Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[davhill]

Greatest occupational hazard from ships' heads with hard wooden plank seats with holes in?

A touch of the Farrrrmer Giles...

...a.k.a haemarrrhoids.

Edited by davhill on Wednesday 24th May 14:59

[Sticks.]

How do pirates communicate?

With an aye phone.

If they can't meet aye to aye, that is.

[PoleDriver]

Moonhawk said:

Eternity is a long time - what happens after the first 35 days (assuming you ration to 2 a day) - virginity can only be lost once.

Only 2?! You need to MTFU!

[familyguy1]

Police report that a man has been shot with a starting pistol

At this stage they believe it to be a race crime.

[davhill]

Moonhawk said:

Eternity is a long time - what happens after the first 36 days (assuming you ration to 2 a day) - virginity can only be lost once.

True, though I'm reminded of a quote from the great Groucho Marx, who was talking about Doris Day.

"I knew her before she was a virgin. "

[SeeFive]

Why was the pirate ship lost?

Cos the navigator was an arrrrrrrrshole.

[Muntu]

Pirate: The cannons be ready Cap'n

Captain: Arrrr

[48k]

PoleDriver said:

One of the things which is spurring on these cowardly suicide bombers is the promise of 72 virgins when they go to meet their maker.
I, for one, intend to do everything in my power to limit the availability of virgins and will keep it up for as long as it takes!

Like there's going to be any virgins up there now Roger Moore's arrived.

[Rude-boy]

48k said:

Like there's going to be any virgins up there now Roger Moore's arrived.

As above, i think that the computer programmers are safe from Roger Moore.

[MartG]

[cobra kid]

Best form of welding??

arrrrrc.

[Doofus]

How does a pirate spell "Arrrrr"?

A Arrrrr Arrrrr Arrrrr Arrrrr Arrrrr

Now stoppit, everyone please.

[vx220]

MartG said:

Help me out...

[PoleDriver]

vx220 said:

Help me out...

[RJO]

Why did the pirates dislike the pirate captain.



He was saarrrrrcastic.

[Monkeylegend]

vx220 said:

MartG said:

Help me out...

I could be due a whoosh here but do you really need helping out with that photoshopped photo

[Doofus]

Monkeylegend said:

vx220 said:

MartG said:

Help me out...

I could be due a whoosh here but do you really need helping out with that photoshopped photo

You have to look quite hard, vx220, but somebody has changed SpunkTrumpet's face to the colour of a normal person.

[Dr Interceptor]

[twing]

[UncleRic]

Pirate - "Cap'n the boats be ready"
Pirate captain - "Are."