Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
Whattodonow said:
Whattodonow said:
Whattodonow said:
I had this happen to me last year.
Short version-
She told me she wasn't in love with me any more, I thought my job and working away was one of the main reasons for this so ended up taking voluntary redundancy and moving back to her home town.
Spent about 9 months looking for work, found another job which she hated.
Made an appointment with Relate for marriage counselling, started to make progress, she needed space and time to figure out what she wanted from life.
Skip forwards 3 months and in a moment of madness, i look at her phone one morning, turns out at the same time as we had started counselling, she had started an affair with a random guy from an adult dating site. I confronted her over it and over the course of the next few days and weeks, we actually became much closer and realised that we did still want it to work.
2 months on and our 10 year marriage is the best it has been in years but trust is going to take a long time to return.
Looking back, if she hadn't had the affair, i think our marriage would probably have ended!!
(Posted from a second username to protect what little dignity I still have, sorry mods ??)
A quick update 6 months on from the affair starting (4 months from me finding out)Short version-
She told me she wasn't in love with me any more, I thought my job and working away was one of the main reasons for this so ended up taking voluntary redundancy and moving back to her home town.
Spent about 9 months looking for work, found another job which she hated.
Made an appointment with Relate for marriage counselling, started to make progress, she needed space and time to figure out what she wanted from life.
Skip forwards 3 months and in a moment of madness, i look at her phone one morning, turns out at the same time as we had started counselling, she had started an affair with a random guy from an adult dating site. I confronted her over it and over the course of the next few days and weeks, we actually became much closer and realised that we did still want it to work.
2 months on and our 10 year marriage is the best it has been in years but trust is going to take a long time to return.
Looking back, if she hadn't had the affair, i think our marriage would probably have ended!!
(Posted from a second username to protect what little dignity I still have, sorry mods ??)
Things so far seem to be going great, Mrs WTDN has been to see an individual councillor to explore her issues.
I still struggle a bit with trusting her,and still see reminders of what happened every day, making me think about it (I commute past the premier inn she was visiting with him)
Individually, we have both made changes over the last few months which seem to have put us in a much better place and frame of mind. I've returned to the job which I left 18 months ago and being back in my comfort zone at work seems to have alleviated a lot of the tension/stress from our home life.
Not really got much else to say other than hopefully this post can help anyone else going through similar, and show that you CAN move forward from such a s
tty situation and it doesn't have to be the end.18 months on and she's done it again, except this time she's left me for a guy she's been with for 2 weeks.
The marriage is definitely done.
I'm sat at work 4500 miles and 7 hrs of time zones away (been here about 5 weeks, due back in another 3)
Her justification is that if her head can be turned so easily, then we just can't be right. She says she's not actually leaving me for him, but leaving me and happens to be with him.
I can feel myself slipping into a horrible dark place, haven't eaten or slept in 3 days, my work has gone to rats
t and I'm in a safety critical role, I've had to ask my boss to send me back to the ukk me, I clearly dont like having an easy life!!!!So, the dust all settled and I started to look forward to things again. I got a new place, my light at the end of the tunnel where I could make a life for my son and I. Everything looked great. I was still sad to have lost her, but I could see my future again. We were communicating amicably too which I really liked, it was like we could be great friends again as there was no pressure.
I had only been in my place 4 days, sitting watching TV, exchanging a few messages with her. Next thing I know and the messages heat up a bit and she ends up coming over. We slept together over the course of the next few days, with her telling me "its just sex, please dont tell him"
Within a few days, she basically cut off the new guy and asked if we could ever just start again. I stupidly agreed that we could take things slowly and see where it went from there.
A week later she contacted him to go collect her stuff and met with him that morning. they talked. That evening she told me that she missed him and still had feelings, could we back things off until she got him out of her head. Another week passed and she went to see him again, returned and told me, they're giving it another go.
I feel totally stupid. How the f
k could I let her back in again only to be hurt again. I think the false hope built up over the last few weeks only to be trampled on again is the hardest thing for me to deal with, I mean how can you do that to someone you claim to have any feelings for?
Whattodonow said:
fk me, I clearly dont like having an easy life!!!!
So, the dust all settled and I started to look forward to things again. I got a new place, my light at the end of the tunnel where I could make a life for my son and I. Everything looked great. I was still sad to have lost her, but I could see my future again. We were communicating amicably too which I really liked, it was like we could be great friends again as there was no pressure.
I had only been in my place 4 days, sitting watching TV, exchanging a few messages with her. Next thing I know and the messages heat up a bit and she ends up coming over. We slept together over the course of the next few days, with her telling me "its just sex, please dont tell him"
Within a few days, she basically cut off the new guy and asked if we could ever just start again. I stupidly agreed that we could take things slowly and see where it went from there.
A week later she contacted him to go collect her stuff and met with him that morning. they talked. That evening she told me that she missed him and still had feelings, could we back things off until she got him out of her head. Another week passed and she went to see him again, returned and told me, they're giving it another go.
I feel totally stupid. How the fk could I let her back in again only to be hurt again.
I think the false hope built up over the last few weeks only to be trampled on again is the hardest thing for me to deal with, I mean how can you do that to someone you claim to have any feelings for?
Sorry to say it, but you must be a real sucker for falling for her all over again! I doubt she's doing it purely to hurt you though, why risk the new relationship for that? Appears she want's to keep you in the shadows as a security blanket, should her new relationship fall through. She sounds like a complete sociopath, possibly has BPD or Bipolar. Not that that's an excuse for her behaviour. You need to be strong and firm here, do not let her back into your home again under any circumstances.k me, I clearly dont like having an easy life!!!!So, the dust all settled and I started to look forward to things again. I got a new place, my light at the end of the tunnel where I could make a life for my son and I. Everything looked great. I was still sad to have lost her, but I could see my future again. We were communicating amicably too which I really liked, it was like we could be great friends again as there was no pressure.
I had only been in my place 4 days, sitting watching TV, exchanging a few messages with her. Next thing I know and the messages heat up a bit and she ends up coming over. We slept together over the course of the next few days, with her telling me "its just sex, please dont tell him"
Within a few days, she basically cut off the new guy and asked if we could ever just start again. I stupidly agreed that we could take things slowly and see where it went from there.
A week later she contacted him to go collect her stuff and met with him that morning. they talked. That evening she told me that she missed him and still had feelings, could we back things off until she got him out of her head. Another week passed and she went to see him again, returned and told me, they're giving it another go.
I feel totally stupid. How the f
k could I let her back in again only to be hurt again. I think the false hope built up over the last few weeks only to be trampled on again is the hardest thing for me to deal with, I mean how can you do that to someone you claim to have any feelings for?
You obviously aren't properly over her either, or else the thought of rekindling things with her would repulse you. Even a sympathy/nostalgia shag shouldn't be appealing to you. You really need to be getting some elsewhere to help you get over this woman, as it doesn't sound like you have been?
mjb1 said:
Whattodonow said:
fk me, I clearly dont like having an easy life!!!!
So, the dust all settled and I started to look forward to things again. I got a new place, my light at the end of the tunnel where I could make a life for my son and I. Everything looked great. I was still sad to have lost her, but I could see my future again. We were communicating amicably too which I really liked, it was like we could be great friends again as there was no pressure.
I had only been in my place 4 days, sitting watching TV, exchanging a few messages with her. Next thing I know and the messages heat up a bit and she ends up coming over. We slept together over the course of the next few days, with her telling me "its just sex, please dont tell him"
Within a few days, she basically cut off the new guy and asked if we could ever just start again. I stupidly agreed that we could take things slowly and see where it went from there.
A week later she contacted him to go collect her stuff and met with him that morning. they talked. That evening she told me that she missed him and still had feelings, could we back things off until she got him out of her head. Another week passed and she went to see him again, returned and told me, they're giving it another go.
I feel totally stupid. How the fk could I let her back in again only to be hurt again.
I think the false hope built up over the last few weeks only to be trampled on again is the hardest thing for me to deal with, I mean how can you do that to someone you claim to have any feelings for?
Sorry to say it, but you must be a real sucker for falling for her all over again! I doubt she's doing it purely to hurt you though, why risk the new relationship for that? Appears she want's to keep you in the shadows as a security blanket, should her new relationship fall through. She sounds like a complete sociopath, possibly has BPD or Bipolar. Not that that's an excuse for her behaviour. You need to be strong and firm here, do not let her back into your home again under any circumstances.k me, I clearly dont like having an easy life!!!!So, the dust all settled and I started to look forward to things again. I got a new place, my light at the end of the tunnel where I could make a life for my son and I. Everything looked great. I was still sad to have lost her, but I could see my future again. We were communicating amicably too which I really liked, it was like we could be great friends again as there was no pressure.
I had only been in my place 4 days, sitting watching TV, exchanging a few messages with her. Next thing I know and the messages heat up a bit and she ends up coming over. We slept together over the course of the next few days, with her telling me "its just sex, please dont tell him"
Within a few days, she basically cut off the new guy and asked if we could ever just start again. I stupidly agreed that we could take things slowly and see where it went from there.
A week later she contacted him to go collect her stuff and met with him that morning. they talked. That evening she told me that she missed him and still had feelings, could we back things off until she got him out of her head. Another week passed and she went to see him again, returned and told me, they're giving it another go.
I feel totally stupid. How the f
k could I let her back in again only to be hurt again. I think the false hope built up over the last few weeks only to be trampled on again is the hardest thing for me to deal with, I mean how can you do that to someone you claim to have any feelings for?
You obviously aren't properly over her either, or else the thought of rekindling things with her would repulse you. Even a sympathy/nostalgia shag shouldn't be appealing to you. You really need to be getting some elsewhere to help you get over this woman, as it doesn't sound like you have been?
Mate if it was me, i would be clocking Tinder like no tomorrow.
Whattodonow said:
fk me, I clearly dont like having an easy life!!!!
So, the dust all settled and I started to look forward to things again. I got a new place, my light at the end of the tunnel where I could make a life for my son and I. Everything looked great. I was still sad to have lost her, but I could see my future again. We were communicating amicably too which I really liked, it was like we could be great friends again as there was no pressure.
I had only been in my place 4 days, sitting watching TV, exchanging a few messages with her. Next thing I know and the messages heat up a bit and she ends up coming over. We slept together over the course of the next few days, with her telling me "its just sex, please dont tell him"
Within a few days, she basically cut off the new guy and asked if we could ever just start again. I stupidly agreed that we could take things slowly and see where it went from there.
A week later she contacted him to go collect her stuff and met with him that morning. they talked. That evening she told me that she missed him and still had feelings, could we back things off until she got him out of her head. Another week passed and she went to see him again, returned and told me, they're giving it another go.
I feel totally stupid. How the fk could I let her back in again only to be hurt again.
I think the false hope built up over the last few weeks only to be trampled on again is the hardest thing for me to deal with, I mean how can you do that to someone you claim to have any feelings for?
Please tell me you used protection?k me, I clearly dont like having an easy life!!!!So, the dust all settled and I started to look forward to things again. I got a new place, my light at the end of the tunnel where I could make a life for my son and I. Everything looked great. I was still sad to have lost her, but I could see my future again. We were communicating amicably too which I really liked, it was like we could be great friends again as there was no pressure.
I had only been in my place 4 days, sitting watching TV, exchanging a few messages with her. Next thing I know and the messages heat up a bit and she ends up coming over. We slept together over the course of the next few days, with her telling me "its just sex, please dont tell him"
Within a few days, she basically cut off the new guy and asked if we could ever just start again. I stupidly agreed that we could take things slowly and see where it went from there.
A week later she contacted him to go collect her stuff and met with him that morning. they talked. That evening she told me that she missed him and still had feelings, could we back things off until she got him out of her head. Another week passed and she went to see him again, returned and told me, they're giving it another go.
I feel totally stupid. How the f
k could I let her back in again only to be hurt again. I think the false hope built up over the last few weeks only to be trampled on again is the hardest thing for me to deal with, I mean how can you do that to someone you claim to have any feelings for?
Whattodonow said:
fk me, I clearly dont like having an easy life!!!!
So, the dust all settled and I started to look forward to things again. I got a new place, my light at the end of the tunnel where I could make a life for my son and I. Everything looked great. I was still sad to have lost her, but I could see my future again. We were communicating amicably too which I really liked, it was like we could be great friends again as there was no pressure.
I had only been in my place 4 days, sitting watching TV, exchanging a few messages with her. Next thing I know and the messages heat up a bit and she ends up coming over. We slept together over the course of the next few days, with her telling me "its just sex, please dont tell him"
Within a few days, she basically cut off the new guy and asked if we could ever just start again. I stupidly agreed that we could take things slowly and see where it went from there.
A week later she contacted him to go collect her stuff and met with him that morning. they talked. That evening she told me that she missed him and still had feelings, could we back things off until she got him out of her head. Another week passed and she went to see him again, returned and told me, they're giving it another go.
I feel totally stupid. How the fk could I let her back in again only to be hurt again.
I think the false hope built up over the last few weeks only to be trampled on again is the hardest thing for me to deal with, I mean how can you do that to someone you claim to have any feelings for?
Mate, have a f**king word with yourself. How many warnings do you need?k me, I clearly dont like having an easy life!!!!So, the dust all settled and I started to look forward to things again. I got a new place, my light at the end of the tunnel where I could make a life for my son and I. Everything looked great. I was still sad to have lost her, but I could see my future again. We were communicating amicably too which I really liked, it was like we could be great friends again as there was no pressure.
I had only been in my place 4 days, sitting watching TV, exchanging a few messages with her. Next thing I know and the messages heat up a bit and she ends up coming over. We slept together over the course of the next few days, with her telling me "its just sex, please dont tell him"
Within a few days, she basically cut off the new guy and asked if we could ever just start again. I stupidly agreed that we could take things slowly and see where it went from there.
A week later she contacted him to go collect her stuff and met with him that morning. they talked. That evening she told me that she missed him and still had feelings, could we back things off until she got him out of her head. Another week passed and she went to see him again, returned and told me, they're giving it another go.
I feel totally stupid. How the f
k could I let her back in again only to be hurt again. I think the false hope built up over the last few weeks only to be trampled on again is the hardest thing for me to deal with, I mean how can you do that to someone you claim to have any feelings for?
I thought I'd pop back with an update, since I know there are lots of people on here who are going through stuff like this and will visit this thread.
We're packing the house now, moving in about 3 weeks. Kids' exam results are in, and they were pretty good, so uni and 6th form are sorted. It's a relief to know they're in good shape, at least as far as education goes. They're both stressed and it shows a bit, some short tempers around the house. Largely we've been able to divide possessions without even discussing it, we just seem to know, and generally we don't want the same stuff anyway. Mementoes are in the loft, that will be harder. A job for next week.
I'm feeling pretty bad about what feels like the impending loss of family - not having my kids there in the morning. However, this is dumb really, since the older one has been boarding for some years and is off to Uni anyway, and the younger one will be part-boarding and spending a fair number of weekends with me. But the emotions persist despite the logic (damn my half-human ancestry
). I wish I could be more Spock-like!
More soon. Hope you all are managing ok.
We're packing the house now, moving in about 3 weeks. Kids' exam results are in, and they were pretty good, so uni and 6th form are sorted. It's a relief to know they're in good shape, at least as far as education goes. They're both stressed and it shows a bit, some short tempers around the house. Largely we've been able to divide possessions without even discussing it, we just seem to know, and generally we don't want the same stuff anyway. Mementoes are in the loft, that will be harder. A job for next week.
I'm feeling pretty bad about what feels like the impending loss of family - not having my kids there in the morning. However, this is dumb really, since the older one has been boarding for some years and is off to Uni anyway, and the younger one will be part-boarding and spending a fair number of weekends with me. But the emotions persist despite the logic (damn my half-human ancestry
). I wish I could be more Spock-like!More soon. Hope you all are managing ok.
Deebo007 said:
Please tell me you used protection?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4826630/Am...
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