Most ridiculous/bizarre accusations

Most ridiculous/bizarre accusations

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The Don of Croy

5,977 posts

158 months

Monday 18th June 2012
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One of my neighbours at work (in an adjoining unit) called me a "fking doughnut" at the top of his voice after I asked him why he had parked (his Q7) in my parking bays. This was after one of his visitors had damaged one of our cars whilst also parked in our parking bays.


Serves me right for getting petty over property rights...

JonRB

74,404 posts

271 months

Monday 18th June 2012
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Had a phone call at home one evening years ago, and still remember it as being the most bizarre thing

Went something like this:

(phone rings)
Me: "Hello, Jon here"
Them: "Hi, can I speak to Derek please?
Me: "I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number"
Them: (indignantly) "No it isn't!"
Me: "Well there's nobody here by that name."
Them: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes, quite sure. What number did you dial?"
Them: (reads back my number)
Me: "That *is* this number, but there is nobody here by that name. You must have written it down wrong"
Them: (indignantly) "Well that's the number I was given!"
Me: "Well you must have been given it incorrectly then."
Them: (I don't actually remember what they said but it was clear they were still convinced they were not at fault)
Me: "Well, good luck. Bye!"

Really quite odd.




Justayellowbadge

37,057 posts

241 months

Monday 18th June 2012
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KP328 said:
I was cycling to work a few years ago and as i passed a little girl ( at a guess 7 years old ) she stopped and shouted ' home wrecker' at me.
Quite poignant, not unlike Hemingway's 'For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn'

JonRB

74,404 posts

271 months

Monday 18th June 2012
quotequote all
KP328 said:
I was cycling to work a few years ago and as i passed a little girl ( at a guess 7 years old ) she stopped and shouted ' home wrecker' at me.
Daughters can be so hurtful can't they.

JulesB

535 posts

158 months

Monday 18th June 2012
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Whilst painting a customers car at his work had one of the chaps from a neighbouring unit come over complaing I was covering his car in overspray. Pointed out to him that there was little overspray and it was blowing in the opposite direction.

Not satisfied with this I walked him over to his car and encouraged him to show me where the overspray was, he spent 5 minutes walking round it examining and feeling every panel until deciding there was none on it yet he continued to argue that I was covering his car in overspray. Told him through gritted teeth whilst resisting the urge to hit him when he finds some overspray on his car I will come remove it and polish his car FOC.

I lost count of the amount of times he then came outside to check his car for overspray, he never did find this overspray he was on about.


Alfa numeric

3,021 posts

178 months

Monday 18th June 2012
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I once answered a ringing payphone in Leeds city centre. On the other end was an old lady who absolutely insisted that:
a) the number she’d rung was for the hall of residence her grandson lived in,
b) that I was lying when I said it wasn’t, and
c) that I was intentionally stopping her from talking to him.

After a couple of minutes spent trying to convince her that none of that was true I lost patience, gave the receiver to a passer by (saying “it’s for you”- I still don’t know why they took it) and walked off.

rohrl

8,712 posts

144 months

Monday 18th June 2012
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KP328 said:
I was cycling to work a few years ago and as i passed a little girl ( at a guess 7 years old ) she stopped and shouted ' home wrecker' at me.
Were you wearing your demolition company uniform at the time?

KrazyIvan

4,341 posts

174 months

Monday 18th June 2012
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Alfa numeric said:
After a couple of minutes spent trying to convince her that none of that was true I lost patience, gave the receiver to a passer by (saying “it’s for you”- I still don’t know why they took it) and walked off.
You must have said it with enough authority for them to REALLY believe it was for them hehe

jamesson

2,977 posts

220 months

Monday 18th June 2012
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I used to live a couple of doors along from a truly mad old bat. Hateful old cow she was with a drip of a husband who was completely henpecked.

Anyway, all the houses had one allocated parking spaces and there were several visitor spaces too which everyone used for their second cars. There were enough spaces to go round so it didn't really matter which visitor space you took.

I'd been away for a few days and came home to find the old bat's car in the visitor space outside my house. I thought this was odd as she didn't normally park there, but the space outside her house was free apart from a wheelie bin on it preventing anyone from parking there.

A hand written piece of cardboard was fixed to the bin saying "NO PARKING BY ORDER OF THE MANAGEMENT" with the letters towards the end getting really small as whoever wrote it was running out of space.

Clearly not an official sign then, so I moved the bin and reversed in to the space.

The woman rushed out of her house and started screaming at the top of her voice. "YOU CAN'T PARK THERE! CAN'T YOU READ?!"

There then followed a ten minute screaming session from her in which she accused me of complaining to the council about her (I hadn't), getting the estate management company to write to her to say she couldn't park outside her own house (I didn't), using her wheelie bin (I didn't), stealing her recycling bin (I didn't) and said that I had better not mess with her because her father (presumably long dead) used to be a police officer and - the one which really had me quaking in my boots - she used to work for the BBC.

What relevance that had to do with anything I have no idea.

Then she emptied all the recycling from everyone's bins on to the road and threw the bins everywhere. Totally and utterly bizarre.

jimmyboy85

380 posts

147 months

Monday 18th June 2012
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When I was in school I got pulled out of lessons by a very angry head of year and taken to her office. Had to sit through a 20 minute bcensoredking describing how I had been bullying a student for weeks, making his life a pure misery and how no one likes a bully and if any more reports came in they would suspend me then expel me.

When they stopped shouting and while feeling slightly confused and very worried I asked who it was, I was bullying, was told it was one of my best mates, The one I was sat next to when she pulled me out of lessons! I explained he was one of my mates and then received another 20 minute bcensoredking for not admitting my guilt.

Got sent back to class, sat back next to my mate and said "have I been bullying you" to which he replied "no" I asked "has any one" no again. Still to this day do not have a clue what that was all about!

Also got sent out of class once for "saying a teachers lesson was scensoredt"

Got pulled up to the front of the class as the teacher had heard someone say this and decided it was me.
When asked, my response, which must have seemed incredibly cheeky to her at the time but was actually just me been a bit confused and not too sure what was going on was along the lines of "well I was thinking your lesson was scensoredt but I can't remember saying it out loud"

Got sent out and got shouted at, when I was let back in I sat down at my table, told my friends what had happened to which my friend piped up "oh that was me"

goldblum

10,272 posts

166 months

Monday 18th June 2012
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Approaching the entrance to John Lewis a while back I was about to walk round the side of a new RR parked in a disabled bay when it suddenly pulled out and ran over the end of my right foot.I hit the side of it with the palm of my hand as it went past and it stopped dead.

Right,thinks I,time to inquire what the driver was playing at.

Driver's window lowers and shapely blonde delivers the line "You fking immature prick don't you ever hit my car again or I'll fking kill you now fk off."

So I fked off.


Sometimes those glib one-liners completely desert you.

JulesB

535 posts

158 months

Monday 18th June 2012
quotequote all
jamesson said:
I used to live a couple of doors along from a truly mad old bat. Hateful old cow she was with a drip of a husband who was completely henpecked.

Anyway, all the houses had one allocated parking spaces and there were several visitor spaces too which everyone used for their second cars. There were enough spaces to go round so it didn't really matter which visitor space you took.

I'd been away for a few days and came home to find the old bat's car in the visitor space outside my house. I thought this was odd as she didn't normally park there, but the space outside her house was free apart from a wheelie bin on it preventing anyone from parking there.

A hand written piece of cardboard was fixed to the bin saying "NO PARKING BY ORDER OF THE MANAGEMENT" with the letters towards the end getting really small as whoever wrote it was running out of space.

Clearly not an official sign then, so I moved the bin and reversed in to the space.

The woman rushed out of her house and started screaming at the top of her voice. "YOU CAN'T PARK THERE! CAN'T YOU READ?!"

There then followed a ten minute screaming session from her in which she accused me of complaining to the council about her (I hadn't), getting the estate management company to write to her to say she couldn't park outside her own house (I didn't), using her wheelie bin (I didn't), stealing her recycling bin (I didn't) and said that I had better not mess with her because her father (presumably long dead) used to be a police officer and - the one which really had me quaking in my boots - she used to work for the BBC.

What relevance that had to do with anything I have no idea.

Then she emptied all the recycling from everyone's bins on to the road and threw the bins everywhere. Totally and utterly bizarre.
Her husband was clearly not performing.

jamesson

2,977 posts

220 months

Monday 18th June 2012
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JulesB said:
Her husband was clearly not performing.
Can't blame him. Hag that she was.

pherlopolus

2,087 posts

157 months

Monday 18th June 2012
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Famous Graham said:
I've had numerous wrong numbers over the years. The ones that bemuse me are the ones that apologise, hang up, ring again, and then start arguing with you that you're making it up.
I had one that rang up 7 times, she was getting more cross each time, convinced she had dialled the correct number. I thought she had sorted it, then 5 mins later my office phone upstairs rang (different number, but made up of the same numbers all 6's 1's and 0's), it was her again, and she rang that 3 times as well.

I was polite the first couple of times

Dunclane

1,222 posts

168 months

Monday 18th June 2012
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I had a neighbour who was a little deranged. As soon as I moved in she kept insisting I was making too much noise. One morning my girlfriend and I were woken up to 2 policemen at the door, I invited them in and they explained that next door had called them to report noise nuisance. I expressed my astonishment as we weren't in that night and the copper replied "I know, we came round and there was no-body in"!

She also said I had made noise on 11th September 2001, I knew this to be a fabrication as I was ill with tonsillitis at my Mum & Dads watching the towers being attacked on the news.

This carried on until she served a civil case against me and I had to go to Magistrates court to plead my innocence. Her barrister called the police that turned up that night no-one was in as witnesses, and my Dad had to give evidence that I wasn't at home.

It was absolutely ridiculous and a complete waste of time and money.

Edited by Dunclane on Monday 18th June 16:40

Mastiff

2,515 posts

240 months

Monday 18th June 2012
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Alfa numeric said:
I once answered a ringing payphone in Leeds city centre. On the other end was an old lady who absolutely insisted that:
a) the number she’d rung was for the hall of residence her grandson lived in,
b) that I was lying when I said it wasn’t, and
c) that I was intentionally stopping her from talking to him.

After a couple of minutes spent trying to convince her that none of that was true I lost patience, gave the receiver to a passer by (saying “it’s for you”- I still don’t know why they took it) and walked off.
Wouldn't it be great if the person you gave the phone to was her Grandson? smile

More years ago than I care to remember - I worked in a Nissan Dealership in Camden. Sitting at my desk one day a really tall coloured guy cam in and asked if I liked "dial phones". I repled that I certainly had nothing against them - to which he went absolutely ballistic in the showroom - yelling at me that I MUST have something against them, otherwise I would't be using a phone with "push buttons".

Not helped by the fact that he was about 6'6" tall, thin as a rake and wearing a banana yellow tracksuit, the bottoms of which had divorced his ankles and married his kneecaps - he was quite an intimidating sight I can tell you.

His carer came in a minute later and calmed him down, explaining that he was "harmless really".

Oh good, frightened the fking life out of me he did - I still get the shivers every time I see a dial phone.

OldJohnnyYen

1,455 posts

148 months

Monday 18th June 2012
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I was sat in college in a computer lab more than 10 years ago and a bunch of orange beauty trainees came up to me and asked are you xx? Yup! Then they started screaming at me, calling me a pedo, sick and all sorts every time someone looked to see what was happening, they told them I had pictures of kids on my phone. Turn out it was a prank by a "mate" though.

Got him back by welding the drivers door hut on his shed of a car, it was hilarious watching him, his wife and two kids all pile in though one door lol

Kermit power

28,635 posts

212 months

Monday 18th June 2012
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Leptons said:
CommanderJameson said:
I trained on was V12 for DOS.


Hot chocolate was 12p,
Wow, you must be REALLY old.
I was rather surprised to discover a machine selling hot chocolate for only 20p (and it was the most expensive drink in the machine) at Center Parcs of all (usually expensive) places 2 weeks ago. smile

King Herald

23,501 posts

215 months

Monday 18th June 2012
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Justayellowbadge said:
I was walking the dogs the other night. On their leads.

Chap on the other side of the road screamed 'Keep your fking dogs away from me you prick"

He was 20 feet away, on opposite sides of a busy, wide road and we were walking away from each other.

Very strange.
I had a similar one, walking some of our dogs one morning. Some woman in a garden across the street started yelling about people like me letting my dogs run wild and how dangerous it was and how they crap everywhere blah blah.

Both of mine were on heavy chain leads....... confused

Charlie Michael

2,750 posts

183 months

Monday 18th June 2012
quotequote all
OldJohnnyYen said:
I was sat in college in a computer lab more than 10 years ago and a bunch of orange beauty trainees came up to me and asked are you xx? Yup! Then they started screaming at me, calling me a pedo, sick and all sorts every time someone looked to see what was happening, they told them I had pictures of kids on my phone. Turn out it was a prank by a "mate" though.

Got him back by welding the drivers door hut on his shed of a car, it was hilarious watching him, his wife and two kids all pile in though one door lol
There's office pranks then there's this...