Rant: The fatso next to me
Discussion
dodgyviper said:
Pig Skill said:
Maybe you should try farting? Might get the fat to move away.
You're suggesting he gets into a farting war with a gastric munitions factory??Think more wisely young Padewan
Think before speaking I will
(That would actually be a first as my gob always opens before my brain clutch engages, nevertheless I shall try)
okgo said:
Hot desking innit.
I actually had a word with someone on the train the other day. We were just about to go, the train was pretty full, I was on a south west train on one of the 3 seat benches, I was the window side, and another chap was on the outside, leaving a middle space.
Now the middle space is just about enough space for a normal sized woman, or a thin bloke, now who should rock up and try and sit in this small space? Yes, you guessed it, a woman who must have been 5ft5 tall and not much less wide. A chode of a human being. She looked at the space, I looked at her, she knew she wouldn't fit, and she knew the words going through my head as I stared at her were "no dice fatty", but yep she fking did it anyway! She sat down (well one half of her gigantic fat fking arse did) and instantly squeezed my shoulder into the window and almost pushed the other bloke out into the aisle!
I said that is was very inconsiderate and a gross miss judgement of her spacial awareness. She said I was sexist and pulled out her kindle to predictably read a book about something she's never going to get because she's a fat bh - 50 shades.
I actually had a word with someone on the train the other day. We were just about to go, the train was pretty full, I was on a south west train on one of the 3 seat benches, I was the window side, and another chap was on the outside, leaving a middle space.
Now the middle space is just about enough space for a normal sized woman, or a thin bloke, now who should rock up and try and sit in this small space? Yes, you guessed it, a woman who must have been 5ft5 tall and not much less wide. A chode of a human being. She looked at the space, I looked at her, she knew she wouldn't fit, and she knew the words going through my head as I stared at her were "no dice fatty", but yep she fking did it anyway! She sat down (well one half of her gigantic fat fking arse did) and instantly squeezed my shoulder into the window and almost pushed the other bloke out into the aisle!
I said that is was very inconsiderate and a gross miss judgement of her spacial awareness. She said I was sexist and pulled out her kindle to predictably read a book about something she's never going to get because she's a fat bh - 50 shades.
I recently used to work with a fatty who has been on a diet for the last 10 years. This diet has successfully seen him go from a 16 stone lardy to a 22 stone medical curiosity.
I have seen him eat a whole 9" pizza in 3 mouthfuls in under a minute.
His breakfast of choice (which he used to eat at his desk) is a large bowl (mixing bowl size) of porridge which could be considered healthy until he ladles 10 spoons of sugar and a quarter bottle of golden syrup onto it.
There is a well worn path from his bomb-site of a desk to the vending machine, yet amusingly he has a problem with his glands.
Thankfully, we have had a office move, and we too have followed the trend for musical chair style office desks (it was obviously a feature in some stty management journal a few months ago).
To the OP, I feel your pain, the only solution is to take the piss out of them every day until they have a heart attack...
I have seen him eat a whole 9" pizza in 3 mouthfuls in under a minute.
His breakfast of choice (which he used to eat at his desk) is a large bowl (mixing bowl size) of porridge which could be considered healthy until he ladles 10 spoons of sugar and a quarter bottle of golden syrup onto it.
There is a well worn path from his bomb-site of a desk to the vending machine, yet amusingly he has a problem with his glands.
Thankfully, we have had a office move, and we too have followed the trend for musical chair style office desks (it was obviously a feature in some stty management journal a few months ago).
To the OP, I feel your pain, the only solution is to take the piss out of them every day until they have a heart attack...
tangerine_sedge said:
I recently used to work with a fatty who has been on a diet for the last 10 years. This diet has successfully seen him go from a 16 stone lardy to a 22 stone medical curiosity.
I have seen him eat a whole 9" pizza in 3 mouthfuls in under a minute.
His breakfast of choice (which he used to eat at his desk) is a large bowl (mixing bowl size) of porridge which could be considered healthy until he ladles 10 spoons of sugar and a quarter bottle of golden syrup onto it.
There is a well worn path from his bomb-site of a desk to the vending machine, yet amusingly he has a problem with his glands.
Thankfully, we have had a office move, and we too have followed the trend for musical chair style office desks (it was obviously a feature in some stty management journal a few months ago).
To the OP, I feel your pain, the only solution is to take the piss out of them every day until they have a heart attack...
Did you work at Jurassic park?I have seen him eat a whole 9" pizza in 3 mouthfuls in under a minute.
His breakfast of choice (which he used to eat at his desk) is a large bowl (mixing bowl size) of porridge which could be considered healthy until he ladles 10 spoons of sugar and a quarter bottle of golden syrup onto it.
There is a well worn path from his bomb-site of a desk to the vending machine, yet amusingly he has a problem with his glands.
Thankfully, we have had a office move, and we too have followed the trend for musical chair style office desks (it was obviously a feature in some stty management journal a few months ago).
To the OP, I feel your pain, the only solution is to take the piss out of them every day until they have a heart attack...
Anubis said:
I'm posting this because it's a Friday afternoon and I need to vent (feel free to exit).
At work we have no fixed places - it's a case of turn up and sit at any available desk. My usual spot was taken today; "No worries, it's not the end of the world" I think to myself and so I sit in another spot a few rows away. Happily working away as you do this huge fat guy sits at the desk next to me.
Now I couldn't care less if you're tall, short, fat or thin but what fg does bother me is when you eat with your by mouth open gobbling away whilst slapping your chops for hours on end with half eaten food in your mouth on full show to the world.
At 10:30am I contemplated whether to say something, however being British I tolerate it trying to ignore the constant mush noises swirling around Jabba the Huts pie hole whilst fatso is gorging on yet another M&S yum yum. 20 minutes pass and he finally stops eating and does some work on the computer. A sigh of relief. Finally I can concentrate and with blood pressure returning to normal I proceed to do 10 minutes of work.
As we enter the eleventh hour of the day, Sir fg Munchalot decides to return to his full to the brim carrier bag and pluck another item out to eat. The same noises return making me want to punch this chap square on the nose, vomit or both - the know the type; we all know the type - unfortunately this type does not know the by type.
This chap is mega size; we're talking the revolting fat from the Monty Python sketch fat. Belly hanging several times over his trousers yet as every single minute passes more food is entering this things face. He is utterly revolting and is making me feel ill; constantly slurping, chomping, slapping, squelching.
I feel like standing up and shouting "STOP FING EATING YOU FAT BD. LOOK AT THE SIZE OF YOU - YOU'RE A TUB OF LARD THAT GETS OUT OF BREATH LEAVING YOUR OWN CHAIR". But I don't. Of course I don't because that would make me in the eyes of my colleagues a complete wr for some reason.
And so, I continue to sit here next to this disgusting fing blub of a 'colleague' mid afternoon with no where else to sit whilst he is cramming a huge salad down his throat, half of it hanging out of it's mouth whilst holding a half eaten bagel in the other hand as if his life depended on it. The noise alone makes me gag; as if someone is eating in my ear and spitting food out along the way.
At present we are now half way through the by selection of food - dear mother of God I have 3 hours to go!.
I've always wondered how we could solve world hunger and now I know - just get rid of this fat fr and problem solved. How anyone can be so obese and disgusting is beyond me. What's even more challenging is how anyone can eat virtually non stop from 10:30am ("sorry, just started lunch" was muttered at 11am in between swallowing something and grabbing yet another item). Lunch! Lunch! It's 11am you ct - you've already had two sandwiches and it's at least an hour before everyone else deems it lunch - STOP EATING!
Make sure you choose wisely where you sit peeps - don't make the mistake I unknowingly did.
Rant over
You should've tried harder at school - you wouldn't have a junior level role that values you so little you're not even worth your own desk then and that would avoid you mixing with the scoffing plebs. At work we have no fixed places - it's a case of turn up and sit at any available desk. My usual spot was taken today; "No worries, it's not the end of the world" I think to myself and so I sit in another spot a few rows away. Happily working away as you do this huge fat guy sits at the desk next to me.
Now I couldn't care less if you're tall, short, fat or thin but what fg does bother me is when you eat with your by mouth open gobbling away whilst slapping your chops for hours on end with half eaten food in your mouth on full show to the world.
At 10:30am I contemplated whether to say something, however being British I tolerate it trying to ignore the constant mush noises swirling around Jabba the Huts pie hole whilst fatso is gorging on yet another M&S yum yum. 20 minutes pass and he finally stops eating and does some work on the computer. A sigh of relief. Finally I can concentrate and with blood pressure returning to normal I proceed to do 10 minutes of work.
As we enter the eleventh hour of the day, Sir fg Munchalot decides to return to his full to the brim carrier bag and pluck another item out to eat. The same noises return making me want to punch this chap square on the nose, vomit or both - the know the type; we all know the type - unfortunately this type does not know the by type.
This chap is mega size; we're talking the revolting fat from the Monty Python sketch fat. Belly hanging several times over his trousers yet as every single minute passes more food is entering this things face. He is utterly revolting and is making me feel ill; constantly slurping, chomping, slapping, squelching.
I feel like standing up and shouting "STOP FING EATING YOU FAT BD. LOOK AT THE SIZE OF YOU - YOU'RE A TUB OF LARD THAT GETS OUT OF BREATH LEAVING YOUR OWN CHAIR". But I don't. Of course I don't because that would make me in the eyes of my colleagues a complete wr for some reason.
And so, I continue to sit here next to this disgusting fing blub of a 'colleague' mid afternoon with no where else to sit whilst he is cramming a huge salad down his throat, half of it hanging out of it's mouth whilst holding a half eaten bagel in the other hand as if his life depended on it. The noise alone makes me gag; as if someone is eating in my ear and spitting food out along the way.
At present we are now half way through the by selection of food - dear mother of God I have 3 hours to go!.
I've always wondered how we could solve world hunger and now I know - just get rid of this fat fr and problem solved. How anyone can be so obese and disgusting is beyond me. What's even more challenging is how anyone can eat virtually non stop from 10:30am ("sorry, just started lunch" was muttered at 11am in between swallowing something and grabbing yet another item). Lunch! Lunch! It's 11am you ct - you've already had two sandwiches and it's at least an hour before everyone else deems it lunch - STOP EATING!
Make sure you choose wisely where you sit peeps - don't make the mistake I unknowingly did.
Rant over
On the plus side, at least tubby is earning his keep rather than riding round on a mobility scooter paid for by my taxes like most seem to these days as being a greedy bd appears to be classed as a genuine disability.
I travel a lot and I never understand this kind of thread. I sit beside old,fat,thin and so on in some very strange places and often log on in less than luxurious environments.
The guy did not sit at your desk and if your concentration is so poor that you need a private office,try focusing on your own stuff and learn to shut out distractions.
The guy did not sit at your desk and if your concentration is so poor that you need a private office,try focusing on your own stuff and learn to shut out distractions.
RDMcG said:
I travel a lot and I never understand this kind of thread. I sit beside old,fat,thin and so on in some very strange places and often log on in less than luxurious environments.
The guy did not sit at your desk and if your concentration is so poor that you need a private office,try focusing on your own stuff and learn to shut out distractions.
Shut it fatty.The guy did not sit at your desk and if your concentration is so poor that you need a private office,try focusing on your own stuff and learn to shut out distractions.
obob said:
RDMcG said:
I travel a lot and I never understand this kind of thread. I sit beside old,fat,thin and so on in some very strange places and often log on in less than luxurious environments.
The guy did not sit at your desk and if your concentration is so poor that you need a private office,try focusing on your own stuff and learn to shut out distractions.
Shut it fatty.The guy did not sit at your desk and if your concentration is so poor that you need a private office,try focusing on your own stuff and learn to shut out distractions.
Edited by R1gtr on Friday 12th October 18:54
okgo said:
Oakey said:
Why don't you have allocated desks? Where do you work? The Musical Chair Company?
Hot desking innit.I actually had a word with someone on the train the other day. We were just about to go, the train was pretty full, I was on a south west train on one of the 3 seat benches, I was the window side, and another chap was on the outside, leaving a middle space.
Now the middle space is just about enough space for a normal sized woman, or a thin bloke, now who should rock up and try and sit in this small space? Yes, you guessed it, a woman who must have been 5ft5 tall and not much less wide. A chode of a human being. She looked at the space, I looked at her, she knew she wouldn't fit, and she knew the words going through my head as I stared at her were "no dice fatty", but yep she fking did it anyway! She sat down (well one half of her gigantic fat fking arse did) and instantly squeezed my shoulder into the window and almost pushed the other bloke out into the aisle!
I said that is was very inconsiderate and a gross miss judgement of her spacial awareness. She said I was sexist and pulled out her kindle to predictably read a book about something she's never going to get because she's a fat bh - 50 shades.
Anyway you really should be blaming the train company. Anywhere outside the southeast you get 2 seats, then aisle, then 2 seats. Obviously the average southerner is smaller - or the trains are robbing bds taking the piss.
On the noisy eating topic, I recently won a project with a company whose home country was east of Europe. The final negotiations were help in the US.
We worked up to lunch where we were informed that pitza was being delivered so that we could work through lunch.
So pitza duly arrived and everyone got there pieces, and a drink and sat down to carry on.
I've never, ever heard such moise in all my life.
Across the table, every single one of them was chomping with mouth open and making the most god awful smacking noises.
I learned that its the polite way to eat in a certain easern country beginning with K (they eat dogs to).
We worked up to lunch where we were informed that pitza was being delivered so that we could work through lunch.
So pitza duly arrived and everyone got there pieces, and a drink and sat down to carry on.
I've never, ever heard such moise in all my life.
Across the table, every single one of them was chomping with mouth open and making the most god awful smacking noises.
I learned that its the polite way to eat in a certain easern country beginning with K (they eat dogs to).
so called said:
On the noisy eating topic, I recently won a project with a company whose home country was east of Europe. The final negotiations were help in the US.
We worked up to lunch where we were informed that pitza was being delivered so that we could work through lunch.
So pitza duly arrived and everyone got there pieces, and a drink and sat down to carry on.
I've never, ever heard such moise in all my life.
Across the table, every single one of them was chomping with mouth open and making the most god awful smacking noises.
I learned that its the polite way to eat in a certain easern country beginning with K (they eat dogs to).
I hope you are typing on an iPhone.We worked up to lunch where we were informed that pitza was being delivered so that we could work through lunch.
So pitza duly arrived and everyone got there pieces, and a drink and sat down to carry on.
I've never, ever heard such moise in all my life.
Across the table, every single one of them was chomping with mouth open and making the most god awful smacking noises.
I learned that its the polite way to eat in a certain easern country beginning with K (they eat dogs to).
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