Rant: The fatso next to me

Rant: The fatso next to me

Author
Discussion

Pig Skill

1,368 posts

202 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
dodgyviper said:
Pig Skill said:
Maybe you should try farting? Might get the fat to move away.
You're suggesting he gets into a farting war with a gastric munitions factory??

Think more wisely young Padewan nono
Yes Jedi Master bow

Think before speaking I will

(That would actually be a first as my gob always opens before my brain clutch engages, nevertheless I shall try)

syko89

366 posts

157 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
This thread made my day!! rofl

grumbledoak

31,504 posts

232 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
A great rant, and "no dice fatty" and "stand? She should be jogging on the spot" were the chocolate on the flapjack.

51mes

1,498 posts

199 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
grumbledoak said:
A great rant, and "no dice fatty" and "stand? She should be jogging on the spot" were the chocolate on the flapjack.
That wouldn't be a partly eaten bar of dairy milk you've coverd the flapjack with ;-)

would it?

AyBee

10,522 posts

201 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
okgo said:
Hot desking innit.

I actually had a word with someone on the train the other day. We were just about to go, the train was pretty full, I was on a south west train on one of the 3 seat benches, I was the window side, and another chap was on the outside, leaving a middle space.

Now the middle space is just about enough space for a normal sized woman, or a thin bloke, now who should rock up and try and sit in this small space? Yes, you guessed it, a woman who must have been 5ft5 tall and not much less wide. A chode of a human being. She looked at the space, I looked at her, she knew she wouldn't fit, and she knew the words going through my head as I stared at her were "no dice fatty", but yep she fking did it anyway! She sat down (well one half of her gigantic fat fking arse did) and instantly squeezed my shoulder into the window and almost pushed the other bloke out into the aisle!

I said that is was very inconsiderate and a gross miss judgement of her spacial awareness. She said I was sexist and pulled out her kindle to predictably read a book about something she's never going to get because she's a fat bh - 50 shades.
rofl

ArsE92

21,007 posts

186 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
This thread makes me sad.

JudgeMental

7,251 posts

232 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
ArsE92 said:
This thread makes me sad.
No comfort eating!

Pixel Pusher

10,188 posts

158 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
This thread makes me hungry.

tangerine_sedge

4,702 posts

217 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
I recently used to work with a fatty who has been on a diet for the last 10 years. This diet has successfully seen him go from a 16 stone lardy to a 22 stone medical curiosity.

I have seen him eat a whole 9" pizza in 3 mouthfuls in under a minute.

His breakfast of choice (which he used to eat at his desk) is a large bowl (mixing bowl size) of porridge which could be considered healthy until he ladles 10 spoons of sugar and a quarter bottle of golden syrup onto it.

There is a well worn path from his bomb-site of a desk to the vending machine, yet amusingly he has a problem with his glands.

Thankfully, we have had a office move, and we too have followed the trend for musical chair style office desks (it was obviously a feature in some stty management journal a few months ago).

To the OP, I feel your pain, the only solution is to take the piss out of them every day until they have a heart attack...

Pixel Pusher

10,188 posts

158 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
tangerine_sedge said:
I recently used to work with a fatty who has been on a diet for the last 10 years. This diet has successfully seen him go from a 16 stone lardy to a 22 stone medical curiosity.

I have seen him eat a whole 9" pizza in 3 mouthfuls in under a minute.

His breakfast of choice (which he used to eat at his desk) is a large bowl (mixing bowl size) of porridge which could be considered healthy until he ladles 10 spoons of sugar and a quarter bottle of golden syrup onto it.

There is a well worn path from his bomb-site of a desk to the vending machine, yet amusingly he has a problem with his glands.

Thankfully, we have had a office move, and we too have followed the trend for musical chair style office desks (it was obviously a feature in some stty management journal a few months ago).

To the OP, I feel your pain, the only solution is to take the piss out of them every day until they have a heart attack...
Did you work at Jurassic park?


Caulkhead

4,938 posts

156 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
Anubis said:
I'm posting this because it's a Friday afternoon and I need to vent (feel free to exit).

At work we have no fixed places - it's a case of turn up and sit at any available desk. My usual spot was taken today; "No worries, it's not the end of the world" I think to myself and so I sit in another spot a few rows away. Happily working away as you do this huge fat guy sits at the desk next to me.

Now I couldn't care less if you're tall, short, fat or thin but what fcensoredg does bother me is when you eat with your bcensoredy mouth open gobbling away whilst slapping your chops for hours on end with half eaten food in your mouth on full show to the world.

At 10:30am I contemplated whether to say something, however being British I tolerate it trying to ignore the constant mush noises swirling around Jabba the Huts pie hole whilst fatso is gorging on yet another M&S yum yum. 20 minutes pass and he finally stops eating and does some work on the computer. A sigh of relief. Finally I can concentrate and with blood pressure returning to normal I proceed to do 10 minutes of work.

As we enter the eleventh hour of the day, Sir fcensoredg Munchalot decides to return to his full to the brim carrier bag and pluck another item out to eat. The same noises return making me want to punch this chap square on the nose, vomit or both - the know the type; we all know the type - unfortunately this type does not know the bcensoredy type.

This chap is mega size; we're talking the revolting fat censored from the Monty Python sketch fat. Belly hanging several times over his trousers yet as every single censored minute passes more food is entering this things face. He is utterly revolting and is making me feel ill; constantly slurping, chomping, slapping, squelching.

I feel like standing up and shouting "STOP FcensoredING EATING YOU FAT BcensoredD. LOOK AT THE SIZE OF YOU - YOU'RE A TUB OF LARD THAT GETS OUT OF BREATH LEAVING YOUR OWN CHAIR". But I don't. Of course I don't because that would make me in the eyes of my colleagues a complete wcensoredr for some reason.

And so, I continue to sit here next to this disgusting fcensoreding blub of a 'colleague' mid afternoon with no where else to sit whilst he is cramming a huge salad down his throat, half of it hanging out of it's mouth whilst holding a half eaten bagel in the other hand as if his life depended on it. The noise alone makes me gag; as if someone is eating in my ear and spitting food out along the way.

At present we are now half way through the bcensoredy selection of food - dear mother of God I have 3 hours to go!.

I've always wondered how we could solve world hunger and now I know - just get rid of this fat fcensoredr and problem solved. How anyone can be so obese and disgusting is beyond me. What's even more challenging is how anyone can eat virtually non stop from 10:30am ("sorry, just started lunch" was muttered at 11am in between swallowing something and grabbing yet another item). Lunch! Lunch! It's 11am you ccensoredt - you've already had two sandwiches and it's at least an hour before everyone else deems it lunch - STOP EATING!

Make sure you choose wisely where you sit peeps - don't make the mistake I unknowingly did.

Rant over
You should've tried harder at school - you wouldn't have a junior level role that values you so little you're not even worth your own desk then and that would avoid you mixing with the scoffing plebs. biggrin

On the plus side, at least tubby is earning his keep rather than riding round on a mobility scooter paid for by my taxes like most seem to these days as being a greedy bd appears to be classed as a genuine disability.

ClaphamGT3

11,269 posts

242 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
We also operate a non-assigned desking policy and, as part of our principles of occupancy we have a 'no food and only water to drink at desks' policy. It works wonders for productivity, colleague interaction (F&B taken in break-out areas or cafe) and general ambiance & cleanliness

RDMcG

19,096 posts

206 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
I travel a lot and I never understand this kind of thread. I sit beside old,fat,thin and so on in some very strange places and often log on in less than luxurious environments.

The guy did not sit at your desk and if your concentration is so poor that you need a private office,try focusing on your own stuff and learn to shut out distractions.

Roop

6,012 posts

283 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
The noise winds me up something chronic as well. My solution, never be without headphones and some music on your phone...

Roop

6,012 posts

283 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
The noise winds me up something chronic as well. My solution, never be without headphones and some music on your phone...

obob

4,193 posts

193 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
RDMcG said:
I travel a lot and I never understand this kind of thread. I sit beside old,fat,thin and so on in some very strange places and often log on in less than luxurious environments.

The guy did not sit at your desk and if your concentration is so poor that you need a private office,try focusing on your own stuff and learn to shut out distractions.
Shut it fatty.

R1gtr

3,424 posts

153 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
obob said:
RDMcG said:
I travel a lot and I never understand this kind of thread. I sit beside old,fat,thin and so on in some very strange places and often log on in less than luxurious environments.

The guy did not sit at your desk and if your concentration is so poor that you need a private office,try focusing on your own stuff and learn to shut out distractions.
Shut it fatty.
biglaugh

Edited by R1gtr on Friday 12th October 18:54

surveyor

17,768 posts

183 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
okgo said:
Oakey said:
Why don't you have allocated desks? Where do you work? The Musical Chair Company?
Hot desking innit.

I actually had a word with someone on the train the other day. We were just about to go, the train was pretty full, I was on a south west train on one of the 3 seat benches, I was the window side, and another chap was on the outside, leaving a middle space.

Now the middle space is just about enough space for a normal sized woman, or a thin bloke, now who should rock up and try and sit in this small space? Yes, you guessed it, a woman who must have been 5ft5 tall and not much less wide. A chode of a human being. She looked at the space, I looked at her, she knew she wouldn't fit, and she knew the words going through my head as I stared at her were "no dice fatty", but yep she fking did it anyway! She sat down (well one half of her gigantic fat fking arse did) and instantly squeezed my shoulder into the window and almost pushed the other bloke out into the aisle!

I said that is was very inconsiderate and a gross miss judgement of her spacial awareness. She said I was sexist and pulled out her kindle to predictably read a book about something she's never going to get because she's a fat bh - 50 shades.
You and t'other bloke could see trouble looming. If he'd moved into the middle seat, maybe she could have been left in the aisle seat, overhanging so to speak.

Anyway you really should be blaming the train company. Anywhere outside the southeast you get 2 seats, then aisle, then 2 seats. Obviously the average southerner is smaller - or the trains are robbing bds taking the piss.

so called

9,074 posts

208 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
On the noisy eating topic, I recently won a project with a company whose home country was east of Europe. The final negotiations were help in the US.
We worked up to lunch where we were informed that pitza was being delivered so that we could work through lunch.
So pitza duly arrived and everyone got there pieces, and a drink and sat down to carry on.

I've never, ever heard such moise in all my life.
Across the table, every single one of them was chomping with mouth open and making the most god awful smacking noises.
I learned that its the polite way to eat in a certain easern country beginning with K (they eat dogs to).

obob

4,193 posts

193 months

Friday 12th October 2012
quotequote all
so called said:
On the noisy eating topic, I recently won a project with a company whose home country was east of Europe. The final negotiations were help in the US.
We worked up to lunch where we were informed that pitza was being delivered so that we could work through lunch.
So pitza duly arrived and everyone got there pieces, and a drink and sat down to carry on.

I've never, ever heard such moise in all my life.
Across the table, every single one of them was chomping with mouth open and making the most god awful smacking noises.
I learned that its the polite way to eat in a certain easern country beginning with K (they eat dogs to).
I hope you are typing on an iPhone.