Most ridiculous/bizarre accusations

[blindswelledrat]

WHen I was a student in Manchester our next door neighbors accused us of posting a load of mice through thier letterbox.
We just laughed at them like they were insane.

TO this day I have no idea how they knew.

[KrazyIvan]

blindswelledrat said:

TO this day I have no idea how they knew.

It sounds like a student thing to do.

[shunaphil]

Just a couple of weeks ago was filling up at local garage. Walking in to pay, and local high school was turning out for lunch. Two schoolgirls were following me in (no they weren't fit, or in pyjamas, and no I didn't get pics before anyone asks) so being a nice sort of chap I held the door open for them.

They just followed me in without saying a word, so being one for manners I cheerily said "It would be polite to say thankyou when a gentleman holds a door open for you." One of them just glared at me for an instant then yelled at the top of her voice "Are you some sort of paedo?????"

I was mortified and a little nonplussed. Luckily the cashier saw it all and just rolled her eyes and shook her head.

Mental obviously starts early in scotland......

[Justayellowbadge]

shunaphil said:

Just a couple of weeks ago was filling up at local garage. Walking in to pay, and local high school was turning out for lunch. Two schoolgirls were following me in (no they weren't fit, or in pyjamas, and no I didn't get pics before anyone asks) so being a nice sort of chap I held the door open for them.

They just followed me in without saying a word, so being one for manners I cheerily said "It would be polite to say thankyou when a gentleman holds a door open for you." One of them just glared at me for an instant then yelled at the top of her voice "Are you some sort of paedo?????"

I was mortified and a little nonplussed. Luckily the cashier saw it all and just rolled her eyes and shook her head.

Mental obviously starts early in scotland......

A gentleman would not feel the need to remark on his own manners.

[blindswelledrat]

shunaphil said:

"Are you some sort of paedo?????"

ALthough it probably wouldn't hold up in court, anyone who engages young girls in conversation and refers to themselves as "a gentleman" is definitely suspect.
If I were on a jury I'd probably push to convict on that basis.

[daemon]

pilchardthecat said:

Back in about 1987 i was entering the local Kwik-Save, some middle aged hairy lesbian was behind me so I held the door open for her.

As she approached the door she accused me of being a misogynistic sexist bd, and that she could open her own fking doors all by herself, and that i should fk off.

I was 13 at the time

Similar happened to me a few years ago in work. Big fat hairy lesbian went off on one because i held the door open for her after i went through. I politely told her i made a habit of holding the door open for anyone behind me out of politeness, rather than sexist. Took the wind out of her sails.

[blindswelledrat]

daemon said:

. Took the wind out of her sails.

Probably an innapropriate euphemism for her.
Maybe 'took the shine off her bks' is more apt?

[Steve_W]

shunaphil said:

"Are you some sort of paedo?????"

Did you not think to ask what sort they were looking for?

I don't know - call yourself a gent and you won't even answer a girl's query!

[SlidingSideways]

Walking to the shops at lunch last week, an old couple pulled up in their car and asked be for directions. I cheerily pointed out where they needed to go only to be told I was wrong (I wasn't), it wasn't where I'd said (it was) and that I was nasty for trying to send them the wrong way (WTF?).
Asking why they had stopped to ask for directions if they knew exactly where they were going only seemed to enrage her more. After another mouthful about what a nasty person I was my parting quip of "well good luck, but it's not me that's lost" didn't calm things either.
Odd.

[Major Fallout]

Standing in a pub in chester with a friend of mine, just putting the wold to rights, as you do. Him being an accountant I think we were complaining about the then recent banking problems.

Then all of a sudden this crazy woman comes up to us and starts ranting and raving, saying we were laughing at her down syndrome son. "YOU THINK ITS FUNNY DO YOU!" "WELL WHY DO YOU THINK HE CANT HAVE A NORMAL LIFE!" .

We replied with "We haven't even seen him!", "Where is he?".

Her jumping up and down with rage screaming all sorts of suff, points to a guy the other side of the pub with his back to us.

I told her to bugger off! Then drank up and left the pace.


We would never have noticed him, if she hadn't been making a point of him. He was quite happy with his friends just having a good time.

[humpbackmaniac]

I was asked by a member of No10's staff why a famous actor like me was at this particular exhibition.

I was a junior salesman flogging telephones, never been in any public films in my life. I doubt she had seen any of the private ones, although maybe......

[kowalski655]

Mad old bat that used to live 2 doors down from me used to accuse the missus, our neighbour, & her mate of whoring it up all over the place, & that I had done time in nick for murder, and all sorts of crap. Good thing everyone knew she was as mad as a bucket of frogs, and no one took a blind bit of notice of her. Everyone was happy to see her carted off to a nursing home (although I pity the poor old dears & the staff in there with her)

[TonyHetherington]

pilchardthecat said:

Back in about 1987 i was entering the local Kwik-Save, some middle aged hairy lesbian was behind me so I held the door open for her.

As she approached the door she accused me of being a misogynistic sexist bd, and that she could open her own fking doors all by herself, and that i should fk off.

I was 13 at the time

"I held the door open not because you are a lady, but because I am a gentleman".

A great turn of phrase, however, it would probably be entirely lost on someone willing to to be so offended, and equally I'm sure the opportunity would never quite present itself to say it so appropriately. Worth remembering, though

[james_tigerwoods]

TonyHetherington said:

"I held the door open not because you are a lady, but because I am a gentleman".

A great turn of phrase, however, it would probably be entirely lost on someone willing to to be so offended, and equally I'm sure the opportunity would never quite present itself to say it so appropriately. Worth remembering, though

A phrase which, while excellent and well thought out, would only be remembered about 30 seconds after the exchange...

[TonyHetherington]

That too

[rohrl]

Robbie James's (ex Wales international footballer, now died) wife accused me of setting fire to their cat. It was Hallowe'en, I was about fourteen and had been out trick-or-treating.

If you knew me you'd know I'm absolutely mad about cats and the least likely person on the face of the planet to injure a cat. She couldn't have been more misguided if she'd accused the Chief Rabbi of stealing her bacon sandwich.

[JonRB]

james_tigerwoods said:

A phrase which, while excellent and well thought out, would only be remembered about 30 seconds after the exchange...

So very true.

[KP328]

I was cycling to work a few years ago and as i passed a little girl ( at a guess 7 years old ) she stopped and shouted ' home wrecker' at me.

[Famous Graham]

Miguel Alvarez said:

For a month straight an African woman would phone me up at night asking where *insert random African guy's name* and then when I said you must have the wrong number she'd accuse me of not calling her back and say I was *insert random African guy's name*.

I've had numerous wrong numbers over the years. The ones that bemuse me are the ones that apologise, hang up, ring again, and then start arguing with you that you're making it up.

[DanDC5]

Not me personally, but out with a mate one day a few years ago just after we'd finished college. Slowly wandering to his house, we get stopped by a police woman and my mate is asked his name, where he lives, is going etc. Apparently he looked like a mental kid that had done a runner from a nearby special school. I laughed. A lot. And still do