Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
kapiteinlangzaam said:
Well PH, put me in the club as well.
I think deep down ive known it for a long time, but I finally ' snapped' and confronted my wife about ' it' about 3 weeks ago. Now firmly on the path to divorce.
Sorry to hear this. What was "it"? If you've been bottling it up and then confronted her, you may find that some counselling for you individually or together would help you work "it" out. Might be worth a try for your child's sake.I think deep down ive known it for a long time, but I finally ' snapped' and confronted my wife about ' it' about 3 weeks ago. Now firmly on the path to divorce.
kapiteinlangzaam said:
'IT' being that she doesn't love me any more, and would rather not be married to me.
Which I was very correct about. She just didnt have the bottle/heart to say it until the moment I gave her the opportunity.
She has been going to a psychologist since the death of our first, 5 years ago. I'm in no doubt its what she truly wants.
There's been no shouting or arguing or acrimony. Very civil. Which is what it should be really. After all there is no betrayal/infidelity in our situation.
I'm just gutted. Embarrassed. Sad. A bit lonely!
Every cloud....there will be plenty of who find a man in a stang sexy...!Which I was very correct about. She just didnt have the bottle/heart to say it until the moment I gave her the opportunity.
She has been going to a psychologist since the death of our first, 5 years ago. I'm in no doubt its what she truly wants.
There's been no shouting or arguing or acrimony. Very civil. Which is what it should be really. After all there is no betrayal/infidelity in our situation.
I'm just gutted. Embarrassed. Sad. A bit lonely!
kapiteinlangzaam said:
mr_spock said:
kapiteinlangzaam said:
Well PH, put me in the club as well.
I think deep down ive known it for a long time, but I finally ' snapped' and confronted my wife about ' it' about 3 weeks ago. Now firmly on the path to divorce.
Sorry to hear this. What was "it"? If you've been bottling it up and then confronted her, you may find that some counselling for you individually or together would help you work "it" out. Might be worth a try for your child's sake.I think deep down ive known it for a long time, but I finally ' snapped' and confronted my wife about ' it' about 3 weeks ago. Now firmly on the path to divorce.
Which I was very correct about. She just didnt have the bottle/heart to say it until the moment I gave her the opportunity.
She has been going to a psychologist since the death of our first, 5 years ago. I'm in no doubt its what she truly wants.
There's been no shouting or arguing or acrimony. Very civil. Which is what it should be really. After all there is no betrayal/infidelity in our situation.
I'm just gutted. Embarrassed. Sad. A bit lonely!
How many of us were not the ladies first choice. She never could pull that shining night on the white charger, he just wasn’t interested, so she settled for one of us, the squire on the draft horse.
You must remember the urge to breed is much stronger in the female of the species. When it hits she needs a man, & you may have been the best offering. Remember ladies are offer takers, not makers, although it may have taken a fair effort to get you to offer. Ten years later she is probably wondering if she couldn’t have done better if she had waited a bit longer.
If she was not all over you like a rash, ripping your gear off you a number of times a day at the start, it is doubtful you were that top pick. If her interest in love making has long died, it is probable that you were not even second choice, just the best she could get.
If it has gone sour, don’t be miserable, be thankful for the good times there were, & move on with your life. It took me 35 years to find one I wanted who thought I was Mr wonderful. There was a fair bit of pain in those 35 years, but WOW, the next 42 have more than made up for it.
You must remember the urge to breed is much stronger in the female of the species. When it hits she needs a man, & you may have been the best offering. Remember ladies are offer takers, not makers, although it may have taken a fair effort to get you to offer. Ten years later she is probably wondering if she couldn’t have done better if she had waited a bit longer.
If she was not all over you like a rash, ripping your gear off you a number of times a day at the start, it is doubtful you were that top pick. If her interest in love making has long died, it is probable that you were not even second choice, just the best she could get.
If it has gone sour, don’t be miserable, be thankful for the good times there were, & move on with your life. It took me 35 years to find one I wanted who thought I was Mr wonderful. There was a fair bit of pain in those 35 years, but WOW, the next 42 have more than made up for it.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
My wife has told me she doesn't love me, and I'm obsessed with football. I'm gutted, we've been together for over 30 seasons.
My mate has realised ridiculously late that he has double-booked next week.
He has front row tickets for the Eng v India Test Match, got them ages ago... but it clashes with his wedding - doh!
He obviously now can't go so has asked to put the word out if anyone wants to step in - details below:
Saturday 18th Aug, St Andrews church, Broadstairs, Kent. 1pm start with reception afterwards at the Manor Hotel.
She's called Sara, 34, brunette, 5' 6", quite pretty and likes going to restaurants, the cinema and European city-breaks. Would like to start a family within the next 2 years, children's names already agreed.
Please RSVP before Wednesday, best offer secures.
Plate spinner said:
My mate has realised ridiculously late that he has double-booked next week.
He has front row tickets for the Eng v India Test Match, got them ages ago... but it clashes with his wedding - doh!
He obviously now can't go so has asked to put the word out if anyone wants to step in - details below:
Saturday 18th Aug, St Andrews church, Broadstairs, Kent. 1pm start with reception afterwards at the Manor Hotel.
She's called Sara, 34, brunette, 5' 6", quite pretty and likes going to restaurants, the cinema and European city-breaks. Would like to start a family within the next 2 years, children's names already agreed.
Please RSVP before Wednesday, best offer secures.
Hasbeen said:
How many of us were not the ladies first choice. She never could pull that shining night on the white charger, he just wasn’t interested, so she settled for one of us, the squire on the draft horse.
You must remember the urge to breed is much stronger in the female of the species. When it hits she needs a man, & you may have been the best offering. Remember ladies are offer takers, not makers, although it may have taken a fair effort to get you to offer. Ten years later she is probably wondering if she couldn’t have done better if she had waited a bit longer.
I think mine is still looking.You must remember the urge to breed is much stronger in the female of the species. When it hits she needs a man, & you may have been the best offering. Remember ladies are offer takers, not makers, although it may have taken a fair effort to get you to offer. Ten years later she is probably wondering if she couldn’t have done better if she had waited a bit longer.
She went on to have three more children with two more husbands.
Hasbeen said:
How many of us were not the ladies first choice. She never could pull that shining night on the white charger, he just wasn’t interested, so she settled for one of us, the squire on the draft horse.
You must remember the urge to breed is much stronger in the female of the species. When it hits she needs a man, & you may have been the best offering. Remember ladies are offer takers, not makers, although it may have taken a fair effort to get you to offer. Ten years later she is probably wondering if she couldn’t have done better if she had waited a bit longer.
If she was not all over you like a rash, ripping your gear off you a number of times a day at the start, it is doubtful you were that top pick. If her interest in love making has long died, it is probable that you were not even second choice, just the best she could get.
Interesting post - I have 2 thoughts;You must remember the urge to breed is much stronger in the female of the species. When it hits she needs a man, & you may have been the best offering. Remember ladies are offer takers, not makers, although it may have taken a fair effort to get you to offer. Ten years later she is probably wondering if she couldn’t have done better if she had waited a bit longer.
If she was not all over you like a rash, ripping your gear off you a number of times a day at the start, it is doubtful you were that top pick. If her interest in love making has long died, it is probable that you were not even second choice, just the best she could get.
Firstly, it's pretty easy to reverse the whole male / female sentiment of the thread. Most men settle for the best they can reasonably get - otherwise a fair percentage of blokes around the world would never have married, rooted in the idea that they might just meet Jennifer Aniston / the kiwi woman from the Trivago advert and hence refusing to get tied down with anyone else.
Secondly, agree about the female urge to breed. But we should not underestimate the male urge to sow wild oats. When the female makes 'those eyes', she doesn't have to be 'the one', she just has to be above a minimum threshold of what you see as 'good' - for most blokes this is a pretty big pool! Lizard-brain chemistry is happening at this point and as sophisticated as modern humans think they are, in some respects we are still part of natures animal kingdom, being governed by millennia of subconscious instinct and hormones.
Times a healer as they say .
The same happened to a pal of mine who was in a totally loveless relationship only she decided to do a runner with the kids over 300 miles away.
He wasn’t innocent in the way he had treated her but the way she cleared the house out whilst he was at work and moved the kids far away from all the knee was appealing and selfish .
He consequently has spent years only seeing his kids at holidays and it destroyed him mentally as you can imagine .
Others on here will still have access to their kids on a regular basis so as Tonker says focus on what you still have and happiness certainly isn’t at the bottom of a pint glass . I’ve seen too many times how that ends .
All the best
The same happened to a pal of mine who was in a totally loveless relationship only she decided to do a runner with the kids over 300 miles away.
He wasn’t innocent in the way he had treated her but the way she cleared the house out whilst he was at work and moved the kids far away from all the knee was appealing and selfish .
He consequently has spent years only seeing his kids at holidays and it destroyed him mentally as you can imagine .
Others on here will still have access to their kids on a regular basis so as Tonker says focus on what you still have and happiness certainly isn’t at the bottom of a pint glass . I’ve seen too many times how that ends .
All the best
Well I've been in this club for abour 6 months now. The fiancee announced she wasn't happy and wanted to end things only 4 months after buying a house together. We're still under the same roof but thankfully the house is big enough to stay out of each others way. I tried being angry for the first few weeks but it's just too bloody tiring.
It's become clear over time she just got bored. I could appreciate that if she had piped up before it got to the point where she wanted out, but instead it just festered and she threw me away when she couldn't be bothered any more. I ended up spending the first couple of months in a really dark place, sat in the spare room with the lights off staring at the 4 walls. She knew I was doing that and never even checked I hadn't topped myself. I find that I'm crying a lot, that's new to me as I can't remember the last time I properly broke down in tears. Now I do it all the time. I never imagined living anywhere but with her, in our home, and every time I look around this house now I see a home I am going to lose. I had allowed myself to become certain the day would come when we had children. Now I have had to grieve for the children we won't have, ridiculous as that sounds.They had become real in my mind and now they're gone.
Friends haven't been the greatest of help, either. I can feel most of them just waiting for the 'old me' to come back, only I can't remember that bloke at all. It's funny how people pester men to show their emotions more, then keep their distance if you are showing emotions that are uncomfortable.
She is seeing someone now, who lives some distance away so thankfully she spends at least half the week at his place. I am seeing someone too, she would like to get a place together and I'm not against that, except every time I think of it I'm reminded that I'm losing the home I thought I would be in for some time, when I have lost enough already. That of course upsets my new girlfriend as I'm not excited about moving in with her - guess that's those inconvenient emotions again, eh.
Anyway, supposedly it gets better at some point. Can't bloody wait for that.
It's become clear over time she just got bored. I could appreciate that if she had piped up before it got to the point where she wanted out, but instead it just festered and she threw me away when she couldn't be bothered any more. I ended up spending the first couple of months in a really dark place, sat in the spare room with the lights off staring at the 4 walls. She knew I was doing that and never even checked I hadn't topped myself. I find that I'm crying a lot, that's new to me as I can't remember the last time I properly broke down in tears. Now I do it all the time. I never imagined living anywhere but with her, in our home, and every time I look around this house now I see a home I am going to lose. I had allowed myself to become certain the day would come when we had children. Now I have had to grieve for the children we won't have, ridiculous as that sounds.They had become real in my mind and now they're gone.
Friends haven't been the greatest of help, either. I can feel most of them just waiting for the 'old me' to come back, only I can't remember that bloke at all. It's funny how people pester men to show their emotions more, then keep their distance if you are showing emotions that are uncomfortable.
She is seeing someone now, who lives some distance away so thankfully she spends at least half the week at his place. I am seeing someone too, she would like to get a place together and I'm not against that, except every time I think of it I'm reminded that I'm losing the home I thought I would be in for some time, when I have lost enough already. That of course upsets my new girlfriend as I'm not excited about moving in with her - guess that's those inconvenient emotions again, eh.
Anyway, supposedly it gets better at some point. Can't bloody wait for that.
D-Angle said:
Well I've been in this club for abour 6 months now. The fiancee announced she wasn't happy and wanted to end things only 4 months after buying a house together...
Anyway, supposedly it gets better at some point. Can't bloody wait for that.
Sorry to hear this - sounds horrible. Anyway, supposedly it gets better at some point. Can't bloody wait for that.
Wish you the best, D-Angle.
Edited by OO Beckton on Saturday 12th January 21:33
Accelerate the change, get out of there, ASAP. or get the ex out.
Once it’s done, you need to look fwd not back. Sometimes there are things to learn, and sometimes there aren’t. Take what is useful, leave the rest.
You can’t make someone love you. You will recover, and the not having kids with her means a cleaner break, some of us have to see our ex’s often whether we want to or not !
Once it’s done, you need to look fwd not back. Sometimes there are things to learn, and sometimes there aren’t. Take what is useful, leave the rest.
You can’t make someone love you. You will recover, and the not having kids with her means a cleaner break, some of us have to see our ex’s often whether we want to or not !
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