Am I mean, £1200 per month on household?

Am I mean, £1200 per month on household?

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NEWANON4

Original Poster:

27 posts

69 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all

(long standing member posting under anon)

So, me and ball & chain are regularly arguing about money.

I am the main earner in our household, so I pay the mortgage, house insurance, life insurance, utilities, council tax, netflix, internet and both car insurance and tax. Basically all the bills. I also pay for any car repairs, holidays & house maintenance.

My partner has a low income of £800 a month from DLA, Child benefit and careers allowance. I also put £400 a month in to their bank account. Bringing it up to £1200 per month.

From that they have to pay for their mobile bill (£30pm), petrol, clothes, hair, nails and household groceries for use two and our autistic child.

My partner thinks this is not possible, but in my opinion a lot of people have no where near that much left after mortgage, etc and that should be manageable.

I'm actually quite offended that their unhappy and moaning at me, I cant help feel they are ungrateful. I want us to be able to save for unexpected bills, our future and pay off some debts, so am worried about money.

Am I being unrealistic in how far I think the money should go?

NDA

21,488 posts

224 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
Hard to say....

I know someone recently divorced who has to pay everything on £1600 a month - no school fees and no mortgage, but everything else. It means living quite frugally.


Darlo74

279 posts

208 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
The source of many an argument!

For comparison I am the main earner and pay all the bills - pretty much the same bills as you. My wife has a low paid job brings home c.£1,000 a month and I provide an extra £1,200 per month for food, clothes, kids stuff, petrol, etc etc. We have 2 kids.

It’s always a tough question and the answer is different for everyone depending on your unique circumstances.

Have you tried sitting down and working through your monthly expenditure. This will give you a clear view on what you both need to ‘survive’ on and what are luxuries. You then need to decide and agree what luxuries you’re prepared to pay for and what you’re not, given you want to save/invest some money for the future. This is quite reasonable as long as you can afford to do so once essential expenditure has been accounted for.

anonymous-user

53 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
NEWANON4 said:
(long standing member posting under anon)

So, me and ball & chain are regularly arguing about money.

I am the main earner in our household, so I pay the mortgage, house insurance, life insurance, utilities, council tax, netflix, internet and both car insurance and tax. Basically all the bills. I also pay for any car repairs, holidays & house maintenance.

My partner has a low income of £800 a month from DLA, Child benefit and careers allowance. I also put £400 a month in to their bank account. Bringing it up to £1200 per month.

From that they have to pay for their mobile bill (£30pm), petrol, clothes, hair, nails and household groceries for use two and our autistic child.

My partner thinks this is not possible, but in my opinion a lot of people have no where near that much left after mortgage, etc and that should be manageable.

I'm actually quite offended that their unhappy and moaning at me, I cant help feel they are ungrateful. I want us to be able to save for unexpected bills, our future and pay off some debts, so am worried about money.

Am I being unrealistic in how far I think the money should go?
Perhaps a question of perspective on her part in that she may be well be looking at how much that £400 is as a proportion of what you have available each month ?

NEWANON4

Original Poster:

27 posts

69 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all

I'm self employed so income varies.

Is around £2500 to £3000 per month.

mortgage595
ellecy and gas100
council tax140
water35
tv12.5
broadband40
netflix7.49
Transfer partner 400
car tax & insurance both cars100
fuel150
mobile25
house insurance25
tesco loan202
cc min pay150

Total 1981.99

Now add to that the occasional trip away, house maintenance, car maintenance and saving.

Things are tight

Sheepshanks

32,526 posts

118 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
I suppose "grocery shopping" includes cleaning stuff as well - when I've scanned supermarket till receipts I'm always surprised by how much the non-food stuff adds up to.

As for rest of it, I guess that rather depends on how much she's spending on petrol, clothes, hair and nails.

xx99xx

1,892 posts

72 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
I don't think it's unreasonable providing she didn't give up a well paid job to look after the child.

If she's not happy with this arrangement, I think I'd start lying as to the main income and saying you literally can't afford to give her any more, quoting some artificially deflated figures. Which would be easy to do if income varies normally anyway.

GT03ROB

13,207 posts

220 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
There is only one answer to this problem. Work through everything income & expenditure. Jointly understand where it goes, agree priorities & sort it accordingly. In isolation it's impossible to judge if 1200 is enough or too much

Deesee

8,329 posts

82 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
IMO DLA & CB should be for the Kid, the care allowance like wise for the carer.

If your self employed (not sure what type) could you chop a car in for a truck/van, use capital allowances for the truck to reduce your profits further?

Put your running costs fuel etc through bring down your net profits and look to get some tax credits

You’ve got circa 1k pcm of disposable income most the population does not.

Personally in your situation I’d take over the finances and spending and give them a set amount of spending money (day/week/month) after they have there dla and carers allowances.

If they can’t survive on that then it’s a night job for the wife (a friend of mine is in a very similar situation, his wife works 3/7 am doing home shopping packing for delivery).

Hope all goes well with the family chats.

xeny

4,263 posts

77 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
NEWANON4 said:
Am I being unrealistic in how far I think the money should go?
I'd suggest that it's a realistic budget, but if the perception is there that _you_ have more, you're in for a world of argument.

Have you tried putting down the total _household_ income on a spreadsheet, subtracting "essentials" (rent/mortgage, bills, groceries council tax etc) , budgeting an amount put aside for holdays, savings and paying off debt, and then discussing how you want to split up what remains? The actual result may be little different, but if your partner perceives it as fairer, you'll get less earache.

Testaburger

3,674 posts

197 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
If you add a couple more lines to our outgoings:

Debt pay-down 500
Savings 750
Holiday fund 250

That should leave you with a similar amount leftover.. All are sensible/justifiable.

jontysafe

2,351 posts

177 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
Why don’t you just have a joint account and both pay into that?

You say ‘partner’ I don’t see a lot of partner in your argument.

Stella Tortoise

2,615 posts

142 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
Eeny meeny...

NDA

21,488 posts

224 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
jontysafe said:
Why don’t you just have a joint account and both pay into that?

You say ‘partner’ I don’t see a lot of partner in your argument.
My wife went way over the top when she had use of a credit card that I paid for - staggering amounts. Sometimes more harmony can be achieved by keeping someone on a budget.

GT03ROB

13,207 posts

220 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
NDA said:
jontysafe said:
Why don’t you just have a joint account and both pay into that?

You say ‘partner’ I don’t see a lot of partner in your argument.
My wife went way over the top when she had use of a credit card that I paid for - staggering amounts. Sometimes more harmony can be achieved by keeping someone on a budget.
This is true. Some people have absolutely no idea how to manage money / budget. My wife is otherwise intelligent.... but money jeez clueless. She has no idea where it goes, no concept. Joint accounts would be a disaster. What she blows in a year could keep a small 3rd world country going. She complains about the cost of certain things, yet it does not even come close to explaining where it goes. I have a very good idea where it goes but she is in denial about that!

anonymous-user

53 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
I am the sole earner in our house, aged 30, recently took a lower paid job in Cyber Security with better future prospects. Girlfriend, 26, is a stay at home mum, 2 children (mine).

I pay mortgage and bills at around £900.

I give the girlfriend £250 on top of the £137ish from child maintenance (think it's that) so she has £387 to pay for food shopping, her petrol, car insurance, mobile contact, hair etc. No problems or complaints.

I spend £250 a month on fuel, food at work and anything else that I do.

Save around £800 into an S/S ISA each month for the future.

Anything we do at weekends or meals out etc, I pay for. Always happy to give extra money for anything the children or she needs, for example she is currently taking IT certifications which I will pay for.

Through being frugal we have become very financially secure, got enough put away for 2 years expenditure, nearly down to 50% LTV on the house too. I think it helps to talk about what your goals are for the future and get on the same page, we are hoping to ditch work when I'm 50 and go sailing; this is a big motivator.

jontysafe

2,351 posts

177 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
NDA said:
jontysafe said:
Why don’t you just have a joint account and both pay into that?

You say ‘partner’ I don’t see a lot of partner in your argument.
My wife went way over the top when she had use of a credit card that I paid for - staggering amounts. Sometimes more harmony can be achieved by keeping someone on a budget.
I’m sorry I don’t really understand that either but whatever works for you.

Deesee

8,329 posts

82 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
1TurboTom said:
I am the sole earner in our house, aged 30, recently took a lower paid job in Cyber Security with better future prospects. Girlfriend, 26, is a stay at home mum, 2 children (mine).

I pay mortgage and bills at around £900.

I give the girlfriend £250 on top of the £137ish from child maintenance (think it's that) so she has £387 to pay for food shopping, her petrol, car insurance, mobile contact, hair etc. No problems or complaints.

I spend £250 a month on fuel, food at work and anything else that I do.

Save around £800 into an S/S ISA each month for the future.

Anything we do at weekends or meals out etc, I pay for. Always happy to give extra money for anything the children or she needs, for example she is currently taking IT certifications which I will pay for.

Through being frugal we have become very financially secure, got enough put away for 2 years expenditure, nearly down to 50% LTV on the house too. I think it helps to talk about what your goals are for the future and get on the same page, we are hoping to ditch work when I'm 50 and go sailing; this is a big motivator.
Nice, I think her friends will refer to you as a keeper!

Keep it up

DonkeyApple

54,921 posts

168 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
NEWANON4 said:
(long standing member posting under anon)

So, me and ball & chain are regularly arguing about money.

I am the main earner in our household, so I pay the mortgage, house insurance, life insurance, utilities, council tax, netflix, internet and both car insurance and tax. Basically all the bills. I also pay for any car repairs, holidays & house maintenance.

My partner has a low income of £800 a month from DLA, Child benefit and careers allowance. I also put £400 a month in to their bank account. Bringing it up to £1200 per month.

From that they have to pay for their mobile bill (£30pm), petrol, clothes, hair, nails and household groceries for use two and our autistic child.

My partner thinks this is not possible, but in my opinion a lot of people have no where near that much left after mortgage, etc and that should be manageable.

I'm actually quite offended that their unhappy and moaning at me, I cant help feel they are ungrateful. I want us to be able to save for unexpected bills, our future and pay off some debts, so am worried about money.

Am I being unrealistic in how far I think the money should go?
The figure is more than enough. The problem lies in how you are going about delivering it. She probably feels that she is spending 100% of what she earns while you’re only chucking in a measly £400 from your massive monthly pot of £3000.

To solve this you need to make the bills that you pay and the costs that you invite totally transparent. Saying that you pay £2k/month in wholly legitimate and essential bills doesn’t cut it. The person needs to be made part of those costs and only then will they realise that they are getting fk loads while contributing fk all. Rather crude but many people can’t apprexiate the value of anything until it passes through their fingers.

So, the solution is to sit down and draw up together a precise schedule of your monthly costs. From pensions, savings, holidays, cars, children, food. Everything. Agree everything on the list. If you can’t agree it then stop paying it.

Once you have the schedule worked out that becomes the structure that you both work to. You then set up a joint account which you both pay your salaries in to and from which all direct debits are paid etc. The excess money each month is known in advance and this month is split 50:50 and forms two direct debits to your respective bank accounts.

From that point you have gained not lost any money at all, your partner is still receiving the £400/month but the structure means that she sees that she is getting way more every month than she is putting in and the added bonus is that both of you are incentivised to cut costs as every £1 saved means and extra 50p to your own bank accounts.

KrazyIvan

4,341 posts

174 months

Saturday 16th June 2018
quotequote all
Sit down and itemize everything she "needs" to buy with that 1200, you might be surprised, she might be surprised, either way you will at least have a starting point for the discussion 9f if it's enough or not