I need to sabotage a bid.

[Harry Flashman]

Yes, this makes me a bad person. But we have lost out on bidding to a developer, who is at £100k below us, but can move immediately for cash. This sadly is the story of all big houses needing refurb around us - developers buy them. I want this one as our "forever" home. Owners died, being sold by their siblings from probate.

I know we've lost. House is going on the market anyway to make us liquid, but it will never be sold before this one is sold.

So how do I sabotage this process? All inventive ideas considered. All morality ignored.

[Harry Flashman]

Oh, and I need about a million pounds to make this happen, if I add to cash we get. So mortgage is out of the question, as we already have a mortgage, but does anyone know any friendly loan sharks in South London? Or have next week's lottery numbers?

[randlemarcus]

Apply, in his name, for planning permission to turn it into a Tesco Express, with a strip club upstairs.

[The Moose]

Have someone else make another, better, cash offer than even yours. If it's in probate the selling family with get greedy.

Stall stall stall. Then pull out.

Hopefully in time you'll then be in the position to say that your offer is still on the table if they want to take it.

If you really wanted to make it elaborate you could do this but with 2 or 3 people with increasing offers. Need a few friends and a few PAYG sim cards.

[marting]

WTF nobody has suggested sausages

[B17NNS]

Sell yours to webuyanyhouse.com for £80k less than you'd get in a private sale. Offer £20k more than the developer as a cash buyer. Cost to change remains the same.

[Gary C]

B17NNS said:

Sell yours to webuyanyhouse.com for £80k less than you'd get in a private sale. Offer £20k more than the developer as a cash buyer. Cost to change remains the same.

Clever.

[deckster]

Knock down half the back wall. Rip out the kitchen & bathroom. Plant some Japanese Knotweed in the garden.

Basically make it so that nobody but a madman would want to buy the place.

[Harry Flashman]

Keep em coming.

I'm not sure I have enough morally bankrupt friends who would want to do the fake cash offer thing, sadly. Time to head to the darkweb, or SP&L forum on PH...

[Harry Flashman]

Gary C said:

B17NNS said:

Sell yours to webuyanyhouse.com for £80k less than you'd get in a private sale. Offer £20k more than the developer as a cash buyer. Cost to change remains the same.

Clever.

Is this a thing? I like this plan.

Our house is valued (recently) at £1.3m. 90% of this actually gets me to what I need to buy the new house, which is on at 1.4, but could of course go higher.

But London is a bit screwed on prices, so I am pretty unsure that webuyanyhouse would really offer me 90% of the value. Worth a shot - especially as 90% is still breakeven for me on what this place cost us to buy and renovate...

Edited by Harry Flashman on Wednesday 31st May 17:51

[Harry Flashman]

deckster said:

Knock down half the back wall. Rip out the kitchen & bathroom. Plant some Japanese Knotweed in the garden.

Basically make it so that nobody but a madman would want to buy the place.

For the others who don't know the house, this has already been done. Sadly someone madder than me wants to buy it!

[anonymous-user]

Harry Flashman said:

Is this a thing? I like this plan.

It is but they would need a bit more of a discount due to deal costs.

I got a surprisingly strong offer from a similar firm, but it's a bit of a murky world in general.

[B17NNS]

Harry Flashman said:

Is this a thing? I like this plan.

There a loads of webuyanyhouse types about who complete fast. They'll understandably bid you in the balls though.

[Murph7355]

Put in a probate claim as the long lost son.

[B17NNS]

Harry Flashman said:

I am pretty unsure that webuyanyhouse would really offer me 90% of the value. Worth a shot - especially as 90% is still breakeven for me on what this place cost us to buy and renovate...

No estate agency fees (to sell) either. A considerable amount I'd imagine on a sale of that size.

[kowalski655]

Bury an ancient relic in the garden one night & then invite Tony Robinson to declare it a national monument, till you can sell

Or a body, that will slow down the sale too

[FourWheelDrift]

Bats or newts found on the property? They can't be disturbed, developer can't wait, then they disappear and you make your move...

IIRC you said your house is on the same street, so if you can find out who the developer is could you offer them your house as a development. Is there scope for that?

[plasticpig]

Kidnap some bats and Natterjack toads and spread them about the property.

[smckeown]

I was in a similar position 2 years ago,and won. The house was in an area that had family links. I wrote the vendor a 7 page letter outlining why the house meant so much to me, and proof of our reasonably good financial position (still needed mortgage) and a personal guarantee we would not pull out over any reasonable reason due to future issues with survey, it was in need of major renovation. We offered about £10k less than developer (who offered cash) and we won. Been upto my elbows in renovation ever since and me and the family are over the moon.

[shelf1985]

Worst case speak to the developer, tell them not to do anything then buy it straight off them when you sell +50k in their pocket or whatever it takes to prise it away.

Dont appear too desperate though, better its gone to a developer and not someone else who wants it bad.