The Boredom of a Relationship
Discussion
Bit of a rambling one, apologies in advance.
Anyone else get bored in a relationship?
Been with GF for 5 years or so. She's great - clever, fit good fun etc. But when I see or meet other birds, I want to shag them (even if they aren't as fit as GF). I'd like to settle down with this one, but I can't see myself ever settling down. But then I'd never have kids etc, which I'd love to have at some point.
I don't think I've been faithful in any relationship.
Is family life a tossup of not doing what you really want, vs dying alone? Get well looked after and my tea cooked for me every night, could never be single or I'd have to go back to cooking myself.
Is it all about sex? I have plenty with the missus, but can't beat the thrill of someone new. Only reason I don't go pursuing more is the risk of getting caught.
I get bored easily. Start a hobby, become ok at it and then move onto something else. Bit of an adrenaline junky.
TLDR; selfish prick with issues.
Anyone else get bored in a relationship?
Been with GF for 5 years or so. She's great - clever, fit good fun etc. But when I see or meet other birds, I want to shag them (even if they aren't as fit as GF). I'd like to settle down with this one, but I can't see myself ever settling down. But then I'd never have kids etc, which I'd love to have at some point.
I don't think I've been faithful in any relationship.
Is family life a tossup of not doing what you really want, vs dying alone? Get well looked after and my tea cooked for me every night, could never be single or I'd have to go back to cooking myself.
Is it all about sex? I have plenty with the missus, but can't beat the thrill of someone new. Only reason I don't go pursuing more is the risk of getting caught.
I get bored easily. Start a hobby, become ok at it and then move onto something else. Bit of an adrenaline junky.
TLDR; selfish prick with issues.
I've been married 13 years this month, I'm 41 so I got married at 28, met the wife when I was 26. I do ponder if I should have waited another couple of years but I played the field in my early 20's so I doubt I missed much in reality,
I do occasionally ponder what it would be like to be single again, but that being said I have friends and colleagues who either are single and never married or divorced and that doesn't seem like any fun either, my mate who has never been married has a heart of gold and has been relatively successful in his career and would love to settle down with a wife and kids but it hasn't happened for him so far.
I have two young children and no way I would ever leave them and I do have a great relationship with my wife too in every sense, I very much doubt I would find anyone "better" if I'm completely honest.
Family life does involve compromise of course, children especially are demanding and should always take priority. Personally I do still make time for myself but it involves getting up at 4:30am for gym time while my family are all sleeping and 1 week away a year with my close mates to drive the Nurburg Ring.
I think in summary maybe it's just natural to think the grass is greener elsewhere, as to whether getting married and settling down is right for you or not only you can figure that out but all I would say is if it's not what you want be honest with your partner to at least give them an option of moving on if your life goals are not the same.
I do occasionally ponder what it would be like to be single again, but that being said I have friends and colleagues who either are single and never married or divorced and that doesn't seem like any fun either, my mate who has never been married has a heart of gold and has been relatively successful in his career and would love to settle down with a wife and kids but it hasn't happened for him so far.
I have two young children and no way I would ever leave them and I do have a great relationship with my wife too in every sense, I very much doubt I would find anyone "better" if I'm completely honest.
Family life does involve compromise of course, children especially are demanding and should always take priority. Personally I do still make time for myself but it involves getting up at 4:30am for gym time while my family are all sleeping and 1 week away a year with my close mates to drive the Nurburg Ring.
I think in summary maybe it's just natural to think the grass is greener elsewhere, as to whether getting married and settling down is right for you or not only you can figure that out but all I would say is if it's not what you want be honest with your partner to at least give them an option of moving on if your life goals are not the same.
Edited by Jamescrs on Monday 6th June 13:15
AndyC_123 said:
But when I see or meet other birds, I want to shag them (even if they aren't as fit as GF).
I just pulled this bit out of your opening post to highlight as I.M.O this is pretty normal just because you get used to things and new and exciting is always appealing because it is a fantasy that almost certainly won't live up to the reality once the initial physical contact is in the past.It gets far more complicated if you actually bond with the person on an emotional level and want to do things with them other than just the physical.
It's worth keeping in mind that there are pros and cons to either set of circumstances. People tend to forget this. There's no one perfect solution.
The solution that's best for you depends on your personality type, what you want, and what you're willing to put up with as the trade off to the positives.
It's a shame that men keep making the same stupid mistakes though. However, those bad decisions pervade all aspects of their lives, not just relationships.
The solution that's best for you depends on your personality type, what you want, and what you're willing to put up with as the trade off to the positives.
It's a shame that men keep making the same stupid mistakes though. However, those bad decisions pervade all aspects of their lives, not just relationships.
AndyC_123 said:
Bit of a rambling one, apologies in advance.
Anyone else get bored in a relationship?
Been with GF for 5 years or so. She's great - clever, fit good fun etc. But when I see or meet other birds, I want to shag them (even if they aren't as fit as GF). I'd like to settle down with this one, but I can't see myself ever settling down. But then I'd never have kids etc, which I'd love to have at some point.
I don't think I've been faithful in any relationship.
Is family life a tossup of not doing what you really want, vs dying alone? Get well looked after and my tea cooked for me every night, could never be single or I'd have to go back to cooking myself.
Is it all about sex? I have plenty with the missus, but can't beat the thrill of someone new. Only reason I don't go pursuing more is the risk of getting caught.
I get bored easily. Start a hobby, become ok at it and then move onto something else. Bit of an adrenaline junky.
TLDR; selfish prick with issues.
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone you love?Anyone else get bored in a relationship?
Been with GF for 5 years or so. She's great - clever, fit good fun etc. But when I see or meet other birds, I want to shag them (even if they aren't as fit as GF). I'd like to settle down with this one, but I can't see myself ever settling down. But then I'd never have kids etc, which I'd love to have at some point.
I don't think I've been faithful in any relationship.
Is family life a tossup of not doing what you really want, vs dying alone? Get well looked after and my tea cooked for me every night, could never be single or I'd have to go back to cooking myself.
Is it all about sex? I have plenty with the missus, but can't beat the thrill of someone new. Only reason I don't go pursuing more is the risk of getting caught.
I get bored easily. Start a hobby, become ok at it and then move onto something else. Bit of an adrenaline junky.
TLDR; selfish prick with issues.
otolith said:
AndyC_123 said:
Bit of a rambling one, apologies in advance.
Anyone else get bored in a relationship?
Been with GF for 5 years or so. She's great - clever, fit good fun etc. But when I see or meet other birds, I want to shag them (even if they aren't as fit as GF). I'd like to settle down with this one, but I can't see myself ever settling down. But then I'd never have kids etc, which I'd love to have at some point.
I don't think I've been faithful in any relationship.
Is family life a tossup of not doing what you really want, vs dying alone? Get well looked after and my tea cooked for me every night, could never be single or I'd have to go back to cooking myself.
Is it all about sex? I have plenty with the missus, but can't beat the thrill of someone new. Only reason I don't go pursuing more is the risk of getting caught.
I get bored easily. Start a hobby, become ok at it and then move onto something else. Bit of an adrenaline junky.
TLDR; selfish prick with issues.
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone you love?Anyone else get bored in a relationship?
Been with GF for 5 years or so. She's great - clever, fit good fun etc. But when I see or meet other birds, I want to shag them (even if they aren't as fit as GF). I'd like to settle down with this one, but I can't see myself ever settling down. But then I'd never have kids etc, which I'd love to have at some point.
I don't think I've been faithful in any relationship.
Is family life a tossup of not doing what you really want, vs dying alone? Get well looked after and my tea cooked for me every night, could never be single or I'd have to go back to cooking myself.
Is it all about sex? I have plenty with the missus, but can't beat the thrill of someone new. Only reason I don't go pursuing more is the risk of getting caught.
I get bored easily. Start a hobby, become ok at it and then move onto something else. Bit of an adrenaline junky.
TLDR; selfish prick with issues.
Spare tyre said:
I’d say wanting to shag any birds is a normal thing, it’s instinctive
Grass isn’t always greener
It also boils down to how easily you can pull other women. Wanting to and being able to are quite different things, I suspect there are lots of men in relationships/married who would like to but who would never get the opportunity.Grass isn’t always greener
If you are a top 20% man with confidence then I would imagine it is easy so could potentially be very tempting if you are that way inclined.
Jamescrs said:
I've been married 13 years this month, I'm 41 so I got married at 28, met the wife when I was 26. I do ponder if I should have waited another couple of years but I played the field in my early 20's so I doubt I missed much in reality,
I do occasionally ponder what it would be like to be single again, but that being said I have friends and colleagues who either are single and never married or divorced and that doesn't seem like any fun either, my mate who has never been married has a heart of gold and has been relatively successful in his career and would love to settle down with a wife and kids but it hasn't happened for him so far.
I have two young children and no way I would ever leave them and I do have a great relationship with my wife too in every sense, I very much doubt I would find anyone "better" if I'm completely honest.
Family life does involve compromise of course, children especially are demanding and should always take priority. Personally I do still make time for myself but it involves getting up at 4:30am for gym time while my family are all sleeping and 1 week away a year with my close mates to drive the Nurburg Ring.
I think in summary maybe it's just natural to think the grass is greener elsewhere, as to whether getting married and settling down is right for you or not only you can figure that out but all I would say is if it's not what you want be honest with your partner to at least give them an option of moving on if your life goals are not the same.
I really need to take a leaf out of your book. How old are your children. Since my son was born i have turned into a small jabba the hut as i cannot get to the gym 6 times a week at 6 am like i used to. I do occasionally ponder what it would be like to be single again, but that being said I have friends and colleagues who either are single and never married or divorced and that doesn't seem like any fun either, my mate who has never been married has a heart of gold and has been relatively successful in his career and would love to settle down with a wife and kids but it hasn't happened for him so far.
I have two young children and no way I would ever leave them and I do have a great relationship with my wife too in every sense, I very much doubt I would find anyone "better" if I'm completely honest.
Family life does involve compromise of course, children especially are demanding and should always take priority. Personally I do still make time for myself but it involves getting up at 4:30am for gym time while my family are all sleeping and 1 week away a year with my close mates to drive the Nurburg Ring.
I think in summary maybe it's just natural to think the grass is greener elsewhere, as to whether getting married and settling down is right for you or not only you can figure that out but all I would say is if it's not what you want be honest with your partner to at least give them an option of moving on if your life goals are not the same.
Edited by Jamescrs on Monday 6th June 13:15
Please excuse the intrusive question but what time do you go to bed ?
I am feeling pretty low about my appearance as before son i was in a good place physically, now my sleep is patchy at best which doesnt help but i need to know how to get back to the pre baby me appearance wise.
We've been together 45 years now and will have been married 39 years this year.
I love my wife, always have.
That said, I've had a bit of the best of both worlds.
For 22 years, up until 2017, I worked away, getting home 3 months per year.
I had an apartment in Germany which I would spend around 3 months per year.
The remaining 6 months was split between mainly travelling around North America and India and then various other countries.around the world.
That said, my trousers were not in control of my activities.
It felt a lot like being single most of the time while having daily communications with my Wife.
I used to take a month off in the summer and we would 'reconnect' with our annual 'adventure' drive down to Spain.
My Wife used to describe it as the perfect marriage.
Since 2017 is has taken me these last 5 years to come to terms that those fun times are over.
I've now started to appreciate what I have here at home and love it.
I love my wife, always have.
That said, I've had a bit of the best of both worlds.
For 22 years, up until 2017, I worked away, getting home 3 months per year.
I had an apartment in Germany which I would spend around 3 months per year.
The remaining 6 months was split between mainly travelling around North America and India and then various other countries.around the world.
That said, my trousers were not in control of my activities.
It felt a lot like being single most of the time while having daily communications with my Wife.
I used to take a month off in the summer and we would 'reconnect' with our annual 'adventure' drive down to Spain.
My Wife used to describe it as the perfect marriage.
Since 2017 is has taken me these last 5 years to come to terms that those fun times are over.
I've now started to appreciate what I have here at home and love it.
anonymous said:
[redacted]
You have just reminded me of someone I was friends with since University, but haven't seen for 8 years or so. It was almost like there was something mentally wrong with him as he would literally chase and sleep with anything that was female. I house shared with him for a year and you would see his bedroom door open and his head pop out to check the coast was clear before they would leave.Top guy until there were women involved and then he was a total knob. When we went out as a group he would always insist on driving, if he managed to pull he would suddenly just vanish. Except one time we were sixty miles from home, he pulled some horror and then suddenly he was gone. In the end another one of his friends who we had only met that night ended up letting us sleep at his place as we literally had nowhere to go and no transport.
When I last saw him 8 years ago he was living in a house on his own and had not changed one bit, still chasing anything that moved. However he now had 5 children by 3 different women and I got the impression at least two of the women were living in houses that he was paying for.
He would be in his early 50s now, I suspect he hasn't changed in the slightest and I bet there are now other children since I last saw him.
Pretty tragic if you ask me, all because he wanted to shag anything that moved.
Why do you get into relationships if you find them boring and always cheat?
It's quite simple to me. If you want to have a party lifestyle and meet new women regularly go and do that. Don't waste your time and a partner's time stringing them along as you can't sort your priorities out.
If you're a serial cheat then I would guess that you've been caught, or the partner knows, and you've caused a lot of hurt. You need to be fair to them.
If your used to living with a partner I'm sure you'll soon get bored living alone and doing lots of stuff on your own.
It's quite simple to me. If you want to have a party lifestyle and meet new women regularly go and do that. Don't waste your time and a partner's time stringing them along as you can't sort your priorities out.
If you're a serial cheat then I would guess that you've been caught, or the partner knows, and you've caused a lot of hurt. You need to be fair to them.
If your used to living with a partner I'm sure you'll soon get bored living alone and doing lots of stuff on your own.
Edited by Driver101 on Monday 6th June 14:43
@Andy
The short answer is, you don’t love the lady you are with. You might think you do, but you don’t.
I used to get bored with girls easily, shag around. Then I met my Wife. From the moment I first saw her I just knew, (as corny as it sounds), that I wanted to share the rest of my life with her.
After 17 years of marriage and nearly 20 years of us being together, my thoughts haven’t changed.
If you do settle down with this woman, it won’t end happily for either of you.
So, how do you fall in love?…. It just happens. You’ll know when, when it actually happens.
The short answer is, you don’t love the lady you are with. You might think you do, but you don’t.
I used to get bored with girls easily, shag around. Then I met my Wife. From the moment I first saw her I just knew, (as corny as it sounds), that I wanted to share the rest of my life with her.
After 17 years of marriage and nearly 20 years of us being together, my thoughts haven’t changed.
If you do settle down with this woman, it won’t end happily for either of you.
So, how do you fall in love?…. It just happens. You’ll know when, when it actually happens.
Joey Deacon said:
You have just reminded me of someone I was friends with since University, but haven't seen for 8 years or so. It was almost like there was something mentally wrong with him as he would literally chase and sleep with anything that was female. I house shared with him for a year and you would see his bedroom door open and his head pop out to check the coast was clear before they would leave.
Top guy until there were women involved and then he was a total knob. When we went out as a group he would always insist on driving, if he managed to pull he would suddenly just vanish. Except one time we were sixty miles from home, he pulled some horror and then suddenly he was gone. In the end another one of his friends who we had only met that night ended up letting us sleep at his place as we literally had nowhere to go and no transport.
When I last saw him 8 years ago he was living in a house on his own and had not changed one bit, still chasing anything that moved. However he now had 5 children by 3 different women and I got the impression at least two of the women were living in houses that he was paying for.
He would be in his early 50s now, I suspect he hasn't changed in the slightest and I bet there are now other children since I last saw him.
Pretty tragic if you ask me, all because he wanted to shag anything that moved.
A sad story but we all chose the style of life we want. I am an oldie. I have been married to the same woman for 53 years and I am quite happy that in that time I have never been unfaithfull. Whether she has or not I dont know and dont care. Mind you marriage really didnt mean anything serious or long term to me until the kids arrived after which life revolved round them. Children are what makes life worthwhile and not just a selfish indulgence.Top guy until there were women involved and then he was a total knob. When we went out as a group he would always insist on driving, if he managed to pull he would suddenly just vanish. Except one time we were sixty miles from home, he pulled some horror and then suddenly he was gone. In the end another one of his friends who we had only met that night ended up letting us sleep at his place as we literally had nowhere to go and no transport.
When I last saw him 8 years ago he was living in a house on his own and had not changed one bit, still chasing anything that moved. However he now had 5 children by 3 different women and I got the impression at least two of the women were living in houses that he was paying for.
He would be in his early 50s now, I suspect he hasn't changed in the slightest and I bet there are now other children since I last saw him.
Pretty tragic if you ask me, all because he wanted to shag anything that moved.
Would I change any of this if I had my time again - most definitely not.
Jcwjosh said:
Jamescrs said:
I've been married 13 years this month, I'm 41 so I got married at 28, met the wife when I was 26. I do ponder if I should have waited another couple of years but I played the field in my early 20's so I doubt I missed much in reality,
I do occasionally ponder what it would be like to be single again, but that being said I have friends and colleagues who either are single and never married or divorced and that doesn't seem like any fun either, my mate who has never been married has a heart of gold and has been relatively successful in his career and would love to settle down with a wife and kids but it hasn't happened for him so far.
I have two young children and no way I would ever leave them and I do have a great relationship with my wife too in every sense, I very much doubt I would find anyone "better" if I'm completely honest.
Family life does involve compromise of course, children especially are demanding and should always take priority. Personally I do still make time for myself but it involves getting up at 4:30am for gym time while my family are all sleeping and 1 week away a year with my close mates to drive the Nurburg Ring.
I think in summary maybe it's just natural to think the grass is greener elsewhere, as to whether getting married and settling down is right for you or not only you can figure that out but all I would say is if it's not what you want be honest with your partner to at least give them an option of moving on if your life goals are not the same.
I really need to take a leaf out of your book. How old are your children. Since my son was born i have turned into a small jabba the hut as i cannot get to the gym 6 times a week at 6 am like i used to. I do occasionally ponder what it would be like to be single again, but that being said I have friends and colleagues who either are single and never married or divorced and that doesn't seem like any fun either, my mate who has never been married has a heart of gold and has been relatively successful in his career and would love to settle down with a wife and kids but it hasn't happened for him so far.
I have two young children and no way I would ever leave them and I do have a great relationship with my wife too in every sense, I very much doubt I would find anyone "better" if I'm completely honest.
Family life does involve compromise of course, children especially are demanding and should always take priority. Personally I do still make time for myself but it involves getting up at 4:30am for gym time while my family are all sleeping and 1 week away a year with my close mates to drive the Nurburg Ring.
I think in summary maybe it's just natural to think the grass is greener elsewhere, as to whether getting married and settling down is right for you or not only you can figure that out but all I would say is if it's not what you want be honest with your partner to at least give them an option of moving on if your life goals are not the same.
Edited by Jamescrs on Monday 6th June 13:15
Please excuse the intrusive question but what time do you go to bed ?
I am feeling pretty low about my appearance as before son i was in a good place physically, now my sleep is patchy at best which doesnt help but i need to know how to get back to the pre baby me appearance wise.
OP some people are just wired as you are I reckon. In evolutionary terms I'd imagine we're wired to roam from cave to cave planting our seed with as many as possible to extend the chance of our offspring and DNA surviving as much as possible. You may want to consider some form of therapy as worst case scenario that kind of mindset can be very destructive i.e. say you get married, have kids, have affairs etc It could be that your current partner is/isn't the one or it could be just you. I can honestly say approaching 40, being married 10+ years and having plenty of previous partners raging from short to relatively long term relationships I've ever cheated on anyone. That doesn't make me a martyr IMO I'm just wired differently. A very good mate is the complete opposite, and might count himself fortunate to not be caught out before age has mellowed him.
There's no right or wrong answer IMO some people are suited to it, other aren't but do it anyhow and some will find their own way. If you do want a family (unless you find someone who would be up for an open relationship-don't know how possible that is with kids!) then that will come with certain strings for 99/9% of people.
On the kids and getting time to yourself for exercise etc mine are 6 and 3. As the other poster says you've got to manufacture time for yourself as best as you possibly can and be realistic with priorities. The earlier years are harder with reduced sleep etc and you may have to ultimately accept you're not going to be able to maintain the physique you had pre-kids. WFH has made things easier for me, I skip lunch and go to the gym or a walk. Evenings are freeing up now. It's easier said than done but I prioritise sleep more than pre kids, I'm in bed for 10ish and asleep for 11 so I can be up at 6 to have 30 mins to an hour to myself before the rest of the house wakes up. My wife and I try to support the other so we get some 'us time' to do things like exercise socialise with friends etc- Good luck!
AndyC_123 said:
Bit of a rambling one, apologies in advance.
Anyone else get bored in a relationship?
Been with GF for 5 years or so. She's great - clever, fit good fun etc. But when I see or meet other birds, I want to shag them (even if they aren't as fit as GF). I'd like to settle down with this one, but I can't see myself ever settling down. But then I'd never have kids etc, which I'd love to have at some point.
I don't think I've been faithful in any relationship.
Is family life a tossup of not doing what you really want, vs dying alone? Get well looked after and my tea cooked for me every night, could never be single or I'd have to go back to cooking myself.
Is it all about sex? I have plenty with the missus, but can't beat the thrill of someone new. Only reason I don't go pursuing more is the risk of getting caught.
I get bored easily. Start a hobby, become ok at it and then move onto something else. Bit of an adrenaline junky.
TLDR; selfish prick with issues.
When you reach the point of being emotionally mature, you may (hopefully) find the woman who stops you in your tracks. The one who makes you want to give all the shenanigans upAnyone else get bored in a relationship?
Been with GF for 5 years or so. She's great - clever, fit good fun etc. But when I see or meet other birds, I want to shag them (even if they aren't as fit as GF). I'd like to settle down with this one, but I can't see myself ever settling down. But then I'd never have kids etc, which I'd love to have at some point.
I don't think I've been faithful in any relationship.
Is family life a tossup of not doing what you really want, vs dying alone? Get well looked after and my tea cooked for me every night, could never be single or I'd have to go back to cooking myself.
Is it all about sex? I have plenty with the missus, but can't beat the thrill of someone new. Only reason I don't go pursuing more is the risk of getting caught.
I get bored easily. Start a hobby, become ok at it and then move onto something else. Bit of an adrenaline junky.
TLDR; selfish prick with issues.
I have a few friends like this - serial womanisers, always a different girl each week. At some stage (differing ages) they all found a woman that, either through her personality, through their own emotional maturity, or through both, saw them settle down, start a family, etc.
The key is being open to it. If you want to settle, have kids, etc then you'll find it.
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