Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
I found Badoo to be quite entertaining in a "I'm not that sort of girl, but, if we do, you have to be out by 3pm cos my kids come home from school" sort of way.
Went out with one girl off there for a few months who was a real operator.
She had this story of having had a bad time with her ex and not been with anyone for a few years, and claimed she wasn't that sort of girl and would take a long time to trust anyone again.
First date was a coffee shop and her pics were obviously from a few years ago. She's the type that keeps recycling pics to make it look as though she has new hairdos/outfits etc, when all the pics are recycled from a few years ago.
I was recently split from my ex, happy of the attention, and she was 34 to my 50. (well, if you don't ask, you don't get, and she might have Daddy issues).
Second date she was looking a bit bored so asked her what she wanted to do instead. Ended up back at mine where she was extremely uninhibited. So much for not being that sort of girl. Tried to make normal dates with her, but mostly turned into either going back to mine, or pulling over somewhere in the countryside. A guy can't complain after being in a lifeless marriage for years.
Wierdest time was a big shopping complex where she decided we had to do it in the open car park in broad daylight.
But everything she said was lies.
She lied about her ex, she lied about her kids going to a schoool where a kid had been found dead, she lied about having horses at a certain livery yard, Everything was just about getting attention and being the center of attention, yet she was very possessive about my free time. Every day off when she was free, I had to be with her and couldn't arrange anything else.
So this went on. Dates turned into sex dates.
I'm still not complaining, but there were wierd things.
I wasn't allowed in her house as it was "personal".
I would arrange to pick her up at hers, and she would be running late. Never invited me in, made me wait outside.
I thought it could be maybe she was married and playing away, but probably now realise it cos she was never serious and didn't want her house with strange guys in it.
Finally got peed off with her lies and possesiveness. we were out when it was snowing so i threw a snowball at her, and she went apes
t. She thought it very disrespectful and demanded to go home. So we split up cos you've got to grab your friends and push snow down their backs etc.
A couple of months later I got the "I'm pregnant" message along with scans. her timing was way out cos a baby wouldn't be that developed at the alleged scan date. She had cropped off the headers so didn't have name or hospital. She then kept texting about doing me for all my money and that I was just a sperm donor for her (nice). It was still worrying though cos we had done the deed relying on her alleged implant.
Texts got more abusive until she said she had been in touch with my ex and daughter, and they were all going to make sure I died penniless. Luckily my daughter knew of this fling, so i asked her about any contact., which there hadn't been. Then things went quiet until i got another text saying the baby was born and did I want access as i would be paying maintenance.
Unknown to her I had a friend who knew someone who knew her. They said she was just gregnant, and no baby.
The messages just got more and more abusive when i said i didn't want any contact, but would have a dna test.
So one night a few of us got a little drunk and catfished her. Set up a fake profile, got talking to her, and asked lots of questions.
You could see the lies pouring out of her, playing her game. saying she hadn't been in a relationship for years etc etc.
So we tagged her along. That was a good night's amusement.
She's still on Badoo now.
Went out with one girl off there for a few months who was a real operator.
She had this story of having had a bad time with her ex and not been with anyone for a few years, and claimed she wasn't that sort of girl and would take a long time to trust anyone again.
First date was a coffee shop and her pics were obviously from a few years ago. She's the type that keeps recycling pics to make it look as though she has new hairdos/outfits etc, when all the pics are recycled from a few years ago.
I was recently split from my ex, happy of the attention, and she was 34 to my 50. (well, if you don't ask, you don't get, and she might have Daddy issues).
Second date she was looking a bit bored so asked her what she wanted to do instead. Ended up back at mine where she was extremely uninhibited. So much for not being that sort of girl. Tried to make normal dates with her, but mostly turned into either going back to mine, or pulling over somewhere in the countryside. A guy can't complain after being in a lifeless marriage for years.
Wierdest time was a big shopping complex where she decided we had to do it in the open car park in broad daylight.
But everything she said was lies.
She lied about her ex, she lied about her kids going to a schoool where a kid had been found dead, she lied about having horses at a certain livery yard, Everything was just about getting attention and being the center of attention, yet she was very possessive about my free time. Every day off when she was free, I had to be with her and couldn't arrange anything else.
So this went on. Dates turned into sex dates.
I'm still not complaining, but there were wierd things.
I wasn't allowed in her house as it was "personal".
I would arrange to pick her up at hers, and she would be running late. Never invited me in, made me wait outside.
I thought it could be maybe she was married and playing away, but probably now realise it cos she was never serious and didn't want her house with strange guys in it.
Finally got peed off with her lies and possesiveness. we were out when it was snowing so i threw a snowball at her, and she went apes
t. She thought it very disrespectful and demanded to go home. So we split up cos you've got to grab your friends and push snow down their backs etc.A couple of months later I got the "I'm pregnant" message along with scans. her timing was way out cos a baby wouldn't be that developed at the alleged scan date. She had cropped off the headers so didn't have name or hospital. She then kept texting about doing me for all my money and that I was just a sperm donor for her (nice). It was still worrying though cos we had done the deed relying on her alleged implant.
Texts got more abusive until she said she had been in touch with my ex and daughter, and they were all going to make sure I died penniless. Luckily my daughter knew of this fling, so i asked her about any contact., which there hadn't been. Then things went quiet until i got another text saying the baby was born and did I want access as i would be paying maintenance.
Unknown to her I had a friend who knew someone who knew her. They said she was just gregnant, and no baby.
The messages just got more and more abusive when i said i didn't want any contact, but would have a dna test.
So one night a few of us got a little drunk and catfished her. Set up a fake profile, got talking to her, and asked lots of questions.
You could see the lies pouring out of her, playing her game. saying she hadn't been in a relationship for years etc etc.
So we tagged her along. That was a good night's amusement.
She's still on Badoo now.
Edited by cootuk on Friday 6th October 22:48
mental !cootuk said:
I found Badoo to be quite entertaining in a "I'm not that sort of girl, but, if we do, you have to be out by 3pm cos my kids come home from school" sort of way.
Went out with one girl off there for a few months who was a real operator.
She had this story of having had a bad time with her ex and not been with anyone for a few years, and claimed she wasn't that sort of girl and would take a long time to trust anyone again.
First date was a coffee shop and her pics were obviously from a few years ago. She's the type that keeps recycling pics to make it look as though she has new hairdos/outfits etc, when all the pics are recycled from a few years ago.
I was recently split from my ex, happy of the attention, and she was 34 to my 50. (well, if you don't ask, you don't get, and she might have Daddy issues).
Second date she was looking a bit bored so asked her what she wanted to do instead. Ended up back at mine where she was extremely uninhibited. So much for not being that sort of girl. Tried to make normal dates with her, but mostly turned into either going back to mine, or pulling over somewhere in the countryside. A guy can't complain after being in a lifeless marriage for years.
Wierdest time was a big shopping complex where she decided we had to do it in the open car park in broad daylight.
But everything she said was lies.
She lied about her ex, she lied about her kids going to a schoool where a kid had been found dead, she lied about having horses at a certain livery yard, Everything was just about getting attention and being the center of attention, yet she was very possessive about my free time. Every day off when she was free, I had to be with her and couldn't arrange anything else.
So this went on. Dates turned into sex dates.
I'm still not complaining, but there were wierd things.
I wasn't allowed in her house as it was "personal".
I would arrange to pick her up at hers, and she would be running late. Never invited me in, made me wait outside.
I thought it could be maybe she was married and playing away, but probably now realise it cos she was never serious and didn't want her house with strange guys in it.
Finally got peed off with her lies and possesiveness. we were out when it was snowing so i threw a snowball at her, and she went apest. She thought it very disrespectful and demanded to go home. So we split up cos you've got to grab your friends and push snow down their backs etc.
A couple of months later I got the "I'm pregnant" message along with scans. her timing was way out cos a baby wouldn't be that developed at the alleged scan date. She had cropped off the headers so didn't have name or hospital. She then kept texting about doing me for all my money and that I was just a sperm donor for her (nice). It was still worrying though cos we had done the deed relying on her alleged implant.
Texts got more abusive until she said she had been in touch with my ex and daughter, and they were all going to make sure I died penniless. Luckily my daughter knew of this fling, so i asked her about any contact., which there hadn't been. Then things went quiet until i got another text saying the baby was born and did I want access as i would be paying maintenance.
Unknown to her I had a friend who knew someone who knew her. They said she was just gregnant, and no baby.
The messages just got more and more abusive when i said i didn't want any contact, but would have a dna test.
So one night a few of us got a little drunk and catfished her. Set up a fake profile, got talking to her, and asked lots of questions.
You could see the lies pouring out of her, playing her game. saying she hadn't been in a relationship for years etc etc.
So we tagged her along. That was a good night's amusement.
She's still on Badoo now.
Holy macaroni that is a wild story. You should send her a wee text saying you have a STD and that your doctor advised you to contact anyone you have had intercourse with. That will pipe her down and sort her out for good. Failing that you could go round to hers and propose. Went out with one girl off there for a few months who was a real operator.
She had this story of having had a bad time with her ex and not been with anyone for a few years, and claimed she wasn't that sort of girl and would take a long time to trust anyone again.
First date was a coffee shop and her pics were obviously from a few years ago. She's the type that keeps recycling pics to make it look as though she has new hairdos/outfits etc, when all the pics are recycled from a few years ago.
I was recently split from my ex, happy of the attention, and she was 34 to my 50. (well, if you don't ask, you don't get, and she might have Daddy issues).
Second date she was looking a bit bored so asked her what she wanted to do instead. Ended up back at mine where she was extremely uninhibited. So much for not being that sort of girl. Tried to make normal dates with her, but mostly turned into either going back to mine, or pulling over somewhere in the countryside. A guy can't complain after being in a lifeless marriage for years.
Wierdest time was a big shopping complex where she decided we had to do it in the open car park in broad daylight.
But everything she said was lies.
She lied about her ex, she lied about her kids going to a schoool where a kid had been found dead, she lied about having horses at a certain livery yard, Everything was just about getting attention and being the center of attention, yet she was very possessive about my free time. Every day off when she was free, I had to be with her and couldn't arrange anything else.
So this went on. Dates turned into sex dates.
I'm still not complaining, but there were wierd things.
I wasn't allowed in her house as it was "personal".
I would arrange to pick her up at hers, and she would be running late. Never invited me in, made me wait outside.
I thought it could be maybe she was married and playing away, but probably now realise it cos she was never serious and didn't want her house with strange guys in it.
Finally got peed off with her lies and possesiveness. we were out when it was snowing so i threw a snowball at her, and she went apes
t. She thought it very disrespectful and demanded to go home. So we split up cos you've got to grab your friends and push snow down their backs etc.A couple of months later I got the "I'm pregnant" message along with scans. her timing was way out cos a baby wouldn't be that developed at the alleged scan date. She had cropped off the headers so didn't have name or hospital. She then kept texting about doing me for all my money and that I was just a sperm donor for her (nice). It was still worrying though cos we had done the deed relying on her alleged implant.
Texts got more abusive until she said she had been in touch with my ex and daughter, and they were all going to make sure I died penniless. Luckily my daughter knew of this fling, so i asked her about any contact., which there hadn't been. Then things went quiet until i got another text saying the baby was born and did I want access as i would be paying maintenance.
Unknown to her I had a friend who knew someone who knew her. They said she was just gregnant, and no baby.
The messages just got more and more abusive when i said i didn't want any contact, but would have a dna test.
So one night a few of us got a little drunk and catfished her. Set up a fake profile, got talking to her, and asked lots of questions.
You could see the lies pouring out of her, playing her game. saying she hadn't been in a relationship for years etc etc.
So we tagged her along. That was a good night's amusement.
She's still on Badoo now.
Edited by cootuk on Friday 6th October 22:48
cootuk said:
I found Badoo to be quite entertaining in a "I'm not that sort of girl, but, if we do, you have to be out by 3pm cos my kids come home from school" sort of way.
Went out with one girl off there for a few months who was a real operator.
She had this story of having had a bad time with her ex and not been with anyone for a few years, and claimed she wasn't that sort of girl and would take a long time to trust anyone again.
First date was a coffee shop and her pics were obviously from a few years ago. She's the type that keeps recycling pics to make it look as though she has new hairdos/outfits etc, when all the pics are recycled from a few years ago.
I was recently split from my ex, happy of the attention, and she was 34 to my 50. (well, if you don't ask, you don't get, and she might have Daddy issues).
Second date she was looking a bit bored so asked her what she wanted to do instead. Ended up back at mine where she was extremely uninhibited. So much for not being that sort of girl. Tried to make normal dates with her, but mostly turned into either going back to mine, or pulling over somewhere in the countryside. A guy can't complain after being in a lifeless marriage for years.
Wierdest time was a big shopping complex where she decided we had to do it in the open car park in broad daylight.
But everything she said was lies.
She lied about her ex, she lied about her kids going to a schoool where a kid had been found dead, she lied about having horses at a certain livery yard, Everything was just about getting attention and being the center of attention, yet she was very possessive about my free time. Every day off when she was free, I had to be with her and couldn't arrange anything else.
So this went on. Dates turned into sex dates.
I'm still not complaining, but there were wierd things.
I wasn't allowed in her house as it was "personal".
I would arrange to pick her up at hers, and she would be running late. Never invited me in, made me wait outside.
I thought it could be maybe she was married and playing away, but probably now realise it cos she was never serious and didn't want her house with strange guys in it.
Finally got peed off with her lies and possesiveness. we were out when it was snowing so i threw a snowball at her, and she went apest. She thought it very disrespectful and demanded to go home. So we split up cos you've got to grab your friends and push snow down their backs etc.
A couple of months later I got the "I'm pregnant" message along with scans. her timing was way out cos a baby wouldn't be that developed at the alleged scan date. She had cropped off the headers so didn't have name or hospital. She then kept texting about doing me for all my money and that I was just a sperm donor for her (nice). It was still worrying though cos we had done the deed relying on her alleged implant.
Texts got more abusive until she said she had been in touch with my ex and daughter, and they were all going to make sure I died penniless. Luckily my daughter knew of this fling, so i asked her about any contact., which there hadn't been. Then things went quiet until i got another text saying the baby was born and did I want access as i would be paying maintenance.
Unknown to her I had a friend who knew someone who knew her. They said she was just gregnant, and no baby.
The messages just got more and more abusive when i said i didn't want any contact, but would have a dna test.
So one night a few of us got a little drunk and catfished her. Set up a fake profile, got talking to her, and asked lots of questions.
You could see the lies pouring out of her, playing her game. saying she hadn't been in a relationship for years etc etc.
So we tagged her along. That was a good night's amusement.
She's still on Badoo now.
Strange thing is you knew she was a possessive weirdo desperate for attention and you gave her it and put yourself at risk. Went out with one girl off there for a few months who was a real operator.
She had this story of having had a bad time with her ex and not been with anyone for a few years, and claimed she wasn't that sort of girl and would take a long time to trust anyone again.
First date was a coffee shop and her pics were obviously from a few years ago. She's the type that keeps recycling pics to make it look as though she has new hairdos/outfits etc, when all the pics are recycled from a few years ago.
I was recently split from my ex, happy of the attention, and she was 34 to my 50. (well, if you don't ask, you don't get, and she might have Daddy issues).
Second date she was looking a bit bored so asked her what she wanted to do instead. Ended up back at mine where she was extremely uninhibited. So much for not being that sort of girl. Tried to make normal dates with her, but mostly turned into either going back to mine, or pulling over somewhere in the countryside. A guy can't complain after being in a lifeless marriage for years.
Wierdest time was a big shopping complex where she decided we had to do it in the open car park in broad daylight.
But everything she said was lies.
She lied about her ex, she lied about her kids going to a schoool where a kid had been found dead, she lied about having horses at a certain livery yard, Everything was just about getting attention and being the center of attention, yet she was very possessive about my free time. Every day off when she was free, I had to be with her and couldn't arrange anything else.
So this went on. Dates turned into sex dates.
I'm still not complaining, but there were wierd things.
I wasn't allowed in her house as it was "personal".
I would arrange to pick her up at hers, and she would be running late. Never invited me in, made me wait outside.
I thought it could be maybe she was married and playing away, but probably now realise it cos she was never serious and didn't want her house with strange guys in it.
Finally got peed off with her lies and possesiveness. we were out when it was snowing so i threw a snowball at her, and she went apes
t. She thought it very disrespectful and demanded to go home. So we split up cos you've got to grab your friends and push snow down their backs etc.A couple of months later I got the "I'm pregnant" message along with scans. her timing was way out cos a baby wouldn't be that developed at the alleged scan date. She had cropped off the headers so didn't have name or hospital. She then kept texting about doing me for all my money and that I was just a sperm donor for her (nice). It was still worrying though cos we had done the deed relying on her alleged implant.
Texts got more abusive until she said she had been in touch with my ex and daughter, and they were all going to make sure I died penniless. Luckily my daughter knew of this fling, so i asked her about any contact., which there hadn't been. Then things went quiet until i got another text saying the baby was born and did I want access as i would be paying maintenance.
Unknown to her I had a friend who knew someone who knew her. They said she was just gregnant, and no baby.
The messages just got more and more abusive when i said i didn't want any contact, but would have a dna test.
So one night a few of us got a little drunk and catfished her. Set up a fake profile, got talking to her, and asked lots of questions.
You could see the lies pouring out of her, playing her game. saying she hadn't been in a relationship for years etc etc.
So we tagged her along. That was a good night's amusement.
She's still on Badoo now.
Edited by cootuk on Friday 6th October 22:48
Why believe she had an implant if you didn't believe anything else she said?
Lucky you did get out without getting her pregnant.
At first, stuff she said seemed plausible. Then a few red flags started. Then a few inconsistencies became obvious. Then more red flags. Then outright lies. At first you think it's you, that you've been out of the game for so long. Then you realise it's her when you start delving deeper and checking things you can check out. Then you see her for what she is.
On the other hand I had a few dates with a woman who's father was Bermudan and mother white, and she had the most glorious dark honey coloured skin.She was completely straight and honest, but had a mouth full of teeth like a bag of liquorice. You can't kiss that.
Or maybe I should mention my stalker. Never met her as she scared me off with her description of what she would wear and what she expected to happen when we met. She seemed to have a bit of an alcohol problem. We had swapped numbers at the time, and about 6 months later I got a phone call at about 3am, her completely pissed off her trolley asking if i wanted to come round right now as she needed a good seeing too. Now that was an offer i could pass up. I wondered how many people she had called up before she got to me.
Badoo is a gloriously wierd place.
On the other hand I had a few dates with a woman who's father was Bermudan and mother white, and she had the most glorious dark honey coloured skin.She was completely straight and honest, but had a mouth full of teeth like a bag of liquorice. You can't kiss that.
Or maybe I should mention my stalker. Never met her as she scared me off with her description of what she would wear and what she expected to happen when we met. She seemed to have a bit of an alcohol problem. We had swapped numbers at the time, and about 6 months later I got a phone call at about 3am, her completely pissed off her trolley asking if i wanted to come round right now as she needed a good seeing too. Now that was an offer i could pass up. I wondered how many people she had called up before she got to me.
Badoo is a gloriously wierd place.
Edited by cootuk on Saturday 7th October 01:08
Charlie1986 said:
Match is going well
currently chatting to 1 who's 46 so 15 years difference which is interesting so we will see where that is going. Still chatting to another 2 and I've been out with both for drinks again but with work its been a nightmare to arrange anything.
In my experience with similar age gaps, you'll almost certainly get naughty with the 46 year old in no time. currently chatting to 1 who's 46 so 15 years difference which is interesting so we will see where that is going. Still chatting to another 2 and I've been out with both for drinks again but with work its been a nightmare to arrange anything.
Just turned 30 and things have never been more hopeless.
Almost no matches on Tinder, and most of those don't reply to messages. Been on it most of last two years, but only a few months of this year after the price went up from £3.10 to £12.43. Now it's gone up again to £18.49. I could easily afford that, and would bear it if I had some success. I've tried so many different things. Tested my photos on Photofeeler, all of them get >80% for trustworthy/smart, and I only put up those with attractiveness scoring of 65-75% (didn't get any higher). Tried different spellings of my name as the correct one might suggest I'm foreign. Listed/not listed my education and job. No description, short light hearted description, long description. Re-registered without Facebook so the pages I liked don't show up. Swiped right only on people I thought might swipe right on me, swiped right on everyone (after starting with a new account), using super likes on average girls with things in common. Distance within 5, 10, 15, 25 miles (live in a big city). Tried different cities around the country.
I've been on POF on and off since around 2012, no success there either. It's free but writing a message takes more time than a swipe. Must have messaged over a thousand on there by now. Even tried messaging unattractive women or those with children to see if they'd reply. All the effort of good photos, texts, thoughtful unique messages comes to nothing. Briefly tried Badoo, similar experience. Bumble also, no matches. Match isn't popular around here, and last time I looked it was £30 a month.
2 dates this year, 3 last year, one or two a year before that. Half I thought went well, but the women never think the same.
Aside from online, I don't have much chances to meet women. Always been the case, male dominated professional job, male dominated education subjects, male dominated interests, and my friendship groups over the years have just never seemed to have women around. Friends all live in different cities and have wives/kids now.
I'm not attractive, though I was quite happy with the scores I got on Photofeeler above. I've sorted out smart clothes and tidy hair, but I still get skin spots despite my efforts and have quite visible pores. Compared to colleagues, I think my facial features might make me look poor/lower class. The hair is starting to go bald on top but it's not yet visible unless looking down on it. I'm quite a small guy 5 foot 8 and 65kg, though I am quite fit (run 10k). Not muscular and even at my weight I do have a belly. Quite a gutteral accent. Reasonably confident with most things but I am an introvert.
I'm reasonably successful (perhaps not by PH standards), my income is in the top 5% of this country and I have around 3 times my net yearly income in assets. Live in a nice flat in reasonably nice area, have a nice but 10 year old car, and travel a bit both for work and holidays.
This is getting me down a bit now, and it's only going to get harder. My motivation in life is waning, and it's starting to drag down my previously high motivation in areas like work. I'm getting to be quite cynical and negative internally. Less good/undamaged/without kids women around. I see so many other people happy and getting what they want, whatever their flaws. I've spent so many years alone, had so many good experiences and been through some tough things without anybody to share with. I fear it's become too late, that I've become too set in my ways and burned/jaded by my experience.
Is there any way to turn this around?
Almost no matches on Tinder, and most of those don't reply to messages. Been on it most of last two years, but only a few months of this year after the price went up from £3.10 to £12.43. Now it's gone up again to £18.49. I could easily afford that, and would bear it if I had some success. I've tried so many different things. Tested my photos on Photofeeler, all of them get >80% for trustworthy/smart, and I only put up those with attractiveness scoring of 65-75% (didn't get any higher). Tried different spellings of my name as the correct one might suggest I'm foreign. Listed/not listed my education and job. No description, short light hearted description, long description. Re-registered without Facebook so the pages I liked don't show up. Swiped right only on people I thought might swipe right on me, swiped right on everyone (after starting with a new account), using super likes on average girls with things in common. Distance within 5, 10, 15, 25 miles (live in a big city). Tried different cities around the country.
I've been on POF on and off since around 2012, no success there either. It's free but writing a message takes more time than a swipe. Must have messaged over a thousand on there by now. Even tried messaging unattractive women or those with children to see if they'd reply. All the effort of good photos, texts, thoughtful unique messages comes to nothing. Briefly tried Badoo, similar experience. Bumble also, no matches. Match isn't popular around here, and last time I looked it was £30 a month.
2 dates this year, 3 last year, one or two a year before that. Half I thought went well, but the women never think the same.
Aside from online, I don't have much chances to meet women. Always been the case, male dominated professional job, male dominated education subjects, male dominated interests, and my friendship groups over the years have just never seemed to have women around. Friends all live in different cities and have wives/kids now.
I'm not attractive, though I was quite happy with the scores I got on Photofeeler above. I've sorted out smart clothes and tidy hair, but I still get skin spots despite my efforts and have quite visible pores. Compared to colleagues, I think my facial features might make me look poor/lower class. The hair is starting to go bald on top but it's not yet visible unless looking down on it. I'm quite a small guy 5 foot 8 and 65kg, though I am quite fit (run 10k). Not muscular and even at my weight I do have a belly. Quite a gutteral accent. Reasonably confident with most things but I am an introvert.
I'm reasonably successful (perhaps not by PH standards), my income is in the top 5% of this country and I have around 3 times my net yearly income in assets. Live in a nice flat in reasonably nice area, have a nice but 10 year old car, and travel a bit both for work and holidays.
This is getting me down a bit now, and it's only going to get harder. My motivation in life is waning, and it's starting to drag down my previously high motivation in areas like work. I'm getting to be quite cynical and negative internally. Less good/undamaged/without kids women around. I see so many other people happy and getting what they want, whatever their flaws. I've spent so many years alone, had so many good experiences and been through some tough things without anybody to share with. I fear it's become too late, that I've become too set in my ways and burned/jaded by my experience.
Is there any way to turn this around?
Jeez, you're 30. Don't lose all hope, you're still young!
I know you don't feel like there is anyone interested in you, but there will be. Which means you're either messaging the wrong people, or giving a poor impression of yourself in chat.
I can't give you a definitive answer, and I see you've made a decent effort with your pictures etc. But I'll try help with the other stuff.
Since you're 30, it's a fair bet most (but not all) women are going to have children. Unless this is a big red flag, roll with it and assess it as you go. Despite what many say, most mothers don't just want some guy to come along and give them cash and look after their kids. They want someone who they can connect with for themselves and have an adult relationship with. Don't discount single mums.
Don't be scared to message people who maybe don't sound like your ideal type, after all, not everyone is good at expressing themselves in a profile. Sure it might turn out they are exactly as they seem on their profile and are not for you. But in my experience it turned out the slightly odd sounding date surprised me with their intelligence or humour and it turned out to be a lot of fun.
You say you messaged 'unattractive' girls, whilst stating that you yourself are not attractive. Without trying to sound condescending, are you setting your standards too high? Attractiveness is, after all, largely in the eye of the beholder. I'm not saying go for girls that you absolutely don't like the look of, but give the girls that are obviously not models a chance. Big nose? Workable. Size 14 waistline? Who cares. You'll soon forget these minor things if you click on a date.
Finally, your speech. What's funny or witty to you might come across as arrogance to others and be a complete turn off. This goes for both your profile and chat. There's no single way of getting it right, but being funny and reasonably open is a good start. Droning on is a big no no. You want to get a girls interest and get a date, you're not trying to find your soul mate instantly, that can come later. Long overly deep conversation will scare anyone off. If you're unsure, google how to date online, and you'll find some useful advice. Being yourself is important for sure, but there is nothing wrong with adopting a slightly more cheeky or outgoing persona in the interests of bagging a date.
Don't give up mate. You'll be ok in the end.
I know you don't feel like there is anyone interested in you, but there will be. Which means you're either messaging the wrong people, or giving a poor impression of yourself in chat.
I can't give you a definitive answer, and I see you've made a decent effort with your pictures etc. But I'll try help with the other stuff.
Since you're 30, it's a fair bet most (but not all) women are going to have children. Unless this is a big red flag, roll with it and assess it as you go. Despite what many say, most mothers don't just want some guy to come along and give them cash and look after their kids. They want someone who they can connect with for themselves and have an adult relationship with. Don't discount single mums.
Don't be scared to message people who maybe don't sound like your ideal type, after all, not everyone is good at expressing themselves in a profile. Sure it might turn out they are exactly as they seem on their profile and are not for you. But in my experience it turned out the slightly odd sounding date surprised me with their intelligence or humour and it turned out to be a lot of fun.
You say you messaged 'unattractive' girls, whilst stating that you yourself are not attractive. Without trying to sound condescending, are you setting your standards too high? Attractiveness is, after all, largely in the eye of the beholder. I'm not saying go for girls that you absolutely don't like the look of, but give the girls that are obviously not models a chance. Big nose? Workable. Size 14 waistline? Who cares. You'll soon forget these minor things if you click on a date.
Finally, your speech. What's funny or witty to you might come across as arrogance to others and be a complete turn off. This goes for both your profile and chat. There's no single way of getting it right, but being funny and reasonably open is a good start. Droning on is a big no no. You want to get a girls interest and get a date, you're not trying to find your soul mate instantly, that can come later. Long overly deep conversation will scare anyone off. If you're unsure, google how to date online, and you'll find some useful advice. Being yourself is important for sure, but there is nothing wrong with adopting a slightly more cheeky or outgoing persona in the interests of bagging a date.
Don't give up mate. You'll be ok in the end.
Maybe just stop trying to find someone for a while. Focus on other areas in life that give you positivity.
You may find someone when you're not looking. Or just come back to it later on down the line.
Finding someone to be in a relationship isn't the be all and end all to a happy life. Plenty of happily single people out there enjoying the benefits of not being in a relationship.
You may find someone when you're not looking. Or just come back to it later on down the line.
Finding someone to be in a relationship isn't the be all and end all to a happy life. Plenty of happily single people out there enjoying the benefits of not being in a relationship.
L555 BAT
If its any consolation, your experience is pretty much the norm for men with net dating, even the good looking ones.
Success with net dating is very much like gambling stories, you often hear about the wins, so assume is a regular thing, but not the typical vast majority of losses.
In theory net dating should be the answer to every single persons dreams, in practice it takes no account of the significant gender differences between men and women, even in these modern times the men are still very much expected to revert to caveman times, beat their chests like Silverbacks, preen around like peacocks in the slight hope the opposite sex take a shine to them.
I know so many single girls who although on the sites, will not interact even with a nice message and decent pics, the process scares the life out of them, and they only tend to stay for an ego boost. They openly admit they have no intention of meeting anyone, however charming and good looking the suitor may be.
When I first dabbled with net dating back in 2012 I caught what I think was the final wave of its success, just before it became mainstream but now its awash with the people I have listed above.
I am told when POF etc were more underground, say prior to 2010 the ratio of people on there for genuine reason was much much higher, and the success rate far greater as a result.
Net dating has become a commercial cash cow now, its not in the interest of the owners of these sites for the vast majority of users to find anyone, they make money from people having a dabble, getting fed up, then returning months later as there are no alternatives.
I see them all dying a death over time. Bumble will fail as it relies on the gender group who rarely make the first move, to make the first move! its dead on there for guys.
The person who cracks a system where they somehow gather only the genuine people once again into one place will become very rich very quickly.
If its any consolation, your experience is pretty much the norm for men with net dating, even the good looking ones.
Success with net dating is very much like gambling stories, you often hear about the wins, so assume is a regular thing, but not the typical vast majority of losses.
In theory net dating should be the answer to every single persons dreams, in practice it takes no account of the significant gender differences between men and women, even in these modern times the men are still very much expected to revert to caveman times, beat their chests like Silverbacks, preen around like peacocks in the slight hope the opposite sex take a shine to them.
I know so many single girls who although on the sites, will not interact even with a nice message and decent pics, the process scares the life out of them, and they only tend to stay for an ego boost. They openly admit they have no intention of meeting anyone, however charming and good looking the suitor may be.
When I first dabbled with net dating back in 2012 I caught what I think was the final wave of its success, just before it became mainstream but now its awash with the people I have listed above.
I am told when POF etc were more underground, say prior to 2010 the ratio of people on there for genuine reason was much much higher, and the success rate far greater as a result.
Net dating has become a commercial cash cow now, its not in the interest of the owners of these sites for the vast majority of users to find anyone, they make money from people having a dabble, getting fed up, then returning months later as there are no alternatives.
I see them all dying a death over time. Bumble will fail as it relies on the gender group who rarely make the first move, to make the first move! its dead on there for guys.
The person who cracks a system where they somehow gather only the genuine people once again into one place will become very rich very quickly.
Ok, time for my go.
Started dating a girl in January for a few weeks. We got on well, but it fell apart as she didn't feel ready. It hurt, but I moved on.
She got back in touch in June, apologised, and we've been going ever since. She's a really really nice girl. Very pretty, outgoing etc. I rarely fall in love, and never this fast but I fell for her quite quickly and despite her being argumentative when drunk, I did just think it was the alcohol, and for the most part i was as happy as hell until September. Thats when it became more apparent that she has some real insecurities (who doesn't). But with her it's like she's constantly wanting to have a little bit of an argument, and is always expecting me to leave her. I have to walk on eggshells not to upset her. Of course I'm not perfect. I get grumpy days and seem distant, but I explained that i just get like that in the week. I'm still nice to her, just not all over her.
Sadly today that might have proven to be a self fulfilling prophecy. I got up early to watch the F1. In hindsight I probably should have told her what I was doing, but to me it was no big deal. Got back in bed after, and when I woke up there was a cold vibe and even though we had a day out planned, she didn't talk for the next hour, save one word answers. I told her over breakfast that over the last few weeks, I'd been thinking of where this was going and admitted I didn't know if there was a decent future to the relationship. She said she agreed but it was clear that my words were a surprise. She then said that she thought things were Ok, and then started crying and asked me for a hug which i gave, whilst feeling incredibly awkward. Me and her both have a daughter (6 & 8) and they were playing in the garden, so I gave it 10 minutes, collected my kid and left saying we should speak another time.
As a history, I've been here before a few times recently and so I've had time to think about it all. One such occasion was when I didn't text her back for 6 hours when she had a bad day (I was asleep after a nightshift and was too tired to respond) which made her think it was over, another was when I got my days mixed up and double booked so I couldn't see her, she again thought it was over.
If it was short lived it wouldn't be such an issue, but she cries and stays emotional for hours, and she gets so upset, it makes me feel so sorry for her, and I feel like st. I don't want to be the one that does this to her. I feel like she could do with someone a bit more emotional or something. I don't really care for the public affection which she likes, and while I think it's important to talk about feelings, I can't deal with a breakdown every week.
Could use a decent PH slap in the face to snap me out of it, as I'm sure I'll need to get back on POF soon!
Started dating a girl in January for a few weeks. We got on well, but it fell apart as she didn't feel ready. It hurt, but I moved on.
She got back in touch in June, apologised, and we've been going ever since. She's a really really nice girl. Very pretty, outgoing etc. I rarely fall in love, and never this fast but I fell for her quite quickly and despite her being argumentative when drunk, I did just think it was the alcohol, and for the most part i was as happy as hell until September. Thats when it became more apparent that she has some real insecurities (who doesn't). But with her it's like she's constantly wanting to have a little bit of an argument, and is always expecting me to leave her. I have to walk on eggshells not to upset her. Of course I'm not perfect. I get grumpy days and seem distant, but I explained that i just get like that in the week. I'm still nice to her, just not all over her.
Sadly today that might have proven to be a self fulfilling prophecy. I got up early to watch the F1. In hindsight I probably should have told her what I was doing, but to me it was no big deal. Got back in bed after, and when I woke up there was a cold vibe and even though we had a day out planned, she didn't talk for the next hour, save one word answers. I told her over breakfast that over the last few weeks, I'd been thinking of where this was going and admitted I didn't know if there was a decent future to the relationship. She said she agreed but it was clear that my words were a surprise. She then said that she thought things were Ok, and then started crying and asked me for a hug which i gave, whilst feeling incredibly awkward. Me and her both have a daughter (6 & 8) and they were playing in the garden, so I gave it 10 minutes, collected my kid and left saying we should speak another time.
As a history, I've been here before a few times recently and so I've had time to think about it all. One such occasion was when I didn't text her back for 6 hours when she had a bad day (I was asleep after a nightshift and was too tired to respond) which made her think it was over, another was when I got my days mixed up and double booked so I couldn't see her, she again thought it was over.
If it was short lived it wouldn't be such an issue, but she cries and stays emotional for hours, and she gets so upset, it makes me feel so sorry for her, and I feel like s
t. I don't want to be the one that does this to her. I feel like she could do with someone a bit more emotional or something. I don't really care for the public affection which she likes, and while I think it's important to talk about feelings, I can't deal with a breakdown every week. Could use a decent PH slap in the face to snap me out of it, as I'm sure I'll need to get back on POF soon!
Edited by Pebbles167 on Sunday 8th October 14:47
No that was about 2 weeks back. We've not had sex since though.
Jeez. It feels like my previous relationship which ended in divorce, but only in the space of a few months! Arg!
Edit: worth noting, she is on anti depressants and an oestrogen contraceptive. She mentioned it makes her like this, but I think that's a bit of something to hide behind.
Jeez. It feels like my previous relationship which ended in divorce, but only in the space of a few months! Arg!
Edit: worth noting, she is on anti depressants and an oestrogen contraceptive. She mentioned it makes her like this, but I think that's a bit of something to hide behind.
Edited by Pebbles167 on Sunday 8th October 14:57
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