Domestic financials
Discussion
Just interested in how people manage their domestic finances with the other half.
For example did you keep your own current accounts when you got together, get a joint account, a joint bills account etc. and how do you handle major house purchase items (e.g. furniture, electricals,) and the payment of bills ( utilities, entertainment, presents, holidays)?
How do you deal with finances for those of you where your spouse doesn't work outside the house?
Bit of a loaded question in so far as my wife doesn't work outside the house and we have had some financial disagreements. Further mucky details to follow once I have your unbiased views and practices.
Wife jacked in work when first son was born 30 years ago and hasn't worked since , had a daughter 4 years after the son.
I have provided everything into a joint account , she's quite good with money and has done a good job of bringing up the kids , I have always worked away from home in the oil industry , sometimes its lead to some heated debates , but has worked for us even though I have sometimes often felt like a hamster on the wheel.
I liken it to having a bucket with 3 holes in it (the family) and one mug constantly trying to fill it (me)
probably retire next year I think at 58
I have provided everything into a joint account , she's quite good with money and has done a good job of bringing up the kids , I have always worked away from home in the oil industry , sometimes its lead to some heated debates , but has worked for us even though I have sometimes often felt like a hamster on the wheel.
I liken it to having a bucket with 3 holes in it (the family) and one mug constantly trying to fill it (me)
probably retire next year I think at 58
Separate bank accounts for 18 years.
She pays all the bills/shopping (except mortgage-she owns her half of the house outright) and I pay her a set amount each month based on a spreadsheet I keep. We go 50/50 on large household purchases.
We never argue about money as a result - her money is hers and mine is mine. Having fairly similar disposable income makes all the difference though.
She pays all the bills/shopping (except mortgage-she owns her half of the house outright) and I pay her a set amount each month based on a spreadsheet I keep. We go 50/50 on large household purchases.
We never argue about money as a result - her money is hers and mine is mine. Having fairly similar disposable income makes all the difference though.
We each have our own bank accounts and also a joint account which covers all family expenditure including mortgage, council tax, all other bills inc food and also going out for meals and drinks as a family.
I do earn more than my Mrs so I tip up more for nursery costs and other big expenditure but fundamentally we go 50:50 on the day to day running costs
This works for us but every couple is different!
I do earn more than my Mrs so I tip up more for nursery costs and other big expenditure but fundamentally we go 50:50 on the day to day running costs
This works for us but every couple is different!
Separate accounts and a joint account where everything goes out of
Pay our own credit cards off, but no one checks who puts what into the joint account as long as there is enough money in there don’t really care
Both quite chilled about money but neither of us are stupid with money so never been an issue really
Pay our own credit cards off, but no one checks who puts what into the joint account as long as there is enough money in there don’t really care
Both quite chilled about money but neither of us are stupid with money so never been an issue really
We have separate accounts - been together for 22 years.
I have always earned more, so I just pay for most month-to-month stuff (bills, food, mortgage etc.)- but she used to give me a couple of hundred each month - to cover everything. As a consequence she would save quite a bit and would often pay for big ticket items. (Strangely this just sort of happened rather than a conscious decision).
Then we had kids about ten years ago. Missus gave up work for several years and I used to pay her a 'monthly allowance' type thing.
She has just gone back to work part time and all her money is hers/ the kids now!
It seems to suit both of us, but neither of us are particularly money driven - so it just works as we have a 'comfortable' income and lifestyle...
Mike
I have always earned more, so I just pay for most month-to-month stuff (bills, food, mortgage etc.)- but she used to give me a couple of hundred each month - to cover everything. As a consequence she would save quite a bit and would often pay for big ticket items. (Strangely this just sort of happened rather than a conscious decision).
Then we had kids about ten years ago. Missus gave up work for several years and I used to pay her a 'monthly allowance' type thing.
She has just gone back to work part time and all her money is hers/ the kids now!
It seems to suit both of us, but neither of us are particularly money driven - so it just works as we have a 'comfortable' income and lifestyle...
Mike
Separate accounts, but I pay pretty much all the household bills. She works pt, earns just about enough to pay for the extras she and the kids need/want.
It's just life. Once the kids are a bit older I reckon she'll go full time again and contribute a bit more.
Why doesn't your wife work outside the house?
It's just life. Once the kids are a bit older I reckon she'll go full time again and contribute a bit more.
Why doesn't your wife work outside the house?
Separate accounts.
She doesn't go out to work.
2 rental properties : all income / costs her responsibility
I pay an amount weekly (far too much) into her account
She pays : her food, entertainment & fuel when I'm at work; clothes, anything for her kids/relatives, other misc junk all the time
I pay : everything else
She has an Amex & MasterCard on my account.
She doesn't go out to work.
2 rental properties : all income / costs her responsibility
I pay an amount weekly (far too much) into her account
She pays : her food, entertainment & fuel when I'm at work; clothes, anything for her kids/relatives, other misc junk all the time
I pay : everything else
She has an Amex & MasterCard on my account.
Been together 30 years, married for 21 years. We have a joint current account that her wages and mine are paid into; all the bills, food, mortgage etc. come out of this account. Anything left at the end of the month gets transferred to a joint savings account. We don't have any loans, credit cards, store cards etc. Totally transparent and works well with few disagreements.
That is a pretty mixed lot:
So here is what is happening.
My wife stays home, we have no kids. She gave up work after an op in 2007 and although she helps out with admin ( I am self employed) when we are busy she generally keeps the house and cooks. We have a joint current and a joint savings account. She also has her own current and savings accounts. I don't have any accounts of my own. She had savings when we met which we used when we bought the house.
About 7 years ago a friend of hers was left high and dry financially when hubby walked out, which made my OH very anxious ( she has anxiety issues generally), As a result I started transferring £500 a month into her account from the joint account along with an annual lump sum of between zero and £5k depending upon how the business is going, which she uses for buying her clothes, haircuts, make up etc and saves. Over the years she has saved something like £30k but won't say exactly how much. She obviously still has access to the joint account but religiously only uses it for food shopping and presents. I pay everything else from the joint accounts ( mortgage, bills, cars, holidays, presents, entertainment, meals out, drinks, home improvements etc).
All came to a head at Christmas as for my present she paid part of the cost of a sailing course I wanted to go on (£100). I took the rest from the joint account (£250) as my only source of money. This week there is an artisan cooking weekend (£375) she wants to go on, and I suggested she took it from her current account or savings. Major argument.
From her perspective she feels I overly control the joint accounts and she feels she has to ask for permission to spend from the current account as her (non outside working) friends seem to use their joint and even husband's current accounts for any luxuries as and when they want. All her previous resentments came flooding out; the kitchen work surfaces I wouldn't replace, the dog she feels I wouldn't let her have, the nice watch she wanted etc. etc.
I am now feeling like I may have been unreasonable but dont know what arrangements to put in place to avoid her feeling controlled, but equally every month she spends from the current account while sitting on £30k, is a month I will have to work until I can retire. After 41 years at work, that day cannot come soon enough. I had thought the £500 arrangememnt was working but it was obviously breeding resentment on her part.
What might work?
So here is what is happening.
My wife stays home, we have no kids. She gave up work after an op in 2007 and although she helps out with admin ( I am self employed) when we are busy she generally keeps the house and cooks. We have a joint current and a joint savings account. She also has her own current and savings accounts. I don't have any accounts of my own. She had savings when we met which we used when we bought the house.
About 7 years ago a friend of hers was left high and dry financially when hubby walked out, which made my OH very anxious ( she has anxiety issues generally), As a result I started transferring £500 a month into her account from the joint account along with an annual lump sum of between zero and £5k depending upon how the business is going, which she uses for buying her clothes, haircuts, make up etc and saves. Over the years she has saved something like £30k but won't say exactly how much. She obviously still has access to the joint account but religiously only uses it for food shopping and presents. I pay everything else from the joint accounts ( mortgage, bills, cars, holidays, presents, entertainment, meals out, drinks, home improvements etc).
All came to a head at Christmas as for my present she paid part of the cost of a sailing course I wanted to go on (£100). I took the rest from the joint account (£250) as my only source of money. This week there is an artisan cooking weekend (£375) she wants to go on, and I suggested she took it from her current account or savings. Major argument.
From her perspective she feels I overly control the joint accounts and she feels she has to ask for permission to spend from the current account as her (non outside working) friends seem to use their joint and even husband's current accounts for any luxuries as and when they want. All her previous resentments came flooding out; the kitchen work surfaces I wouldn't replace, the dog she feels I wouldn't let her have, the nice watch she wanted etc. etc.
I am now feeling like I may have been unreasonable but dont know what arrangements to put in place to avoid her feeling controlled, but equally every month she spends from the current account while sitting on £30k, is a month I will have to work until I can retire. After 41 years at work, that day cannot come soon enough. I had thought the £500 arrangememnt was working but it was obviously breeding resentment on her part.
What might work?
Sleeplessnights said:
That is a pretty mixed lot:
So here is what is happening.
My wife stays home, we have no kids. She gave up work after an op in 2007 and although she helps out with admin ( I am self employed) when we are busy she generally keeps the house and cooks. We have a joint current and a joint savings account. She also has her own current and savings accounts. I don't have any accounts of my own. She had savings when we met which we used when we bought the house.
About 7 years ago a friend of hers was left high and dry financially when hubby walked out, which made my OH very anxious ( she has anxiety issues generally), As a result I started transferring £500 a month into her account from the joint account along with an annual lump sum of between zero and £5k depending upon how the business is going, which she uses for buying her clothes, haircuts, make up etc and saves. Over the years she has saved something like £30k but won't say exactly how much. She obviously still has access to the joint account but religiously only uses it for food shopping and presents. I pay everything else from the joint accounts ( mortgage, bills, cars, holidays, presents, entertainment, meals out, drinks, home improvements etc).
All came to a head at Christmas as for my present she paid part of the cost of a sailing course I wanted to go on (£100). I took the rest from the joint account (£250) as my only source of money. This week there is an artisan cooking weekend (£375) she wants to go on, and I suggested she took it from her current account or savings. Major argument.
From her perspective she feels I overly control the joint accounts and she feels she has to ask for permission to spend from the current account as her (non outside working) friends seem to use their joint and even husband's current accounts for any luxuries as and when they want. All her previous resentments came flooding out; the kitchen work surfaces I wouldn't replace, the dog she feels I wouldn't let her have, the nice watch she wanted etc. etc.
I am now feeling like I may have been unreasonable but dont know what arrangements to put in place to avoid her feeling controlled, but equally every month she spends from the current account while sitting on £30k, is a month I will have to work until I can retire. After 41 years at work, that day cannot come soon enough. I had thought the £500 arrangememnt was working but it was obviously breeding resentment on her part.
What might work?
Merge your current accounts. Merge your saving accounts. Discuss all spending. Total transparency. Let the divorce lawyers split it all up if it comes to that.So here is what is happening.
My wife stays home, we have no kids. She gave up work after an op in 2007 and although she helps out with admin ( I am self employed) when we are busy she generally keeps the house and cooks. We have a joint current and a joint savings account. She also has her own current and savings accounts. I don't have any accounts of my own. She had savings when we met which we used when we bought the house.
About 7 years ago a friend of hers was left high and dry financially when hubby walked out, which made my OH very anxious ( she has anxiety issues generally), As a result I started transferring £500 a month into her account from the joint account along with an annual lump sum of between zero and £5k depending upon how the business is going, which she uses for buying her clothes, haircuts, make up etc and saves. Over the years she has saved something like £30k but won't say exactly how much. She obviously still has access to the joint account but religiously only uses it for food shopping and presents. I pay everything else from the joint accounts ( mortgage, bills, cars, holidays, presents, entertainment, meals out, drinks, home improvements etc).
All came to a head at Christmas as for my present she paid part of the cost of a sailing course I wanted to go on (£100). I took the rest from the joint account (£250) as my only source of money. This week there is an artisan cooking weekend (£375) she wants to go on, and I suggested she took it from her current account or savings. Major argument.
From her perspective she feels I overly control the joint accounts and she feels she has to ask for permission to spend from the current account as her (non outside working) friends seem to use their joint and even husband's current accounts for any luxuries as and when they want. All her previous resentments came flooding out; the kitchen work surfaces I wouldn't replace, the dog she feels I wouldn't let her have, the nice watch she wanted etc. etc.
I am now feeling like I may have been unreasonable but dont know what arrangements to put in place to avoid her feeling controlled, but equally every month she spends from the current account while sitting on £30k, is a month I will have to work until I can retire. After 41 years at work, that day cannot come soon enough. I had thought the £500 arrangememnt was working but it was obviously breeding resentment on her part.
What might work?
All boils down to trust.
My wife doesn't work. I work away 3 times a month for 3-4 days at a time. The rest I am off.
She is from another country (US), so to minimise her tax exposure, my salary is paid into my account. Our house is owned outright in my name. We have a joint account that I pay bill money into, and spending money to keep her occupied and entertained each month while I'm away - she uses this to have lunches with friends, coffees, transport, that kind of thing. If there's something she wants like clothes or cosmetics, I tell her to put it on my account.
She does all grocery and personal shopping on a credit card that is a supplementary one to mine.
Ultimately, we've just made it as simple as possible. She's very sensible with financials, to the point that I have to persuade her to spend. She budgets very well and has a lot of discipline, so in our situation, I see no need to exert control or be too definitive. What's mine is ours, so the amount I give her is just a rough number on which to budget. It isn't a limit, and she knows that.
If she had more typical female spending habits, I'd probably be more inclined to bump up her spending money and for it to be a limit. As it is, though, this simple format works well.
My wife doesn't work. I work away 3 times a month for 3-4 days at a time. The rest I am off.
She is from another country (US), so to minimise her tax exposure, my salary is paid into my account. Our house is owned outright in my name. We have a joint account that I pay bill money into, and spending money to keep her occupied and entertained each month while I'm away - she uses this to have lunches with friends, coffees, transport, that kind of thing. If there's something she wants like clothes or cosmetics, I tell her to put it on my account.
She does all grocery and personal shopping on a credit card that is a supplementary one to mine.
Ultimately, we've just made it as simple as possible. She's very sensible with financials, to the point that I have to persuade her to spend. She budgets very well and has a lot of discipline, so in our situation, I see no need to exert control or be too definitive. What's mine is ours, so the amount I give her is just a rough number on which to budget. It isn't a limit, and she knows that.
If she had more typical female spending habits, I'd probably be more inclined to bump up her spending money and for it to be a limit. As it is, though, this simple format works well.
Edited by Testaburger on Tuesday 8th May 09:20
Sleeplessnights said:
What might work?
500/month as effectively your income is ~£17/day - depending on your social situation/lifestyle I can see that as feeling very limiting.On the other hand it seems unreasonable that you've no insight into her capital situation, and she has complete insight into yours.
I'd suggest sitting down and discussing life goals (like when you get off the merry-go-round) and what kind of financial plan is likely to result in that. Does that result in a financial plan that you can both live with?
Good luck.
edit - may help to compare/discuss how much you spend on yourself vs her £500 ?
We work out what are combined income is and what the combined outgoings are (due to childcare costs this isn't the same each month). We then divide what's left into two, and that is what each of us has as living money (food, petrol, beer, going out, other s
t). This is fair, in my eyes, as my wife dropped down to part-time to look after our children; doing a 50:50 split on bills would leave her skint.
t). This is fair, in my eyes, as my wife dropped down to part-time to look after our children; doing a 50:50 split on bills would leave her skint. I think there is always the potential for problems to arise when there is the mindset of ‘your’ money and ‘my’ money. What works for us is jointly putting everything in various joint accounts/investments. We have a couple of individual credit cards but mainly use joint Amex and MasterCard. It obviously helps if finances are ‘comfortable’, we don’t watch our spending overly - either jointly or individually. Purchases in the £ks would generate a conversation first but neither of us is extravagant for the sake of it.
Your overall financial position seems fairly sound so it’s a shame to fall out over a relatively small sum - although it seems to have been the trigger to bring long-standing issues to the surface. Try to agree joint financial goals (including when you want to retire!) and put your finances together would be my recommendation.
Your overall financial position seems fairly sound so it’s a shame to fall out over a relatively small sum - although it seems to have been the trigger to bring long-standing issues to the surface. Try to agree joint financial goals (including when you want to retire!) and put your finances together would be my recommendation.
Joint account for pretty much everything. Some accounts in single names for transactional reasons
When we first got married I had a lot more than her, so put 6-7 grand into her account so she could spend some without feeling ‘watched’ but after a year or so that turned out not to be an issue. Now and again will raise an eyebrow at each other over an expense (wtf do female haircuts cost so much!) but in general works out
She did once go and buy a Mini (new) when I had been insisting on used...
When we first got married I had a lot more than her, so put 6-7 grand into her account so she could spend some without feeling ‘watched’ but after a year or so that turned out not to be an issue. Now and again will raise an eyebrow at each other over an expense (wtf do female haircuts cost so much!) but in general works out
She did once go and buy a Mini (new) when I had been insisting on used...
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