Match.com (Volume 6)

[Vyse]

But if you put down too much on the profile would you not struggle to find things to talk about on the 1st date.

Give them a hint but not the full novel.

CaptainSlow said:

From a female perspective why should she date him? The only slim indication is to travel...not much detail on that either..does he need a bag carrier?

eta

also lose the cat, iFly, and "cuffs outside the Radcliffe Camera" photos..replace with better ones

Edited by CaptainSlow on Saturday 23 March 10:25

[chunder27]

Indeed

It was becoming obvious that after initial chatting with women they would tail off, I would mention I was not working, dealing with a truly awful few years since a parental loss, the spin that put me in. Obviously with good stufff aswell, if you talk like that from the oiff who would not be put off, but I think women on dating sites my sort of age have had enough of dealing with anything, they all want mr perfect, no issues, no hassles, nothing, juts plain boring men who they can tick the boyfriend box to.

these are all issues that I have dealt with OK, but some people just look at it as a guy with issues.

So, sorting a few of these out initially would be a better base to start from, just for myself more than anything.

pretty pointless to try and introduce someone into your life, when i am not even remotely happy with it.

I have plenty of interests and hobbies, but sadly being out of work means I go into hermit shutdown mode, too afraid of spending money, sort that out and we are fine.

[GTI16V]

chunder27 said:

Just deleted my pof account, sometimes you just have to realise that you are not in the right place to date someone and they all want perfection, and the majority of women simply want an easy life and a boring man, they perceive men who have any issues as a bad thing, no matter if it is as simple as work, or anything they might be dealing with too.

Sometimes you have to just admit you are better off being single.

I am not interested in sex as most men seem to be, never have been, it has always been a rather disappointing activity with every woman I have ever been with, so that obviously tends to put an end to relationships anyway after time.

And despite feeling a longing for something, I have finally realised it is simply a form of loneliness, nothing more.

I have been unhappy for quite a few years, and this does not translate to a positive attitude when trying to date people, you can try all you like, but being unhappy comes out eventually.

Time to just forget about, like a lot of things in my life, it will NEVER happen, so just forget it and move on.

Don't bother with POF. It's full of fat, self-entitled, unicorn hunters.
Go on Bumble, or like others have said, get s hobby and actually meet people.

[slipstream 1985]

Blown2CV said:

amazes me the amount of people that will gladly 'invest' £££ in taking out the town bikes 4 nights a week but balk at the idea of like a fiver a month to access vaguely decent women. Nah mate I'm takin out Kayla from PoF tonight we're going spoons and then bingo and then i've got her a bottle of 20/20 and we're off out on the boating lake.

Alright alright stop boasting

[Halb]

Slagathore said:

Get rid of the picture of a cat. Or better yet, get rid of the cat and get a dog.

Grown man with a pet cat - lonely psychopath

Grown man with a pet dog - decent human

[Lemming Train]

Gretchen said:

CaptainSlow said:

Typo on

"Passion for cars, especially classics and am have spent the last year getting one back on the road."

Also, there's nothing in the whole profile that is offering anything to a potential date.

Another in

“Like exploring new places and am off to Norway for a skydiving holiday the summer, planning European road trip once we get the sun back!”


Cat is cute. Should be a pic of you both. Not keen on the posed adjusting cuff photo - aggressive/arrogant stance and too contrived.

I thought your previous wrote up was softer. I find myself persistently rolling my eyes at ‘enjoys a night out as well as in with a good box set’. You might as well write something along the lines of ‘I breathe and eat’.

Come on Gretchen, write it for him then! As a woman what would you want to read in the blurb to get you interested?

As a bloke I actually agree with the "aggressive/arrogant stance and too contrived" remark. All the pics where he's stood about (including the since deleted ones) have an aggressive "look at me wrong and I'll knock your fking block off" look about him. He doesn't look approachable imo. I agree that a relaxed pic of him with the cat would help portray his softer side, particularly if the cat was sat or laid on him willingly rather than forced to do it for the camera. The other pics need re-doing as there's too much scenery in them and not enough person, and the light is poor as well. 2p fwiw.

eta: the last pic in the set (black t-shirt with white writing) looks like it was taken about 10 years before all the others?

Edited by Lemming Train on Saturday 23 March 18:16

[shirt]

chunder27 said:

Indeed

It was becoming obvious that after initial chatting with women they would tail off, I would mention I was not working, dealing with a truly awful few years since a parental loss, the spin that put me in. Obviously with good stufff aswell, if you talk like that from the oiff who would not be put off, but I think women on dating sites my sort of age have had enough of dealing with anything, they all want mr perfect, no issues, no hassles, nothing, juts plain boring men who they can tick the boyfriend box to.

these are all issues that I have dealt with OK, but some people just look at it as a guy with issues.

So, sorting a few of these out initially would be a better base to start from, just for myself more than anything.

pretty pointless to try and introduce someone into your life, when i am not even remotely happy with it.

I have plenty of interests and hobbies, but sadly being out of work means I go into hermit shutdown mode, too afraid of spending money, sort that out and we are fine.

If the ‘issues’ are surfacing during early conversations with women then they are clearly not one you have ‘dealt with’ or put behind you, especially so if this is before you’ve even met them. Dating and flirting is a light hearted game.

I would suggest having a mental health check at a reputable psychotherapist, and perhaps a series of sessions with them. Think of it as spring cleaning for your mental space, look at what is holding you back generally not just in relationships, then focus on what is going to make you happy long term.

I realise having someone on a forum recommend therapy based on 1-2 posts is as about as helpful as this threads dating advice, but the language you use suggests that you are trying to fit in with convention and finding it, well, doesn’t fit you. I think you need to feel good about yourself and the way your life is going before working out what will work for you in terms of relationships.

If you really don’t care for sex, I am sure there are ways of finding asexuals and women of a similar disposition.

[hyphen]

Slagathore said:

Get rid of the picture of a cat. Or better yet, get rid of the cat and get a dog.

Grown man with a pet cat - lonely psychopath

Grown man with a pet dog - decent human

I know several women who don't like dogs (due to being chased by one as kids etc so scarred for life ).

[hyphen]

shirt said:

If you really don’t care for sex, I am sure there are ways of finding asexuals and women of a similar disposition.

He can pretend to like it till he gets a ring on his finger

[Big Pants]

After 18 on-and-off months with a gorgeous, highly-sexed and utterly batst crazy Bumble date, I am sadly back on the market at the wrong side of 50

On the plus side, I'll hopefully garner more material for my dating blog: https://www.bumblingdad.co.uk/2018/06/wordsdont-come-easy-to-me-but-numbers-do.html. Forgive the shameless promotion, I'm up for UK Dating Blogger of the year next month. But like my love life, it's likely to be a damp squib.

Edited by Big Pants on Saturday 23 March 19:48

[hyphen]

Big Pants said:

After 18 on-and-off months with a gorgeous, highly-sexed and utterly batst crazy Bumble date, I am sadly back on the market at the wrong side of 50

On the plus side, I'll hopefully garner more material for my dating blog: https://www.bumblingdad.co.uk/2018/06/wordsdont-co.... Forgive the shameless promotion, I'm up for UK Dating Blogger of the year next month. But like my love life, it's likely to be a damp squib.

Edited by Big Pants on Saturday 23 March 19:48

Url fixed.

[Fermit and Sexy Sarah]

hyphen said:

Slagathore said:

Get rid of the picture of a cat. Or better yet, get rid of the cat and get a dog.

Grown man with a pet cat - lonely psychopath

Grown man with a pet dog - decent human

I know several women who don't like dogs (due to being chased by one as kids etc so scarred for life ).

I had one before meeting S. On Match me and a rather pretty lass got chatting, but after a few days she stated that she was st scared of dogs, especially big ones. I knew it was time to move on, as A) I had a dog, and B) it was an 8.5 stone one, a Dobe x Great Dane. He was gentle as you could ever meet, but people crossed the road from him all the time, he looked the part.

She pursued me for weeks, she really couldn't see what the problem was!

[Big Pants]

hyphen said:

Url fixed.

Thanks, hyphen

[Rewe]

Big Pants said:

After 18 on-and-off months with a gorgeous, highly-sexed and utterly batst crazy Bumble date, I am sadly back on the market at the wrong side of 50

On the plus side, I'll hopefully garner more material for my dating blog: https://www.bumblingdad.co.uk/2018/06/wordsdont-come-easy-to-me-but-numbers-do.html. Forgive the shameless promotion, I'm up for UK Dating Blogger of the year next month. But like my love life, it's likely to be a damp squib.

Edited by Big Pants on Saturday 23 March 19:48

Good blogging!

[boxst]

hyphen said:

Big Pants said:

After 18 on-and-off months with a gorgeous, highly-sexed and utterly batst crazy Bumble date, I am sadly back on the market at the wrong side of 50

On the plus side, I'll hopefully garner more material for my dating blog: https://www.bumblingdad.co.uk/2018/06/wordsdont-co.... Forgive the shameless promotion, I'm up for UK Dating Blogger of the year next month. But like my love life, it's likely to be a damp squib.

Edited by Big Pants on Saturday 23 March 19:48

Url fixed.

I enjoyed reading your blog, thank you.

[Don1]

boxst said:

I enjoyed reading your blog, thank you.

Agreed. Some PHisms in there as well.

[mjb1]

technodup said:

To the guy(s) who have three matches in 18 months. You're either being faaaar too picky, or your profile is total ste.

Pretty sure I'm not being picky, swiping right on probably 95% of profiles. May be down to a combination of rural location and not the best photo's. After the one woman I went on a first date with and didn't go any further (mutual lack of spark), she said that my profile was good and my photo's were ok - a good likeness to me in person apparently. I could do with some better photo's, but without having anyone willing to help take some for me, I'm stuck with a few average selfies.

chunder27 said:

Just deleted my pof account, sometimes you just have to realise that you are not in the right place to date someone and they all want perfection, and the majority of women simply want an easy life and a boring man, they perceive men who have any issues as a bad thing, no matter if it is as simple as work, or anything they might be dealing with too.

Sometimes you have to just admit you are better off being single.

I am not interested in sex as most men seem to be, never have been, it has always been a rather disappointing activity with every woman I have ever been with, so that obviously tends to put an end to relationships anyway after time.

And despite feeling a longing for something, I have finally realised it is simply a form of loneliness, nothing more.

I have been unhappy for quite a few years, and this does not translate to a positive attitude when trying to date people, you can try all you like, but being unhappy comes out eventually.

Time to just forget about, like a lot of things in my life, it will NEVER happen, so just forget it and move on.

Whilst I have some similar feelings on how it's going for me, I'm also the complete opposite to some of what you say. I'm happy with everything about my life except perpetually being single getting me down. I thought I'd met someone last year - when we're together she totally transforms my internal emotions. I was just starting to come out of my shell and open up to the idea of a being in a fulfilling relationship, when she suddenly and inexplicably went cold on me. We still get on great, and talk to each other more than I ever have with anyone, but have been friend zoned.

I'm still looking and doing the online thing, but it becomes a total emotional roller coaster - one minute you're matching and messaging with someone who seems nice and it fills you with positivity, then they ghost you and you're back to the start, just with another kick to the confidence. I can see that if you're doing well with online dating and chatting to multiple women, that doesn't tend to be an issue. But for those of us that aren't good looking enough or sharp enough in the first few messages, to get loads of matches/messages it makes it a lot harder.

I have as many hobbies and interests as I can fit into my life (i.e. around my kids), but they're all basically male orientated, so the opportunity to meet women through them is slim.

shirt said:

chunder27 said:

Indeed

It was becoming obvious that after initial chatting with women they would tail off, I would mention I was not working, dealing with a truly awful few years since a parental loss, the spin that put me in. Obviously with good stufff aswell, if you talk like that from the oiff who would not be put off, but I think women on dating sites my sort of age have had enough of dealing with anything, they all want mr perfect, no issues, no hassles, nothing, juts plain boring men who they can tick the boyfriend box to.

these are all issues that I have dealt with OK, but some people just look at it as a guy with issues.

So, sorting a few of these out initially would be a better base to start from, just for myself more than anything.

pretty pointless to try and introduce someone into your life, when i am not even remotely happy with it.

I have plenty of interests and hobbies, but sadly being out of work means I go into hermit shutdown mode, too afraid of spending money, sort that out and we are fine.

If the ‘issues’ are surfacing during early conversations with women then they are clearly not one you have ‘dealt with’ or put behind you, especially so if this is before you’ve even met them. Dating and flirting is a light hearted game.

I would suggest having a mental health check at a reputable psychotherapist, and perhaps a series of sessions with them. Think of it as spring cleaning for your mental space, look at what is holding you back generally not just in relationships, then focus on what is going to make you happy long term.

I realise having someone on a forum recommend therapy based on 1-2 posts is as about as helpful as this threads dating advice, but the language you use suggests that you are trying to fit in with convention and finding it, well, doesn’t fit you. I think you need to feel good about yourself and the way your life is going before working out what will work for you in terms of relationships.

If you really don’t care for sex, I am sure there are ways of finding asexuals and women of a similar disposition.

Yes, you really need to get these issues sorted out (or at least mask them a lot better). Put yourself in their shoes - you're just creating an impression of being hard work/needy/negative, and that's never going to be attractive for a new partner to take on. The only women that might be interested are those with even more issues of their own.

[technodup]

mjb1 said:

technodup said:

To the guy(s) who have three matches in 18 months. You're either being faaaar too picky, or your profile is total ste.

Pretty sure I'm not being picky, swiping right on probably 95% of profiles. May be down to a combination of rural location and not the best photo's. After the one woman I went on a first date with and didn't go any further (mutual lack of spark), she said that my profile was good and my photo's were ok - a good likeness to me in person apparently. I could do with some better photo's, but without having anyone willing to help take some for me, I'm stuck with a few average selfies.

A good likeness, but she didn't fancy you? And you're liking almost everybody? Your profile is not good, it's the opposite of good.

I accept that living in the sticks isn't going to help. So you've got to game everything else to your advantage. Ditch the crap selfies. Pics of you in a social situation make you look human, but if you can't do that at least do this, get 'dressed up' as you might for a first date. Get a haircut if necessary. Use the self timer on your phone/camera and a tripod (or just prop it up on something) and take some pics that look like you've had someone else do it. Pick the best. Do it in different outfits if you need more.

Selfies of you in a faded band t-shirt which make your face look a funny shape are not what's required here. Ultimately Tinder is like most things in life, effort is rewarded. I'd be willing to bet your profile could do with a rewrite too.

I've been on it properly since January and had some success (which for reasons of being British I'm not supposed to mention ) and I'm ready to refresh mine with new pics. It's a process of continual development, or should be. New people come on all the time, and others will be improving theirs, if you don't do the same you're falling further back in the queue every day.

[Taylor James]

Has anyone ever set up a false (or real!) profile breaching all the requirements. So short, fat, right wing, car loving, cat hating, kid loathing, badly dressed but rich. Did the last quality trump all others?

[SpeckledJim]

Taylor James said:

Has anyone ever set up a false (or real!) profile breaching all the requirements. So short, fat, right wing, car loving, cat hating, kid loathing, badly dressed but rich. Did the last quality trump all others?

You mean James Stunt?