Married but separate beds/rooms?
Discussion
Anyone do this? I’ve always though this made sense from a practical point of view, and my parents do it (although they are in their seventies) but it does seem a bit, well, odd.
However, my OH is recovering from an operation, and for the last week I have been relegated to the guest room. It’s great! A temperature that suits me, I can read read without disturbing her, she isn’t disturbing me by trying to read the entire internet on her phone at bedtime, no more pillows in the face or hanging off the last six inches of our (super-king!) marital bed. I wake up in the morning fully refreshed, so much so that I’m half considering making this a permanent arrangement, albeit with the occasional conjugal sleepover when she’s recovered. She kind of thinks I’m joking when I mention it.
Anyone else do this? FWIW I’m late 30s, she’s mid 30s, and we already have enough kids.
However, my OH is recovering from an operation, and for the last week I have been relegated to the guest room. It’s great! A temperature that suits me, I can read read without disturbing her, she isn’t disturbing me by trying to read the entire internet on her phone at bedtime, no more pillows in the face or hanging off the last six inches of our (super-king!) marital bed. I wake up in the morning fully refreshed, so much so that I’m half considering making this a permanent arrangement, albeit with the occasional conjugal sleepover when she’s recovered. She kind of thinks I’m joking when I mention it.
Anyone else do this? FWIW I’m late 30s, she’s mid 30s, and we already have enough kids.
So what happens to your sex life? Is she supposed to lie there alone night after night until you honour her with your presence for 10 mins of thrusting on top of her before making off to your mancave, or do you just give up on it?
To me it sounds more like living with a mate or a lodger. I understand the compromises, but aren't those just the things that you make to be together?
Get a bigger bed maybe?
To me it sounds more like living with a mate or a lodger. I understand the compromises, but aren't those just the things that you make to be together?
Get a bigger bed maybe?
We’ve been in separate beds although same room for almost 2 years now and we will never go back to having one bed for the two of us no matter what the size. I toss and turn a fair bit in the night so now she doesn’t get woken up plus we like different mattress styles so now we can have whatever we like without the other being effected.
I've seen it happen more frequently with older couples, perhaps those who value sleep more than intimacy. Having said that, I can see the perks to it at times haha.
That said though, does everyone have sex right before going to sleep for the night anyway? Not sure it needs to affect that aspect of life necessarily.
That said though, does everyone have sex right before going to sleep for the night anyway? Not sure it needs to affect that aspect of life necessarily.
God I couldn’t do that. The very odd occasion my other half has stayed over with family/friends I end up sleeping on the couch with the pooch tucked up next to me. She spent two weeks in hospital last year, I slept on couch the entire time...in a sleeping bag!!
We’re two kids in and not looking for anymore either...maybe I’m just needy? But I don’t like the missus not being there.
Plus...the sex?! It’s what weekend mornings are for aren’t they?
We’re two kids in and not looking for anymore either...maybe I’m just needy? But I don’t like the missus not being there.
Plus...the sex?! It’s what weekend mornings are for aren’t they?
As soon as we moved out of home my parents moved to separate rooms although they were in their 60s and my dad snored something awful.
I regularly sleep on the sofa if I'm starting work early or if she's tossing and turning.
Last week she went to bed early most nights, I put on some relaxing music and fell asleep on the sofa in front of the fire, very relaxing.
I regularly sleep on the sofa if I'm starting work early or if she's tossing and turning.
Last week she went to bed early most nights, I put on some relaxing music and fell asleep on the sofa in front of the fire, very relaxing.
We've had that set up for most of our relationship. Works a treat for us.
We have no kids and a 4 bed house so we're lucky with space. "My" bedroom is the main one as it has the ensuite and I more typically get up in the night for a wee so it's less disturbing. We've always gone to bed at different times and my wife likes to doze off with the TV on. I don't, I go to bed when I want to sleep. I'm also hilariously active when sleeping and she is a silly light sleeper. When we have to sleep in the same bed, say if we're on hols, she usually ends up having not slept at all and with a few bruises thanks to my flailing about. My best ever move apparently was spinning through 90 degrees, drawing my legs up then with both feet shoving her out onto the floor.
As far as "relations" go, whoever gets up earliest on the weekend tends to get in the other bed and you don't have to just do it at bed time or in bed you know!
We have no kids and a 4 bed house so we're lucky with space. "My" bedroom is the main one as it has the ensuite and I more typically get up in the night for a wee so it's less disturbing. We've always gone to bed at different times and my wife likes to doze off with the TV on. I don't, I go to bed when I want to sleep. I'm also hilariously active when sleeping and she is a silly light sleeper. When we have to sleep in the same bed, say if we're on hols, she usually ends up having not slept at all and with a few bruises thanks to my flailing about. My best ever move apparently was spinning through 90 degrees, drawing my legs up then with both feet shoving her out onto the floor.
As far as "relations" go, whoever gets up earliest on the weekend tends to get in the other bed and you don't have to just do it at bed time or in bed you know!
I just couldn't do separate rooms or beds.
Myself and my good lady are very close sleepers and always have been. She cuddles to me while she sleeps, and I like it that way.
If I have to sleep on my own I don't really like it, and she hates it.
And another thing: Pyjamas. I don't understand them.
We have never worn them. It's the one time of the day when you get to be naked and comfortable together, and yet some people feel the need to get dressed before they go to bed.
Myself and my good lady are very close sleepers and always have been. She cuddles to me while she sleeps, and I like it that way.
If I have to sleep on my own I don't really like it, and she hates it.
And another thing: Pyjamas. I don't understand them.
We have never worn them. It's the one time of the day when you get to be naked and comfortable together, and yet some people feel the need to get dressed before they go to bed.
In Nordic countries like Finland and Iceland I've noticed that quite a few hotels and apartments have either a double bed with 2 single covers or 2 single beds pushed together.
e.g.
or
We thought it was a bit odd at first, but actually quite liked it. We slept better and could roll over to the other side at any time.
You might find its the best of both worlds!
e.g.
or
We thought it was a bit odd at first, but actually quite liked it. We slept better and could roll over to the other side at any time.
You might find its the best of both worlds!
Edited by cat with a hat on Tuesday 16th January 23:11
We sleep in separate rooms on "work nights" so Sunday through to Thursday, and together on Friday and Saturday nights.
Both rooms have en-suite bathrooms which we each use as our own bathrooms all seven days of the week regardless of which room we are sleeping in.
My room has a double bed, her room (which is the one we use on together nights) has a king size bed but that one is also a "zip and link" mattress (it's really two separate mattresses side by side which are very closely zipped together, you cannot really detect any join through the mattress protector and sheets. MASSIVELY helps cut down one person being disturbed when the other turns over though. And with turning the mattress every few weeks).
On that bed we also have separate duvets, in the Nordic style that has been pictured above. However unlike in hotels where they will both be the same weight of duvet, ours are totally different weights, because she likes a much higher tog rating than me.
This all works brilliantly, we both get much better sleep on the nights before work than we used to when sharing a bed every night.
A recent discovery we made was what a difference a high end pillow makes. All our pillows are £70 (each) John Lewis now, with their best pillow protectors under the pillow case. I now get really annoyed by cheap pillows in hotels though
Both rooms have en-suite bathrooms which we each use as our own bathrooms all seven days of the week regardless of which room we are sleeping in.
My room has a double bed, her room (which is the one we use on together nights) has a king size bed but that one is also a "zip and link" mattress (it's really two separate mattresses side by side which are very closely zipped together, you cannot really detect any join through the mattress protector and sheets. MASSIVELY helps cut down one person being disturbed when the other turns over though. And with turning the mattress every few weeks).
On that bed we also have separate duvets, in the Nordic style that has been pictured above. However unlike in hotels where they will both be the same weight of duvet, ours are totally different weights, because she likes a much higher tog rating than me.
This all works brilliantly, we both get much better sleep on the nights before work than we used to when sharing a bed every night.
A recent discovery we made was what a difference a high end pillow makes. All our pillows are £70 (each) John Lewis now, with their best pillow protectors under the pillow case. I now get really annoyed by cheap pillows in hotels though
My now ex partner and I did it for a few months, it didn't bother me and it didn't impact our sex life, in fact the aftermath (see below) probably helped it, along with her general well being and sleeping pattern
It was done through necessity and courtesy, I broke my nose in an accident at work and the snoring started as a result, it was pretty horrific at times, so in to one of the spare rooms I went until the problem was resolved, the surgery is called septoplasty, IIRC
It was done through necessity and courtesy, I broke my nose in an accident at work and the snoring started as a result, it was pretty horrific at times, so in to one of the spare rooms I went until the problem was resolved, the surgery is called septoplasty, IIRC
I couldn't even begin to think about it. I work a rotating shift pattern so we have to sleep separately when I'm on nights (she works Monday - Friday 9 - 5). However, the best bit about finishing nightshift is crawling in next to her and dropping off. We're both very close sleepers, all through the night we maintain constant contact with each other. It regularly means we get to have wake up-nookie-back to sleep nights which are awesome. If I'm on earlies or off work we always go to bed at the same time and always fall asleep cuddled tight into each other.
I had to work away for a week in may last year and we both suffered terribly with being unable to sleep while away from each other. I'm potentially working away for 5 weeks in May this year and we're both dreading it.
Each to their own I suppose but it just wouldn't work for us.
I had to work away for a week in may last year and we both suffered terribly with being unable to sleep while away from each other. I'm potentially working away for 5 weeks in May this year and we're both dreading it.
Each to their own I suppose but it just wouldn't work for us.
Edited by focusxr5 on Wednesday 17th January 06:13
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