The Thread Where Doofus Shouts Into The Void

The Thread Where Doofus Shouts Into The Void

Author
Discussion

Alucidnation

16,810 posts

169 months

Wednesday 27th March 2019
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Uh-huh.

Doofus

Original Poster:

25,732 posts

172 months

Friday 17th May 2019
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"LOL" is not an acceptable alternative to a full stop.

"LOL" never signifies the end of a sentence, but it always follows a statement that isn't fking funny.

Stop fking doing it. You're not a child. And if you are a child, then fking grow up.

Doofus

Original Poster:

25,732 posts

172 months

Sunday 2nd June 2019
quotequote all
There are two things in our universe which don't actually exist. They are merely constructs of the imagination, created to enable people to exploit the concepts that they represent.

The first is time.

The second is fkING NO CLAIMS DISCOUNTS.


Doofus

Original Poster:

25,732 posts

172 months

Wednesday 2nd October 2019
quotequote all
The next person to see a photo on PH which is upside down, and says something HILARIOUS about excellent roadholding is hereby cursed to spend the rest of their lives calling a Jaguar a 'Jaaaaaaaag'.


Doofus

Original Poster:

25,732 posts

172 months

Wednesday 2nd October 2019
quotequote all
It should be law that anybody with the surname Hyde calls their first child - boy or girl - Jacqueline.

PositronicRay

26,957 posts

182 months

Thursday 3rd October 2019
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Doofus said:
It should be law that anybody with the surname Hyde calls their first child - boy or girl - Jacqueline.
Bin day again?

StoatInACoat

1,352 posts

184 months

Thursday 3rd October 2019
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Doofus said:
It should be law that anybody with the surname Hyde calls their first child - boy or girl - Jacqueline.
Jessica surely?

crofty1984

15,830 posts

203 months

Thursday 3rd October 2019
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MY IN-LAWS HAVE A DOG CALLED DOOFUS!!! ARE YOU HIM???

pincher

8,497 posts

216 months

Thursday 3rd October 2019
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Doofus said:
It should be law that anybody with the surname Hyde calls their first child - boy or girl - Jacqueline.
My late wife went to school and was friends with a Heidi Hyde.


Randy Winkman

16,021 posts

188 months

Thursday 3rd October 2019
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Why is the swim in a "Half Ironman" triathlon 1900 metres FFS? I know that is half the Ironman distance (3800m) but it's much too close to the length of the swim in an Olympic distance triathlon (1500m). A Half Ironman swim should be 2500meters so it sits roughly half way between the other two.

I'm not even going to ask this question in the triathlon thread because even they wont care. They'll just think I'm some sort of obsessive nut-job. frown

singlecoil

33,313 posts

245 months

Thursday 3rd October 2019
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I didn't know there was such a thing as a "Half-Ironman" event but assuming there is it does pose some important questions about what the other half consists of.

Halmyre

11,148 posts

138 months

Friday 4th October 2019
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singlecoil said:
I didn't know there was such a thing as a "Half-Ironman" event but assuming there is it does pose some important questions about what the other half consists of.
If the other half is Aquaman then you'll end up with


Doofus

Original Poster:

25,732 posts

172 months

Saturday 9th November 2019
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Every time you call somebody you don't know "Sir", it makes you sound like an obsequious bellend, and it makes everybody else cringe.

Ambleton

6,646 posts

191 months

Saturday 9th November 2019
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I've never seen our council employed domestic waste collection engineers (I should think that's the title they're given now - everyone seems to have a job title blown out of proportion. The word engineer is over used too - makes real engineers less valued. Rant over).

I put the bins at the end of the drive on a wednesday night, they're emptied at some point on Thursday morning and I return them to the side of the house on thursday evening when I return from work. They're always within about 3m of where they were collected from. Sometimes on the drive, sometimes on the pavement... Never had any issues. Never had a refusal for collection. I've even put out cardboard boxes full of cardboard boxes well beyond the "max allowed dimensions" and they've always been taken for recycling too.

For me they do a job. No frills, no spills.

227bhp

10,203 posts

127 months

Saturday 9th November 2019
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More stupid Americanisms "I hurt my engine". No you didn't, something has to be alive to be hurt.
'Whelp', I don't know wtf that is all about, they think it means 'help' I think, but it's a term for a young being, puppy or otherwise.

singlecoil

33,313 posts

245 months

Saturday 9th November 2019
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This might not be the first time I've mentioned this, but I feel I mist say that I don't like shop assistants saying to me that they will have a look 'for me'. I know they've said it without even thinking about it, but I'm like Adam Smith in this regard, I don't want them to look because it will benefit me, I want them to look because it will benefit them, because if they have the item I want I will buy it, and then they'll have done their job.

mr_spock

3,340 posts

214 months

Saturday 9th November 2019
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pincher said:
Doofus said:
It should be law that anybody with the surname Hyde calls their first child - boy or girl - Jacqueline.
My late wife went to school and was friends with a Heidi Hyde.

Doofus

Original Poster:

25,732 posts

172 months

Wednesday 20th November 2019
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If we have a telephone conversation, and you end it by saying "Byebyebyebyebyebye" I will delete you from my contacts.

And swear at you passive-agressively after the call has ended.



You fking cocksocket.

dhutch

14,198 posts

196 months

Thursday 21st November 2019
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I dont mind too much where it goes back, but we keep getting letters from our waste collection operatives stating that we should not be putting loose dust/soot into out wheely bin. Aka, stop putting dust in the dust bin. We have been having renovation work, so there is a but more dust, but a lot is bagged and we havent been intentionally taking the piss. building material has been going in a skip or to the tip.

Doofus

Original Poster:

25,732 posts

172 months

Saturday 7th December 2019
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And when, exactly, did Father Christmas start being called 'Santa'?



Bunch of tts....