Wife wants sprog Christened - I don't.
Discussion
Carthage said:
VinceFox said:
I think we're all grown up enough to see that this isnt (just) about religion. It's the beginning of the erosion of your position as an equal, based on leverage.
I've said this before and i have my umbrella up ready for the amount of s
t that will no doubt be rained down on me for this, but i've yet to meet any woman that i'd trust with the amount of leverage a child gives them over a man.
Flame away, but i absolutely stand by this.
I haven't had the best experiences of men recently, but realise that my recent ex was just one individual. I've said this before and i have my umbrella up ready for the amount of s
t that will no doubt be rained down on me for this, but i've yet to meet any woman that i'd trust with the amount of leverage a child gives them over a man.Flame away, but i absolutely stand by this.
Edited by VinceFox on Saturday 6th October 19:52
Hopefully not representative of the lot of you, or I fear for mankind in oh so many ways.
i have no problem with women wanting children, but i have serious issues with ones who pretend not to, before embarking on a campaign to this very end.
VinceFox said:
the problem is, our experiences are often all we have to go on. mine have taught me to have as little involvement as possible with women, specifically regarding the issue of children. the idea of having one to me is just other. it doesn't belong in my life in any way, shape or form.
i have no problem with women wanting children, but i have serious issues with ones who pretend not to, before embarking on a campaign to this very end.
I could allow negative experiences to shape my future life. Or I could make a conscious decision to put them to one side, although that does involve braving the risk involved. I think I'll do the latter.i have no problem with women wanting children, but i have serious issues with ones who pretend not to, before embarking on a campaign to this very end.
Not all women want children, and of those who do, surely very few will deliberately get pregnant to 'trap' someone.
GTO Scott said:
One poster earlier implied I should not push her in any particular direction of study, but I wasn't pushed to do well and I realised far too late that no qualifications and no ambition were bad things to enter adult life with.
I suggested supporting her and encouraging education but to her strengths, rather than to where you think she should be going. Anyhow that is all 12-14 years ahead, you've plenty of time. I agree with steering/mentoring but not directing- I had some GCSEs but nothing beyond until I got my act in gear at 21, I would have benefited from a stronger father/son relationship. But my father often descibed me as an accident.GTO Scott said:
I can only try my best - yes, it screwed up my life plan royally
A risk you face when using contraception rather than something more permanent (e.g. the snip). No contraception that needs pills/devices/barriers is 100%.Forgive me for being blunt, but I give your relationship 2 years, max - unless you find a way of coming to terms with your own issues.
Given the resentment that you seem to have, she might be better off with your financial support but not you in her life. No child should grow up with a resentful parent. If you can't come to terms with it, let her be loved by someone that might be unconditionally loving whilst you play with your dog.
Carthage said:
VinceFox said:
the problem is, our experiences are often all we have to go on. mine have taught me to have as little involvement as possible with women, specifically regarding the issue of children. the idea of having one to me is just other. it doesn't belong in my life in any way, shape or form.
i have no problem with women wanting children, but i have serious issues with ones who pretend not to, before embarking on a campaign to this very end.
I could allow negative experiences to shape my future life. Or I could make a conscious decision to put them to one side, although that does involve braving the risk involved. I think I'll do the latter.i have no problem with women wanting children, but i have serious issues with ones who pretend not to, before embarking on a campaign to this very end.
Not all women want children, and of those who do, surely very few will deliberately get pregnant to 'trap' someone.
OP, why don't you ask your wife, rather than internet strangers.
Jesus.
The 'personal failure' comment was a nice touch. I hope you have the good grace to feel guilty when you look at your child and realise you love them more than anything.
Jesus.
The 'personal failure' comment was a nice touch. I hope you have the good grace to feel guilty when you look at your child and realise you love them more than anything.
Edited by iphonedyou on Saturday 6th October 21:45
iphonedyou said:
OP, why don't you ask your wife, rather than internet strangers.
Jesus.
I suggest that the issue here is still fundamentally:Jesus.
"Wife wants sprog Christened - I don't."
is really
"Wife wants sprog - I don't."
The christening yes/no is just a manifestation of the issue - even if the issue could be pushed, there is a much bigger issue in their relationship. Removing the Christening will just move it on to another minor issue - it's noise in the relationship.
OP, firstly if your feelings really are as you state regarding your new child, at least you have the confidence to express how you feel, many wouldn't. I really hope for the sake of your family your views change. If not you WILL be divorced in the near future & the concerns you now have will be magnified many times. The next couple of years of your life will be very hard & stressfull. The relationship with your wife will be sorely tested.
As regards the christening. Whilst I understand your feelings of it being hypercritical, the event is really a quaint legacy od past times for most, the religious significance is just not there, as with most church weddings. You are going to need to work very hard on your relationship with your wife in the coming months, given your current attitude to the child. I would suggest letting her have her way on this will be an easy win.
I hope in a few years time your daughter doesn't get on PH & read what you thought of her?
Good luck
As regards the christening. Whilst I understand your feelings of it being hypercritical, the event is really a quaint legacy od past times for most, the religious significance is just not there, as with most church weddings. You are going to need to work very hard on your relationship with your wife in the coming months, given your current attitude to the child. I would suggest letting her have her way on this will be an easy win.
I hope in a few years time your daughter doesn't get on PH & read what you thought of her?
Good luck
GTO Scott said:
However I do want to make the best effort I can to give her a good upbringing, even if I struggle myself to come to terms with it.
That is what counts.No matter what, now you have a child, she is the most important thing in the world. I wish you all the best. Perhaps your wife needs to learn that there are compromises for her to make as well.
I think in time you will forget all the "issues" with a christening. Your daughter certainly is not going to care!
VinceFox said:
I think we're all grown up enough to see that this isnt (just) about religion. It's the beginning of the erosion of your position as an equal, based on leverage.
I've said this before and i have my umbrella up ready for the amount of st that will no doubt be rained down on me for this, but i've yet to meet any woman that i'd trust with the amount of leverage a child gives them over a man.
Flame away, but i absolutely stand by this.
I agree. Sadly I did and got massively burned. Frankly, it's heartbreaking.I've said this before and i have my umbrella up ready for the amount of s
t that will no doubt be rained down on me for this, but i've yet to meet any woman that i'd trust with the amount of leverage a child gives them over a man.Flame away, but i absolutely stand by this.
Edited by VinceFox on Saturday 6th October 19:52
iphonedyou said:
OP, why don't you ask your wife, rather than internet strangers.
I have discussed it with my wife several times over the last eight months. I asked here as having a discussion with individuals without a vested interest would perhaps give some different opinions and ideas for me to consider.GTO Scott said:
iphonedyou said:
OP, why don't you ask your wife, rather than internet strangers.
I have discussed it with my wife several times over the last eight months. I asked here as having a discussion with individuals without a vested interest would perhaps give some different opinions and ideas for me to consider.oh and sit up straight.
Grenoble said:
I suggested supporting her and encouraging education but to her strengths, rather than to where you think she should be going. Anyhow that is all 12-14 years ahead, you've plenty of time. I agree with steering/mentoring but not directing- I had some GCSEs but nothing beyond until I got my act in gear at 21, I would have benefited from a stronger father/son relationship. But my father often descibed me as an accident.
Sorry, my mistake - I was busy writing the post and didn't check back properly to re-read what you'd written. At the very least I hope she can be encouraged to do well in whatever she shows an aptitude for, but I do hope that she goes into something useful rather than media studies or beauty therapy.Mind you, I'm doing better than my father - at least I'm taking some interest!
GTO Scott said:
Sorry, my mistake - I was busy writing the post and didn't check back properly to re-read what you'd written. At the very least I hope she can be encouraged to do well in whatever she shows an aptitude for, but I do hope that she goes into something useful rather than media studies or beauty therapy.
Mind you, I'm doing better than my father - at least I'm taking some interest!
In this we agree.... Mind you, I'm doing better than my father - at least I'm taking some interest!
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