Child maintenance advice

[BFG TERRANO]

Hello all!
Almost done with this, thankfully. My question is about “approved “ or “full time education “ really

I’ve a 17 year old with my ex. We’re not in contact sadly- not my choice. I have a direct pay set up organised by the CSA but I pay her directly.

To qualify for maintenance eligibility from absent parents between 16 and 20 years of age the child must be in full time approved education. Basically 12 hrs a week or more of supervised study, ie in class.

I’ve heard through a reliable contact my son has crashed out of 2 of 3 A levels. This means he’s now below the threshold to be considered in full time education.

As we’re not in contact do I just pull the plug on her money???

[anonymous-user]

BFG TERRANO said:

As we’re not in contact do I just pull the plug on her money???

I bet she will suddenly get back in contact very quickly if you do this!

[BFG TERRANO]

Joey Deacon said:

I bet she will suddenly get back in contact very quickly if you do this!

Absolutely. Only if she can demonstrate he’s in full time education. I’ve no way of finding this out.. pulling the payments sure will I agree

[RobXjcoupe]

I thought you had to pay regardless to age 18. Then it stops even if studying continues

[BFG TERRANO]

RobXjcoupe said:

I thought you had to pay regardless to age 18. Then it stops even if studying continues

16 is the earliest you can stop paying. 20 is the latest. It depends on what they do educationally. If it’s over 12 hours a week of supervised study you pay. There’s a list of “approved” education scenarios available that make it easier to work out if you pay or not. My issue is not being in touch with ex or son… and also if only doing 1 A level is classed as “full time” education

[onny]

I used to work for CSA both in the UK and Australia. I see this a lot where the paying parent does not have contact with the receiving parent and/or child.

What is your goal? To have contact with your child again or not to pay support because your legal responsibilities are now over?

Legally, if you can proof that your son is no longer in full time education then you are allowed to stop payment. But if you want to have contact again at some point then i would just keep paying and have a word with your 'reliable source' hinting that you are now thinking about stopping payment. Hoping your reliable source will pass this back to your ex for her to get in contact with you and have a proper conversation with you about it. By suddenly ending payment will never end well for all parties involved from my experience.

[Rufus Stone]

BFG TERRANO said:

Hello all!
Almost done with this, thankfully. My question is about “approved “ or “full time education “ really

I’ve a 17 year old with my ex. We’re not in contact sadly- not my choice. I have a direct pay set up organised by the CSA but I pay her directly.

To qualify for maintenance eligibility from absent parents between 16 and 20 years of age the child must be in full time approved education. Basically 12 hrs a week or more of supervised study, ie in class.

I’ve heard through a reliable contact my son has crashed out of 2 of 3 A levels. This means he’s now below the threshold to be considered in full time education.

As we’re not in contact do I just pull the plug on her money???

The only way out of school until the end of the academic year aged 18 is via employment. If he isn't in employment he is in school by default even of not actively studying for the A levels. I suspect you will have to continue child maintenance for now.

[RobXjcoupe]

onny said:

I used to work for CSA both in the UK and Australia. I see this a lot where the paying parent does not have contact with the receiving parent and/or child.

What is your goal? To have contact with your child again or not to pay support because your legal responsibilities are now over?

Legally, if you can proof that your son is no longer in full time education then you are allowed to stop payment. But if you want to have contact again at some point then i would just keep paying and have a word with your 'reliable source' hinting that you are now thinking about stopping payment. Hoping your reliable source will pass this back to your ex for her to get in contact with you and have a proper conversation with you about it. By suddenly ending payment will never end well for all parties involved from my experience.

Problem you have is some mothers refuse contact after receiving money. There should be a law that stops that. The law just says pay regardless as contact is a separate issue, now a separate issue arises as the dad is paying with no contact on the assumption via csa that contact will start when the mother receives money. Of course that never happens. That leaves an awful lot of children growing up without seeing their biological father.
If the dad then sees an opportunity to stop payment it’s not a favourable action as the mother will simple say father is unreliable and untrustworthy. The system sucks!

[BFG TERRANO]

onny said:

I used to work for CSA both in the UK and Australia. I see this a lot where the paying parent does not have contact with the receiving parent and/or child.

What is your goal? To have contact with your child again or not to pay support because your legal responsibilities are now over?

Legally, if you can proof that your son is no longer in full time education then you are allowed to stop payment. But if you want to have contact again at some point then i would just keep paying and have a word with your 'reliable source' hinting that you are now thinking about stopping payment. Hoping your reliable source will pass this back to your ex for her to get in contact with you and have a proper conversation with you about it. By suddenly ending payment will never end well for all parties involved from my experience.

Honestly my goal is to stop paying. It’s unlikely I’ll have contact with, or develop a relationship with my son. I tried hard up until he was about 2-3 years old but realised I was throwing money away so stopped and moved my life on. I’m now married with 2 great kids and wife and like us all feeling the pinch. I’ve paid around 70k so far to her..

[BFG TERRANO]

BFG TERRANO said:

Honestly my goal is to stop paying. It’s unlikely I’ll have contact with, or develop a relationship with my son. I tried hard up until he was about 2-3 years old but realised I was throwing money away so stopped and moved my life on. I’m now married with 2 great kids and wife and like us all feeling the pinch. I’ve paid around 70k so far to her..

How do I prove he’s not in full time education? Also would it not be up to her to prove he IS if she wants my cash?

[RobXjcoupe]

BFG TERRANO said:

BFG TERRANO said:

Honestly my goal is to stop paying. It’s unlikely I’ll have contact with, or develop a relationship with my son. I tried hard up until he was about 2-3 years old but realised I was throwing money away so stopped and moved my life on. I’m now married with 2 great kids and wife and like us all feeling the pinch. I’ve paid around 70k so far to her..

How do I prove he’s not in full time education? Also would it not be up to her to prove he IS if she wants my cash?

You need to talk to your case worker at the csa. With the proof you have and go from there.
I’m in the same boat paid more than yourself and my daughter is only 14. Currently trying to prove my income has dropped more than 25% since being made redundant. No idea why it takes so long when csa can accessory details at hmrc.
I’m on the second round of form filling.
My experience is be persistent, the mother is allowed to lose her ste on the phone but as a father you are not. Be polite and informative but never start getting angry with the situation otherwise you lose and the mother carries on getting your money, because you are unreliable and untrustworthy with a clear anger issue hence no contact has ever been granted.

[SydneyBridge]

My ex told the csa that my son was being 'home educated' so i had to keep paying for the max time, until she stopped getting child benefit

https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19

Edited by SydneyBridge on Sunday 26th June 18:12

[dmahon]

SydneyBridge said:

My ex told the csa that my son was being 'home educated' so i had to keep paying for the max time, until she stopped getting child benefit

https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19

Edited by SydneyBridge on Sunday 26th June 18:12

That’s dirty. These acrimonious split situations with kids in the middle must be a nightmare.

[LordHaveMurci]

dmahon said:

That’s dirty. These acrimonious split situations with kids in the middle must be a nightmare.

Never underestimate how low a woman will stoop, & I’m the receiving parent!

OP, contact the CMS & they’ll probably suggest a mandatory reconsideratipn where you’ll both be asked to put your case forward & they’ll decide from there.

Edited by LordHaveMurci on Monday 27th June 13:04

[Sheets Tabuer]

SydneyBridge said:

My ex told the csa that my son was being 'home educated' so i had to keep paying for the max time, until she stopped getting child benefit

https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19

I had the same, It's not the money I'd have given it him, it's the lies and deceit and the feeling of being robbed by the ex as I knew full well my son wasn't seeing a penny.

What pissed me off more was I went to the CSA and they said if she says he's home educated he's home educated. Oh right then.

[lrdisco]

BFG TERRANO said:

Honestly my goal is to stop paying. It’s unlikely I’ll have contact with, or develop a relationship with my son. I tried hard up until he was about 2-3 years old but realised I was throwing money away so stopped and moved my life on. I’m now married with 2 great kids and wife and like us all feeling the pinch. I’ve paid around 70k so far to her..

No you have not paid £70k to her. You have contributed towards the costs of raising your own son.
The average cost to raise a child is £194k so you got away cheap. So stop being a not very nice person and for fill your moral and legal responsibilities.
I hope your new partner understands what would happen to them if you fancy a new model.

[theboss]

Sheets Tabuer said:

SydneyBridge said:

My ex told the csa that my son was being 'home educated' so i had to keep paying for the max time, until she stopped getting child benefit

https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19

I had the same, It's not the money I'd have given it him, it's the lies and deceit and the feeling of being robbed by the ex as I knew full well my son wasn't seeing a penny.

What pissed me off more was I went to the CSA and they said if she says he's home educated he's home educated. Oh right then.

I assume in this case it continues until the 20th birthday?

Filthy tactics indeed

[PM3]

lrdisco said:

BFG TERRANO said:

Honestly my goal is to stop paying. It’s unlikely I’ll have contact with, or develop a relationship with my son. I tried hard up until he was about 2-3 years old but realised I was throwing money away so stopped and moved my life on. I’m now married with 2 great kids and wife and like us all feeling the pinch. I’ve paid around 70k so far to her..

No you have not paid £70k to her. You have contributed towards the costs of raising your own son.
The average cost to raise a child is £194k so you got away cheap. So stop being a not very nice person and for fill your moral and legal responsibilities.
I hope your new partner understands what would happen to them if you fancy a new model.

To the OP's defense; it is the JOINT responsibility of both parents, so his "moral and legal " is HALF. Granted the number is not crazy high , but many people spend way more than the average to many can only spend less . No private schools and lavish upbringing ? ..i'd say he is not a mile off the mark. After all , the CSA has decided the amounts so he cannot be chastised on what he is paying

Disclosure : I have personally never been in the position of dealing with this or an ex wife etc (thank god judging my my friends who have had that miss fortune ) I would also have dreamt about only burning thru 190K on our one child , but that was our choice

Edited by PM3 on Monday 27th June 11:46

[Sheets Tabuer]

theboss said:

I assume in this case it continues until the 20th birthday?

Filthy tactics indeed

It was indeed, the annoying thing is I'd ask how his schooling is going and he'd just laugh at me. They don't have to prove a damn thing just say they are home schooling and it's done,

[Pieman68]

lrdisco said:

BFG TERRANO said:

Honestly my goal is to stop paying. It’s unlikely I’ll have contact with, or develop a relationship with my son. I tried hard up until he was about 2-3 years old but realised I was throwing money away so stopped and moved my life on. I’m now married with 2 great kids and wife and like us all feeling the pinch. I’ve paid around 70k so far to her..

No you have not paid £70k to her. You have contributed towards the costs of raising your own son.
The average cost to raise a child is £194k so you got away cheap. So stop being a not very nice person and for fill your moral and legal responsibilities.
I hope your new partner understands what would happen to them if you fancy a new model.

I think that's a very black and white view. Whilst I agree that contributing to the upbringing of your child is important (i've been there, but fortunately have a relationship with my daughter, who is now nearly 20, and a civil relationship with her Mum)

No relationship since 2-3 years old stinks of parental alienation. If this is the case I can totally understand the OPs point of view as well. Unless there are extreme extenuating circumstances, there should be no reason why both parents cannot be involved in the child's life. Surely it's not difficult to understand resentment in these circumstances