Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
AndStilliRise said:
johnwilliams77 said:
AndStilliRise said:
What is M.E? Can it be fixed?
http://bfy.tw/C3wnGloverMart said:
AndStilliRise said:
johnwilliams77 said:
AndStilliRise said:
What is M.E? Can it be fixed?
http://bfy.tw/C3wn
AndStilliRise said:
Thanks man. It can be cured, right? But if she was suffering from this, OP were there any symptoms? Seeing as though she is putting you through the mill, could this be a yarn?
Have to admit, that crossed my mind too, but if it is true wouldn't it be better if the kids stayed with dad so mum can concentrate on her health issues..Suffering with something like that and raising kids without a full time dad would be a challenge, no?
Whattodonow said:
I'm in the process of applying for a house through my work now, if nothing else it'll give me somewhere to get my head together. It'll be in the next town along so joint custody will be easier to work out with my son staying at the same school
With regards to the house we own, I could easily afford to pay the mortgage myself, for her it would be tight.
I suggested that if she cannot afford it, she finds somewhere cheaper and I'll stay in our house, but her reply was that to rent in this area is unaffordable to her, and as such she would move away with the kids.
I think I posted this a couple of days ago, but I'll say it again - do not move out of the family home. With regards to the house we own, I could easily afford to pay the mortgage myself, for her it would be tight.
I suggested that if she cannot afford it, she finds somewhere cheaper and I'll stay in our house, but her reply was that to rent in this area is unaffordable to her, and as such she would move away with the kids.
If you go to court she will probably get the house along with custody of the kids. The best thing you could do is agree financials and arrangements for seeing the kids before the sh*t really hits the fan. I know why people are staying stay in the house but I don't think long term it will make much difference. Even if she can't afford it on paper the courts will still award her the house.
There are a lot of ex wives out there who get themselves into financial messes because they insist on staying in the house. Let her.
There are a lot of ex wives out there who get themselves into financial messes because they insist on staying in the house. Let her.
Horsepower1000 said:
All I know is that you will end up providing for the kids and she will end up taking the piss with the money.
A reasonable assumption, but when my ex wife divorced me, (completely and totally with me at fault), she was awarded a pittance in my opinion, with which she could hardly take the piss, and she wasn't that kind of woman anyway.I made a deal with her, I'd set up a Direct Debit to her bank for the amount that the court had awarded her, this would keep the Inland Revenue in the dark, and off my back, then I'd give her the exact same amount in cash every month, providing the deal remained just between us.
I willingly did this for about three years, until she met her new husband, and he'd moved in with her, prior to their marriage.
I carried on with the Direct Debit, adjusting it to cover only the amount awarded for the children until my kids were 18, although I still gave her that relevant sum in cash each month.
The way I saw it, she'd been an excellent wife and mother, why should she and my kids go without because I'd been a jerk.
Frank7 said:
A reasonable assumption, but when my ex wife divorced me, (completely and totally with me at fault), she was awarded a pittance in my opinion, with which she could hardly take the piss, and she wasn't that kind of woman anyway.
I made a deal with her, I'd set up a Direct Debit to her bank for the amount that the court had awarded her, this would keep the Inland Revenue in the dark, and off my back, then I'd give her the exact same amount in cash every month, providing the deal remained just between us.
I willingly did this for about three years, until she met her new husband, and he'd moved in with her, prior to their marriage.
I carried on with the Direct Debit, adjusting it to cover only the amount awarded for the children until my kids were 18, although I still gave her that relevant sum in cash each month.
The way I saw it, she'd been an excellent wife and mother, why should she and my kids go without because I'd been a jerk.
You are in the minority. Most women I know take the house, money, and still want more. All whilst preaching they are mum of the year and telling the world they are 'independent woman'. I made a deal with her, I'd set up a Direct Debit to her bank for the amount that the court had awarded her, this would keep the Inland Revenue in the dark, and off my back, then I'd give her the exact same amount in cash every month, providing the deal remained just between us.
I willingly did this for about three years, until she met her new husband, and he'd moved in with her, prior to their marriage.
I carried on with the Direct Debit, adjusting it to cover only the amount awarded for the children until my kids were 18, although I still gave her that relevant sum in cash each month.
The way I saw it, she'd been an excellent wife and mother, why should she and my kids go without because I'd been a jerk.
I don't have much respect for divorced women. Especially ones that don't find a bloke quickly. They end up bitter and entitled.anonymous said:
[redacted]
Flip side is, I want my kids to have stability and live in a nice house. No matter how bitter you can become, if you focus on what is best for your kids, then it becomes easier. Additionally, it means your ex when asked, Mummy why is my bedroom smaller, doesn't get to say, because your dad is a
. Frank7 said:
A reasonable assumption, but when my ex wife divorced me, (completely and totally with me at fault), she was awarded a pittance in my opinion, with which she could hardly take the piss, and she wasn't that kind of woman anyway.
I made a deal with her, I'd set up a Direct Debit to her bank for the amount that the court had awarded her, this would keep the Inland Revenue in the dark, and off my back, then I'd give her the exact same amount in cash every month, providing the deal remained just between us.
I willingly did this for about three years, until she met her new husband, and he'd moved in with her, prior to their marriage.
I carried on with the Direct Debit, adjusting it to cover only the amount awarded for the children until my kids were 18, although I still gave her that relevant sum in cash each month.
The way I saw it, she'd been an excellent wife and mother, why should she and my kids go without because I'd been a jerk.
Top bloke. Most PH'ers it seems go for/fall out with a certain type who they then claim (on a one way forum) that it's always the woman who is at fault. The man's a saint..I made a deal with her, I'd set up a Direct Debit to her bank for the amount that the court had awarded her, this would keep the Inland Revenue in the dark, and off my back, then I'd give her the exact same amount in cash every month, providing the deal remained just between us.
I willingly did this for about three years, until she met her new husband, and he'd moved in with her, prior to their marriage.
I carried on with the Direct Debit, adjusting it to cover only the amount awarded for the children until my kids were 18, although I still gave her that relevant sum in cash each month.
The way I saw it, she'd been an excellent wife and mother, why should she and my kids go without because I'd been a jerk.
Sa Calobra said:
Frank7 said:
A reasonable assumption, but when my ex wife divorced me, (completely and totally with me at fault), she was awarded a pittance in my opinion, with which she could hardly take the piss, and she wasn't that kind of woman anyway.
I made a deal with her, I'd set up a Direct Debit to her bank for the amount that the court had awarded her, this would keep the Inland Revenue in the dark, and off my back, then I'd give her the exact same amount in cash every month, providing the deal remained just between us.
I willingly did this for about three years, until she met her new husband, and he'd moved in with her, prior to their marriage.
I carried on with the Direct Debit, adjusting it to cover only the amount awarded for the children until my kids were 18, although I still gave her that relevant sum in cash each month.
The way I saw it, she'd been an excellent wife and mother, why should she and my kids go without because I'd been a jerk.
Top bloke. Most PH'ers it seems go for/fall out with a certain type who they then claim (on a one way forum) that it's always the woman who is at fault. The man's a saint..I made a deal with her, I'd set up a Direct Debit to her bank for the amount that the court had awarded her, this would keep the Inland Revenue in the dark, and off my back, then I'd give her the exact same amount in cash every month, providing the deal remained just between us.
I willingly did this for about three years, until she met her new husband, and he'd moved in with her, prior to their marriage.
I carried on with the Direct Debit, adjusting it to cover only the amount awarded for the children until my kids were 18, although I still gave her that relevant sum in cash each month.
The way I saw it, she'd been an excellent wife and mother, why should she and my kids go without because I'd been a jerk.
Horsepower1000 said:
If you go to court she will probably get the house along with custody of the kids. The best thing you could do is agree financials and arrangements for seeing the kids before the sh*t really hits the fan. I know why people are staying stay in the house but I don't think long term it will make much difference. Even if she can't afford it on paper the courts will still award her the house.
There are a lot of ex wives out there who get themselves into financial messes because they insist on staying in the house. Let her.
If you move out and set yourself up in rented accommodation or similar, and continue to pay the mortgage (because she isn't able to keep up with the repayments herself), then by the time it gets to court (which could be 5 years if she drags it out - and why wouldn't she, when she'd getting everything she needs, including a home FOC), you've effectively set a precedent by showing that you can afford to keep paying the mortgage. So yes, she probably will get the house (well, the equity in it that you've continued to build up since separating). Depending on your own circumstances, you may not be able to afford anything more than a rented bedsit in some run down part of town. And just to add insult to injury, her new bloke will probably have moved in by then, and you'll have been paying to keep a roof over his head as well.There are a lot of ex wives out there who get themselves into financial messes because they insist on staying in the house. Let her.
If however, you stay in the house through the proceedings (and manage to avoid what seems like the almost inevitable accusation of a domestic violence), then you stand a much better chance of keeping the legal process rolling along nicely since you both want to get the situation resolved and move on, and you'll probably end up with a fairer equity split of the house. Of course, you could always agree to sell the house in the meantime, and maybe agree on a fair slip of the equity, and it'll just need a judge to formalise it later. If you've both already used the equity in buying new houses each, then it's unlikely that the judge will tell you to hand it back.
I can fully understand the parent with primary care of the kids being awarded the family home (or a larger split of it) for the sake of the kids. But why is that a 'for life' settlement, and not just til the kids turn 18 (or 21 if they're in higher education)? It should really be reassessed at that point, particularly if the non resident parent hasn't managed to get back on their feet financially by then. Let's face it, if you have kids together, and you both have parental responsibility, it's not like either of you can fully move on until the kids turn adult anyway.
The handful of people I've known who've been diagnosed with ME and/or chronic fatigue have all subsequently been diagnosed with food allergies and intolerances. I see ME as a catch all for "doctor doesn't know what the problem is". It's very handy if a patient has read about ME on the interweb and just wants a diagnosis..
That said, I think there has been some research on ME recently that identified a common cause in some cases. Sorry, no linky - can't remember where I read it.
That said, I think there has been some research on ME recently that identified a common cause in some cases. Sorry, no linky - can't remember where I read it.
Whattodonow said:
I'm in the process of applying for a house through my work now, if nothing else it'll give me somewhere to get my head together. It'll be in the next town along so joint custody will be easier to work out with my son staying at the same school
With regards to the house we own, I could easily afford to pay the mortgage myself, for her it would be tight.
I suggested that if she cannot afford it, she finds somewhere cheaper and I'll stay in our house, but her reply was that to rent in this area is unaffordable to her, and as such she would move away with the kids.
Your kids need as much stability and continuity of their existing routines as possible - a principle that every teacher, social worker, child psychologist and family court will generally agree on. The fact that she even threatens to pull them around from pillar to post shows where her priorities are right now. It's exactly what my ex did, projecting all her anxieties and insecurities onto them which goes against parental instinct to protect and shelter.With regards to the house we own, I could easily afford to pay the mortgage myself, for her it would be tight.
I suggested that if she cannot afford it, she finds somewhere cheaper and I'll stay in our house, but her reply was that to rent in this area is unaffordable to her, and as such she would move away with the kids.
What you need to do is ensure that - whatever your living and eventual custody arrangements may be - you are absolutely unshakable in your commitment to fostering stability in their lives, and playing as much of a direct day to day role as possible. You have the opportunity to become an anchor for them at a time when they will probably lose confidence in their mother because of her erratic and self-absorbed behaviour. Remember its your wife who has voluntarily bailed out of the family unit - don't for a moment fall into the trap of feeling as though you've been ejected from it.
As advised above, do NOT make any rushed decisions on who lives where. Let her go and have all her childless nights with her exciting new lover whilst you stay at home and look after the kids if possible - offer her this opportunity - if she's anything like my ex she'll jump at the chance. Meanwhile keep detailed records of who cares for the children and when/where - start now, fill in the last week, and don't stop for at least the next 6 months. I also personally made an appointment with the school head and explained the circumstances and how I was concerned about the inevitable impact on the kids' well-being.
It's probably a bit premature, but if there is any likelihood of the new partner having contact with your children you should also make a request to the police under the offender disclosure scheme - I did this and whilst it (thankfully) didn't reveal any concerns I found the police staff to be very helpful and supportive and at every point they stressed that rather than wasting their time I was acting as a genuinely concerned, responsible parent.
Please also send me a PM if you ever feel a desire to talk directly with someone who has been through the same shower of s
t and lived to tell the tale.Edited by theboss on Wednesday 31st May 12:06
theboss said:
Whattodonow said:
I'm in the process of applying for a house through my work now, if nothing else it'll give me somewhere to get my head together. It'll be in the next town along so joint custody will be easier to work out with my son staying at the same school
With regards to the house we own, I could easily afford to pay the mortgage myself, for her it would be tight.
I suggested that if she cannot afford it, she finds somewhere cheaper and I'll stay in our house, but her reply was that to rent in this area is unaffordable to her, and as such she would move away with the kids.
Your kids need as much stability and continuity of their existing routines as possible - a principle that every teacher, social worker, child psychologist and family court will generally agree on. The fact that she even threatens to pull them around from pillar to post shows where her priorities are right now. It's exactly what my ex did, projecting all her anxieties and insecurities onto them which goes against parental instinct to protect and shelter.With regards to the house we own, I could easily afford to pay the mortgage myself, for her it would be tight.
I suggested that if she cannot afford it, she finds somewhere cheaper and I'll stay in our house, but her reply was that to rent in this area is unaffordable to her, and as such she would move away with the kids.
What you need to do is ensure that - whatever your living and eventual custody arrangements may be - you are absolutely unshakable in your commitment to fostering stability in their lives, and playing as much of a direct day to day role as possible. You have the opportunity to become an anchor for them at a time when they will probably lose confidence in their mother because of her erratic and self-absorbed behaviour. Remember its your wife who has voluntarily bailed out of the family unit - don't for a moment fall into the trap of feeling as though you've been ejected from it.
As advised above, do NOT make any rushed decisions on who lives where. Let her go and have all her childless nights with her exciting new lover whilst you stay at home and look after the kids if possible - offer her this opportunity - if she's anything like my ex she'll jump at the chance. Meanwhile keep detailed records of who cares for the children and when/where - start now, fill in the last week, and don't stop for at least the next 6 months. I also personally made an appointment with the school head and explained the circumstances and how I was concerned about the inevitable impact on the kids' well-being.
It's probably a bit premature, but if there is any likelihood of the new partner having contact with your children you should also make a request to the police under the offender disclosure scheme - I did this and whilst it (thankfully) didn't reveal any concerns I found the police staff to be very helpful and supportive and at every point they stressed that rather than wasting their time I was acting as a genuinely concerned, responsible parent.
Please also send me a PM if you ever feel a desire to talk directly with someone who has been through the same shower of s
t and lived to tell the tale.Edited by theboss on Wednesday 31st May 12:06
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