towel

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funkyrobot

Original Poster:

18,789 posts

227 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
quotequote all
Long story short. I have a daughter who starts school in September. I only get to see her properly at weekends due to work. I miss her dearly.

I'm not enjoying work at all at the moment. This is through no fault of my own. I'm being messed about with hours and pay, and my department is being pressured more and more to cover another department who are, quite frankly, awful. My manager asked me yesterday if I'm ok as I've not been myself recently. I don't want to turn into an office grump!

Plan is to resign. This will cover a month and means I see off a big project with the company. I'll then take the summer off with my family and work part time somewhere to cover the mortgage. I want to change career, so could be an opportunity to see another environment.

We have the finances to cover the summer (and longer if needed). My wife is also supporting me and said she will stand by any decision I make.

Anyone else done anything similar? Did it work out ok?

Thanks all.

LeoZwalf

2,802 posts

229 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
quotequote all
funkyrobot said:
I have a daughter who starts school in September. I only get to see her properly at weekends due to work. I miss her dearly.
funkyrobot said:
My wife is also supporting me and said she will stand by any decision I make.
These two quotes say it all.

Although it isn't really the same, 10 years ago I left my home town and a job which, although it was fun, it was never going to get me anywhere. I left to go and live in Germany with my girlfriend of 8 months. 10 years later (it wil be in August) we are still very much together and I now have something resembling an actual career. Had I not taken the plunge, I dread to think where I'd be now.

You have the perfect reason and full support of your wife. You will look back and wonder why you didn't do it earlier, and be glad you made the change. Good luck!

funkyrobot

Original Poster:

18,789 posts

227 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
quotequote all
What a nice reply. Shows there is hope and these things can work out.

Oh yes, we are also planning on moving somewhere else for good too. Better to do it now while our daughter is young.

Thanks. smile

anonymous-user

53 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
quotequote all
LeoZwalf said:
funkyrobot said:
I have a daughter who starts school in September. I only get to see her properly at weekends due to work. I miss her dearly.
funkyrobot said:
My wife is also supporting me and said she will stand by any decision I make.
These two quotes say it all.

Although it isn't really the same, 10 years ago I left my home town and a job which, although it was fun, it was never going to get me anywhere. I left to go and live in Germany with my girlfriend of 8 months. 10 years later (it wil be in August) we are still very much together and I now have something resembling an actual career. Had I not taken the plunge, I dread to think where I'd be now.

You have the perfect reason and full support of your wife. You will look back and wonder why you didn't do it earlier, and be glad you made the change. Good luck!
My thoughts exactly. Lovely to see a parent putting their precious time with family over their career.

Good luck OP!

snake_oil

2,039 posts

74 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
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Not meaning to piss on anyone's chips, but depending on your financial situation I would exercise a certain amount of caution. If I were you I would secure your next position before leaving your current one. Easier to find a job when you're still in one. You can always arrange a gap between the two roles to spend extra time with the family.

Mammasaid

3,774 posts

96 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
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3 years ago I was working 100 miles from home, living in a hotel for 3 nights a week, and coming home exhausted every weekend.

Then was offered redundancy, with 7 months wages. Best thing that ever happened. Now working 5 minutes from home, see my daughter (and wife!) every day, and am a much nicer person for it. I get to do all the nice things, like take her to school every day, along with sports events, clubs, etc.

Carpe diem!

You'll never regret doing it!

bobmcgod

405 posts

193 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
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Could you trying putting in for reduced working hours? Just go down to 3 days a week or something for now?

anonymous-user

53 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
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I’ve took about an €80k a year paycut to move back home, spend more time with friends, family and my girlfriend, I’m a lot poorer but immeasurably happier.

Go for it, I thought I’d be a misery arse at having less cash but I am so much happier because I travel less and have more time to myself / together with girlfriend.

Even thinking i will sell my Vantage to help with the lifestyle change and it was meant to be a keeper!

Go for it and enjoy it smile

funkyrobot

Original Poster:

18,789 posts

227 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
quotequote all
snake_oil said:
Not meaning to piss on anyone's chips, but depending on your financial situation I would exercise a certain amount of caution. If I were you I would secure your next position before leaving your current one. Easier to find a job when you're still in one. You can always arrange a gap between the two roles to spend extra time with the family.
Duly noted. However, it will be very difficult to find anything else whilst I am in this role.

We are currently on leave lockdown, I am struggling to get the time to go to our daughter's school events (one hour in the day on two consecutive Wednesday's), I am being asked to book weekends out for work purposes and I'm getting bad vibes because I don't want to come in early and leave late every day. It's become quite a suffocating experience.

I won't make any decisions without talking it over with my wife. Financially, because we don't do a lot with our money, we are ok. We are fortunate enough to not have massive outgoings, so even getting a temp part time job will help with the financials.

The timing for me is important at the moment. As mentioned above, my daughter means the world to me. School is looming and if I don't get this time with her now, I'll never get it back.

Thanks for your post.

funkyrobot

Original Poster:

18,789 posts

227 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
quotequote all
bobmcgod said:
Could you trying putting in for reduced working hours? Just go down to 3 days a week or something for now?
I will ask this, yes. Can't hurt, can it.

Not sure it will happen though because I'm doing so much already. When they replace me, they will need someone doing it full time. I don't think part time is even an option with them.

I will ask though. Thanks.

Podie

46,630 posts

274 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
quotequote all
funkyrobot said:
bobmcgod said:
Could you trying putting in for reduced working hours? Just go down to 3 days a week or something for now?
I will ask this, yes. Can't hurt, can it.

Not sure it will happen though because I'm doing so much already. When they replace me, they will need someone doing it full time. I don't think part time is even an option with them.

I will ask though. Thanks.
If you are on leave lockdown AND being asked to do weekends, why would they agree to reduced hours?

Out of curiosity, what do you do? (and rough geographic location)

BluePurpleRed

1,137 posts

225 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
quotequote all
Leave lockdown? That sounds awful. Free overtime and pressure to work weekends etc. Sounds like a team / company that has lost control.

I would say it won't improve itself and so you are better of getting out early as you say and starting to look during your notice period.

I also expect that they won't be able to hire in someone within the month and even if they do that new person won't be as cheap or as willing to have the urine extracted in quite the same way so it will get pretty nasty.

You will need to ignore all of that and make sure HR will give you the correct reference. Then don't kill yourself in the last month and start ramping down the hours to those contracted (but not in a spiteful way) and watch the world implode a little bit from a Zen bubble.


funkyrobot

Original Poster:

18,789 posts

227 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
quotequote all
Podie said:
funkyrobot said:
bobmcgod said:
Could you trying putting in for reduced working hours? Just go down to 3 days a week or something for now?
I will ask this, yes. Can't hurt, can it.

Not sure it will happen though because I'm doing so much already. When they replace me, they will need someone doing it full time. I don't think part time is even an option with them.

I will ask though. Thanks.
If you are on leave lockdown AND being asked to do weekends, why would they agree to reduced hours?

Out of curiosity, what do you do? (and rough geographic location)
I'm software testing. When I took the job I said it was because I wanted to do my hours, then go home to the family. It's spiralled since then.

I'm in lincolnshire.

Yeah, the leave lockdown is a pain. It's not great either when I have to say I can't work so much overtime. I do have a home life. My manager doesn't.

langtounlad

780 posts

170 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
quotequote all
BluePurpleRed said:
Leave lockdown? That sounds awful. Free overtime and pressure to work weekends etc. Sounds like a team / company that has lost control.

I would say it won't improve itself and so you are better of getting out early as you say and starting to look during your notice period.

I also expect that they won't be able to hire in someone within the month and even if they do that new person won't be as cheap or as willing to have the urine extracted in quite the same way so it will get pretty nasty.

You will need to ignore all of that and make sure HR will give you the correct reference. Then don't kill yourself in the last month and start ramping down the hours to those contracted (but not in a spiteful way) and watch the world implode a little bit from a Zen bubble.

Totally agree with the above. I used to be a company man and worked above and beyond etc. Still didn't mean anything when the firm got taken over and the senior management team (myself included) all got made redundant. I now counsel people to work smart within their contracted hours and don't take any 'jam tomorrow' st from those above. Work / life balance has to be to your benefit also.

bobmcgod

405 posts

193 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
quotequote all
funkyrobot said:
I will ask this, yes. Can't hurt, can it.

Not sure it will happen though because I'm doing so much already. When they replace me, they will need someone doing it full time. I don't think part time is even an option with them.

I will ask though. Thanks.
All companies have to consider flexible working applications once you've been there more than 6 months. If you can make a good enough business case then it might get accepted might be worth exploring the idea of saying that you'd be more productive the hours you are there if you were under less pressure or stress or something?

Podie

46,630 posts

274 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
quotequote all
funkyrobot said:
I'm software testing. When I took the job I said it was because I wanted to do my hours, then go home to the family. It's spiralled since then.

I'm in lincolnshire.

Yeah, the leave lockdown is a pain. It's not great either when I have to say I can't work so much overtime. I do have a home life. My manager doesn't.
OK, well there are certainly jobs out there in that area (sorry, London based so can't really help) so that's a positive.

In reality I think you know what you're going to do - but as someone else said try and do it on decent terms and without burning bridges. You may want to go back one day...

funkyrobot

Original Poster:

18,789 posts

227 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
quotequote all
BluePurpleRed said:
Leave lockdown? That sounds awful. Free overtime and pressure to work weekends etc. Sounds like a team / company that has lost control.

I would say it won't improve itself and so you are better of getting out early as you say and starting to look during your notice period.

I also expect that they won't be able to hire in someone within the month and even if they do that new person won't be as cheap or as willing to have the urine extracted in quite the same way so it will get pretty nasty.

You will need to ignore all of that and make sure HR will give you the correct reference. Then don't kill yourself in the last month and start ramping down the hours to those contracted (but not in a spiteful way) and watch the world implode a little bit from a Zen bubble.

Without giving anything away, it is awful. smile

It went out of control towards the end of last year.

My department is also being asked to do more. I had a chat with my manager about it all the other day. He said you basically have to like it or lump it. At least I know where I stand. wink

Edited by funkyrobot on Thursday 31st May 11:40

sinbaddio

2,357 posts

175 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
quotequote all
Life's too short.

You're in a genuinely good position with a supporting family, who it seems value your time massively and would prefer for you to be home more.

I'm pretty sure if you register with some IT contractor agencies you'll find some short term project work too.

Good luck OP.

funkyrobot

Original Poster:

18,789 posts

227 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
quotequote all
Podie said:
funkyrobot said:
I'm software testing. When I took the job I said it was because I wanted to do my hours, then go home to the family. It's spiralled since then.

I'm in lincolnshire.

Yeah, the leave lockdown is a pain. It's not great either when I have to say I can't work so much overtime. I do have a home life. My manager doesn't.
OK, well there are certainly jobs out there in that area (sorry, London based so can't really help) so that's a positive.

In reality I think you know what you're going to do - but as someone else said try and do it on decent terms and without burning bridges. You may want to go back one day...
That's why I want to go now. I can feel myself getting down at work and getting frustrated. I want to nip it in the bud while everything is ok.

As mentioned above, I told my manager the other day. I gained nothing from this and it will only get worse as others are leaving the company too.

BluePurpleRed

1,137 posts

225 months

Thursday 31st May 2018
quotequote all
funkyrobot said:
Without giving anything away, it is awful. smile

It went out of control towards the end of last year.

My department is also being asked to do more. I had a chat with my manager about it all the other day. He said you basically have to like it or lump it. At least I know where I stand. wink

Edited by funkyrobot on Thursday 31st May 11:40
That is an audacious ultimatum. You should take him up on his kind offer to "lump it". Should make the HR Exit interview easier. "I was told that it was work for free and weekends or nothing at all" So I accepted my bosses offer of nothing at all as he recommended. Cue slightly blank faces :P

I am hoping that you have other software testing openings around and that you believe that you can match your salary? Who knows you might even increase it for less work?

I am London based so there is always comparable work, the trick is getting it. Looking at candidates coming through the door at the moment I see two things 1. Brexit ... pah. We have LOADS of EU applicants. 2. Most of them are not brilliant

I say if you have the backing of your wife and you hate it... have a big think tonight and have a letter ready tomorrow. Obviously it is more delicious to write on your work computer so don't do it at home!