Fear of moving jobs / dilema
Discussion
I did post this on another forum but thought I'd post here as well to get extra perspective.
Been in my job for 9 years. Its easy, secure, stress-free, and I can work from home 3 days a week. However I've not progressed at all in those 9 years. Started off as one of the 'young' ones in my role but as everyone started to leave or progress I'm no longer the youngest. Younger and fresher people come in whilst I'm doing the same old admin type job. Not had a pay rise either in those 9 years other then the usual 2%. I have pushed for new opportunities but they never seem to happen for me and say I need to improve on this and that, which I do but nothing despite being a big company I work for. Tbh as time as gone on found myself to become more and more bitter that I haven't progressed. There was a sales role I possibly could have got but not sure sales is for me.
However as soon as I apply for other jobs and get interviews I panic and suddenly the job I want to leave become amazing. 'it's secure', 'I can work from home 3 days a week', etc.
Potentially being offered a new job for £4-5k a year more. However it's in a different industry that is new to me, its office based with some travel involved so a car is provided . So now of course I'm panicking 'am I making the right decision' 'leaving a secure job for the unknown', etc?
How does anybody get over the anxiety of moving jobs? Am I making the right decision to move jobs?
Been in my job for 9 years. Its easy, secure, stress-free, and I can work from home 3 days a week. However I've not progressed at all in those 9 years. Started off as one of the 'young' ones in my role but as everyone started to leave or progress I'm no longer the youngest. Younger and fresher people come in whilst I'm doing the same old admin type job. Not had a pay rise either in those 9 years other then the usual 2%. I have pushed for new opportunities but they never seem to happen for me and say I need to improve on this and that, which I do but nothing despite being a big company I work for. Tbh as time as gone on found myself to become more and more bitter that I haven't progressed. There was a sales role I possibly could have got but not sure sales is for me.
However as soon as I apply for other jobs and get interviews I panic and suddenly the job I want to leave become amazing. 'it's secure', 'I can work from home 3 days a week', etc.
Potentially being offered a new job for £4-5k a year more. However it's in a different industry that is new to me, its office based with some travel involved so a car is provided . So now of course I'm panicking 'am I making the right decision' 'leaving a secure job for the unknown', etc?
How does anybody get over the anxiety of moving jobs? Am I making the right decision to move jobs?
donnie85 said:
I did post this on another forum but thought I'd post here as well to get extra perspective.
Been in my job for 9 years. Its easy, secure, stress-free, and I can work from home 3 days a week. However I've not progressed at all in those 9 years. Started off as one of the 'young' ones in my role but as everyone started to leave or progress I'm no longer the youngest. Younger and fresher people come in whilst I'm doing the same old admin type job. Not had a pay rise either in those 9 years other then the usual 2%. I have pushed for new opportunities but they never seem to happen for me and say I need to improve on this and that, which I do but nothing despite being a big company I work for. Tbh as time as gone on found myself to become more and more bitter that I haven't progressed. There was a sales role I possibly could have got but not sure sales is for me.
However as soon as I apply for other jobs and get interviews I panic and suddenly the job I want to leave become amazing. 'it's secure', 'I can work from home 3 days a week', etc.
Potentially being offered a new job for £4-5k a year more. However it's in a different industry that is new to me, its office based with some travel involved so a car is provided . So now of course I'm panicking 'am I making the right decision' 'leaving a secure job for the unknown', etc?
How does anybody get over the anxiety of moving jobs? Am I making the right decision to move jobs?
If you feel bitter and unhappy then I would say just bite the bullet and go for it. As I have got older I have become less tolerant of bullsBeen in my job for 9 years. Its easy, secure, stress-free, and I can work from home 3 days a week. However I've not progressed at all in those 9 years. Started off as one of the 'young' ones in my role but as everyone started to leave or progress I'm no longer the youngest. Younger and fresher people come in whilst I'm doing the same old admin type job. Not had a pay rise either in those 9 years other then the usual 2%. I have pushed for new opportunities but they never seem to happen for me and say I need to improve on this and that, which I do but nothing despite being a big company I work for. Tbh as time as gone on found myself to become more and more bitter that I haven't progressed. There was a sales role I possibly could have got but not sure sales is for me.
However as soon as I apply for other jobs and get interviews I panic and suddenly the job I want to leave become amazing. 'it's secure', 'I can work from home 3 days a week', etc.
Potentially being offered a new job for £4-5k a year more. However it's in a different industry that is new to me, its office based with some travel involved so a car is provided . So now of course I'm panicking 'am I making the right decision' 'leaving a secure job for the unknown', etc?
How does anybody get over the anxiety of moving jobs? Am I making the right decision to move jobs?
t and if people don't deliver on their promises then I will look elsewhere. Fortunately the one I have now feels like a long term place and the company is brilliant. Promotion is on the cards after only 6 months as growth is significantIt's somewhere you spend 50% of your waking hours so you need to enjoy it/be happy. If anything the last 15 months has my appreciation of working for the right company even further
You got this offer, you'll get another in time if this doesn't work. That's how I get over the anxiety (that I don't feel) of taking a new role.
Staying somewhere 9 years without moving in the slightest has contributed heavily to this, you should have called it a day at least 4 or 5 years ago I would have said.
What is your situation? Kids? You got savings etc?
Staying somewhere 9 years without moving in the slightest has contributed heavily to this, you should have called it a day at least 4 or 5 years ago I would have said.
What is your situation? Kids? You got savings etc?
Yes it is good to move you're finding yourself trapped in your role because it's easier to stick with what you know rather than take a risk. It's good to get out a bit and learn new things and experiences. Better to do it under your own conditions rather than have somebody make the decision for you.
"A change is as good as a rest" is how I aways look at it. I find changing jobs to be a really liberating experience. Leaving behind the issues or complaints about the previous job and starting again.
Despite being a fairly anxious and worried person at times, changing jobs has never worried me, and I always look at like an exciting positive rather than a worry.
If you are a competent individual, which you certainly sound like, then I wouldn't have any worries at all.
Despite being a fairly anxious and worried person at times, changing jobs has never worried me, and I always look at like an exciting positive rather than a worry.
If you are a competent individual, which you certainly sound like, then I wouldn't have any worries at all.
donnie85 said:
How does anybody get over the anxiety of moving jobs? Am I making the right decision to move jobs?
Firstly, a little anxiety is not a bad thing. Walking robustly into a new job, chest out and all that - that can bite you on the arse. Being a little anxious can sharpen your resolve if you work out how to use it your benefit.Secondly, the longer you leave it to move, the harder it will become and you'll end up institutionalised. Ask anyone in their 40s or 50s who works in a Local Authority.
I feel your anxiety. I’ve served 25 years in the RAF and my current role is going meaning I will lose £6k a year flying pay. There is every chance I will have to move to the opposite end of the country or at best end up living in the mess and commuting home to see my wife on the weekend.
My dads nearly 80, has a wealth of health problems. My current role and location means I can get to see him in an hour if needs be. (COPD, early stage heart failure, mental health issues (he once threatened/tried to commit suicide due to depression and loneliness)
Last month I started to have some minor anxiety issues at the thought of having to leave. My wife was amazing and supportive.
I do feel your pain.
One of the things my wife did was to get me to list all the positives I have in a) life b) qualifications c) experience and skills etc. Then look at jobs those skills transfer to.
Then she got me to asses our finances and what my pension and lump sum would be if I left.
I acknowledge I’m very lucky in that my wife earns a great salary and me not working and having no income wouldn’t change our life style it would just be a stubborn male pride thing.
Reference stevebee above, I’m most definitely institutionalised, I realise it must come to an end soon but I’m not looking forward to leaving.
Sorry I’ve digresses (bit of therapy for me writing it down), my point being list the positives of each. Only look at the positive side of your options. Worked for me. Hopefully it will work for you.
Or just ignore me, I’m just a waffling idiot. Either way I wish you the best for your future.
My dads nearly 80, has a wealth of health problems. My current role and location means I can get to see him in an hour if needs be. (COPD, early stage heart failure, mental health issues (he once threatened/tried to commit suicide due to depression and loneliness)
Last month I started to have some minor anxiety issues at the thought of having to leave. My wife was amazing and supportive.
I do feel your pain.
One of the things my wife did was to get me to list all the positives I have in a) life b) qualifications c) experience and skills etc. Then look at jobs those skills transfer to.
Then she got me to asses our finances and what my pension and lump sum would be if I left.
I acknowledge I’m very lucky in that my wife earns a great salary and me not working and having no income wouldn’t change our life style it would just be a stubborn male pride thing.
Reference stevebee above, I’m most definitely institutionalised, I realise it must come to an end soon but I’m not looking forward to leaving.
Sorry I’ve digresses (bit of therapy for me writing it down), my point being list the positives of each. Only look at the positive side of your options. Worked for me. Hopefully it will work for you.
Or just ignore me, I’m just a waffling idiot. Either way I wish you the best for your future.
Edited by MB140 on Tuesday 8th June 13:59
Think about it.
If you don't move, what will happen? They obviously see you as one of life's plodders. Will you motivation slip, will you become one of the "just does enough"
Big companies need that sort of stability, people who come to work and just do. Oh. They dangle carrots, and sometimes you get a carrot.
But if they made you redundant, you'd have 9 years to take into account.
Okay so you move. Either you hate it, because actually it's not suited to your plodding personality (sorry, I'm harsh), or it's the kick you needed and you bloody love it and are good at it.
If the former, you find somewhere else to go, and have valuable experience to take with you. I realised today that I was explaining a concept that I learnt 20 years ago, in a job I despised and which I resigned from without a job to go to.
If it's the later, then it was worth the risk.
If you don't move, what will happen? They obviously see you as one of life's plodders. Will you motivation slip, will you become one of the "just does enough"
Big companies need that sort of stability, people who come to work and just do. Oh. They dangle carrots, and sometimes you get a carrot.
But if they made you redundant, you'd have 9 years to take into account.
Okay so you move. Either you hate it, because actually it's not suited to your plodding personality (sorry, I'm harsh), or it's the kick you needed and you bloody love it and are good at it.
If the former, you find somewhere else to go, and have valuable experience to take with you. I realised today that I was explaining a concept that I learnt 20 years ago, in a job I despised and which I resigned from without a job to go to.
If it's the later, then it was worth the risk.
I understand where you're coming from, but I would also advise that you bite bullet and go for it.
After leaving Uni I started my first proper job, and was there 12 years. Over that time I did slowly work my way up with a few promotions and ok(ish) pay rises, but in the end I realised I was still one of the lowest paid in my department despite having the most knowledge of the company/systems/procedures and the company was unwilling to recognise it. Even then it took me probably 6 months of resentment before I made the plunge, but looking back I have absolutely no regrets doing so. My only regret was not doing it sooner - I'm not the most career driven of people but staying so long at the company probably "put me back" about 5 or 6 years in terms of career progression.
Yes, it was difficult leaving the "safe" job where I knew everything and everyone, but after a few weeks you forget the old place and settle into the new role and relish the challenge.
After leaving Uni I started my first proper job, and was there 12 years. Over that time I did slowly work my way up with a few promotions and ok(ish) pay rises, but in the end I realised I was still one of the lowest paid in my department despite having the most knowledge of the company/systems/procedures and the company was unwilling to recognise it. Even then it took me probably 6 months of resentment before I made the plunge, but looking back I have absolutely no regrets doing so. My only regret was not doing it sooner - I'm not the most career driven of people but staying so long at the company probably "put me back" about 5 or 6 years in terms of career progression.
Yes, it was difficult leaving the "safe" job where I knew everything and everyone, but after a few weeks you forget the old place and settle into the new role and relish the challenge.
I realised after a couple of years that if you're competent and you accept the "just need to work on xxx and yyy" every year, you won't ever move on and you won't be seen as promotion material.
Only way I progressed in the first few years was dead mens shoes. After those three years, I moved companies regularly, gained a wider spread of knowledge and skill, and got pay increases far and away greater than if I'd stayed put.
Modern world of work isn't "get a good job in a big company, work hard and you'll do well" and large companies don't reward loyalty, they value ambition and drive, they tend to recruit extroverts and, sadly, the ones who promote best are often arse kissers.
If you're not that kind of person you won't get much reward from the average corporate. Move to improve.
Only way I progressed in the first few years was dead mens shoes. After those three years, I moved companies regularly, gained a wider spread of knowledge and skill, and got pay increases far and away greater than if I'd stayed put.
Modern world of work isn't "get a good job in a big company, work hard and you'll do well" and large companies don't reward loyalty, they value ambition and drive, they tend to recruit extroverts and, sadly, the ones who promote best are often arse kissers.
If you're not that kind of person you won't get much reward from the average corporate. Move to improve.
donnie85 said:
How does anybody get over the anxiety of moving jobs? Am I making the right decision to move jobs?
By doing it, and Yes it looks to be the right decision based on your post.They think you can do the job, you think you can do the job, the job pays more, and it's new and therefore interesting. What's not to like.
I stayed in my last job for 9 years and was in exactly the same situation as you until Covid gave me the nudge to jump ship.
Since doing so I've had two jobs and ten times as many offers for different varied roles I'd love to try, and I'm now kicking myself at wasting 9 years of my career time in a dead end street when there were all these other opportunities out there that I didn't know about, and am only finding out about now I'm back out in the big wide world rather than stuck in the small backwater I was in for nearly a decade.
Make the move and don't look back, there's too many things out there to try to just stagnate in one place for too long.
Since doing so I've had two jobs and ten times as many offers for different varied roles I'd love to try, and I'm now kicking myself at wasting 9 years of my career time in a dead end street when there were all these other opportunities out there that I didn't know about, and am only finding out about now I'm back out in the big wide world rather than stuck in the small backwater I was in for nearly a decade.
Make the move and don't look back, there's too many things out there to try to just stagnate in one place for too long.
Thanks for all the responses everybody. Definitely helped to put my worries into perspective. Think if I was going to get promoted within the company it would have happened within the first 3 years not now after nearly 9 years. I do have a mortgage so that's what adds to my fears as well as the stressfree life and working from home however my partner thinks I should leave also to put a fire back into me.
MB140 said:
I feel your anxiety. I’ve served 25 years in the RAF and my current role is going meaning I will lose £6k a year flying pay. There is every chance I will have to move to the opposite end of the country or at best end up living in the mess and commuting home to see my wife on the weekend.
My dads nearly 80, has a wealth of health problems. My current role and location means I can get to see him in an hour if needs be. (COPD, early stage heart failure, mental health issues (he once threatened/tried to commit suicide due to depression and loneliness)
Last month I started to have some minor anxiety issues at the thought of having to leave. My wife was amazing and supportive.
I do feel your pain.
One of the things my wife did was to get me to list all the positives I have in a) life b) qualifications c) experience and skills etc. Then look at jobs those skills transfer to.
Then she got me to asses our finances and what my pension and lump sum would be if I left.
I acknowledge I’m very lucky in that my wife earns a great salary and me not working and having no income wouldn’t change our life style it would just be a stubborn male pride thing.
Reference stevebee above, I’m most definitely institutionalised, I realise it must come to an end soon but I’m not looking forward to leaving.
Sorry I’ve digresses (bit of therapy for me writing it down), my point being list the positives of each. Only look at the positive side of your options. Worked for me. Hopefully it will work for you.
Or just ignore me, I’m just a waffling idiot. Either way I wish you the best for your future.
Thanks for this. I really like the idea of only looking at the positives rather then the negatives. The positives of the potential new job far outweigh the positives of the current. Alot of the negatives are based on fears rather then actual factMy dads nearly 80, has a wealth of health problems. My current role and location means I can get to see him in an hour if needs be. (COPD, early stage heart failure, mental health issues (he once threatened/tried to commit suicide due to depression and loneliness)
Last month I started to have some minor anxiety issues at the thought of having to leave. My wife was amazing and supportive.
I do feel your pain.
One of the things my wife did was to get me to list all the positives I have in a) life b) qualifications c) experience and skills etc. Then look at jobs those skills transfer to.
Then she got me to asses our finances and what my pension and lump sum would be if I left.
I acknowledge I’m very lucky in that my wife earns a great salary and me not working and having no income wouldn’t change our life style it would just be a stubborn male pride thing.
Reference stevebee above, I’m most definitely institutionalised, I realise it must come to an end soon but I’m not looking forward to leaving.
Sorry I’ve digresses (bit of therapy for me writing it down), my point being list the positives of each. Only look at the positive side of your options. Worked for me. Hopefully it will work for you.
Or just ignore me, I’m just a waffling idiot. Either way I wish you the best for your future.
Edited by MB140 on Tuesday 8th June 13:59
I am in a weird situation right now.
Got a job about 50 miles away from home, so commuted for about 6 weeks, it killed me awful routes, while also trying to find somewhere to live closer to work. With no success at all.
This has proved mega tough, I rent. I would say over 50% of stuff advertised is under offer after a day or so it seems, and loads have issues be they no parking, awful broadband, too small etc etc.
Company have been amazing, given me time off (unpaid) to try and sort it, but it is proving massively stressful, I feel really guilty for keeping them waiting, but the place has to be as right as I can put up with. The area is very expensive making it tougher.
Very weird situation and is stressing me hugely, not sleeping well etc, I seem to spend every waking hour on bloody Rightmove looking at the same few places wondering if I am being too choosy.
It's a bit of a bummer I must say.
Got a job about 50 miles away from home, so commuted for about 6 weeks, it killed me awful routes, while also trying to find somewhere to live closer to work. With no success at all.
This has proved mega tough, I rent. I would say over 50% of stuff advertised is under offer after a day or so it seems, and loads have issues be they no parking, awful broadband, too small etc etc.
Company have been amazing, given me time off (unpaid) to try and sort it, but it is proving massively stressful, I feel really guilty for keeping them waiting, but the place has to be as right as I can put up with. The area is very expensive making it tougher.
Very weird situation and is stressing me hugely, not sleeping well etc, I seem to spend every waking hour on bloody Rightmove looking at the same few places wondering if I am being too choosy.
It's a bit of a bummer I must say.
I wasted 15 years due to lack of confidence, I only took the leap when I could not manage financially, the new position paid more and I was treated far better than I was at the old company which folded less than 3 years later.
Have moved several times since due to redundancy/ seeing better opportunities.
My biggest regret is not doing it sooner.
If the company you are with now offers you upgrades/more money, question why you had to hand in your notice first.
Have moved several times since due to redundancy/ seeing better opportunities.
My biggest regret is not doing it sooner.
If the company you are with now offers you upgrades/more money, question why you had to hand in your notice first.
it's a good point about resisting counter-offers - the typical recruitment person will states stats like "70% of people who accept a counter-offer leave within 12 months anyway" (I made that stat up) but the sentiment is correct, if you do accept a counter offer then likely the resentment will build once the shine wears off,
I've had many conversations with people in my team and wider company who complain about pay rises and promotions, sad but true in that you only get a life-changing increase when you move companies, and internally it's the "squeaky wheel gets the oil" where those with the loudest voice (usually extroverted sales folk) get the attention whilst a safe pair of hands isn't seen as a flight risk, and therefore gets passed over,
I moved from one company after working there for 15 years, did a few different roles but always got the "prove you can take on the challenge and we'll pay you more" response, moved and now have almost doubled my wage - lean into the challenge and go for it!
I've had many conversations with people in my team and wider company who complain about pay rises and promotions, sad but true in that you only get a life-changing increase when you move companies, and internally it's the "squeaky wheel gets the oil" where those with the loudest voice (usually extroverted sales folk) get the attention whilst a safe pair of hands isn't seen as a flight risk, and therefore gets passed over,
I moved from one company after working there for 15 years, did a few different roles but always got the "prove you can take on the challenge and we'll pay you more" response, moved and now have almost doubled my wage - lean into the challenge and go for it!
LukeBrown66 said:
I am in a weird situation right now.
Got a job about 50 miles away from home, so commuted for about 6 weeks, it killed me awful routes, while also trying to find somewhere to live closer to work. With no success at all.
This has proved mega tough, I rent. I would say over 50% of stuff advertised is under offer after a day or so it seems, and loads have issues be they no parking, awful broadband, too small etc etc.
Company have been amazing, given me time off (unpaid) to try and sort it, but it is proving massively stressful, I feel really guilty for keeping them waiting, but the place has to be as right as I can put up with. The area is very expensive making it tougher.
Very weird situation and is stressing me hugely, not sleeping well etc, I seem to spend every waking hour on bloody Rightmove looking at the same few places wondering if I am being too choosy.
It's a bit of a bummer I must say.
Could you put stuff into storage, and use spare room.com to find somewhere temporarily in the area, or even just rent a room Monday to Friday for a few weeks. Got a job about 50 miles away from home, so commuted for about 6 weeks, it killed me awful routes, while also trying to find somewhere to live closer to work. With no success at all.
This has proved mega tough, I rent. I would say over 50% of stuff advertised is under offer after a day or so it seems, and loads have issues be they no parking, awful broadband, too small etc etc.
Company have been amazing, given me time off (unpaid) to try and sort it, but it is proving massively stressful, I feel really guilty for keeping them waiting, but the place has to be as right as I can put up with. The area is very expensive making it tougher.
Very weird situation and is stressing me hugely, not sleeping well etc, I seem to spend every waking hour on bloody Rightmove looking at the same few places wondering if I am being too choosy.
It's a bit of a bummer I must say.
lard said:
it's a good point about resisting counter-offers - the typical recruitment person will states stats like "70% of people who accept a counter-offer leave within 12 months anyway" (I made that stat up) but the sentiment is correct, if you do accept a counter offer then likely the resentment will build once the shine wears off,
I've had many conversations with people in my team and wider company who complain about pay rises and promotions, sad but true in that you only get a life-changing increase when you move companies, and internally it's the "squeaky wheel gets the oil" where those with the loudest voice (usually extroverted sales folk) get the attention whilst a safe pair of hands isn't seen as a flight risk, and therefore gets passed over,
I moved from one company after working there for 15 years, did a few different roles but always got the "prove you can take on the challenge and we'll pay you more" response, moved and now have almost doubled my wage - lean into the challenge and go for it!
Just been contacted by a previous boss about a role that he thinks I'd be really good at. The bloke he's describing doesn't sound like the person that I think I am. Tells me he thought of me, because I'm tenacious, won't take no for an answer, and use data to prove my point, find improvements etc. I've had many conversations with people in my team and wider company who complain about pay rises and promotions, sad but true in that you only get a life-changing increase when you move companies, and internally it's the "squeaky wheel gets the oil" where those with the loudest voice (usually extroverted sales folk) get the attention whilst a safe pair of hands isn't seen as a flight risk, and therefore gets passed over,
I moved from one company after working there for 15 years, did a few different roles but always got the "prove you can take on the challenge and we'll pay you more" response, moved and now have almost doubled my wage - lean into the challenge and go for it!
There's obviously alot of imposter syndrome in my head, because I imagine myself to be quite weak, lazy and willing to go with the flow.
I await an interview date.
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