Wife wants sprog Christened - I don't.

Wife wants sprog Christened - I don't.

Author
Discussion

otolith

55,899 posts

203 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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Setting aside the whole reluctant fatherhood aspect, the religious stuff is the same dilemma I had when my sister asked me to be a godparent to her child knowing full well my views on religion.

I thought about it and talked to her and decided to agree to do it on the grounds that while I had no intention of performing the role the Church requires of a godparent, I was delighted to do that which my sister required of one - including sitting through a meaningless religious ceremony.

Grenoble

50,289 posts

154 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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Aside from the wider issues.

I suggest you go ahead with the christening but make it clear to your OH that you will be educating your offspring on all faiths and non faith options to allow them to make their own ultimate decision around how they choose, or not choose to recognise faith.

But I suggest you do it carefully, near full term isn't a good time to bring massive stress into a relationship.

You could suggest a compromise - christening at 6 months. That way you get to talk it through more after the birth.

On the wider issues, I suggest you get some counselling.

Adam B

27,142 posts

253 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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GTO Scott said:
A lot of people have told me I will change my opinions when sprog is here, and in a years time I'll look back and think about how I feel now and call myself an idiot for feeling like it at all. I genuinely hope this is the case - no child should grow up without a pair of loving parents. But as the time draws near I find my feelings against children getting stronger, and, being totally truthful, the whole concept of fatherhood scares the st out of me.
I suspect they won't though you will experience an unquestioning love which is even more amazing than a faithful dog.

Christening wise just be the bigger man and compromise, it will make the missus happy and won't affect the child, like it or not the child will have to take priority lots of times

Grenoble

50,289 posts

154 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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Oh, and I think most fathers find the idea of fatherhood quite scary

Luftgekuhlt

853 posts

189 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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Melman Giraffe said:
S10GTA said:
With all due respect, you sound like tit. If you didn't want a kid then you should have bagged up. Poor kid frown
I second this. Lots of people in this world can't have children!1 Poor child
I'd say it was refreshingly honest, but there you go. I'd also suggest that it is entirely possible that the OP is understandably daunted by the situation and will be fine once the dust settles.

Sam99

296 posts

172 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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Blib said:
If it makes your wife and her family happy, then why not? It really isn't the end of the World. FWIW, I already feel sorry for the poor little mite if you regard her conception and birth as a personal failure.
"Sprog "
" Dropping "
" Failure "

???????

What a charmer you are ...........

Jasandjules

69,825 posts

228 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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GTO Scott said:
28. I don't suppose it would make much difference to me, but I would find it very hypocritical of myself to stand there by the font and mumble words about leading her in the Christian way when I believe differently.
Ok well I can appreciate that but do you have to say anything? And as above, will it get her into a better school?

ClaphamGT3

11,269 posts

242 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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OP, I'd relax - odds are you'll be a great father and - more to the point - love every minute of it!

Re the Christening, remember that a baptism is not an irrevocable commitment to the church - its just like putting your name down for religion.

Spanna

3,732 posts

175 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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Fatherhood begins at the birth, motherhood starts as soon as they know they're pregnant. The birth is scary, amazing, discusting and you just feel like a spare tool unable to help.

Best of luck. You're likely to need it with an attitude already so negative.

RDMcG

19,096 posts

206 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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I am not sure that this is about religion but about the birth itself. Are you unconsciously punishing her?
B I am not relagious and did not particularly want a chile but it happened. I did not have that blinding gush of love when he was born either.Over time though we became closer and now that he is an adult we have a great relationship. He was christened as it was a family tradition. I had no need to introduce conflict into her family for instance. It was not important to me and evidently the child was not branded. He is not religious in fact,but he had that choice. Being christened prevented nothing. It costs you nothing,prevents no choices, and therefore you need to ask yourself why you object. Clearly not for the child's sake.

Blib

43,793 posts

196 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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Sam99 said:
Blib said:
If it makes your wife and her family happy, then why not? It really isn't the end of the World. FWIW, I already feel sorry for the poor little mite if you regard her conception and birth as a personal failure.
"Sprog "
" Dropping "
" Failure "

???????

What a charmer you are ...........
What on earth are you on about?

confused

bitchstewie

50,782 posts

209 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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This thread is just weird. Why would you be so uptight about having your child christened when you've essentially said you don't even want the child?

Cock Womble 7

29,908 posts

229 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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GTO Scott said:
A lot of people have told me I will change my opinions when sprog is here, and in a years time I'll look back and think about how I feel now and call myself an idiot for feeling like it at all. I genuinely hope this is the case - no child should grow up without a pair of loving parents. But as the time draws near I find my feelings against children getting stronger, and, being totally truthful, the whole concept of fatherhood scares the st out of me.
Your views on fatherhood (and Christening, for that matter) seem to be exactly the same as mine.

The only difference is, I've managed to get through multiple partners and a couple of wives without getting any of them pregnant - simply because I knew my own views on fatherhood and didn't want children.

They do say that having your own children changes your view. I sincerely hope, for your sake, that this is the case.

missing the VR6

2,320 posts

188 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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GTO Scott said:
Jasandjules said:
How old are you?

If there is a lot of pressure, then I suppose the question is: What difference will it truly make to your life if she does get Christened? If she was talking about taking the child to church every Sunday then that's a bit different...
28. I don't suppose it would make much difference to me, but I would find it very hypocritical of myself to stand there by the font and mumble words about leading her in the Christian way when I believe differently.
I'm completely atheist (spelling) but I'm a god parent to one of my closest mates two kids, she's not exactly religious but got them christened as some of the best schools require it near us. It didn't bother me to be in church for an hour one Sunday morning to see my friend happy.

Just go with the christening (both times my god kids were christened we had a cracking session in the pub after) but be very insistent that you don't want the child raised religiously.

Cotty

39,389 posts

283 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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Just go ahead with the christening. If as you say it has no meaning to you, what harm can it do?

SpeckledJim

31,608 posts

252 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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GTO Scott said:
I'm too selfish to deal with having a child. A child will get in the way of what I want from life, in terms of where I can go, what I can buy and how I can live. Life was getting close to how I wanted it - own house, wife, and Labrador. Harry (the Labrador) is my substitute for a child - he is my boy, doesn't need clothes (grows his own), doesn't need to go to school, is excited by the prospect of eating left-overs, gives unconditional affection even when he's just had a bking, and wants nothing more complex than a tennis ball to play with.

Children are much more expensive.

As for a non-religious ceremony, she won't have that. Has to be a christening, has to be in a certain church.

We got married at Pendennis Castle - so no religious element in the marriage.
Its fine to feel like that up until you're going to be a dad. Now you are, so either you have to change your mind, or do a bloody good job of pretending until your child changes your mind for you. Which they will.

(its ok to be scared stless. Don't mistake that fear for antipathy towards little'un)

Ari

19,328 posts

214 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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GTO Scott said:
As have I. However, as you are most likely aware, contraception is only 99% effective. Given that my wife and I had managed 5 years child-free, and neither of us had any issues with previous partners, I'd say we understand it pretty well.
99% effective, and a good deal less when the wife's biological clock starts ticking, her husband has made it clear he doesn't want kids, and she quietly stops taking the pill, has coil removed, whatever...

There's many many guys in your situation mate, they middle through ok. Not much you can do about it now except accept and enjoy.

tyrewrecker

6,419 posts

153 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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Enjoy stty nappies

Ari

19,328 posts

214 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
quotequote all
Cock Womble 7 said:
Your views on fatherhood (and Christening, for that matter) seem to be exactly the same as mine.

The only difference is, I've managed to get through multiple partners and a couple of wives without getting any of them pregnant - simply because I knew my own views on fatherhood and didn't want children.

They do say that having your own children changes your view. I sincerely hope, for your sake, that this is the case.
Then you're either very lucky or possibly infertile.

anonymous-user

53 months

Saturday 6th October 2012
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GTO Scott said:
28. I don't suppose it would make much difference to me, but I would find it very hypocritical of myself to stand there by the font and mumble words about leading her in the Christian way when I believe differently.
You're worried about compromising your ideals WTF?

It's a christening, some bloke is going to sprinkle magic water on your baby and protect it from the devil. It's not like your baby is being indoctrinated. Are you seriously that against it or are you just angsty because of the much bigger fking issue of a child coming your way. If a christening is causing problems for you, I'd suggest getting a fking grip mate because you're not going to cope with the monumental changes you are about to have dropped on you when your baby comes along. You need to grow the fk up quickly.

It's clearly very important to your Mrs so suck it up, smile and get on with it. It's not about you it's about your wife and what's important to her. Soon it's going to be even less about you and all about your baby. Good luck.