Decoding car adverts

[sunnyb13]

"Sadly cat s fully repaired" - written off and bodged back together with hammer and nails

"cheap fix" - expensive labour to get this job done

"neva really bothered me" - expensive to sort/fix

"bodywork - good, tyres - good" means worst quality possible rough as hell.

"stood for ages so small misfire" - Engine is likely damaged and gone

"battery flat" - has parastic drain on the battery

"minor surface rust" - fully corroded and repaired previously but still comes back.

"fully loaded" - has leather seats

"bullet proof engine" - sounds like a tractor

"pulls like a train" - probably a remapped diesel

"service history available" one or two invoices from when the car was first new, nothing since.

"fully serviced on point of sale" - parts bought for the car, reciept photocopied, and then part returned.

"lady owner/doctor owner/director owner" - lets not even get started with this one....



any i've missed?

[BlindedByTheLights]

“Has all the bells and whistles” owned by a gold sovereign ring wearing gentleman who puts the “jaaaag” keys on the table at every opportunity so people know who’s made it.

[Truckosaurus]

'Aircon needs re-gas' .... as it keeps leaking out of a hole somewhere in the depths of the engine bay.

[donkmeister]

"has every option" doesn't have every option, and certainly doesn't have the ones you were looking for.

"best colour combination" - it's either something horrific like fluorescent pink with avocado seats, or it's the most boring option like black with black seats... Whichever, it's never a colour combination that many people with functioning colour vision would look at and say "ooh, nice colour combination".

[Truckosaurus]

donkmeister said:

"has every option" doesn't have every option, and certainly doesn't have the ones you were looking for.....

Or conversely, does have the options you want, but no mention of them in the advert text, you have to zoom in on grainy pictures to see if you can see the logo on the speakers etc. Lord help you if you want to find cars with optional LSDs or similar 'invisible' options.

[ChocolateFrog]

Easy fix is either not an easy fix or tells you the owner is incredibly lazy and or negligent towards upkeep.

10 times worse than just listing the fault and making no comment.

[ChocolateFrog]

Will fly through MOT.

Will be sold with no comebacks 3 weeks before the last dodgy MOT runs out.

[nickfrog]

FSH. Usually means it doesn't have FSH.

[Richard-390a0]

MOT due soon, should fly straight through - I don't actually believe that, hence selling without a full 12/13 month MOT.

[Richard-390a0]

nickfrog said:

FSH. Usually means it doesn't have FSH.

FSH is a proper weasel words term that I don't like as most people take it to rightly mean serviced as per manufacturers recommendations for time / mileage & fully documented etc etc. Although if you only have a couple of screwed up tatty invoices that could be described as the F extent of SH rather than complete as it's all you have. I wonder if this one has ever been challenged in court?.

Edited by Richard-390a0 on Wednesday 29th March 12:05

[Belle427]

Remap for economy purposes.

[coldel]

Will put 12 months MOT on it when sold - I will pay my mate down the garage fifty quid to put a dodgy MOT on it

[Milkyway]

A recent one: Rear seats never sat on... prove it.

[the-norseman]

"needs xxx part but I have included that in the sale, thats the reason for the warning light" = the part supplied wont solve the issue.

[Wilmslowboy]

"Cat S fully repaired" and / or "facelift parts fitted"

People were hurt in the stealing of the parts used.

[Dumbledore]

Full VOSA History = might be technically correct as actually a print out of some old MOT's. Or could be to catch out the unaware that the car has a full service history

[Shifter1]

What I always loved is "Fair condition". Sure it could just mean that. But not only fair means something different for everybody, but given the tendency and will of helping out the sale, if a seller judges the condition to be just "fair", it's most likely bellow that and not something I would want, unless I'm looking for a project.

[Fastlane]

"No time wasters, tyre kickers or test pilots"

I will be a nightmare to deal with.

[Lester H]

sunnyb13 said:

"Sadly cat s fully repaired" - written off and bodged back together with hammer and nails

"cheap fix" - expensive labour to get this job done

"neva really bothered me" - expensive to sort/fix

"bodywork - good, tyres - good" means worst quality possible rough as hell.

"stood for ages so small misfire" - Engine is likely damaged and gone

"battery flat" - has parastic drain on the battery

"minor surface rust" - fully corroded and repaired previously but still comes back.

"fully loaded" - has leather seats

"bullet proof engine" - sounds like a tractor

"pulls like a train" - probably a remapped diesel

"service history available" one or two invoices from when the car was first new, nothing since.

"fully serviced on point of sale" - parts bought for the car, reciept photocopied, and then part returned.

"lady owner/doctor owner/director owner" - lets not even get started with this one....



any i've missed?

A very good list! I would add “back seat never been sat on.” So what.?Unless it’s a taxi most are far less used/worn than the fronts. Incidentally, on the “ pulls like a train” a female 125 train driver posted not long ago that no car engine can pull like an inter city train with twin 2250 BHP engines. The Pendolinos were designed for 140 mph but British track can’t allow that. However, once retired ,another driver said he had seen 143 on the clock. Slight thread deviation here; the main point is the sheer brutal torque of these machines.

Edited by Lester H on Thursday 30th March 11:18

[Wilmslowboy]

"I don't need to sell it...I'm in no rush"

I know it is listed above mkt value.