8.2 Milion living alone
Poll: 8.2 Milion living alone
Total Members Polled: 509
Discussion
Live on my own 34 decent job growing own business as well small but nice house in the country pretty financially stable healthy etc. But honestly look arround and see familys starting friends in relationships I think should I want that. Or do I want that because I think I should want it.
Never really had a proper girlfriend (i'd class that as taking someone to meet my parents) so just feel like after years of being single the mind just gets used to it and the you don't miss what you've never had feels normal.
That brings it's own problems as years of doing what I want when i want means at the slightest sniff of something developing i don't believe they would want something with me and I probably self sabotage it or play the whole thing out in my head from start to finish.
It's kinda sad when you can actually see your own future
Never really had a proper girlfriend (i'd class that as taking someone to meet my parents) so just feel like after years of being single the mind just gets used to it and the you don't miss what you've never had feels normal.
That brings it's own problems as years of doing what I want when i want means at the slightest sniff of something developing i don't believe they would want something with me and I probably self sabotage it or play the whole thing out in my head from start to finish.
It's kinda sad when you can actually see your own future
What many seem to forget, or perhaps for some never understood in the first place, is that we, like all other species are driven by the prime biological directive to reproduce. It is the prime reason we, and all other species are here for.
When young, the PBD is very strong in most of us, to the extent that quite few of us get married, / have families because of the PBD, before we even really know what we are doing.
Animals do the BPD more or less by instinct, but humans need some of it reinforced with the psychological prompts we apply to ourselves to make it happen, e.g poems, love stories / movies, lyrics in music. family and peer pressure, all added onto the back of the PBD. All of which seem to have been very successful in ensuring we reproduce.
Some like to think that what `they' do / have done, is entirely above the PBD, because they like to feel they are on a higher plane than those around them, but the bottom line is that their actions are `still' driven by the PBD.
If people have managed to successfully bring a few children into the world, they have done their duty as far as the PBD is concerned, if they are really lucky it might also even provide them with a partner for life.
For others though, duty done, they can then contemplate a life to be lived they way they prefer it to be lived, without the monkey of the PBD and its demands, sitting on their shoulder affecting what they do.
Not surprising then, that many quite like this option in later life.
When young, the PBD is very strong in most of us, to the extent that quite few of us get married, / have families because of the PBD, before we even really know what we are doing.
Animals do the BPD more or less by instinct, but humans need some of it reinforced with the psychological prompts we apply to ourselves to make it happen, e.g poems, love stories / movies, lyrics in music. family and peer pressure, all added onto the back of the PBD. All of which seem to have been very successful in ensuring we reproduce.
Some like to think that what `they' do / have done, is entirely above the PBD, because they like to feel they are on a higher plane than those around them, but the bottom line is that their actions are `still' driven by the PBD.
If people have managed to successfully bring a few children into the world, they have done their duty as far as the PBD is concerned, if they are really lucky it might also even provide them with a partner for life.
For others though, duty done, they can then contemplate a life to be lived they way they prefer it to be lived, without the monkey of the PBD and its demands, sitting on their shoulder affecting what they do.
Not surprising then, that many quite like this option in later life.
Edited by Pan Pan Pan on Sunday 17th November 11:43
We married at 21 and have been together for 40-odd years, so I struggle to comprehend a life of living alone. Perhaps it is the route cause of why so many folk have mental health issues?
I caught the end of a Sue Perkins program on Japan. It contrasted the fraternity amongst some 80-year old women pearl divers with people in their late 30’s in Tokyo who had never had a long-term relationship. The tech-savvy youngsters were wedded to Social Media on their mobiles but seemed completely clueless as to how to strike up a real conversation. It looked so very very sad.
I caught the end of a Sue Perkins program on Japan. It contrasted the fraternity amongst some 80-year old women pearl divers with people in their late 30’s in Tokyo who had never had a long-term relationship. The tech-savvy youngsters were wedded to Social Media on their mobiles but seemed completely clueless as to how to strike up a real conversation. It looked so very very sad.
Dont like rolls said:
Sheets Tabuer said:
My dad lives alone too in a city in a really rough area, I'm thinking about getting him to move in with me, he's 70 might be nice for him to see out his years in a little village.
A wonderful thing to do, it will be a lot of effort but the wonder of knowing he feels safe and cared for is a fine goal if you can make it work.Well done Sir.
I'm 54 and live alone. In fact, I've mostly lived alone since I left home in my 20s. It suits me down to the ground. But when my Dad goes (it's bound to be him first) I'll make sure my Mum knows that we could live together if she wanted.
g3org3y said:
I wouldn't hold up the Japanese situation as a positive. Quite a high suicide rate. According to Wiki 70% are men.
I remember from my psych rotation, being married is actually a protective factor for men's health (both physical and mental).
If it were 70% female suicide rate there would be an outcry and demands for things to be doneI remember from my psych rotation, being married is actually a protective factor for men's health (both physical and mental).
But male, oh well sad individuals who can't find a partner, they were just a drain on society
voyds9 said:
g3org3y said:
I wouldn't hold up the Japanese situation as a positive. Quite a high suicide rate. According to Wiki 70% are men.
I remember from my psych rotation, being married is actually a protective factor for men's health (both physical and mental).
If it were 70% female suicide rate there would be an outcry and demands for things to be doneI remember from my psych rotation, being married is actually a protective factor for men's health (both physical and mental).
But male, oh well sad individuals who can't find a partner, they were just a drain on society
Even describing a person who cant find a partner as a `sad' individual is part of the emotional pressure strategy.
Borghetto said:
Robin Williams famously said "It's not being on your own that's the problem, it's being around people that make you feel lonely". Of course the poor fella committed suicide.
Exactly He was well liked and could be in the Albert Hall, with literally thousands of people around him, many of whom liked / loved him to bits, but he could still feel totally alone, even in that situation.Conversely there could be some who feel like they are being crowded, by just one other person.
Living alone currently(*), was married for a long time before that.
Much happier regularly meet single women who are interested but no desire to have someone move in for the sake of it.
If I meet someone I want to spend 24/7 with then would be good, but otherwise a lot of be said for peace and quiet!!
Surprising how many people are living together but one is looking for something better.
Also know a lot of relationships here the women is in it as she got to the eggs drying up age, and will probably break up once kids are older.
(*) When kids are not staying me
Much happier regularly meet single women who are interested but no desire to have someone move in for the sake of it.
If I meet someone I want to spend 24/7 with then would be good, but otherwise a lot of be said for peace and quiet!!
Surprising how many people are living together but one is looking for something better.
Also know a lot of relationships here the women is in it as she got to the eggs drying up age, and will probably break up once kids are older.
(*) When kids are not staying me
It may also be true for many, that living alone is considered by them, to be far far better than living with someone they do not want to be with. That too can take a persons health on a seriously downward slope, with the added disadvantage, that it is messing up two peoples lives rather than just one.
There are some however who cannot survive without the emotional prop of a partner, even where the relationship is totally dysfunctional.
There are some however who cannot survive without the emotional prop of a partner, even where the relationship is totally dysfunctional.
hyphen said:
Living alone currently(*), was married for a long time before that.
Much happier regularly meet single women who are interested but no desire to have someone move in for the sake of it.
If I meet someone I want to spend 24/7 with then would be good, but otherwise a lot of be said for peace and quiet!!
Surprising how many people are living together but one is looking for something better.
Also know a lot of relationships here the women is in it as she got to the eggs drying up age, and will probably break up once kids are older.
(*) When kids are not staying me
An airline pilot friend of mine was seeing a girl for 6 years, and (on the surface at least) seemed to get on like a house on fire. They got married, and within 6 months were divorced, never to see each other again.Much happier regularly meet single women who are interested but no desire to have someone move in for the sake of it.
If I meet someone I want to spend 24/7 with then would be good, but otherwise a lot of be said for peace and quiet!!
Surprising how many people are living together but one is looking for something better.
Also know a lot of relationships here the women is in it as she got to the eggs drying up age, and will probably break up once kids are older.
(*) When kids are not staying me
There was also a famous quote attributed to Errol Flynn, where he said, Women are like elephants, I love them, and adore them, I just don't want one in my house!
Edited by Pan Pan Pan on Sunday 17th November 12:19
av185 said:
Worth pointing out that whilst it's an admirable thing to do, having ageing parents move in with you is not to be taken lightly and can often result in your life totally being put on hold.
Some friends of mine did the admirable thing when they were about 60 and parents about 85. At that time they were all active. Once the parents were 90, things went steadily south, both ending up with dementia and failing mobility. Dad died about 97 leaving mother needing 24-hour care. She eventually died at 105.Now there is quite a lot of resentment there. A term they often use is that the parents “stole the best years of their retirement”.
Another friend is now in a similar position, with his 96-year old father who is needing constant managment between hospital/ doctor appointments, care, falls and time in hospital.
We are simply living too long.
Strangely it is often seen as those who are on their own who have problems whereas in fact it is often those who 'must' have someone to live with at all costs due to their insecurities who are the unstable ones and are the ones who need 'help'.
Never ceases to amaze the number of people who immediately jump from one toxic relationship to another due their own insecurities instead of spending time on their own working out who they are and what they actually want and need in life.
'Self partnering' and spending time alone is undoubtedly often the way forward following the breakdown of a relationship.
Never ceases to amaze the number of people who immediately jump from one toxic relationship to another due their own insecurities instead of spending time on their own working out who they are and what they actually want and need in life.
'Self partnering' and spending time alone is undoubtedly often the way forward following the breakdown of a relationship.
av185 said:
Strangely it is often seen as those who are on their own who have problems whereas in fact it is often those who 'must' have someone to live with at all costs due to their insecurities who are the unstable ones and are the ones who need 'help'.
Never ceases to amaze the number of people who immediately jump from one toxic relationship to another due their own insecurities instead of spending time on their own working out who they are and what they actually want and need in life.
'Self partnering' and spending time alone is undoubtedly often the way forward following the breakdown of a relationship.
+1Never ceases to amaze the number of people who immediately jump from one toxic relationship to another due their own insecurities instead of spending time on their own working out who they are and what they actually want and need in life.
'Self partnering' and spending time alone is undoubtedly often the way forward following the breakdown of a relationship.
It's perfectly possible to be alone and not lonely.
Dr Jekyll said:
av185 said:
Strangely it is often seen as those who are on their own who have problems whereas in fact it is often those who 'must' have someone to live with at all costs due to their insecurities who are the unstable ones and are the ones who need 'help'.
Never ceases to amaze the number of people who immediately jump from one toxic relationship to another due their own insecurities instead of spending time on their own working out who they are and what they actually want and need in life.
'Self partnering' and spending time alone is undoubtedly often the way forward following the breakdown of a relationship.
+1Never ceases to amaze the number of people who immediately jump from one toxic relationship to another due their own insecurities instead of spending time on their own working out who they are and what they actually want and need in life.
'Self partnering' and spending time alone is undoubtedly often the way forward following the breakdown of a relationship.
It's perfectly possible to be alone and not lonely.
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