Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[ChemicalChaos]

Jonmx said:

The first time I heard this joke it was David Blunkett's dog with Blunkett and Blair stood at the bar

Blair once bought Blunkett a cheese grater as a present. Blunkett said it was the most violent book he'd ever read

[iwantagta]

I tried to make my pet snail move faster by removing its shell.
If anything though it made it more sluggish.

[PoleDriver]

www.Conjunctivitis.com
Now there's a site for sore eyes.

[ApOrbital]

Sit down shep.

[Laurel Green]

ApOrbital said:

Sit down shep.

[Honk]

Laurel Green said:

ApOrbital said:

Sit down shep.

[EarlOfHazard]

PoleDriver said:

www.Conjunctivitis.com
Now there's a site for sore eyes.

Hahahahahaha

[K12beano]

Honk said:

Laurel Green said:

ApOrbital said:

Sit down shep.

...you guys are quick.


Or was it one you prepared earlier?

[Laurel Green]

K12beano said:

.


Or was it one you prepared earlier?

[YankeePorker]

[MartG]

A 73 yr old woman was in court for streaking at the Chelsea Flower show.

She was let off with a caution but was awarded 1st prize for best dried bush arrangement.

[RDMcG]

SlidingSideways said:

callmedave said:

Jack and Jill went up the hill
for some hanky-panky
Jill forgot to take the pill
and now there's little Franky

Mary had a little skirt
With slits right up the sides
And everytime she crossed her legs
The boys could see her thighs

Mary had another skirt
With a slit right up the front
But she didn't wear that one very often...

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot the shepherd.

[Shuvi McTupya]

RDMcG said:

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot the shepherd.

Are you trying to persuade us that Mary had physical relations with the gentleman that looked after the sheep, and then gave birth to a lamb?

She should have shagged the security guard at Tyffanys..

[Alex]

RDMcG said:

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot the shepherd.

Mary had a little lamb
The doctor was surprised
But when Old MacDonald had a farm
The doctor nearly died

[Origin Unknown]

Parallel lines have so much in common!

It's a shame they'll never meet.

[fomb]

MartG said:

2 girls from The Shining, Damien from The Omen, no idea about the skeletal nun

That's Melania Trump.

[MartG]

fomb said:

MartG said:

2 girls from The Shining, Damien from The Omen, no idea about the skeletal nun

That's Melania Trump.

I meant the other one, on the right

[Doofus]

MartG said:

fomb said:

MartG said:

2 girls from The Shining, Damien from The Omen, no idea about the skeletal nun

That's Melania Trump.

I meant the other one, on the right

The one to the right of Melania is Donald Trump. He's the president of the USA.

[MartG]

Doofus said:

MartG said:

fomb said:

MartG said:

2 girls from The Shining, Damien from The Omen, no idea about the skeletal nun

That's Melania Trump.

I meant the other one, on the right

The one to the right of Melania is Donald Trump. He's the president of the USA.

What are you gibbering about - he looks nothing like a skeletal nun

[Muntu]

Phoned the Tinnitus helpline earlier but it just kept ringing...