Am I mean, £1200 per month on household?
Discussion
Jimmy Recard said:
I can see the logic, but I haven't really filled in my car history!
Anyway, despite being able to spend £1200 a month, I do not think that my happiness would be affected in the slightest if I was restricted to that. I've been perfectly happy with it before and I would adapt back. But let's not argue anyway, our uses for money and opinions of it are probably not that relevant to OP and his family!
No, you are right, and I agree with your first point, I assume we’d be perfectly happy if my wife and I went back to very modest means.Anyway, despite being able to spend £1200 a month, I do not think that my happiness would be affected in the slightest if I was restricted to that. I've been perfectly happy with it before and I would adapt back. But let's not argue anyway, our uses for money and opinions of it are probably not that relevant to OP and his family!
OP, how you deal with money is a very personal thing. What is reasonable to one couple seems ridiculous to others. It sounds like you need to have a proper conversation with your wife to understand what you need to do for both of you to be happy.
NEWANON4 said:
I'm self employed so income varies.
Is around £2500 to £3000 per month.
mortgage595
ellecy and gas100
council tax140
water35
tv12.5
broadband40
netflix7.49
Transfer partner 400
car tax & insurance both cars100
fuel150
mobile25
house insurance25
tesco loan202
cc min pay150
Total 1981.99
Now add to that the occasional trip away, house maintenance, car maintenance and saving.
Things are tight
Its so very strange to see things like this, when I was younger (we are only talking 15 years ago) I always assumed that being on a 50-60k salary which nets approx 3k a month would mean youd be living a very very comfortable life but its really not the case. Is around £2500 to £3000 per month.
mortgage595
ellecy and gas100
council tax140
water35
tv12.5
broadband40
netflix7.49
Transfer partner 400
car tax & insurance both cars100
fuel150
mobile25
house insurance25
tesco loan202
cc min pay150
Total 1981.99
Now add to that the occasional trip away, house maintenance, car maintenance and saving.
Things are tight
Even thought you could be living an Ok existance its not special by any stretch and certainly requires quite a bit of penny pinching.
Couple this with the fact that if there is only one person earning such an amount and no supplemental security in the house by your partner earning, it makes for some sleepless nights sometimes.
OP id suggest like others have said, you need to sit down and have a chat and go through everything. I would agree that 1200 should be enough but it might just be shes crap with money like my wife. I am quite thrity and don't like to paying RRP for nothing and I generally don't. Maybe you need to teach her to be smarter with the money to make it stretch further or maybe its not enough at which point you will sympathise and the argument is then over!
Edited by XMT on Sunday 17th June 18:59
Edited by XMT on Sunday 17th June 19:01
XMT said:
NEWANON4 said:
tesco loan202
cc min pay150
Things are tight
Its so very strange to see things like this, when I was younger (we are only talking 15 years ago) I always assumed that being on a 50-60k salary which nets approx 3k a month would mean youd be living a very very comfortable life but its really not the case. cc min pay150
Things are tight
XMT said:
NEWANON4 said:
I'm self employed so income varies.
Is around £2500 to £3000 per month.
mortgage595
ellecy and gas100
council tax140
water35
tv12.5
broadband40
netflix7.49
Transfer partner 400
car tax & insurance both cars100
fuel150
mobile25
house insurance25
tesco loan202
cc min pay150
Total 1981.99
Now add to that the occasional trip away, house maintenance, car maintenance and saving.
Things are tight
Its so very strange to see things like this, when I was younger (we are only talking 15 years ago) I always assumed that being on a 50-60k salary which nets approx 3k a month would mean youd be living a very very comfortable life but its really not the case. Is around £2500 to £3000 per month.
mortgage595
ellecy and gas100
council tax140
water35
tv12.5
broadband40
netflix7.49
Transfer partner 400
car tax & insurance both cars100
fuel150
mobile25
house insurance25
tesco loan202
cc min pay150
Total 1981.99
Now add to that the occasional trip away, house maintenance, car maintenance and saving.
Things are tight
Even thought you could be living an Ok existance its not special by any stretch and certainly requires quite a bit of penny pinching.
Couple this with the fact that if there is only one person earning such an amount and no supplemental security in the house by your partner earning, it makes for some sleepless nights sometimes.
OP id suggest like others have said, you need to sit down and have a chat and go through everything. I would agree that 1200 should be enough but it might just be shes crap with money like my wife. I am quite thrity and don't like to paying RRP for nothing and I generally don't. Maybe you need to teach her to be smarter with the money to make it stretch further or maybe its not enough at which point you will sympathise and the argument is then over!
Edited by XMT on Sunday 17th June 18:59
Edited by XMT on Sunday 17th June 19:01
Many in London are on that with £1500+ a month on rent or mortgage.OP has a loan of 202 and 150 on credit card which are not the norm. Broadband is also £10 too much if not £15. Sim only deals are <£10 for loads of minutes and a few gig of data so £25 is too much
£3000 ,minus OP's bills but putting the loan and a credit card back in are £2,333, so that is £667 in the bank each month left over. Put that £400 back in (as her OH/child is already getting £800 tax free) and that is over £1k a month...
OP- do you not eat out a lot? as date nights type stuff is important for a relationship and you should make a meal or two a month a regular expense.
Also remember that divorce courts look to keep partners in 'the lifestyle they are accustomed to', so if relationship ever goes downhill, you may want to remove that £400, and make her pay half for the holidays etc... Just saying
Edited by hyphen on Sunday 17th June 20:01
NEWANON4 said:
My partner has a low income of £800 a month from DLA, Child benefit and careers allowance. I also put £400 a month in to their bank account. Bringing it up to £1200 per month.
From that they have to pay for their mobile bill (£30pm), petrol, clothes, hair, nails and household groceries for use two and our autistic child.
My partner thinks this is not possible, but in my opinion a lot of people have no where near that much left after mortgage, etc and that should be manageable.
My take on it.. hell yes its enough.From that they have to pay for their mobile bill (£30pm), petrol, clothes, hair, nails and household groceries for use two and our autistic child.
My partner thinks this is not possible, but in my opinion a lot of people have no where near that much left after mortgage, etc and that should be manageable.
Shopping, at *the* worst, I would have expected c.£600 a month for 2 adults and a child.
Lets say 2 tanks of fuel a month, £120.
Phone £30
Sundries £100 (cleaning products, washing powder etc)
That puts monthly cost for her around £850. Leaves £350 for hair and nails..
HOWEVER
What I suspect is happening is she is spending your £400 on the food, petrol, phone and its only just covering it. Which I can understand but I think that's where the "its not enough" is coming from.
I have a feeling she sees the £800 as "hers" and she will spend that on the hair and nails and clothes etc. Do you know how much a quick trip to the beauty salon costs? IME, my wife can drop £300 in the space of 45 minutes. A WEEK.
Maybe I am wrong but that's the gut feeling I am getting.
How about this for an idea; given that for whatever reason, like many, you don’t just want to have one joint account.
Talk to her about where the outgoings are on her side as well as yours.
Then, you pay anything related to running the home- food, child costs, etc. She can use a supplementary credit card to do it.
Then, give her an allowance for spending money for herself.
Surely that would simplify things, and allow you to keep track of anything that isn’t her personal spending?
In an ironic twist, I can’t get my wife to spend on herself, but our approach may be worth considering?
In my scenario - I am the sole earner. She’s American, however, so to keep things simple and out of the eyes of the US tax authorities, all bills, food, our memberships, phone, tax, shopping etc come out of my account or is paid for by an AMEX in my name.
We also have a joint account that I keep a balance in, so she has access to cash (I’m away a lot). That generally doesn’t get used except for her to add money to her transport card.
She refused to spend on herself, despite my protestations, so a few years ago I started giving her a few hundred a month in cash. Almost like a kids pocket money. It’s purely for social & personal purposes. Lunches, coffees etc. As anything like clothes or hair appointments I’m happy to pay for. What she doesn’t spend, she keeps.
We worked out a sensible lifestyle for her - how much it costs to go to yoga a few times a week, grab a quick lunch, a meal with friends here & there, coffees, glass of wine etc.
Yes, it all sounds very leisurely, but it’s also lovely to see her enjoying it and being so active - when I return from work, she’s happy because she hasn’t been cooped-up in the house trying to do the right thing - and it’s helpful for me to have something listed as a budgetable outgoing. Plus, the way I see it, a few hundred a month for a happy wife is a bargain.
I suppose what I’m getting at, is that perhaps you should take over even more of the outgoings, and that way you can set a budget, together, for her spending money. You have a decent income, it seems like you just want a better handle on the outgoings that currently go from her side.
It’s great that you’re trying to do right by her, and acknowledge that she makes an equal contribution to your marriage and home life. If you can get her to sit and go over the new plan with you, with real numbers, I’m sure she’ll learn to appreciate that you’re trying to keep all the plates spinning.
Talk to her about where the outgoings are on her side as well as yours.
Then, you pay anything related to running the home- food, child costs, etc. She can use a supplementary credit card to do it.
Then, give her an allowance for spending money for herself.
Surely that would simplify things, and allow you to keep track of anything that isn’t her personal spending?
In an ironic twist, I can’t get my wife to spend on herself, but our approach may be worth considering?
In my scenario - I am the sole earner. She’s American, however, so to keep things simple and out of the eyes of the US tax authorities, all bills, food, our memberships, phone, tax, shopping etc come out of my account or is paid for by an AMEX in my name.
We also have a joint account that I keep a balance in, so she has access to cash (I’m away a lot). That generally doesn’t get used except for her to add money to her transport card.
She refused to spend on herself, despite my protestations, so a few years ago I started giving her a few hundred a month in cash. Almost like a kids pocket money. It’s purely for social & personal purposes. Lunches, coffees etc. As anything like clothes or hair appointments I’m happy to pay for. What she doesn’t spend, she keeps.
We worked out a sensible lifestyle for her - how much it costs to go to yoga a few times a week, grab a quick lunch, a meal with friends here & there, coffees, glass of wine etc.
Yes, it all sounds very leisurely, but it’s also lovely to see her enjoying it and being so active - when I return from work, she’s happy because she hasn’t been cooped-up in the house trying to do the right thing - and it’s helpful for me to have something listed as a budgetable outgoing. Plus, the way I see it, a few hundred a month for a happy wife is a bargain.
I suppose what I’m getting at, is that perhaps you should take over even more of the outgoings, and that way you can set a budget, together, for her spending money. You have a decent income, it seems like you just want a better handle on the outgoings that currently go from her side.
It’s great that you’re trying to do right by her, and acknowledge that she makes an equal contribution to your marriage and home life. If you can get her to sit and go over the new plan with you, with real numbers, I’m sure she’ll learn to appreciate that you’re trying to keep all the plates spinning.
I'm only the earner in our family (me, wife and two boys 6 and 8). I pay for pretty much all regularly outgoings, my wife pays for groceries, things for the kids, her fuel for about 6,000 mile a year, etc. Until recently I gave her £1,200 a month but she convinced me that it wasn't enough, so it's £1,400 a month now. It's surprising how much the basics cost now.
Deesee said:
IMO DLA & CB should be for the Kid, the care allowance like wise for the carer.
If your self employed (not sure what type) could you chop a car in for a truck/van, use capital allowances for the truck to reduce your profits further?
Put your running costs fuel etc through bring down your net profits and look to get some tax credits
You’ve got circa 1k pcm of disposable income most the population does not.
Personally in your situation I’d take over the finances and spending and give them a set amount of spending money (day/week/month) after they have there dla and carers allowances.
If they can’t survive on that then it’s a night job for the wife (a friend of mine is in a very similar situation, his wife works 3/7 am doing home shopping packing for delivery).
Hope all goes well with the family chats.
I was in a similar situation to the OP except my (now ex-) wife claimed the DLA without my knowing, paid into an undisclosed bank account registered at her parents' address and used the £5k/year to have endless lunches and working-day trips with her affair partner! I don't think our autistic child's needs ever once crossed her mind.If your self employed (not sure what type) could you chop a car in for a truck/van, use capital allowances for the truck to reduce your profits further?
Put your running costs fuel etc through bring down your net profits and look to get some tax credits
You’ve got circa 1k pcm of disposable income most the population does not.
Personally in your situation I’d take over the finances and spending and give them a set amount of spending money (day/week/month) after they have there dla and carers allowances.
If they can’t survive on that then it’s a night job for the wife (a friend of mine is in a very similar situation, his wife works 3/7 am doing home shopping packing for delivery).
Hope all goes well with the family chats.
theboss said:
Deesee said:
IMO DLA & CB should be for the Kid, the care allowance like wise for the carer.
If your self employed (not sure what type) could you chop a car in for a truck/van, use capital allowances for the truck to reduce your profits further?
Put your running costs fuel etc through bring down your net profits and look to get some tax credits
You’ve got circa 1k pcm of disposable income most the population does not.
Personally in your situation I’d take over the finances and spending and give them a set amount of spending money (day/week/month) after they have there dla and carers allowances.
If they can’t survive on that then it’s a night job for the wife (a friend of mine is in a very similar situation, his wife works 3/7 am doing home shopping packing for delivery).
Hope all goes well with the family chats.
I was in a similar situation to the OP except my (now ex-) wife claimed the DLA without my knowing, paid into an undisclosed bank account registered at her parents' address and used the £5k/year to have endless lunches and working-day trips with her affair partner! I don't think our autistic child's needs ever once crossed her mind.If your self employed (not sure what type) could you chop a car in for a truck/van, use capital allowances for the truck to reduce your profits further?
Put your running costs fuel etc through bring down your net profits and look to get some tax credits
You’ve got circa 1k pcm of disposable income most the population does not.
Personally in your situation I’d take over the finances and spending and give them a set amount of spending money (day/week/month) after they have there dla and carers allowances.
If they can’t survive on that then it’s a night job for the wife (a friend of mine is in a very similar situation, his wife works 3/7 am doing home shopping packing for delivery).
Hope all goes well with the family chats.
Sorry to hear that about your child’s DLA, this sort of funds should be in a junior isa etc for them I think, for there future, after all all kids come first regardless of need, and should not be spent on the adult carers extra circular activities.(adultry/gambling/smoking/drinking etc).
Deesee said:
Op,
The only other thing would to think about what she would get on the chat/social, if she were alone?
DLA, CB, carers allowance + housing benefit + tax credits + your contribution.
That would be a tidy sum, could there be anyone in her ear as such?
It isn't 'in her ear' I'd be worried about, if I were the OP The only other thing would to think about what she would get on the chat/social, if she were alone?
DLA, CB, carers allowance + housing benefit + tax credits + your contribution.
That would be a tidy sum, could there be anyone in her ear as such?
hyphen said:
£3000 with a £595 a month mortgage is not penny pinching territory Many in London are on that with £1500+ a month on rent or mortgage.
OP has a loan of 202 and 150 on credit card which are not the norm. Broadband is also £10 too much if not £15. Sim only deals are <£10 for loads of minutes and a few gig of data so £25 is too much
Wouldn’t say a loan isnt the ‘norm’ , 90% of new cars on the road are financed and so are the vast majority of second hand cars , so let’s say someone on 50-60k, a £200a month car loan wouldn’t be absurd and is probably more common than one might think (based on the amount /value of cars on the road) Many in London are on that with £1500+ a month on rent or mortgage.OP has a loan of 202 and 150 on credit card which are not the norm. Broadband is also £10 too much if not £15. Sim only deals are <£10 for loads of minutes and a few gig of data so £25 is too much
Edited by hyphen on Sunday 17th June 20:01
NickCQ said:
XMT said:
NEWANON4 said:
tesco loan202
cc min pay150
Things are tight
Its so very strange to see things like this, when I was younger (we are only talking 15 years ago) I always assumed that being on a 50-60k salary which nets approx 3k a month would mean youd be living a very very comfortable life but its really not the case. cc min pay150
Things are tight
bmwmike said:
NickCQ said:
XMT said:
NEWANON4 said:
tesco loan202
cc min pay150
Things are tight
Its so very strange to see things like this, when I was younger (we are only talking 15 years ago) I always assumed that being on a 50-60k salary which nets approx 3k a month would mean youd be living a very very comfortable life but its really not the case. cc min pay150
Things are tight
Cost of goods increase is 65% over the period.
On top of that I think spending habits have changed. Back in 2000 I never once ordered a delivery pizza, for example. Now its something I might do once a month but friends do it once a week. Buying things online, whilst possible, was generally not the norm for a lot of people. Now virtually everyone has ordered something online and does so on a regular basis. We also have access to our money like never before, if I needed to know my bank balance in 2000 I had to go to the bank or a cash machine.
jontysafe said:
Why don’t you just have a joint account and both pay into that?
You say ‘partner’ I don’t see a lot of partner in your argument.
I thought that, he started off with my partner, but that turned into “their” bank account, not her bank account, “their” mobile bill, not her mobile bill, “their” moaning, not her moaning.You say ‘partner’ I don’t see a lot of partner in your argument.
It seemed as if he was referring to a friend or neighbour, not a wife or partner.
My Wife (We share EVERYTHING, as that's what how a successful relationship works) and I have 1 x current account and 1 x credit card between us.
Everything comes out of those two pots. It doesn't matter how much any of us earn. If she wants a dress, she'll consider "Do I need this?". Likewise, when I look at bike parts "Do I need this?". We trust each other to make the correct decision.
Never have any issues.
Everything comes out of those two pots. It doesn't matter how much any of us earn. If she wants a dress, she'll consider "Do I need this?". Likewise, when I look at bike parts "Do I need this?". We trust each other to make the correct decision.
Never have any issues.
lukefreeman said:
My Wife (We share EVERYTHING, as that's what how a successful relationship works) and I have 1 x current account and 1 x credit card between us.
Everything comes out of those two pots. It doesn't matter how much any of us earn. If she wants a dress, she'll consider "Do I need this?". Likewise, when I look at bike parts "Do I need this?". We trust each other to make the correct decision.
Never have any issues.
It depends on the people and the relationship. I know that if i had had a similar approach with my ex, it would’ve all gone on Louis Vuitton stuff and trinket type gimmicks as gifts. She used to freely admit she would waste all her money on crap if no one took a bit of control Everything comes out of those two pots. It doesn't matter how much any of us earn. If she wants a dress, she'll consider "Do I need this?". Likewise, when I look at bike parts "Do I need this?". We trust each other to make the correct decision.
Never have any issues.
If you live with someone and have kids with them then I believe all income should be household income. The higher earner (usually the man) should not ‘give’ the other person anything - it should be all be shared equally. Bills first, then household commitments, then stuff for kids then if there’s anything left it should be split 50/50
rover 623gsi said:
If you live with someone and have kids with them then I believe all income should be household income. The higher earner (usually the man) should not ‘give’ the other person anything - it should be all be shared equally. Bills first, then household commitments, then stuff for kids then if there’s anything left it should be split 50/50
If that works for you that’s great, but we (like many others) prefer a different approach. We both put a certain amount into the joint account for all household expenses, holidays, cleaner, service charge, mortgage etc, but the rest of our money is ours individually.That way if my wife wants to buy some new expensive clothes she does not need to ask, or wonder if I’ll mind, and if I buy a new car on a whim the same applies.
This way works exceptionally well for us.
rover 623gsi said:
If you live with someone and have kids with them then I believe all income should be household income. The higher earner (usually the man) should not ‘give’ the other person anything - it should be all be shared equally. Bills first, then household commitments, then stuff for kids then if there’s anything left it should be split 50/50
Go on, what's your situation? Millionaire businessman married the air hostess/lap dancer type thing Gassing Station | Finance | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff