8.2 Milion living alone

Poll: 8.2 Milion living alone

Total Members Polled: 509

Living with Partner: 51%
Living Alone - In a relationship: 7%
Living Alone (Divorced): 5%
Living Alone: 28%
Living with Friends/Family/Housemates: 8%
Author
Discussion

slipstream 1985

12,127 posts

178 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
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Live on my own 34 decent job growing own business as well small but nice house in the country pretty financially stable healthy etc. But honestly look arround and see familys starting friends in relationships I think should I want that. Or do I want that because I think I should want it.

Never really had a proper girlfriend (i'd class that as taking someone to meet my parents) so just feel like after years of being single the mind just gets used to it and the you don't miss what you've never had feels normal.

That brings it's own problems as years of doing what I want when i want means at the slightest sniff of something developing i don't believe they would want something with me and I probably self sabotage it or play the whole thing out in my head from start to finish.

It's kinda sad when you can actually see your own future


Pan Pan Pan

9,777 posts

110 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
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What many seem to forget, or perhaps for some never understood in the first place, is that we, like all other species are driven by the prime biological directive to reproduce. It is the prime reason we, and all other species are here for.
When young, the PBD is very strong in most of us, to the extent that quite few of us get married, / have families because of the PBD, before we even really know what we are doing.
Animals do the BPD more or less by instinct, but humans need some of it reinforced with the psychological prompts we apply to ourselves to make it happen, e.g poems, love stories / movies, lyrics in music. family and peer pressure, all added onto the back of the PBD. All of which seem to have been very successful in ensuring we reproduce.
Some like to think that what `they' do / have done, is entirely above the PBD, because they like to feel they are on a higher plane than those around them, but the bottom line is that their actions are `still' driven by the PBD.
If people have managed to successfully bring a few children into the world, they have done their duty as far as the PBD is concerned, if they are really lucky it might also even provide them with a partner for life.
For others though, duty done, they can then contemplate a life to be lived they way they prefer it to be lived, without the monkey of the PBD and its demands, sitting on their shoulder affecting what they do.
Not surprising then, that many quite like this option in later life.

Edited by Pan Pan Pan on Sunday 17th November 11:43

sc0tt

18,032 posts

200 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
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Eric Mc said:
Sounds awfully familiar.
How are you doing Eric?

rdjohn

6,135 posts

194 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
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We married at 21 and have been together for 40-odd years, so I struggle to comprehend a life of living alone. Perhaps it is the route cause of why so many folk have mental health issues?

I caught the end of a Sue Perkins program on Japan. It contrasted the fraternity amongst some 80-year old women pearl divers with people in their late 30’s in Tokyo who had never had a long-term relationship. The tech-savvy youngsters were wedded to Social Media on their mobiles but seemed completely clueless as to how to strike up a real conversation. It looked so very very sad.

Randy Winkman

16,021 posts

188 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
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Dont like rolls said:
Sheets Tabuer said:
My dad lives alone too in a city in a really rough area, I'm thinking about getting him to move in with me, he's 70 might be nice for him to see out his years in a little village.
A wonderful thing to do, it will be a lot of effort but the wonder of knowing he feels safe and cared for is a fine goal if you can make it work.

Well done Sir.
I agree. An offer would be a really nice thing to do.

I'm 54 and live alone. In fact, I've mostly lived alone since I left home in my 20s. It suits me down to the ground. But when my Dad goes (it's bound to be him first) I'll make sure my Mum knows that we could live together if she wanted.



voyds9

8,488 posts

282 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
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g3org3y said:
I wouldn't hold up the Japanese situation as a positive. Quite a high suicide rate. According to Wiki 70% are men.

I remember from my psych rotation, being married is actually a protective factor for men's health (both physical and mental).
If it were 70% female suicide rate there would be an outcry and demands for things to be done

But male, oh well sad individuals who can't find a partner, they were just a drain on society

av185

18,433 posts

126 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
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Worth pointing out that whilst it's an admirable thing to do, having ageing parents move in with you is not to be taken lightly and can often result in your life totally being put on hold.

Pan Pan Pan

9,777 posts

110 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
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voyds9 said:
g3org3y said:
I wouldn't hold up the Japanese situation as a positive. Quite a high suicide rate. According to Wiki 70% are men.

I remember from my psych rotation, being married is actually a protective factor for men's health (both physical and mental).
If it were 70% female suicide rate there would be an outcry and demands for things to be done

But male, oh well sad individuals who can't find a partner, they were just a drain on society
The high suicide rate could be down to the idea in some of them, (both men and women) that they have not fulfilled their duty by as far as the PBD is concerned. It is after all the most powerful instinct installed in all living creatures. Made worse for humans, by all the emotional pressure and claptrap, that humans apply to and on themselves.
Even describing a person who cant find a partner as a `sad' individual is part of the emotional pressure strategy.

Borghetto

3,274 posts

182 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
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Robin Williams famously said "It's not being on your own that's the problem, it's being around people that make you feel lonely". Of course the poor fella committed suicide.

anonymous-user

53 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
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I think, as we are discovering in this thread, everyone likes different things.

There’s no right or wrong way to live your life.

Unless you are a serial killer. That’s pretty wrong.

Big-Bo-Beep

884 posts

53 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
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Sheets Tabuer said:
My dad lives alone too in a city in a really rough area, I'm thinking about getting him to move in with me, he's 70 might be nice for him to see out his years in a little village.
Lovely idea.

You do get on together though ?

Pan Pan Pan

9,777 posts

110 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
quotequote all
Borghetto said:
Robin Williams famously said "It's not being on your own that's the problem, it's being around people that make you feel lonely". Of course the poor fella committed suicide.
Exactly He was well liked and could be in the Albert Hall, with literally thousands of people around him, many of whom liked / loved him to bits, but he could still feel totally alone, even in that situation.
Conversely there could be some who feel like they are being crowded, by just one other person.

hyphen

26,262 posts

89 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
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Living alone currently(*), was married for a long time before that.

Much happier smile regularly meet single women who are interested but no desire to have someone move in for the sake of it.

If I meet someone I want to spend 24/7 with then would be good, but otherwise a lot of be said for peace and quiet!!

Surprising how many people are living together but one is looking for something better.

Also know a lot of relationships here the women is in it as she got to the eggs drying up age, and will probably break up once kids are older.

(*) When kids are not staying me

Pan Pan Pan

9,777 posts

110 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
quotequote all
It may also be true for many, that living alone is considered by them, to be far far better than living with someone they do not want to be with. That too can take a persons health on a seriously downward slope, with the added disadvantage, that it is messing up two peoples lives rather than just one.
There are some however who cannot survive without the emotional prop of a partner, even where the relationship is totally dysfunctional.

Pan Pan Pan

9,777 posts

110 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
quotequote all
hyphen said:
Living alone currently(*), was married for a long time before that.

Much happier smile regularly meet single women who are interested but no desire to have someone move in for the sake of it.

If I meet someone I want to spend 24/7 with then would be good, but otherwise a lot of be said for peace and quiet!!

Surprising how many people are living together but one is looking for something better.

Also know a lot of relationships here the women is in it as she got to the eggs drying up age, and will probably break up once kids are older.

(*) When kids are not staying me
An airline pilot friend of mine was seeing a girl for 6 years, and (on the surface at least) seemed to get on like a house on fire. They got married, and within 6 months were divorced, never to see each other again.
There was also a famous quote attributed to Errol Flynn, where he said, Women are like elephants, I love them, and adore them, I just don't want one in my house! smile

Edited by Pan Pan Pan on Sunday 17th November 12:19

rdjohn

6,135 posts

194 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
quotequote all
av185 said:
Worth pointing out that whilst it's an admirable thing to do, having ageing parents move in with you is not to be taken lightly and can often result in your life totally being put on hold.
Some friends of mine did the admirable thing when they were about 60 and parents about 85. At that time they were all active. Once the parents were 90, things went steadily south, both ending up with dementia and failing mobility. Dad died about 97 leaving mother needing 24-hour care. She eventually died at 105.

Now there is quite a lot of resentment there. A term they often use is that the parents “stole the best years of their retirement”.

Another friend is now in a similar position, with his 96-year old father who is needing constant managment between hospital/ doctor appointments, care, falls and time in hospital.

We are simply living too long.

av185

18,433 posts

126 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
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Strangely it is often seen as those who are on their own who have problems whereas in fact it is often those who 'must' have someone to live with at all costs due to their insecurities who are the unstable ones and are the ones who need 'help'.

Never ceases to amaze the number of people who immediately jump from one toxic relationship to another due their own insecurities instead of spending time on their own working out who they are and what they actually want and need in life.

'Self partnering' and spending time alone is undoubtedly often the way forward following the breakdown of a relationship.

Dr Jekyll

23,820 posts

260 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
quotequote all
av185 said:
Strangely it is often seen as those who are on their own who have problems whereas in fact it is often those who 'must' have someone to live with at all costs due to their insecurities who are the unstable ones and are the ones who need 'help'.

Never ceases to amaze the number of people who immediately jump from one toxic relationship to another due their own insecurities instead of spending time on their own working out who they are and what they actually want and need in life.

'Self partnering' and spending time alone is undoubtedly often the way forward following the breakdown of a relationship.
+1

It's perfectly possible to be alone and not lonely.

Pan Pan Pan

9,777 posts

110 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
quotequote all
Dr Jekyll said:
av185 said:
Strangely it is often seen as those who are on their own who have problems whereas in fact it is often those who 'must' have someone to live with at all costs due to their insecurities who are the unstable ones and are the ones who need 'help'.

Never ceases to amaze the number of people who immediately jump from one toxic relationship to another due their own insecurities instead of spending time on their own working out who they are and what they actually want and need in life.

'Self partnering' and spending time alone is undoubtedly often the way forward following the breakdown of a relationship.
+1

It's perfectly possible to be alone and not lonely.
+2 Nail, head, hit.

bigandclever

13,750 posts

237 months

Sunday 17th November 2019
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Live alone, late forties, quite happy to be honest. Helps that it’s become clear the women of the world all had a meeting and decided they weren’t going to bang me any more laugh