8.2 Milion living alone

Poll: 8.2 Milion living alone

Total Members Polled: 509

Living with Partner: 51%
Living Alone - In a relationship: 7%
Living Alone (Divorced): 5%
Living Alone: 28%
Living with Friends/Family/Housemates: 8%
Author
Discussion

Nickgnome

8,277 posts

88 months

Monday 18th November 2019
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johnwilliams77 said:
robm3 said:
Wow, timely post.
This weekend I move out of my family home for a 3 bedroom flat nearby (I've two kids 12 & 14 so they get their own rooms).

Wife and I have had a rough year as I had an affair (brief but enough damage done), we tried to work it out, family holidays, dates, time together etc.. but sadly the lack of trust is a massive issue, Sword of Damocles kind of stuff.

She asked me to leave a week ago, is now wavering, but we're doing it nonetheless. It feels weird but, her and kids are helping me move...I'm figuring if the children see us working together, they'll not feel so bad about it.

I'm hoping we can date and try to rekindle the flame as well as I do love her to bits (and bloody appreciate her now!).
But hey, who knows what happens.

One things for sure, I'm not looking forward to it!

(probably be on PH a lot more again now)
Now you can sleep with who you want without guilt, it's probably best to keep it amicable for the kids and not try and 're-light the flame'?

Good luck
Why the Euphemism.

Why give advice when it’s not sought. Surely better to let them sort it out. If they need some help a counsellor would be a more logical approach.



Sheets Tabuer

18,898 posts

214 months

Monday 18th November 2019
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I sat there after the breakdown of yet another relationship and thought sod it, I need to start again.

I moved from a city to a tiny village where I knew no one and had no friends, it's been two years now and it has been quite tough, I guess I was a city boy at heart and swapping bars, restaurants and the hum of city life has been really difficult.

Tonight though I have had a conversation in the village pub about how best to avoid pigs nipping your ankles and how it's still too wet to get the potatoes up. I think I'm fitting in.

l354uge

2,892 posts

120 months

Monday 18th November 2019
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Dont like rolls said:
Sheets Tabuer said:
My dad lives alone too in a city in a really rough area, I'm thinking about getting him to move in with me, he's 70 might be nice for him to see out his years in a little village.
A wonderful thing to do, it will be a lot of effort but the wonder of knowing he feels safe and cared for is a fine goal if you can make it work.

Well done Sir.
The stats for the life expectancy for someone living alone compared to with family/partner are staggering and harrowing. Well done sir, the best gift could ever give him.


Nickgnome

8,277 posts

88 months

Monday 18th November 2019
quotequote all
l354uge said:
Dont like rolls said:
Sheets Tabuer said:
My dad lives alone too in a city in a really rough area, I'm thinking about getting him to move in with me, he's 70 might be nice for him to see out his years in a little village.
A wonderful thing to do, it will be a lot of effort but the wonder of knowing he feels safe and cared for is a fine goal if you can make it work.

Well done Sir.
The stats for the life expectancy for someone living alone compared to with family/partner are staggering and harrowing. Well done sir, the best gift could ever give him.
Except ST hasn’t suggested offering his Dad but put it in a more direct form. I hope that is just an unfortunate turn of phrase and that he meant an open invitation.

Seventy is young for a fit able bodied person and taking such a person away from familiar surroundings and friends could be counter productive.

It is quite possible for a 70 year old to form a new relationship.

Sheets Tabuer

18,898 posts

214 months

Monday 18th November 2019
quotequote all
It's an offer, he comes over every day, he's befriended the other 70 year olds in the pub, it's like last of the summer wine when they all get together.

I've told him he doesn't have to go home.

He went home tonight.

Nickgnome

8,277 posts

88 months

Monday 18th November 2019
quotequote all
Sheets Tabuer said:
It's an offer, he comes over every day, he's befriended the other 70 year olds in the pub, it's like last of the summer wine when they all get together.

I've told him he doesn't have to go home.

He went home tonight.
That’s great. So if he chooses to move in at some point it will be his choice.

I’m a little younger than your Dad and have a GF.

I would never move in with my daughter even though I love her dearly.

Cotty

39,389 posts

283 months

Monday 18th November 2019
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johnwilliams77 said:
This thread started with lots of interesting views and perspectives of marriage / partnership / mental health and living alone ....more of that please!
The short answer is, I was never very good at talking to ladies. Ok I had a few girlfriends when I was younger but nothing concrete so just decided to go it alone. Had a few encounters later on even lived with a lady for a while, but accept I will live alone.

dandarez

13,246 posts

282 months

Monday 18th November 2019
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Jesus! Some awful frown posts on here. Is it a sign of the times or what?

Just noted this post away from the frown ones.
Gecko1978 said:
Nickgnome said:
Life would be a little tedious without challenges. Career, relationships, children. Surely that one of the big rewards of life.

Life doesn’t just happen. It is what we make it.
with respect Nick I would say to the vast majority of people life does "just happen" - if you never move geography, never do more than your parents or peers then life just happens. While 50 years ago you went to work where your dad did till retirement. While jobs like that (heavy industry etc) have gone we do see people still following mum an dad into lover paid roles. lots of people never leave their home town (even if they go away to university). An so they don't adapt and take all that life offers because they are happy with what they have / fear loosing it / don't see another option etc.

So with that sort of risk aversion in mind is it a wonder people get married in 20s have kids divorce never remarry. Many people do not want a challenge, I have worked with people who openly admit their goal is to do as little as possible.

What you see as interesting some might seem as overwhelming
50 yrs ago? I'd double that to at least a 100 yrs ago if I was you!
WTF would I have ever have wanted to work where my dad did?
He used to 'snip' Rolls-Royce body parts at Pressed Steel Fisher Ltd - hard manual labour - when he clenched his right fist I saw muscles appear in his arms I've never had to this day. He gave up his accounting job to do it, more pay, to look after and provide for his family (us). He did eventually progress up the ladder though into the white collar side, but didn't stop him dropping dead on the factory floor one day.

fk that! I took the opposite path. But I did develop a interest in cars!
(I should intersect here that my son as if by fate actually did follow, not in my footsteps, but in my dad's. He walked in as an apprentice into the same building where my dad died! Nothing manual though. He became a leccy whizz and recently walked into that other car company at the same time they gave marching orders to 5000! That which was blamed on Brexit, but had sweet fa to do with it.

As for living alone, fk that too.
Everyone to their own. Life, like love, can be a breeze or a bh. But it's what you make of it. I/we take it as it comes and enjoy every minute I/we can of it, regardless of what gets thrown in my/our way.

For me, I first discovered what life was about when I set eyes on what I 'really, really wanted' way back in 1970.
No chance I was told.
Nonetheless, dropped the steady 'girlfriend' I was going out with and thanks to my mates unreal advice (which unbelievably worked a treat!) on that Saturday night in the pub (cheers guys! beer ) she hooked up with gobsmacked me (they called me a lucky bd that evening - I still am!).
Oh, and don't call her my 'partner' and never will (loathe that boring term). She's my 'wife'!

I mentioned 'fate'. The steady girl I was going out with prior to meeting my wife to be.
Some years back now a BT engineer came to our house to sort a problem.
I was in alone - working from home - I invited him in, he immediately asks me:
'Are you the Dan ****** who used to go out with ******* ********?'

I thought, hello what's this about?
My mind went immediately into overdrive. This episode in my life was, as said, many years past.
I said 'yes', wondering what was coming next?
He then said he'd married her in 19**.
I thought to myself...and?
He told me she'd died of a brain tumour some time ago.
I said I was really so sorry to hear that.

But there was more...
He had while sorting her belongings and possessions found lots of extremely personal letters and notes she'd kept from him.
They were all from her to me!! eek

Fate, Love, Life, eh?


Edited by dandarez on Tuesday 19th November 00:03

Mr Tidy

22,065 posts

126 months

Tuesday 19th November 2019
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I thought I had met "The One" in 1981, but after about 5 years she told me she wanted to just "be friends" - right!

So if she couldn't do better, then maybe I'd do - well I became a lost cause because it seemed to me she'd always be looking for someone better.

Anyway I was in my 20s at the time with all the arrogance that brings, so we were never "friends"!

And that put me off any serious involvement until 2000 when I met Mrs Tidy - but by then I had forgotten what I had learned. banghead

That cost me big-time in financial terms when it came to an end in 2011.

Never again - I like doing what I want when I want with no grief!

I much prefer being alone and happy than I would ever have been co-joined and miserable. laugh

So it looks like I'm 1 of the 8.2 million!


SomersetWestie

401 posts

179 months

Tuesday 19th November 2019
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I love women, I just can't live with one !!!!!

Helvetica42

89 posts

158 months

Tuesday 19th November 2019
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I'm 33 and I have lived alone for over 10 years now... I'm definitely one of the 8.2 million and I like it.

I was in an abusive relationship for 2 years (my first and only relationship). It finally came to an end when I was admitted to hospital with lacerations down my arms; she decided cutting her own arms wasn't getting the attention she desired so opted for mine instead... yeah proper psycho...

I've never even been on a date since that day, that experience affected me in ways I can't even describe. I'm autistic; verbal, intelligent, very passionate and obsessive about my favourite subjects but have a real lack of social / people skills. I'm very suggestible (perhaps gullible) so couldn't really see what was going on day to day... it's hard to explain. I've had various bouts of depression and anxiety over the years since.

I can't see me ever living with someone else. I'm too protective of my routines, my house, the way it is arranged, and my freedom to do the things I like when I want to. I spend most of my time alone now; very rarely have people round any more and I go abroad once a year on my own as well.

Does it sound like a sad and pathetic existence... probably but I quite like it that way!

Cotty

39,389 posts

283 months

Tuesday 19th November 2019
quotequote all
Apparently millions of lonely brits have no one to got to the pub with on a Friday night
https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/health/millions...


gibbon

2,182 posts

206 months

Tuesday 19th November 2019
quotequote all
croyde said:
In a month I will move into a 1 bedroom flat in SW London. The rent will cripple me financially but to be alone and be able to get home from work with no noise, no arguments from ex wife, no having to see the alcoholism first hand and just to be able to cook a meal and sit and watch telly quietly on a yet to be bought sofa.........I can't wait.

Wife and I split (her idea) in 2009 but finances wouldn't allow separate living.

Once I had the money to move she got breast cancer, so I felt I couldn't move away as we have 3 kids that needed their dad.

In 2014 I moved to a flat nearby, big mistake as I was forever called back to house to sort disputes with kids, her drinking, problems with her now ex boyfriend.

It got so bad that I went to a very dark place. I called the Samaritans who put me in touch with a counsellor.

Part of her advice was that I needed to do stuff for me.

So I moved to a lovely place in the country. I was happy, I met someone, I had my kids as much as possible but things were falling apart back at the house so after 2 years I moved to a flat back in London nearby. It made me miserable, I hated being back in London plus it was costing me a fortune, and costing me my relationship.

In the end I was dumped and ran out of money. My ex wife offered me a room in the house but I said I couldn't live with a drunk.

She promised me that she'd stop.

I felt that I was doing the right thing, I certainly didn't want to move back but if it meant she would stop drinking, the sacrifice would be worth it.

It's been 14 months of hell. I have been so close to the brink so many times. Imagine dreading coming back to your home every single night. I'm actually happy when work over runs and I have to stay late. She didn't stop drinking. Drunks always lie, I know that now.

So I'm finally moving out, funny thing, oh she's drunk again, she's just compared me to her dad, who ran away when she was 14 and now lives in Thailand.

If I was running away, I'd do the same, well maybe Cornwall not SE Asia, but no, I have spent a good while trying to find a place that the boys can stay with me and still get to their school.

This last month is going to go sooooo slowly.
Good luck to you in your new home man, hang in there.

Pan Pan Pan

9,777 posts

110 months

Tuesday 19th November 2019
quotequote all
gregs656 said:
Pan Pan Pan said:
I think you need to go away and read up on procreation, and what drives it, Then come back and give your interpretation.
I think if you stopped advancing your flawed interpretation as a fact we wouldn't be having this conversation in the first place.

Sex is fun, that is what drives procreation. When women gain control of their fertility, birthrates drop.
So the reason people have sex, is because it is `fun', which in the case of humans I can agree with. but do animals have sex for fun? If they do not, why do they indulge in it too?
Just because it is fun for humans at least, still does not explain what drives all species to indulge in it, which is why I describe an urge / need to do so, as the prime biological directive. We, and all species would need to be doing it, even if it wasn't fun.
If having sex just because it is fun, is as far as you understand why it happens, that seems to be a shallow reason for doing so.
You,and NickGnome seem to be missing the point, about what it is that drives all species, not just humans to indulge in sex. Are you seriously suggesting that the reason we (humans) do it is for fun? or would you consider there might be a deeper more biological reason behind why most of us at least indulge in it. It could be that some don't want to contemplate that really we are not that different to other species, at least as far as sex is concerned?

johnwilliams77

8,308 posts

102 months

Tuesday 19th November 2019
quotequote all
Pan Pan Pan said:
So the reason people have sex, is because it is `fun', which in the case of humans I can agree with. but do animals have sex for fun? If they do not, why do they indulge in it too?
Just because it is fun for humans at least, still does not explain what drives all species to indulge in it, which is why I describe an urge / need to do so, as the prime biological directive. We, and all species would need to be doing it, even if it wasn't fun.
If having sex just because it is fun, is as far as you understand why it happens, that seems to be a shallow reason for doing so.
You,and NickGnome seem to be missing the point, about what it is that drives all species, not just humans to indulge in sex. Are you seriously suggesting that the reason we (humans) do it is for fun? or would you consider there might be a deeper more biological reason behind why most of us at least indulge in it. It could be that some don't want to contemplate that really we are not that different to other species, at least as far as sex is concerned?
It's clearly more than fun but you chose to be pedantic and argue endlessly. There can be a feeling of closeness, it feels good etc.

Pan Pan Pan

9,777 posts

110 months

Tuesday 19th November 2019
quotequote all
johnwilliams77 said:
Pan Pan Pan said:
So the reason people have sex, is because it is `fun', which in the case of humans I can agree with. but do animals have sex for fun? If they do not, why do they indulge in it too?
Just because it is fun for humans at least, still does not explain what drives all species to indulge in it, which is why I describe an urge / need to do so, as the prime biological directive. We, and all species would need to be doing it, even if it wasn't fun.
If having sex just because it is fun, is as far as you understand why it happens, that seems to be a shallow reason for doing so.
You,and NickGnome seem to be missing the point, about what it is that drives all species, not just humans to indulge in sex. Are you seriously suggesting that the reason we (humans) do it is for fun? or would you consider there might be a deeper more biological reason behind why most of us at least indulge in it. It could be that some don't want to contemplate that really we are not that different to other species, at least as far as sex is concerned?
It's clearly more than fun but you chose to be pedantic and argue endlessly. There can be a feeling of closeness, it feels good etc.

Yet some seem to be endlessly arguing, and pedantically stating that there is not a biological reason why species are driven to procreate. Which is the bit I do not agree with, Just because humans have got cleverer than other species, does not mean that the prime biological directive has gone away, or no longer applies. It is just that some humans for who knows what reason, appear to want to butter the whole thing up a bit. to make it appear (to them at least) less biological?.

Cold

15,207 posts

89 months

Tuesday 19th November 2019
quotequote all
Humans aren't the only species to have sex for reasons other than procreation.

Can we move on from this very tortured point?

hyphen

26,262 posts

89 months

Tuesday 19th November 2019
quotequote all
Pan Pan Pan said:
So the reason people have sex, is because it is `fun', which in the case of humans I can agree with. but do animals have sex for fun? If they do not, why do they indulge in it too?
Just because it is fun for humans at least, still does not explain what drives all species to indulge in it, which is why I describe an urge / need to do so, as the prime biological directive. We, and all species would need to be doing it, even if it wasn't fun.
If having sex just because it is fun, is as far as you understand why it happens, that seems to be a shallow reason for doing so.
You,and NickGnome seem to be missing the point, about what it is that drives all species, not just humans to indulge in sex. Are you seriously suggesting that the reason we (humans) do it is for fun? or would you consider there might be a deeper more biological reason behind why most of us at least indulge in it. It could be that some don't want to contemplate that really we are not that different to other species, at least as far as sex is concerned?
Why do you keep using the phrase prime biological directive?

I've stuck it into Google,in quotes, and barely any results. Probably more in last day or two from you than throughout history hehe

Pan Pan Pan

9,777 posts

110 months

Tuesday 19th November 2019
quotequote all
Cold said:
Humans aren't the only species to have sex for reasons other than procreation.

Can we move on from this very tortured point?
Benobo`s would be case in point, but unlike humans they don't indulge in poems, love story`s, music /lyrics etc in order to get it on.

Dont like rolls

3,798 posts

53 months

Tuesday 19th November 2019
quotequote all
Pan Pan Pan said:
Benobo`s would be case in point, but unlike humans they don't indulge in poems, love story`s, music /lyrics etc in order to get it on.
Nor do they rely on AlcoPops or the latest BMW