Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[B'stard Child]

Vipers said:

B'stard Child said:

Vipers said:

B'stard Child said:

Vipers said:

B'stard Child said:

As I said, I am but the messenger.

EFA

Steady on old chap. Chill out.

Chilled

Well done

Drinks beer, chews fat - then says can we go back to the old days when your jokes were crap but actually made me laugh rather than boil my piss

[leigh1050]

You can tell me I'm a monk!

[B'stard Child]

leigh1050 said:

You can tell me I'm a monk!

Yeah - I've seen his habit.................

40 a day

[Vipers]

B'stard Child said:

Drinks beer, chews fat - then says can we go back to the old days when your jokes were crap but actually made me laugh rather than boil my piss

I can only say each to their own. If you don't like people's jokes, ignore them.

I won't tell you what you what the Dachshund said to the Alsatian when they were walking through the snow..........

[B'stard Child]

Vipers said:

B'stard Child said:

Drinks beer, chews fat - then says can we go back to the old days when your jokes were crap but actually made me laugh rather than boil my piss

I can only say each to their own. If you don't like people's jokes, ignore them.

I won't tell you what you what the Daschound said to the Alsatian when they were walking through the snow..........

My balls are fking cold

[Vipers]

B'stard Child said:

Vipers said:

B'stard Child said:

Drinks beer, chews fat - then says can we go back to the old days when your jokes were crap but actually made me laugh rather than boil my piss

I can only say each to their own. If you don't like people's jokes, ignore them.

I won't tell you what you what the Daschound said to the Alsatian when they were walking through the snow..........

My balls are fking cold

Close. Alsatian says "My feet are cold", the Dashound says " Your feet are cold!"

And remember how to work out what end of a worm is which.

Put it in a bowl of flour and wait until it farts.

Edited by Vipers on Friday 21st April 22:32

[Vipers]

leigh1050 said:

You can tell me I'm a monk!

It was a ..... bugger, battery's going on the iPad

[cookmysock]

why did Sally fall off the swing?

she had no arms.








knock knock!
who's there?
not Sally

[RJO]

Vipers said:

....... iPad

That explains a lot.

[Vipers]

Meanwhile back at the monastery in the early hours of the morning, there is an almighty racket going on, whooping, shouting screaming.

One of the local residents pissed off with the noise goes over and bangs on the door.

The Abbot opens it and says "Yes my son can I help you"

He says "Do you know it's nearly three in the morning and all this noise is keeping everyone up, what on earth is going on in there"

The Abbot says "We are holding a monks ball"

Man says "Well if you let it go maybe we could all get some sleep"

[SeeFive]

What do you call a coach load of pregnant nuns?

A blunderbuss.


So, when the queen drops a sprog, they fire a 21 gun salute. When a nun does the same, they fire the Canon.

[Vipers]

SeeFive said:

What do you call a coach load of pregnant nuns?

A blunderbuss.


So, when the queen drops a sprog, they fire a 21 gun salute. When a nun does the same, they fire the Canon.

Good one.

[glenrobbo]

Vipers said:

Remember how to work out what end of a worm is which.

Put it in a bowl of flour and wait until it farts.

How do you know it hasn't just sneezed?

[mickk]

glenrobbo said:

Vipers said:

Remember how to work out what end of a worm is which.

Put it in a bowl of flour and wait until it farts.

How do you know it hasn't just sneezed?

Fool, the smell of course!

[glenrobbo]

Ah, you mean it has bad breath?

[Vipers]

A police officer calls the station.

“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”

“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.

“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”

[Muntu]

Daunting.

Sunrise in Jamaica.

[glenrobbo]

Muntu said:

Daunting.

Sunrise in Jamaica.

[louiebaby]

Does Sean Connery like all herbs?

Only partially.

[Halmyre]

Muntu said:

Daunting.

Sunrise in Jamaica.

Oh no, let's not have Jamiacan jokes. Except the one about debating - place in Jamaica where you anchor boats.