Being told " I don't love you anymore"

[Mark Benson]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

I live in a Dales village that's popular with early retirees and 'he' often looks burned out, overweight and tired from a lifetime providing for her and the kids while 'she's' trim, active, finally feels she has time for her hobbies, making new friends and loves to 'get involved'. I can think of 3 such couples within a few doors of here, all arrived within the last few years.

One of the wives blew up at her husband recently because he had made a list of suggestions for her to 'improve' her housework now he has had time to observe her at close quarters. He's also the one wearing a yellow tabard pointing the 'community speedwatch' at the school-run mums once a week. He's bored and irritating because he hasn't got work to occupy his mind.
She spends as much time as possible out of the house with her groups doing coffee at the garden centre, voluteering at the community shop, charity stuff etc. etc.

Many don't make it past that stage, I can see why.

[nonsequitur]

SpeckledJim said:

We went to the wedding of one of my wife's friends where the bride said to my wife and her mates

"...but he's good-looking so he'll do for the kids, then I'll find someone else"

And true enough, two good-looking kids later and he's been given the elbow.

A bit dodgy biologically, surely?

Edited by nonsequitur on Thursday 4th March 14:34

[TwigtheWonderkid]

Psycho Warren said:

As well as being fat and in poor health , I am a petrol head, like lego, all sorts of random boys toys, random junk, am a social hand grenade, as well as being nuts and at times a bit of an asshole.

I think the above bio on your dating app profile might need some work.

[MB140]

Monkeylegend said:

PAUL500 said:

Its a two stage legal process Warren, that many do not realise.

Divorce is stage one, and then comes the financial settlement after that, which is when the clean break gets introduced.

In between the divorce part and clean break, everything is still on the table, it can be years after divorce before the finances are legally settled with a clean break.

Until a judge rubber stamps the finances as well then either party can back out of any agreement that was made.

Lots of people have been bitten on the arse by just sorting the divorce part but not the financial element, usually as there is not much to divide up, then years later after someone has got back on their feet financially the other side turn up and claim a stake!

Edited by PAUL500 on Thursday 4th March 09:54

Not mine, our clean break agreement was all part of the divorce proceedings and signed off at the same time by the judge.

Same here. Mine were both done at the same time.

In fact my lawyer used it as leverage against my now ex. I was paying her off to stay out of my pension. She desperate wanted the money to buy a new property and was getting quite irate about it but was pissing about with threatening with not signing the divorce.

It was pointed out to her that until she signed the divorce then she could go swivel (probably in a politer tone as I had to bite my tongue).

I was getting off light as she wanted her cake now earthier than wait until retirement age as she was late 30s so when it was made clear if she wanted to £30k then to sign the divorce and the clean break order and she would get her cash the day it was finalised. Which she did. Good riddance to her, I will start collecting my pension at 45 in a couple of years when I demob.

[Psycho Warren]

TwigtheWonderkid said:

I think the above bio on your dating app profile might need some work.

At least its honest.

I could lie and make myself out to be something I am not, for them to only be disappointed when the "honeymoon" period wears off and they discover the "real me". lol.

[lambosagogo]

BFleming said:

My wife once said the same thing after a night out - all this stuff about how well endowed X's husband is, how he works so hard he's rarely up for sex, how Y is thinking about an affair with a colleague...

I think our partners may know eachother.....

In our case, when Y said she was thinking about an affair the others were all excited about being able to hear about new cocks! As soon as lockdown ends and she meets the ex colleague she has been chatting to throughout then they will be straight onto discussing how big he is and what he did with her. I doubt the kids or her husband would come up in conversation.

[MB140]

The spinner of plates said:

Psycho Warren said:

Thats a pretty mercenary attitude

I still aspire to meet a woman who wants me for me not what i can "provide". Probably part of why I will remain unmarried forever. lol.

Don’t lose hope, they’re out there.

Yep, when I divorced my first wife I was flat broke and didn’t have a pot to piss in. My old man used to sub me money for fuel to go see him.

I met a woman whilst having nothing. I’m no looker but pride my self on having a reasonable personality and just made her laugh, feel loved and appreciated. We have been together 12 years now (married nearly 6), she never asks me for anything to support her.

I’m doing ok financially now but she earns probably 4-6 times my salary as a minimum, it’s nice to know I don’t HAVE to provide for her but I pay my share in everything we do and if she asked I would willingly contribute.

I do realise I am punching way above my weight and have been extremely lucky to meet someone I truly call my sole mate. There not all merciless bhes.

[BFleming]

lambosagogo said:

BFleming said:

My wife once said the same thing after a night out - all this stuff about how well endowed X's husband is, how he works so hard he's rarely up for sex, how Y is thinking about an affair with a colleague...

I think our partners may know eachother.....

In our case, when Y said she was thinking about an affair the others were all excited about being able to hear about new cocks! As soon as lockdown ends and she meets the ex colleague she has been chatting to throughout then they will be straight onto discussing how big he is and what he did with her. I doubt the kids or her husband would come up in conversation.

This was about 15 years ago to be fair. X was left by left her husband eventually; even after the affair came out, the cocaine use and all the debt she didn't know about, she stuck by him, but he walked after another few weeks and is now living with the colleague. Y and family are still together, but I'd say not happily ever after, just until the kids are off their hands. There is more to that one that I won't post on here.

[Pieman68]

MB140 said:

The spinner of plates said:

Psycho Warren said:

Thats a pretty mercenary attitude

I still aspire to meet a woman who wants me for me not what i can "provide". Probably part of why I will remain unmarried forever. lol.

Don’t lose hope, they’re out there.

Yep, when I divorced my first wife I was flat broke and didn’t have a pot to piss in. My old man used to sub me money for fuel to go see him.

I met a woman whilst having nothing. I’m no looker but pride my self on having a reasonable personality and just made her laugh, feel loved and appreciated. We have been together 12 years now (married nearly 6), she never asks me for anything to support her.

I’m doing ok financially now but she earns probably 4-6 times my salary as a minimum, it’s nice to know I don’t HAVE to provide for her but I pay my share in everything we do and if she asked I would willingly contribute.

I do realise I am punching way above my weight and have been extremely lucky to meet someone I truly call my sole mate. There not all merciless bhes.

Similar story here. I met the other half when I was going through the divorce process, working a second job behind a bar at weekends (to put fuel in my £600 car to get to work) and living off shopping bundles from my mum

10 years later and coming up to 5 years married (after saying I would never marry again) I paid off the majority of the debts and have an 18 month plan to be debt free and pumping extra into the pension. She started her own business 3 years ago which has been massively impacted by lockdown, so she went and got a job cleaning at the hospital to make ends meet

She's a diamond and I wouldn't have it any other way. If I judged everyone on the merits of the narcissistic sociopath that I was married to before I would highly likely be very lonely and probably still very skint

[The spinner of plates]

Psycho Warren said:

hyphen said:

Women are only fertile for so long, if Prince Charming hasn't arrived, the 'he is ok I guess, bores me but has a decent job and will be a decent father so will do' assessment may result.

Edited by hyphen on Thursday 4th March 13:15

Blokes would be slaughtered for making such mercenary decisions about women. eg Better marry that fit young women before she gets old and puts weight on. Or shes pretty, better marry her so my kids arent ugly. etc etc etc.

Oh but they do...
It’s just rarely thought through beyond “hmmm, nice rack..”
At least women have a game plan!

Joking
Kinda

[Psycho Warren]

MB140 said:

Yep, when I divorced my first wife I was flat broke and didn’t have a pot to piss in. My old man used to sub me money for fuel to go see him.

I met a woman whilst having nothing. I’m no looker but pride my self on having a reasonable personality and just made her laugh, feel loved and appreciated. We have been together 12 years now (married nearly 6), she never asks me for anything to support her.

I’m doing ok financially now but she earns probably 4-6 times my salary as a minimum, it’s nice to know I don’t HAVE to provide for her but I pay my share in everything we do and if she asked I would willingly contribute.

I do realise I am punching way above my weight and have been extremely lucky to meet someone I truly call my sole mate. There not all merciless bhes.

I need to develop a balanced personality and really want it. At the moment, apart from loneliness and missing more regular intimacy ( i still see a girl occassionally but its more benefits than relationship), I value my independence and freedom to do what i want when i want outside work hours.

It would be nice to have someone I could share my hobbies and likes with and involve in my life in that way though.

[Psycho Warren]

The spinner of plates said:

Oh but they do...
It’s just rarely thought through beyond “hmmm, nice rack..”
At least women have a game plan!

Joking
Kinda

hahaha true but the double standard is most blokes couldn't give two sts about their missus blabbering to her girly mates where as many women would be mortified to know you were telling your bloke mates "nice rack" or "nice ass" or shes still tight after 3 kids or whatever. lol.

[mjb1]

I'm quite grateful that I never married my ex, that would've made the split far messier. Now with someone who cherishes her own independence. We live separately (because we both have kids mainly), but it's working quite well so far. Would like to get married one day but we'd both probably be 50 before that happens with no kids together and previous kids all adults. The stories in here put me off a bit! I have more assets than her, but the circumstances - age and lack of kids together I'm hoping would keep any future split fair financially?

[BlackStang5point0]

mjb1 said:

I'm quite grateful that I never married my ex, that would've made the split far messier. Now with someone who cherishes her own independence. We live separately (because we both have kids mainly), but it's working quite well so far. Would like to get married one day but we'd both probably be 50 before that happens with no kids together and previous kids all adults. The stories in here put me off a bit! I have more assets than her, but the circumstances - age and lack of kids together I'm hoping would keep any future split fair financially?

Similar to our situation although we also have a little one together which makes it more difficult at times. However, it seems to work for us mostly and neither of us have any real desire to get married.

[mjb1]

BlackStang5point0 said:

mjb1 said:

I'm quite grateful that I never married my ex, that would've made the split far messier. Now with someone who cherishes her own independence. We live separately (because we both have kids mainly), but it's working quite well so far. Would like to get married one day but we'd both probably be 50 before that happens with no kids together and previous kids all adults. The stories in here put me off a bit! I have more assets than her, but the circumstances - age and lack of kids together I'm hoping would keep any future split fair financially?

Similar to our situation although we also have a little one together which makes it more difficult at times. However, it seems to work for us mostly and neither of us have any real desire to get married.

The only slight sticking point where we don't see eye to eye is the behaviour of her kids - they're a bit out of control/lacking discipline, to the extent of being pretty obnoxious. She excuses their behaviour, putting it down to adhd and autism. I try my best to keep out of it, but it's the main reason I couldn't see us living together until the kids are grown up.

[Pit Pony]

GT3Manthey said:

She must have been desperately unhappy.

Getting to late 50's not many women would file for divorce when a comfortable retirement was on the horizon.

I wonder how the menopause factors into this.

I'm not making any excuses, but the menopause seems to make any patience and compromise disappear down an emotionally charged toilet

[MB140]

Psycho Warren said:

I need to develop a balanced personality and really want it. At the moment, apart from loneliness and missing more regular intimacy ( i still see a girl occassionally but its more benefits than relationship), I value my independence and freedom to do what i want when i want outside work hours.

It would be nice to have someone I could share my hobbies and likes with and involve in my life in that way though.

I posted early in this thread but I am very lucky, my wife was the boss of a oil rig for years, 2 weeks on 2 weeks off, she currently runs her own business commissioning power station control rooms down in London (we live in Nottingham). Im armed forces so have spent long periods away from home.

This of course affords me the freedom to do what I want when she’s away and then spend all our limited but very precious time together when we are both home. I see it as the best of both worlds. We have never had a life where we are constantly in each other’s pockets.

It’s not for everybody and earlier in the thread I posted about infidelity in the forces (not just those but partners are just as bad). You really have to trust someone living this kind of life. But it suits us.

I married at 22 first time around (armed forces kind of forces it on you, can’t get a house on base unless your married and move so much), my mum tried everything to stop me getting married first time round and I hate to say it but “Yes mum you knew better”. With my current wife, my mum probably loves her more than me, she approved within a few weeks of meeting her.

You just have to find the right one with the same goals and morals in my opinion, hobbies is a bonus (ours is motorsport)

[Psycho Warren]

yeah i remember if you lived on base or didnt go home at weekends, you got fked for duty weekends all the time. including xmas, although as a bit of a loner i didnt mind xmas duty on the boat as you didnt do any actual work apart from help out cooking the xmas dinner and serving it to the lads (supervised by the real chef obviously!). duty watch fire exercise, yep that aint happening. lol. evening rounds cancelled. also usually the Captain would visit to drop off choccys or sweets and thank the lads and sometimes the base commander too so not all bad.

[CaptainSlow]

Back onto inheritances.

If an inheritance is received during a marriage it is initially treated as a non-marital asset and not included in the split calculation. However, if the inheritance is integrated into the marital assets then it does get included.

If an inheritance is expected but not yet received at the point of divorce it does not get considered in the split agreement.

[Algarve]

CaptainSlow said:

Back onto inheritances.

If an inheritance is received during a marriage it is initially treated as a non-marital asset and not included in the split calculation. However, if the inheritance is integrated into the marital assets then it does get included.

If an inheritance is expected but not yet received at the point of divorce it does not get considered in the split agreement.

Good luck telling your wife you're keeping your inheritance in a ring fenced savings account of your own in case you split up later