bereavement counselling - did it help

bereavement counselling - did it help

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Mexican cuties

Original Poster:

686 posts

121 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
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hi its been a hell of a last year. lost my FIL suddenly last august, my mum suddenly last September and my dad this January. with various anniversaries coming up its very clear that I am managing but not very well, where or who do you start with that, has any one had success in moving forward.

many thanks

silent k

783 posts

230 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
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I’ve been having counselling for the last 4 months or so. I lost my wife to cancer just over a year ago and have found it very useful. It’s helped me organise my thoughts a bit, and just being able to talk to someone independent of the situation is very useful.

Mine is via the hospice where my wife was treated so I’m not sure how you’d access it another way. It’s definitely worth doing though.

patmahe

5,744 posts

203 months

Friday 22nd September 2017
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Lost my brother to suicide 2 years ago, went to counselling a couple of times shortly after and decided it was too hard at that time so stopped . Went back just before the first anniversary and have kept a monthly appointment since.

I find it helps a lot even just to have a regular chat about how you have found the past month, having to verbalise it means you have to deal with it. It helps to get stuff off your chest and every now and then you will have a realisation in there because you dedicated that time to dealing with it. There really is no substitute for time to heal, but counselling helps you deal with things along the way.

Feel free to pm me if you have any specific questions.

moorx

3,480 posts

113 months

Friday 22nd September 2017
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I don't have personal experience of their service, but know that Cruse offer bereavement counselling:

https://www.cruse.org.uk/

Best of luck.

Kev_Mk3

2,739 posts

94 months

Monday 25th September 2017
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I went to hospice of the good shepherd. The councillor was brilliant when I lost my dad and hated life as a whole. I did try another councillor and tbh found it very unhelpful that was via cruise.


I think it depends on who you see and the connection. I would look into all avenues like coffee mornings etc it works for some but not all.

Mexican cuties

Original Poster:

686 posts

121 months

Monday 25th September 2017
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thank you for your replies, am looking into various options, but feel a bit better that I have realised its not bad to feel this way, and that it will get better eventually

Dgr90

168 posts

131 months

Monday 25th September 2017
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As another poster mentioned, dont be put off if you dont have an instant connection with the first counsellor you meet. I have seen 3, 2 I didnt click with and the other changed my life.

HedgeyGedgey

1,281 posts

93 months

Tuesday 26th September 2017
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I'm going against the general consensus, i hate councilloring. I attended when i was little because we lost mum, never opened up to the lady about it and dad cancelled them after a few weeks. Lost grandad a few years ago and never bothered with councilloring because talking or hearing even his name would open up those emotions. I got diagnosed by the GP with clinical depression, my university pay for a councillor to come and chat with me every week. But i can't stand it, we mainly sit in silence for the hour or so. I'm not one to just sit and talk to someone about deep emotions. And now we've lost nan this time last year and tbh it hasn't sunk in yet. Yipee life for me so far at 20! My advice to you is to try the councilloring, it may help it may not but theres nothing to lose as such. You'll get through this tough time, wouldnt be here today without my bestfriend no matter what theres always someone that can help smile

Carlton Banks

3,640 posts

235 months

Tuesday 26th September 2017
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My dad died last year, he was a massive part of our lives and died too young, 63.

We were naturally all devastated and I didn't bother with counselling but may consider it now the dust has settled.

Challo

10,042 posts

154 months

Tuesday 26th September 2017
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moorx said:
I don't have personal experience of their service, but know that Cruse offer bereavement counselling:

https://www.cruse.org.uk/

Best of luck.
Heard good things about them as well. Was offered counselling but didn't take it after my dad died suddenly. It's ten years gone and I do wish I had taken the opportunity as I left myself to deal with it in my own way and went off the rails abit.

Perhaps chat with your doctor and they can recommend someone.

Wacky Racer

38,099 posts

246 months

Tuesday 26th September 2017
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silent k said:
I’ve been having counselling for the last 4 months or so. I lost my wife to cancer just over a year ago and have found it very useful. It’s helped me organise my thoughts a bit, and just being able to talk to someone independent of the situation is very useful.
Very sorry to hear that.

Time is a good healer....in my experience.

RC1807

12,482 posts

167 months

Wednesday 27th September 2017
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mexicancuties: I'm very sorry to read this.
You've been very helpful in my thread about my inlaws, and I don't know what I can add to yours. frown
Please, do keep speaking to counsellors as and when you need to.

Mexican cuties

Original Poster:

686 posts

121 months

Thursday 28th September 2017
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thank you, we scattered my parents ashes at the weekend and laid some flowers at the church where they got married 56 years ago this Saturday on mums birthday, so made me feel like we had done something good,

MIL is still having the odd episode at the home but after a meeting with the doctor, he has said not to panic when it happens, as long as she is not having breathing issues, or is longer being out for 10 mins. on the plus side to see my MIL so happy when she was out of hospital and returned to the home. the "inmates" and staff were so happy to see her back, and she now has a chap she sits and watches telly with and holds his hand.

so we will make sure we have as many memories with her while she still knows who we are.

and looking into a counsellor that I feel happy with. husband has been great, but there is only so much he can do. so thank you for all your replies and sharing what you have been through. one thing is for sure, life is too short to waste.

Steve Campbell

2,110 posts

167 months

Friday 29th September 2017
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I think the main outlet is to have someone to talk to that you trust (or a combination of people). Family, loved ones, friends or counsellors. Whatever works for you. Having lost both parents, I can say that time helps so long as you have that outlet to talk along the way. I didn't use counsellors, but had close family to "share" with. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed if you find yourself having a tough moment....and don't expect they only come at anniversary's etc. About 18 months after my Dad passed away, I found myself streaming with tears while driving to work one day. I had to pull over. No idea what set me off, think it might have been what was on the radio but not sure ....it just happened. I did feel better afterwards though :-)

A Dr told me near the time that it wasn't unusual for the "time" benefit to take at least 3 years to kick in for some people.

Good luck and you are perfectly normal :-)