Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
Almost certainly getting attention elsewhere.
As most have said once they make their minds up thats it, become very cold creatures when they get to this stage, counselling wont help, I doubt she would agree to go and even if she did she wont tell the person the truth anyway, been there, done that read the book.
Once the guilt stage is over, which does not take long the greed stage will commence, get your finances in order and fast, if she goes to a typical solicitor thats when it will really get nasty and costly.
What ever you do dont move out.
Sorry to tell you all this, but its being typed from my mums spare bedroom whilst my ex still lives in my £550k house, the latest boyfriends car was on the drive when I went to collect my daughter for the day today.
As most have said once they make their minds up thats it, become very cold creatures when they get to this stage, counselling wont help, I doubt she would agree to go and even if she did she wont tell the person the truth anyway, been there, done that read the book.
Once the guilt stage is over, which does not take long the greed stage will commence, get your finances in order and fast, if she goes to a typical solicitor thats when it will really get nasty and costly.
What ever you do dont move out.
Sorry to tell you all this, but its being typed from my mums spare bedroom whilst my ex still lives in my £550k house, the latest boyfriends car was on the drive when I went to collect my daughter for the day today.
Girlfriend before the girlfriend before last (is that right? 3rd one back down the list... anyway doesn't matter)
Told me "it's not that I don't love you any more... I'm just not happy when I'm with you any more"
THAT hurt...
Turned out she's lesbian which took the edge off it a bit
Move on from this point and it'll get better OP, better to know now, than carry on blind whilst she is gradually becoming more and more distant, surly, depressed and unhappy and you not knowing the reason why.
Told me "it's not that I don't love you any more... I'm just not happy when I'm with you any more"
THAT hurt...
Turned out she's lesbian which took the edge off it a bit
Move on from this point and it'll get better OP, better to know now, than carry on blind whilst she is gradually becoming more and more distant, surly, depressed and unhappy and you not knowing the reason why.
RobinBanks said:
Wolfer said:
Possibly, she says she doesn't love me but doesn't know why or what to do. But as it's happened before, it may well be me thats triggering the depression? I don't know.
I've already spoke about the house, and what we'd do and likely to raise cash wise, however she doesn't understand how I can talk about things like that?
She's in depression. She feels consumed by it but may not realise.I've already spoke about the house, and what we'd do and likely to raise cash wise, however she doesn't understand how I can talk about things like that?
This is why she can't comprehend other things and process other emotions and thoughts. I've been in that situation and I am 99% that that is the case.
RobinBanks said:
Wolfer said:
Possibly, she says she doesn't love me but doesn't know why or what to do. But as it's happened before, it may well be me thats triggering the depression? I don't know.
I've already spoke about the house, and what we'd do and likely to raise cash wise, however she doesn't understand how I can talk about things like that?
She's in depression. She feels consumed by it but may not realise.I've already spoke about the house, and what we'd do and likely to raise cash wise, however she doesn't understand how I can talk about things like that?
This is why she can't comprehend other things and process other emotions and thoughts. I've been in that situation and I am 99% that that is the case.
Advise her to see her GP (double appointment) or ideally go together to have a chat about things.
Depression can significantly impair one's thinking but is something that can be treated. Help is there and if depression is a major factor she'll need support.
I'd be vary wary about making hasty or rash decisions on the assumption she's playing away from home.
Best of luck OP.
Don't fight it.
Make some plans to ensure that you are going to be very busy for the next few months, get out and about, book a few trips and new experiences for yourself. At the same time just in case depression is still a factor make sure you are as civil and supportive as you can be to her. Whether or not in time it emerges that someone else is involved you will look back and know that YOU did the right thing.
Make some plans to ensure that you are going to be very busy for the next few months, get out and about, book a few trips and new experiences for yourself. At the same time just in case depression is still a factor make sure you are as civil and supportive as you can be to her. Whether or not in time it emerges that someone else is involved you will look back and know that YOU did the right thing.
Wolfer said:
I've already spoke about the house, and what we'd do and likely to raise cash wise, however she doesn't understand how I can talk about things like that?
After reading that maybe she is just looking for something else in you. By you, talking about selling up just compounds her insecurity. I'm no Freud, but I have a lot of experience. PAUL500 said:
Sorry to tell you all this, but its being typed from my mums spare bedroom whilst my ex still lives in my £550k house, the latest boyfriends car was on the drive when I went to collect my daughter for the day today.
Not sure how you cope with that TBH. Just seems all wrong.g3org3y said:
RobinBanks said:
Wolfer said:
Possibly, she says she doesn't love me but doesn't know why or what to do. But as it's happened before, it may well be me thats triggering the depression? I don't know.
I've already spoke about the house, and what we'd do and likely to raise cash wise, however she doesn't understand how I can talk about things like that?
She's in depression. She feels consumed by it but may not realise.I've already spoke about the house, and what we'd do and likely to raise cash wise, however she doesn't understand how I can talk about things like that?
This is why she can't comprehend other things and process other emotions and thoughts. I've been in that situation and I am 99% that that is the case.
Advise her to see her GP (double appointment) or ideally go together to have a chat about things.
Depression can significantly impair one's thinking but is something that can be treated. Help is there and if depression is a major factor she'll need support.
I'd be vary wary about making hasty or rash decisions on the assumption she's playing away from home.
Best of luck OP.
its worth at least checking in with the doctor. don't give up yet.
groucho said:
PAUL500 said:
Sorry to tell you all this, but its being typed from my mums spare bedroom whilst my ex still lives in my £550k house, the latest boyfriends car was on the drive when I went to collect my daughter for the day today.
Not sure how you cope with that TBH. Just seems all wrong.
I'd been with someone through my final year at school and a further 6 years after that. One day, out of the blue, she said something similar to me as the OP during a phone conversation.
I haven't seen her since that morning when everything was fine and we were 'seemingly' very much in love. It's been 5 years since this happened and it probably took me a good 18 months to get used to it and I would say it has given me trust issues.
The woman I now share everything with is so incredibly different though and I couldn't imagine being as close to my ex as I am with her, so ultimately she did me a favour.
It hurts though, especially when you are totally blind-sided by it. At least she is treating you with some dignity and you have at least seen her face since!
It turned out that someone she worked with had been showing her some attention and she had decided live with him would be far better (it wasn't and I'm kind of smug about that!).
Gather your belongings and have a peaceful and amicable split. Spend money on yourself for a while and learn to put yourself first until you find someone who truly deserves your affections.
I haven't seen her since that morning when everything was fine and we were 'seemingly' very much in love. It's been 5 years since this happened and it probably took me a good 18 months to get used to it and I would say it has given me trust issues.
The woman I now share everything with is so incredibly different though and I couldn't imagine being as close to my ex as I am with her, so ultimately she did me a favour.
It hurts though, especially when you are totally blind-sided by it. At least she is treating you with some dignity and you have at least seen her face since!
It turned out that someone she worked with had been showing her some attention and she had decided live with him would be far better (it wasn't and I'm kind of smug about that!).
Gather your belongings and have a peaceful and amicable split. Spend money on yourself for a while and learn to put yourself first until you find someone who truly deserves your affections.
Wolfer said:
Cheers guys,
night on the sofabed, just trying to be strong.
Think I'll have to accept it as over, suppose I'd better tell my family later, that will be nice!
Just be strong.night on the sofabed, just trying to be strong.
Think I'll have to accept it as over, suppose I'd better tell my family later, that will be nice!
The worst thing you can do is to beg her to stay, or become a s
t after she's left (happens a lot to those you wouldn't expect), give her a bit of space and time and see what happens.. But accepting it is over is a good way to get your head straight
Thanks again, I think!
Been a strange day, been in the house together (neither of us have anywhere to go really) watching Columbo, on the buses and the Waltons.
Spoke about going to docs (in case it's depression) but mainly spoke about selling house and everything in it. She doesn't want that just yet, I'm not going to push it.
We had / have a long weekend booked off, think I may pop to Wales or similar and do some lone hiking.
Feel strong one minute, a mess the next.
But thanks,
Cheers
Been a strange day, been in the house together (neither of us have anywhere to go really) watching Columbo, on the buses and the Waltons.
Spoke about going to docs (in case it's depression) but mainly spoke about selling house and everything in it. She doesn't want that just yet, I'm not going to push it.
We had / have a long weekend booked off, think I may pop to Wales or similar and do some lone hiking.
Feel strong one minute, a mess the next.
But thanks,
Cheers
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