Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
hyphen said:
Suppose it requires both parties to believe 100% that they are with 'the one' as opposed to just dating someone they fancy a lot.
I don’t want to discourage the OP as there is a chance these things work out, I have a few mates who made it happen.But the reality is that, whereas us men tend to fall more easily and think with our heart, I found often women tend to think with their hands and rationalise things to the point where they start withdrawing if they don’t see a clear path ahead.
Just make sure you’re 100% on the same page before you take things further, otherwise inevitably they will make the “right” decision and we’re left hurting.
Ask me how I know...
Salmonofdoubt said:
Has anyone done long distance relationships and actually made them work?
Yeah, sort of! I lived in Huddersfield, her in Aberdeen, we met whilst I was working up here on a temp basis and kept seeing each other for a year afterwards whilst I was back home, we saw each other once a fortnight (or there abouts) and took it in turns to travel, either that or a dirty weekend in Newcastle or Edinburgh.It was tough, really tough at times (apart from the dirty weekends!) and it did cause a few arguments that might not have happened had we been closer, we muddled through though despite the ups and downs.
Given the work situation in Aberdeen with the oil and gas industry I moved up at the end of 2011 as I'm a sparky by trade so the opportunities for work were better here than back home, that and I spent a lot of time working away from home during my younger years so not being around my family isn't that big a deal for me.
We split up around a year ago; so, sort of!
Edited by FN2TypeR on Tuesday 13th November 20:52
Salmonofdoubt said:
Has anyone done long distance relationships and actually made them work?
Me and my Ex had long stints of doing long distance - due to uni, I went abroad, she went abroad etc It was fine for the most part. Not ideal but we dealt with it pretty well, I think.
It must have been 2 or 3 years of not doing long distance before it ended.
Interestingly a friend of mine asked if I thought it would all fall apart when we stopped doing long distance as that is how we had built out relationship. I kinda brushed it off at the time. On reflection she was probably right, I think she had this insight because that was also the situation with her and her husband. Once he stopped travelling for work their relationship ended as well.
hyphen said:
matrignano said:
Salmonofdoubt said:
Has anyone done long distance relationships and actually made them work?
I’m in that predicament now - check the “being told I don’t love you thread”Short answer is no. Unless you are both committed 100% and there is a clear plan to move together soonish, things will eventually fizzle out one side or another
500 miles and 3-4hrs door to door journey in my case, which you have to fit around existing commitments, day to day life etc
Feel like I am going through a low point at the moment.
For a long time I was focussing on my self following my break up and felt pretty good about it. I reckon in the last 6 months or so I have thought I was ready for another relationship.
Typically I then met someone about 2 months ago and felt really good about it, but deep down I know it's not going anywhere and I am pretty down about it.
I know the score - drop it and move on, and I know this works, but it's still a process and I am definitely in the valley at the moment.
For a long time I was focussing on my self following my break up and felt pretty good about it. I reckon in the last 6 months or so I have thought I was ready for another relationship.
Typically I then met someone about 2 months ago and felt really good about it, but deep down I know it's not going anywhere and I am pretty down about it.
I know the score - drop it and move on, and I know this works, but it's still a process and I am definitely in the valley at the moment.
gregs656 said:
Feel like I am going through a low point at the moment.
For a long time I was focussing on my self following my break up and felt pretty good about it. I reckon in the last 6 months or so I have thought I was ready for another relationship.
Typically I then met someone about 2 months ago and felt really good about it, but deep down I know it's not going anywhere and I am pretty down about it.
I know the score - drop it and move on, and I know this works, but it's still a process and I am definitely in the valley at the moment.
Try and keep your chin up! Look at the positive and be grateful you've had a couple of good months with her. I tend to subscribe to the saying of regret the things you don't do rather than the things you do do. Onwards and upwards. For a long time I was focussing on my self following my break up and felt pretty good about it. I reckon in the last 6 months or so I have thought I was ready for another relationship.
Typically I then met someone about 2 months ago and felt really good about it, but deep down I know it's not going anywhere and I am pretty down about it.
I know the score - drop it and move on, and I know this works, but it's still a process and I am definitely in the valley at the moment.
Toyoda said:
Try and keep your chin up! Look at the positive and be grateful you've had a couple of good months with her. I tend to subscribe to the saying of regret the things you don't do rather than the things you do do. Onwards and upwards.
Yeah I'll be fine. Before my attitude shift this would have been and was water off a ducks back, I think now I am going into these things with a different attitude it inevitably means I am more open and therefore more likely to getting a bit cut.It doesn't matter but it was a he, this time.
gregs656 said:
Feel like I am going through a low point at the moment.
For a long time I was focussing on my self following my break up and felt pretty good about it. I reckon in the last 6 months or so I have thought I was ready for another relationship.
Typically I then met someone about 2 months ago and felt really good about it, but deep down I know it's not going anywhere and I am pretty down about it.
I know the score - drop it and move on, and I know this works, but it's still a process and I am definitely in the valley at the moment.
how long since the previous breakup? What aspect of the current relationship is getting you down, exactly? If it isn't working then you do need to end it.For a long time I was focussing on my self following my break up and felt pretty good about it. I reckon in the last 6 months or so I have thought I was ready for another relationship.
Typically I then met someone about 2 months ago and felt really good about it, but deep down I know it's not going anywhere and I am pretty down about it.
I know the score - drop it and move on, and I know this works, but it's still a process and I am definitely in the valley at the moment.
Blown2CV said:
how long since the previous breakup? What aspect of the current relationship is getting you down, exactly? If it isn't working then you do need to end it.
Just over two years. We were together for 7 years. It was pretty brutal but the last two years have mostly been positive. I'm not in a relationship at the moment. This is the first time since my breakup that I'd met someone who I was interested in being in a relationship with, but it's not going to happen, and that kinda sucks.
Nothing revolutionary here - these things have their ups and downs and that's just how it is.
gregs656 said:
Blown2CV said:
how long since the previous breakup? What aspect of the current relationship is getting you down, exactly? If it isn't working then you do need to end it.
Just over two years. We were together for 7 years. It was pretty brutal but the last two years have mostly been positive. I'm not in a relationship at the moment. This is the first time since my breakup that I'd met someone who I was interested in being in a relationship with, but it's not going to happen, and that kinda sucks.
Nothing revolutionary here - these things have their ups and downs and that's just how it is.
Blown2CV said:
what makes you feel the new one isn't going anywhere?
The first month was really good. Then I got busy, he got busy, I left town for a couple of weeks. Speak a fair bit. Got back in to town on monday and there's no great urgency to see me. I think it'd prefer to just be ghosted.
Apropos acting a bit of a dick and women lapping it up... albeit by accident.
I recently fired up Tinder again and got talking to a stunning woman right up my alley. Long story short:
1. With the purest of intentions I used a photo with my ex - it's a good photo - and I tried my best to crop her out.
2. Upon enquiring about the woman in said photo, against my better judgement I answered truthfully. Oof!
3. Ruthlessly took the piss during the ensuing rant about all that is wrong with the modern man. Clearly a nutter but what fun this is!
4. Subsequent very sheepish message the day after. Bit surprising but what the hell.
5. Cue two weeks later, we are talking every day and generally getting on like a house on fire. At this point she has volunteered her number and dropped heavy hints but due to commitments I haven't asked her out. So she asks me out; I decline.
6. Turns out it's her first rejection, and f
k me if it doesn't make her all the keener.
Three dates in things are going well indeed, she is a lovely woman.
I recently fired up Tinder again and got talking to a stunning woman right up my alley. Long story short:
1. With the purest of intentions I used a photo with my ex - it's a good photo - and I tried my best to crop her out.
2. Upon enquiring about the woman in said photo, against my better judgement I answered truthfully. Oof!
3. Ruthlessly took the piss during the ensuing rant about all that is wrong with the modern man. Clearly a nutter but what fun this is!
4. Subsequent very sheepish message the day after. Bit surprising but what the hell.
5. Cue two weeks later, we are talking every day and generally getting on like a house on fire. At this point she has volunteered her number and dropped heavy hints but due to commitments I haven't asked her out. So she asks me out; I decline.
6. Turns out it's her first rejection, and f
k me if it doesn't make her all the keener. Three dates in things are going well indeed, she is a lovely woman.
Looket said:
Apropos acting a bit of a dick and women lapping it up... albeit by accident.
I recently fired up Tinder again and got talking to a stunning woman right up my alley. Long story short:
1. With the purest of intentions I used a photo with my ex - it's a good photo - and I tried my best to crop her out.
2. Upon enquiring about the woman in said photo, against my better judgement I answered truthfully. Oof!
3. Ruthlessly took the piss during the ensuing rant about all that is wrong with the modern man. Clearly a nutter but what fun this is!
4. Subsequent very sheepish message the day after. Bit surprising but what the hell.
5. Cue two weeks later, we are talking every day and generally getting on like a house on fire. At this point she has volunteered her number and dropped heavy hints but due to commitments I haven't asked her out. So she asks me out; I decline.
6. Turns out it's her first rejection, and fk me if it doesn't make her all the keener.
Three dates in things are going well indeed, she is a lovely woman.
I recently fired up Tinder again and got talking to a stunning woman right up my alley. Long story short:
1. With the purest of intentions I used a photo with my ex - it's a good photo - and I tried my best to crop her out.
2. Upon enquiring about the woman in said photo, against my better judgement I answered truthfully. Oof!
3. Ruthlessly took the piss during the ensuing rant about all that is wrong with the modern man. Clearly a nutter but what fun this is!
4. Subsequent very sheepish message the day after. Bit surprising but what the hell.
5. Cue two weeks later, we are talking every day and generally getting on like a house on fire. At this point she has volunteered her number and dropped heavy hints but due to commitments I haven't asked her out. So she asks me out; I decline.
6. Turns out it's her first rejection, and f
k me if it doesn't make her all the keener. Three dates in things are going well indeed, she is a lovely woman.
gregs656 said:
Blown2CV said:
what makes you feel the new one isn't going anywhere?
The first month was really good. Then I got busy, he got busy, I left town for a couple of weeks. Speak a fair bit. Got back in to town on monday and there's no great urgency to see me. I think it'd prefer to just be ghosted.
I think I'll have to try Tinder this time. I don't have FB, so never been able to - but will create an empty profile so I can at least create a Tinder account.
I suspect I won't be ready to date until after Christmas, but did unhide my profile briefly over the weekend and briefly last night. The ladies seem a bit keener than when I was on there 18 months ago! Was contacted about 20 mins after I'd made my profile visible - literally exchanged half a dozen messages (mine were barely more than a word or two since I wasn't really in the mood, and wasn't convinced she was my type) and that was enough to be invited to meet her.
I declined - it's too soon for that. Although some sympathy sex is tempting.
I suspect I won't be ready to date until after Christmas, but did unhide my profile briefly over the weekend and briefly last night. The ladies seem a bit keener than when I was on there 18 months ago! Was contacted about 20 mins after I'd made my profile visible - literally exchanged half a dozen messages (mine were barely more than a word or two since I wasn't really in the mood, and wasn't convinced she was my type) and that was enough to be invited to meet her.
I declined - it's too soon for that. Although some sympathy sex is tempting.
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