Being told " I don't love you anymore"

[randlemarcus]

funkyrobot said:

There was no argument. Just my wife getting annoyed.

I'm not moving out until things are sorted.

I'm maintaining my decency and being calm and civil. It's not my fault my wife can't control herself.

Nothing annoys them more than calm and civil. On the assumption you have read through this thread, have you got some form of recording in place?

[funkyrobot]

randlemarcus said:

funkyrobot said:

There was no argument. Just my wife getting annoyed.

I'm not moving out until things are sorted.

I'm maintaining my decency and being calm and civil. It's not my fault my wife can't control herself.

Nothing annoys them more than calm and civil. On the assumption you have read through this thread, have you got some form of recording in place?

No, I'm not recording things in terms of camera or voice recordings. I read further up the thread that these can't really be used anyway.

I'll just log events on a diary.

[randlemarcus]

funkyrobot said:

No, I'm not recording things in terms of camera or voice recordings. I read further up the thread that these can't really be used anyway.

I'll just log events on a diary.

While they are of dubious value in Court, a nice clear recording of you being properly calm, and her threatening to call Domestic Abuse can be very helpful when the police turn up with assumptions and a clear path of action that involves removing the male from the scene.

And practice being properly calm -not just saying "yes dear" in an annoying voice. Conflict of any sort is bad for your daughter, regardless of who starts it.

[Robertj21a]

funkyrobot said:

MYOB said:

And that's why some of us think it may be wise to move out. It's not fair on your daughter to be exposed to the arguments.

There was no argument. Just my wife getting annoyed.

I'm not moving out until things are sorted.

I'm maintaining my decency and being calm and civil. It's not my fault my wife can't control herself.

Quite agree.

Don't move out, it doesn't really solve anything - more likely just gives her the upper hand for ever more.
Calm and civil always helps (and can frustrate them).

[V1nce Fox]

funkyrobot said:

MYOB said:

And that's why some of us think it may be wise to move out. It's not fair on your daughter to be exposed to the arguments.

There was no argument. Just my wife getting annoyed.

I'm not moving out until things are sorted.

I'm maintaining my decency and being calm and civil. It's not my fault my wife can't control herself.

Spot on. Best of luck to you. This st's getting to seem like an epidemic these days.

[Initforthemoney]

Robertj21a said:

funkyrobot said:

MYOB said:

And that's why some of us think it may be wise to move out. It's not fair on your daughter to be exposed to the arguments.

There was no argument. Just my wife getting annoyed.

I'm not moving out until things are sorted.

I'm maintaining my decency and being calm and civil. It's not my fault my wife can't control herself.

Calm and civil always helps (and can frustrate them).

Good point.

No better way to aggravate a situation and make innocent people suffer.

[MB140]

Funky,

Reference your post at 1226 and not recording things because there no use in court. Myself and others I am sure didn’t mean for court use.

Recorder her acting mental, threatening to call the police on you (hopefully saying she’s going to say domestic abuse) when the cops turn up just show them that. I can guarantee if the police turn up because she even mentioned the word domestic then there first port of call is going to be to remove you from the house guilty or not. And once your out and the police had to remove you for a domestic incident then the next thing will be her in court crying about it and you not being aloud home or seeing your child unsupervised. It’s more to protect in these situations.

Anyway funky good luck and stay calm.

[The3rdDukeofB]

A little question / help from those that may know please.

I'm as amicably as generally possible separated from my 'wife' for 5 yrs and a Day

She is generally rubbish with admin and alike and despite me applying for the divorce last July under the two years separation grounds, (and paying I add), she has done nothing with the paperwork / process.

So I intend to push this along and through under the five years separation to crack on.

Is this to be a separate application ? Can I not take the one that was approved / checked and I have the 'Notice of Issue' for ?

Only complication is that we have a daughter I guess, should that make any difference.

[hyphen]

Dunno, but if new then fill it in, and get her to sign as main applicant so you are the one responding, or choose an option that doesn't require a response.

As court fee to file size not small!

[The3rdDukeofB]

hyphen said:

Dunno, but if new then fill it in, and get her to sign as main applicant so you are the one responding, or choose an option that doesn't require a response.

As court fee to file size not small!

I could I guess, but she in denial / busy / kicking to long grass.
I am hoping to simply convert the original application in to an automatic divorce. (if possible)

[funkyrobot]

Absolutely lovely, harmonious and fun day today with my little girl. Amazing how well we get on minus the wife.

Will be enquiring with estate agents tomorrow. House is going up for sale as soon as it looks in a saleable condition. My wife wants to wait a bit before moving forward with things. I just want to get started now.

I applied for a full time job near where my parents live. Will see if anything comes from that.

I'm going to get some advice soon, but I'm wondering if it makes sense to get the house sold before divorce proceedings begin.

I was reminded tonight that my wife doesn't trust me. It just came out of the blue and was related to the amount of apples on our lawn from the tree. Absolutely crazy pop at me and from nowhere really. Just gives me more incentive to crack on and get everything sorted.

[Eyersey1234]

Good luck funkyrobot.

[The Moose]

funkyrobot said:

The Moose said:

It sounds to me like you’ve been her bh for too long and now you’re not taking it anymore she’s trying to retain what she considers to be the natural order.

Don’t give in. Don’t let up! Don’t let her win!

When I read back what I have written, it definitely looks like that.

Hi there

I was just taking another look through this thread and felt my comment was a little harsh. I apologize if it was out of line. While the point still stands, I could have been more tactful in my wording.

[Bibbs]

Good luck Funky.

In Australia, the divorce is split into 2 parts, the financial side, and the divorce side. I'd assume the UK is similar.

I found the best thing to do was actually get all the divorce documents printed, filled in and then presented to the ex with the "sign here" post its.

The financial side, I listed everything "we" had, and had two columns - and asked her to tick a column for the stuff she wanted, and the %ages of anything shared. I did the same, and we then saw how close we were to agreement.

I pointed out that lawyers would charge $100s an hour to argue over anything we disagreed with.

Took emotion out of it, and tried to get the docs signed and lodged asap. As there was no point delaying.

No kids, luckily. Made it a lot easier.

[theboss]

hyphen said:

Dunno, but if new then fill it in, and get her to sign as main applicant so you are the one responding, or choose an option that doesn't require a response.

As court fee to file size not small!

I wouldn’t do this. If FR is the applicant he’s establishing a timetable on proceedings which puts him in the driving seat to some degree. The fees aren’t huge (hundreds not thousands) and he can always ask for them to be shared.

Best thing to do is talk to her very calmly about the procedural aspect of divorce and see if she’s in agreement because it’s going to require co-operation if costs are to be minimised.

Explain you want to crack on and make an application to the court for divorce and ancillary relief proceedings. See how she reacts. If you can’t have a civil chat about it then imagine how she will inevitably react when the court papers hit the door mat.

My own ex wife went absolutely mental when our decree absolute arrived despite us having been separated for over a year. It’s symbolic and people can react very emotionally and erratically when the formal side of divorce becomes very real.

As I said in an earlier post there’s is some wisdom in conducting “meetings” like this in a neutral location in public e.g. coffee shop. Especially if she is prone to flying off the handle. You do not want any sort of row / escalation inside the home.

Edited by theboss on Monday 2nd September 07:27

[Robertj21a]

The key problem with some of the posts on here is that there's a requirement for both parties to be civil......

[theboss]

Robertj21a said:

The key problem with some of the posts on here is that there's a requirement for both parties to be civil......

No there’s a requirement for FR to be civil and at least see how she reacts. If she can’t have a calm civilised conversation about the co-parenting of her own daughter or what she feels is the fairest distribution of matrimonial assets then FR is buggered at least as having a smooth, relatively quick and inexpensive divorce is concerned.

I know this better than anyone because I had an ex from hell which is well documented here in other threads.

[George Smiley]

theboss said:

No there’s a requirement for FR to be civil and at least see how she reacts. If she can’t have a calm civilised conversation about the co-parenting of her own daughter or what she feels is the fairest distribution of matrimonial assets then FR is buggered at least as having a smooth, relatively quick and inexpensive divorce is concerned.

I know this better than anyone because I had an ex from hell which is well documented here in other threads.

True but in your case (from memory) didn’t you start dating someone then when your ex worked out things weren’t Rosie with her younger lover that she tried to get back in to your life and you let her?

Unfortunately your thread was pure car crash tv.

[The3rdDukeofB]

theboss said:

Robertj21a said:

The key problem with some of the posts on here is that there's a requirement for both parties to be civil......

No there’s a requirement for FR to be civil and at least see how she reacts. If she can’t have a calm civilised conversation about the co-parenting of her own daughter or what she feels is the fairest distribution of matrimonial assets then FR is buggered at least as having a smooth, relatively quick and inexpensive divorce is concerned.

I know this better than anyone because I had an ex from hell which is well documented here in other threads.

Thanks.

Civil is doable - she's just useless. Can't manage to comprehend.
I agree to the aspect of the mental fence to climb but we have been separated 5 years ffs.


example is on Thursday I was asked to have our girl today (Teachers PD day she hadn't thought about despite me having put it in the shared icloud calendar), I work from home so not the end of the world and workable with the kids next door playing / and some tasks.

Last night at 9pm I asm asked can I print something out for her homework. (daughter is 6)
After asking repeatedly what, I get a four photo display of a photo collage and diary report writing to be done of the holidays.
The day before going back to school.

So I think all the photos will be now of the fab holidays 'we' had.

[zygalski]

Just out of interest, those PH'ers who have been through a divorce, learnt the hard way, and since found new love...
At the first sign of an argument do you whip out your phone and starting filming your new acquisition, just to be on the safe side?