Match.com (Volume 6)

[antspants]

Most of the women I'm meeting or talking to, want a guy who has confidence (but is not a cocky tt) and as you say is interested in them. My date from last night said she wants "cheeky AND romantic, I'm greedy".
I'm not in this to jump from woman to woman, I'm 47 I did that 25 years ago.
If you are loooking for loads of one night stands then I imagine loads of banter and cockiness gets you the right kind of girls.
Each to their own.

[Gretchen]

Blown2CV said:

Gretchen said:

technodup said:

wasn't looking for advice.

What are you looking for?

praise on his approach i think. Just sounds he wants to make innuendo for a few hours. I'm no expert but i can't imagine that's what women are after.... what do you think Gretchen? (see, i asked you a question)

Lots of bravado. Not going to deny I’ve been there. It’s fun if you accept it for what it is. I’m not a serious person and can’t ever see myself settling down. I’m sure I’ll be ‘too old for it’ at some point but fk it, life’s short. Just don’t complain about woman being unicorn hunters whilst serial dating just for the sake of it. You’re either seeking ‘the one’ or seeking ’some fun’ surely? Internet dating becomes a dirty habit that’s hard to break because the grass is always greener.

(I work a four day 40 hour week and today is the start of my weekend so I’m half way through a bottle of Gin. I might regret this in the morning).

[mcdjl]

Gretchen said:

Lots of bravado. Not going to deny I’ve been there. It’s fun if you accept it for what it is. I’m not a serious person and can’t ever see myself settling down. I’m sure I’ll be ‘too old for it’ at some point but fk it, life’s short. Just don’t complain about woman being unicorn hunters whilst serial dating just for the sake of it. You’re either seeking ‘the one’ or seeking ’some fun’ surely? Internet dating becomes a dirty habit that’s hard to break because the grass is always greener.

(I work a four day 40 hour week and today is the start of my weekend so I’m half way through a bottle of Gin. I might regret this in the morning).

There are worse things to regret!

[technodup]

Blown2CV said:

I was more advising others to disregard your advice...

Blown2CV said:

I'm no expert but i can't imagine that's what women are after.... what do you think Gretchen?

You're advising people to disregard someone with a 4/5 record, when #5 has only been a lunch so far? And when the next two responses, including one from *an actual female* pretty much confirm what I've been saying?

Some of the romantics on here need to understand that a LOT of women are basically the same as men. They want fun. They want pumped. And it's very easy for them to get it.

So they can either get it from a a confident guy who can have normal conversations without getting tongue tied, or they can get it from the nervy guy with the list of pre-prepared questions desperately hoping you're going to be 'the one'.

I am confident, no question. But it's much less about bragging and bravado than a genuine contentment in who and where I am, which must come across along the line. I don't have a huge house, don't have a car any more, and don't wear fancy watches. But I'm slim, dress well, look young for 40 and can genuinely take it or leave it. I'm not out to impress, I'm out to enjoy myself and see what happens. And that lack of pressure is key imo.

Seeing #5 again tomorrow so if it all goes to st I'll make sure to update.

[Gretchen]

technodup said:

I don't have a huge house, don't have a car any more, and don't wear fancy watches. But I'm slim, dress well, look young for 40 and can genuinely take it or leave it. I'm not out to impress, I'm out to enjoy myself and see what happens. And that lack of pressure is key imo.

No car?!? I’m out.

[antspants]

You're right technodup that there are a lot of women on the sites like that, but just for balance there are also a LOT of women who are put off by that kind of approach and do want a romantic, sensitive guy.
But we all need to be thick skinned enough to move on, christ it's not like the online dating pool is small!
The point I'm making to the guys who may be the latter is don't be put off if you're not getting any joy at the moment. It may just mean the ones you're messaging (assuming profile, pics, opening messsage are all decent) just aren't your type in which case great you haven't wasted any time. Move on and try more.
I can't remember who said it, but it certainly isn't as simple as saying "you're doing it wrong or your profiles are st!"
I'm no expert but if anybody is struggling to get responses and wants somebody to give some feedback on their profile then pm me. I certainly won't be sticking my profile up on here to be ripped to pieces critiqued. I had a few friends wives and girls in the office help me to tweak mine

[antspants]

Oh and a long wordy opening message showing much you understand and have read their profile and feel a mutual infinity doesn't work!
I tried a couple of those at the start and nothing
Short and snappy yields far better results

[Gretchen]

antspants said:

You're right technodup that there are a lot of women on the sites like that, but just for balance there are also a LOT of women who are put off by that kind of approach and do want a romantic, sensitive guy.

Entirely this. And using two female replies from here is hardly evidence to back your claim. We are woman using a predominantly male site. Ergo we (well I) have very little in common with the average woman. Try posting your theory on Mumsnet and asking there... My POV should therefore be disregarded in this case probably because I am female!

(And I have two cars)

[technodup]

antspants said:

I can't remember who said it, but it certainly isn't as simple as saying "you're doing it wrong or your profiles are st!"

I think that was me, and I stand by it.

I'm not saying all women are the same, far from it. But if you go into this and get too picky, focus on 'the one', or even one at a time it's unlikely to work. Some posters seem to approach it like they're in a movie, they've seen a girl in the office they like and in the time honoured Frank Spencer style they ham-fistedly attempt to woo her over a period of weeks or months, usually with little success.

Like it or not it is a numbers game. And the guys wanting to do it the old fashioned way are inevitably going to take longer and likely be disappointed more often than those who take it for what it is.

And btw, I'd prefer a 35yo to a 45yo but it's the older ones who prefer me, so I'm not saying it's easy. It's annoying that my grey hair doesn't turn the youngsters on but there's no harm in having fun with some oldies while I wait. If the alternative is getting all upset and blaming everyone else I know which I prefer.

[davek_964]

technodup said:

think that was me, and I stand by it.

I'm not saying all women are the same, far from it. But if you go into this and get too picky, focus on 'the one', or even one at a time it's unlikely to work.

Sorry, but that's just not true. People simply have to find the approach that works for them.

I posted on this thread a long time ago (> 1 year) to say I generally only focus on one person at a time. I'll send out mails / start initially chatting to several at a time in the beginning. But if I start having a decent conversation with one person, then I tend to focus on that one and see how it goes. I am not interested in holding ongoing conversations with many people at the same time, or meeting several people at the same time. For some people that works, for me it doesn't.

It does me no harm at all. Assuming we get past the initial few messages and it becomes proper conversations, it results in meeting 99% of the time. And if we don't fancy each other / don't get on, who cares? Women might get plenty of attention on the sites, but in my experience (and talking to female friends who are on them), a lot of that attention is from men who send dick pics, or can't string a sentence together. So if it doesn't work out when I meet the one I was chatting with, the others are still there and just as happy to start talking to me.

I am socially inept, but I've never had a problem getting dates from the dating sites, and most (certainly not all) of the women I meet want to meet me again.

My approach works for me, everybody needs to find what works for them. The idea that there is one magic recipe that fits all isn't true. (Except, don't send dick pics, and don't start sending messages about sex etc).

[Rh14n]

antspants said:

You're right technodup that there are a lot of women on the sites like that, but just for balance there are also a LOT of women who are put off by that kind of approach and do want a romantic, sensitive guy.

This all day for me. Perhaps the 'romantic, sensitive' goes a bit far, but in my day I would run a mile from the brash guys who were only after one thing. A decent man, good company and most importantly, someone who made me laugh were the most important qualities. It seems that a lot of the above advice seems to take it that all women are attracted to one style of profile/approaches whereas in fact, women are just as varied as men in what they're looking for. If you're looking for non-serious, fun/sex then it seems Techno's approach clearly works but for people looking for a long-term relationship (which I'm sure most women over the age of 25 are), perhaps not.

[antspants]

I don't necessarily agree with your first comment but the rest yes.
It's without doubt a numbers game and if similar to me you've been in a relationship/marriage for 20 odd years it's wierd and uncomfortable to begin with. But you get used to it quickly.
Sitting last night juggling 5 message threads, one I've dated, 2 I have dates with and 2 I will get dates with, it's brain scrambling but fun.
My approach probably sits somewhere in the middle ground of what you do and the extreme you've described.
I am picky and will continue to be, but do agree with the comment about the older ladies. There are some extremely attractive ladies in their late 40's early 50's and that's my stomping ground.

[antspants]

Rh14n yes you've put it much more eloquently than me, and the "romatic, sensitive" was over egging it to make a point.
What you were looking for, describes the attributes the women I'm talking to are looking for. And although you're right that everyone is after something different I think describes the majority of women on these sites certainly in my age group that are looking for something more than a quick romp.
Davek you're right, different strokes for different folks. I found it very hard initially to talk to more than one at a time, and to be fair with 3 dates this week I've stopped replying to other messages, likes etc. I want to see how these go first.

[Rh14n]

Good luck Antspants ... keep us updated

[technodup]

I'm not really arguing with you guys above, each to their own. I was more making a point about some of the posters earlier on who were blaming their lack of success on the sites, fake profiles and all the rest.

I liken it to job searching. I wouldn't put my eggs in one basket and only apply for the dream job. I'd apply for lots and take what comes until the big one.

[Greenmantle]

Gretchen said:

technodup said:

I don't have a huge house, don't have a car any more, and don't wear fancy watches. But I'm slim, dress well, look young for 40 and can genuinely take it or leave it. I'm not out to impress, I'm out to enjoy myself and see what happens. And that lack of pressure is key imo.

No car?!? I’m out.

technodup - you will need one of these then!

[Vyse]

Whats the max distance people are willing to travel to meet someone? I may have set my distance too far and so some of my matches are pointless even if the girl is hawt!

[davek_964]

Vyse said:

Whats the max distance people are willing to travel to meet someone? I may have set my distance too far and so some of my matches are pointless even if the girl is hawt!

Don't think I'd go further than 20, and I'd prefer to keep it under 10.

[technodup]

Greenmantle said:

technodup - you will need one of these then!

I stay in one of the (now) trendy bits of Glasgow and work from home. I just don't need (or want) a car.

I only spoke to one where it was an issue. It was a big issue to her tbh, she couldn't comprehend how I managed without, but she was one of those who asked a million questions about every single detail so I wasn't losing out on much.

[moanthebairns]

technodup said:

Greenmantle said:

technodup - you will need one of these then!

I stay in one of the (now) trendy bits of Glasgow and work from home. I just don't need (or want) a car.

I only spoke to one where it was an issue. It was a big issue to her tbh, she couldn't comprehend how I managed without, but she was one of those who asked a million questions about every single detail so I wasn't losing out on much.

What was her username on here.....