Have i been used as punch bag at work?
Discussion
I work for very large multinational company and have been finding hard to get along with my manager. He is not soft spoken and his personality is bit harsh. He makes comments on everything i do and sometimes it affects my confidence. Its becoming harder and harder to have any conversation with him because i know he is going to make comments on what i say. He doesn't admit his faults and thinks he is always right.
It feels like he is waiting for me to go wrong so that he can make some comments.
One week he tells me to do things in certain ways and next week he gets annoyed if i follow his instructions and tell me we should not be doing this way. I am worried if i confront him then he may sack me.
He joined the company 6 months after i joined and i have been working here for an about 2 yrs now. He sits in USA with my other team mates. I am the only developer in the UK. He is technically good as he used to be a developer but he doesn't have any managerial experience.
He doesn't know how to motivate team, he has never said 'Well Done' or good job. He doesn't respond to team's email. 95% of my emails get ignored. Only way i can talk to him is either via IM or on the phone. I have noticed that he doesn't like to be bothered, last week i had a project meeting with him and he was listening to me on the phone and the same time working on his computer as i was able to hear him typing. I found this bit rude.
To me, it feels like he is a control freak. Most of the time he doesn't let other person complete his views and he will just interrupt him by saying hold on
hold on 3-4 times until other person shuts up. It happens every day in daily stand up meetings.
We had a junior developer who resigned few months ago and he was treated very badly by him, may be because he was junior. He was being used as punch bag. He also sacked a permanent member of our team because he never liked him from day one and they both had conflicts.
There is no freedom of how i like to do things because he is involved in every single thing and he points out mistakes on no matter how good the job is done.
This is the first time i am having problems getting along with my line manager in my 14 yrs career history.
What are my options?
I like the company but not him. I am on very good package and don't want to lose my job. I like to complain about his attitude but i don't know if it will resolve anything and things may get worse.
It feels like he is waiting for me to go wrong so that he can make some comments.
One week he tells me to do things in certain ways and next week he gets annoyed if i follow his instructions and tell me we should not be doing this way. I am worried if i confront him then he may sack me.
He joined the company 6 months after i joined and i have been working here for an about 2 yrs now. He sits in USA with my other team mates. I am the only developer in the UK. He is technically good as he used to be a developer but he doesn't have any managerial experience.
He doesn't know how to motivate team, he has never said 'Well Done' or good job. He doesn't respond to team's email. 95% of my emails get ignored. Only way i can talk to him is either via IM or on the phone. I have noticed that he doesn't like to be bothered, last week i had a project meeting with him and he was listening to me on the phone and the same time working on his computer as i was able to hear him typing. I found this bit rude.
To me, it feels like he is a control freak. Most of the time he doesn't let other person complete his views and he will just interrupt him by saying hold on
hold on 3-4 times until other person shuts up. It happens every day in daily stand up meetings.
We had a junior developer who resigned few months ago and he was treated very badly by him, may be because he was junior. He was being used as punch bag. He also sacked a permanent member of our team because he never liked him from day one and they both had conflicts.
There is no freedom of how i like to do things because he is involved in every single thing and he points out mistakes on no matter how good the job is done.
This is the first time i am having problems getting along with my line manager in my 14 yrs career history.
What are my options?
I like the company but not him. I am on very good package and don't want to lose my job. I like to complain about his attitude but i don't know if it will resolve anything and things may get worse.
Hmm. I used to work for a very large multinational too, and my (final) boss was a hideous, unsupportive bully who frequently took delight in calling out certain people, including me, in large meetings. Bear in mind that I was in a senior management position and the boss was a SVP. What was worse was that you never know from one day to the next whether they would keep their head down or go nuclear. Very undermining, very demotivating, and hits your confidence and self-belief.
There were a lot of people like that in that company. I'd never, ever recommend it asa place to work to anyone.
Caused me genuine stress-related issues in the end; fortunately I "became eligible" for redundancy shortly after that happened. Since then, the two jobs I have had have completely restored my self confidence and self belief and I'm enjoying work again.
There were a lot of people like that in that company. I'd never, ever recommend it asa place to work to anyone.
Caused me genuine stress-related issues in the end; fortunately I "became eligible" for redundancy shortly after that happened. Since then, the two jobs I have had have completely restored my self confidence and self belief and I'm enjoying work again.
mikyccity said:
I work for very large multinational company and have been finding hard to get along with my manager. He is not soft spoken and his personality is bit harsh. He makes comments on everything i do and sometimes it affects my confidence. Its becoming harder and harder to have any conversation with him because i know he is going to make comments on what i say. He doesn't admit his faults and thinks he is always right.
It feels like he is waiting for me to go wrong so that he can make some comments.
One week he tells me to do things in certain ways and next week he gets annoyed if i follow his instructions and tell me we should not be doing this way. I am worried if i confront him then he may sack me.
He joined the company 6 months after i joined and i have been working here for an about 2 yrs now. He sits in USA with my other team mates. I am the only developer in the UK. He is technically good as he used to be a developer but he doesn't have any managerial experience.
He doesn't know how to motivate team, he has never said 'Well Done' or good job. He doesn't respond to team's email. 95% of my emails get ignored. Only way i can talk to him is either via IM or on the phone. I have noticed that he doesn't like to be bothered, last week i had a project meeting with him and he was listening to me on the phone and the same time working on his computer as i was able to hear him typing. I found this bit rude.
To me, it feels like he is a control freak. Most of the time he doesn't let other person complete his views and he will just interrupt him by saying hold on
hold on 3-4 times until other person shuts up. It happens every day in daily stand up meetings.
We had a junior developer who resigned few months ago and he was treated very badly by him, may be because he was junior. He was being used as punch bag. He also sacked a permanent member of our team because he never liked him from day one and they both had conflicts.
There is no freedom of how i like to do things because he is involved in every single thing and he points out mistakes on no matter how good the job is done.
This is the first time i am having problems getting along with my line manager in my 14 yrs career history.
What are my options?
I like the company but not him. I am on very good package and don't want to lose my job. I like to complain about his attitude but i don't know if it will resolve anything and things may get worse.
Firstly, you need to communicate with him; constructivelyIt feels like he is waiting for me to go wrong so that he can make some comments.
One week he tells me to do things in certain ways and next week he gets annoyed if i follow his instructions and tell me we should not be doing this way. I am worried if i confront him then he may sack me.
He joined the company 6 months after i joined and i have been working here for an about 2 yrs now. He sits in USA with my other team mates. I am the only developer in the UK. He is technically good as he used to be a developer but he doesn't have any managerial experience.
He doesn't know how to motivate team, he has never said 'Well Done' or good job. He doesn't respond to team's email. 95% of my emails get ignored. Only way i can talk to him is either via IM or on the phone. I have noticed that he doesn't like to be bothered, last week i had a project meeting with him and he was listening to me on the phone and the same time working on his computer as i was able to hear him typing. I found this bit rude.
To me, it feels like he is a control freak. Most of the time he doesn't let other person complete his views and he will just interrupt him by saying hold on
hold on 3-4 times until other person shuts up. It happens every day in daily stand up meetings.
We had a junior developer who resigned few months ago and he was treated very badly by him, may be because he was junior. He was being used as punch bag. He also sacked a permanent member of our team because he never liked him from day one and they both had conflicts.
There is no freedom of how i like to do things because he is involved in every single thing and he points out mistakes on no matter how good the job is done.
This is the first time i am having problems getting along with my line manager in my 14 yrs career history.
What are my options?
I like the company but not him. I am on very good package and don't want to lose my job. I like to complain about his attitude but i don't know if it will resolve anything and things may get worse.
Feedback your feelings - he may be blissfully unaware, especially if this is his first management job
Explain that this is not how to manage you to get the best out of you. Explain how you would like to be managed.
If he is any good, he will respond positively to this feedback
However, if he is a cock, then be prepared for a negative reaction. If this is the case, you may be forced into a situation where, worse-case-scenario, you need to leave
Muzzer79 said:
Firstly, you need to communicate with him; constructively
Feedback your feelings - he may be blissfully unaware, especially if this is his first management job
Explain that this is not how to manage you to get the best out of you. Explain how you would like to be managed.
If he is any good, he will respond positively to this feedback
However, if he is a cock, then be prepared for a negative reaction. If this is the case, you may be forced into a situation where, worse-case-scenario, you need to leave
This strategy could make it much much worse and you might want to spend some time thinking very careful how that 'constructive' conversation would go. OP - Can you go over and meet face to face to help the relationship?Feedback your feelings - he may be blissfully unaware, especially if this is his first management job
Explain that this is not how to manage you to get the best out of you. Explain how you would like to be managed.
If he is any good, he will respond positively to this feedback
However, if he is a cock, then be prepared for a negative reaction. If this is the case, you may be forced into a situation where, worse-case-scenario, you need to leave
People leave managers not companies
If your not aware of anything in the background that means this d*ck of a manager is leaving soon then move on
Life is too short to worry about crappy managers who suck at their jobs
Dont let it make you unhappy and open another door to a new oppurtunity
If your not aware of anything in the background that means this d*ck of a manager is leaving soon then move on
Life is too short to worry about crappy managers who suck at their jobs
Dont let it make you unhappy and open another door to a new oppurtunity
I had a similar job
I took a brave pill and sat down with him.
I told him in a firm but polite way that I was unhappy with the way he treated me and I felt that he was singling me out.
This was backed up by the other 5 people who were in my team at the time who had all at some point said something to him in passing about it.
In our meeting he acknowledged he had "maybe been a bit harsh" on me.
Things improved for a couple of weeks.
Then they went back to how they were..........
so I found another job for a £15k pay rise.
His loss.
You are right when you say it gets to your confidence etc, it really does play on your mind a lot and stress you out. It's not worth it.
Speak to him, he can't fire you for talking to him. If he doesn't change then leave. Simple as.
I took a brave pill and sat down with him.
I told him in a firm but polite way that I was unhappy with the way he treated me and I felt that he was singling me out.
This was backed up by the other 5 people who were in my team at the time who had all at some point said something to him in passing about it.
In our meeting he acknowledged he had "maybe been a bit harsh" on me.
Things improved for a couple of weeks.
Then they went back to how they were..........
so I found another job for a £15k pay rise.
His loss.
You are right when you say it gets to your confidence etc, it really does play on your mind a lot and stress you out. It's not worth it.
Speak to him, he can't fire you for talking to him. If he doesn't change then leave. Simple as.
Not HP is it? When our UK section was taken over by US management we had to suffer some unbelievable c*cks who just wouldn't accept anything that hadn't been done in the US (the Not Invented Here Syndrome) god awful managers with no idea how to get the best out of people and one by one the whole team "walked" over a period of 2 years.
xjay1337 said:
I had a similar job
I took a brave pill and sat down with him.
I told him in a firm but polite way that I was unhappy with the way he treated me and I felt that he was singling me out.
This was backed up by the other 5 people who were in my team at the time who had all at some point said something to him in passing about it.
In our meeting he acknowledged he had "maybe been a bit harsh" on me.
Things improved for a couple of weeks.
Then they went back to how they were..........
so I found another job for a £15k pay rise.
OP, I had a similar experience to this, I had an awful manager who I just never saw eye to eye with, or could handle his awful attitude to his team & me or inconsistencies in direction. I tried to be overly proactive, I tried to be all grown up and address the problems, and the better man and do exactly what was asked. I documented stuff and replayed it later to show where he'd changed his mind. I took a brave pill and sat down with him.
I told him in a firm but polite way that I was unhappy with the way he treated me and I felt that he was singling me out.
This was backed up by the other 5 people who were in my team at the time who had all at some point said something to him in passing about it.
In our meeting he acknowledged he had "maybe been a bit harsh" on me.
Things improved for a couple of weeks.
Then they went back to how they were..........
so I found another job for a £15k pay rise.
In the end I just resigned during another roasting which finally shut him up. I had 3 months notice which I negotiated down to 6 weeks and he spoke to me once during that period, which was bliss!
Life's too short to try and manage a s
t boss, there are too many better roles and managers out there. Just move...A couple of weeks ago, I saw a silver Boxster parked in the far right corner of our underground car park. It was the same age and in the same sort of position that this old manager used to park at the other company I worked at. Despite being nearly 4 years ago, it still nearly gave me a panic attack just seeing it!
You need to do one of 3 things including grow a pair.
Once you grow a pair, then:
1) Go show your manager all the evidence he's treating people like crap and saying conflicting things and blaming staff when they follow his guidelines... then you may or may not need to find a new job, but you will have done it.
2) Dont do 2 and be crapped on all your life afraid that any confrontation will result in job loss and run away and find another job.
3) Pretend all is hunky dory in the world and stick your head in the sand and keep being used like you are being.
Your choice.
Once you grow a pair, then:
1) Go show your manager all the evidence he's treating people like crap and saying conflicting things and blaming staff when they follow his guidelines... then you may or may not need to find a new job, but you will have done it.
2) Dont do 2 and be crapped on all your life afraid that any confrontation will result in job loss and run away and find another job.
3) Pretend all is hunky dory in the world and stick your head in the sand and keep being used like you are being.
Your choice.
I'd just like to add to the pot that if you eventually decide to leave then you should do so by telling HR first why you are leaving. Otherwise he keeps on being an a**e and the problem perpetuates. Even think about claiming constructive dismissal but this would probably entail a complaint at this juncture rather than when you leave. If what you describe is how it is, then you have certainly been dealt a poor hand, especially since you have no-one on your side in this country. Having said that, 'septics' can be really up their own a**e.
Good luck and speak to HR!!
Good luck and speak to HR!!
Du1point8 said:
You need to do one of 3 things including grow a pair.
Once you grow a pair, then:
1) Go show your manager all the evidence he's treating people like crap and saying conflicting things and blaming staff when they follow his guidelines... then you may or may not need to find a new job, but you will have done it.
2) Dont do 2 and be crapped on all your life afraid that any confrontation will result in job loss and run away and find another job.
3) Pretend all is hunky dory in the world and stick your head in the sand and keep being used like you are being.
Your choice.
Nice advice and easy for you to type. Finding another job isn't always an easy or fast process so while he needs to 'grow a pair' he might want to word the conversation carefully or his life could get worse before it gets better. Point 2, I agree with but it depends on your personal circumstance. Point 3, yes, ridiculous. He needs to take some action but he may not be sitting on a nest egg of 5-10 years savings that he can afford to take a risk in moving role easily.Once you grow a pair, then:
1) Go show your manager all the evidence he's treating people like crap and saying conflicting things and blaming staff when they follow his guidelines... then you may or may not need to find a new job, but you will have done it.
2) Dont do 2 and be crapped on all your life afraid that any confrontation will result in job loss and run away and find another job.
3) Pretend all is hunky dory in the world and stick your head in the sand and keep being used like you are being.
Your choice.
I have been looking around, but I haven’t found much that is similar to the salary and benefits. I really need to stay close to home, as i am the only earner in my family, my wife has a disability and we have young children. I also have a medical condition called Hyperhidrosis, which effects my confidence. I’ve had this since i was 14, i can't even shake my hands with anyone, because of sweaty palms, feet and under my arms.
I have never told this to anyone, i am just managing it. It does effect my day to day life a lot, like when i am on the phone talking to group of people or giving software demos. It just knocks my confidence everytime I’m put in a situation, which causes me to sweat more.
It happened again today.
Last week my manager told me that he will come back to me on something which he never did. Today, in the stand up meeting i told him that i have been waiting on you to confirm if i need to work on certain piece, and he said i have already told you it is not required. He just lied.
I have never told this to anyone, i am just managing it. It does effect my day to day life a lot, like when i am on the phone talking to group of people or giving software demos. It just knocks my confidence everytime I’m put in a situation, which causes me to sweat more.
It happened again today.
Last week my manager told me that he will come back to me on something which he never did. Today, in the stand up meeting i told him that i have been waiting on you to confirm if i need to work on certain piece, and he said i have already told you it is not required. He just lied.
You need to stop caring what this cock thinks or does, get your tasks in writing, do your work and cash the cheques. I've worked on countless multinational dev teams and it always turns into them and us, never works, there's no rapport, as soon as the Skype call ends of the video conference closes you're just the guy over there and he's the guy over there.
You're not even a punching bag, you're just a resource. Take the money till something better turns up. And stop sweating it.
You're not even a punching bag, you're just a resource. Take the money till something better turns up. And stop sweating it.
mikyccity said:
I have been looking around, but I haven’t found much that is similar to the salary and benefits. I really need to stay close to home, as i am the only earner in my family, my wife has a disability and we have young children. I also have a medical condition called Hyperhidrosis, which effects my confidence. I’ve had this since i was 14, i can't even shake my hands with anyone, because of sweaty palms, feet and under my arms.
I have never told this to anyone, i am just managing it. It does effect my day to day life a lot, like when i am on the phone talking to group of people or giving software demos. It just knocks my confidence everytime I’m put in a situation, which causes me to sweat more.
It happened again today.
Last week my manager told me that he will come back to me on something which he never did. Today, in the stand up meeting i told him that i have been waiting on you to confirm if i need to work on certain piece, and he said i have already told you it is not required. He just lied.
Have you tried Driclor Solution or some deodorant paste, seems to work for OH.I have never told this to anyone, i am just managing it. It does effect my day to day life a lot, like when i am on the phone talking to group of people or giving software demos. It just knocks my confidence everytime I’m put in a situation, which causes me to sweat more.
It happened again today.
Last week my manager told me that he will come back to me on something which he never did. Today, in the stand up meeting i told him that i have been waiting on you to confirm if i need to work on certain piece, and he said i have already told you it is not required. He just lied.
2nd with your manager, if you are to have a meeting and or he needs to come back to you get it in the diary and in the form of an email.
At the moment you have, he said/she said scenario.
If he still doesnt reply to your emails, reply with something along the lines of:
'For the work A, I need answers on B and C for the work to be completed, I have tried to organise meetings with yourself, unfortunately, you have not been able to attend or supply the details in email format for me to complete the job, am I to conclude the work is of low priority?
If that is the case and I have not discussed this matter from yourself with regards to piece of work A and I have not been contacted by the COB on Y date, I will assume this work is of low priority and will pick it back up when you have time to discuss the open points.'
Then go do something else that you need to do, if they reply then you get your answer, if they dont the reverse answer applies for ignoring the email. Both are a posisitve for you and you can bring that up as evidence if needed later.
If he tells you in an email or in a meeting, then send an email back, stating:
'Further to our discussion/email, I would like to confirm that the action points are for me to do X/Y/Z?'
If you hear nothing back and you are blamed, then you can also state that a lack of communication on his behalf was the result of the error as you confirmed the discussion/email with him and if it was incorrect, why was it not brought up then?
(I have done all the above on asshole managers and they soon get the message I will not be their scapegoat)
Du1point8 said:
You need to do one of 3 things including grow a pair.
Once you grow a pair, then:
1) Go show your manager all the evidence he's treating people like crap and saying conflicting things and blaming staff when they follow his guidelines... then you may or may not need to find a new job, but you will have done it.
2) Dont do 2 and be crapped on all your life afraid that any confrontation will result in job loss and run away and find another job.
3) Pretend all is hunky dory in the world and stick your head in the sand and keep being used like you are being.
Your choice.
4) Leave and go to work for a company that values you.Once you grow a pair, then:
1) Go show your manager all the evidence he's treating people like crap and saying conflicting things and blaming staff when they follow his guidelines... then you may or may not need to find a new job, but you will have done it.
2) Dont do 2 and be crapped on all your life afraid that any confrontation will result in job loss and run away and find another job.
3) Pretend all is hunky dory in the world and stick your head in the sand and keep being used like you are being.
Your choice.
Du1point8 said:
Have you tried Driclor Solution or some deodorant paste, seems to work for OH.
2nd with your manager, if you are to have a meeting and or he needs to come back to you get it in the diary and in the form of an email.
At the moment you have, he said/she said scenario.
If he still doesnt reply to your emails, reply with something along the lines of:
'For the work A, I need answers on B and C for the work to be completed, I have tried to organise meetings with yourself, unfortunately, you have not been able to attend or supply the details in email format for me to complete the job, am I to conclude the work is of low priority?
If that is the case and I have not discussed this matter from yourself with regards to piece of work A and I have not been contacted by the COB on Y date, I will assume this work is of low priority and will pick it back up when you have time to discuss the open points.'
Then go do something else that you need to do, if they reply then you get your answer, if they dont the reverse answer applies for ignoring the email. Both are a posisitve for you and you can bring that up as evidence if needed later.
If he tells you in an email or in a meeting, then send an email back, stating:
'Further to our discussion/email, I would like to confirm that the action points are for me to do X/Y/Z?'
If you hear nothing back and you are blamed, then you can also state that a lack of communication on his behalf was the result of the error as you confirmed the discussion/email with him and if it was incorrect, why was it not brought up then?
(I have done all the above on asshole managers and they soon get the message I will not be their scapegoat)
Do this ^^^^. In that way there is nowhere he can go with any accusations he may have of you not listening or not doing what he wants. Sound advice. Treat him like the moron he is.2nd with your manager, if you are to have a meeting and or he needs to come back to you get it in the diary and in the form of an email.
At the moment you have, he said/she said scenario.
If he still doesnt reply to your emails, reply with something along the lines of:
'For the work A, I need answers on B and C for the work to be completed, I have tried to organise meetings with yourself, unfortunately, you have not been able to attend or supply the details in email format for me to complete the job, am I to conclude the work is of low priority?
If that is the case and I have not discussed this matter from yourself with regards to piece of work A and I have not been contacted by the COB on Y date, I will assume this work is of low priority and will pick it back up when you have time to discuss the open points.'
Then go do something else that you need to do, if they reply then you get your answer, if they dont the reverse answer applies for ignoring the email. Both are a posisitve for you and you can bring that up as evidence if needed later.
If he tells you in an email or in a meeting, then send an email back, stating:
'Further to our discussion/email, I would like to confirm that the action points are for me to do X/Y/Z?'
If you hear nothing back and you are blamed, then you can also state that a lack of communication on his behalf was the result of the error as you confirmed the discussion/email with him and if it was incorrect, why was it not brought up then?
(I have done all the above on asshole managers and they soon get the message I will not be their scapegoat)
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