Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

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mybrainhurts

90,809 posts

254 months

Wednesday 19th July 2017
quotequote all
Vipers said:
Einion Yrth said:
Vipers said:
Doing my best beer
Do you leave the fantastically unfunny yank post-punch lines in deliberately to annoy people, or do you not notice them? Genuine question.
TBH, I have absolutely no idea what you are on about. I am but the messenger.
I've stopped doing what the voices tell me. I kept getting arrested.

leigh1050

2,372 posts

164 months

Wednesday 19th July 2017
quotequote all
When a woman gets a vibrator it's seen as a bit of naughty fun.
But when a man orders a 240 volt fkmaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with six speed pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with non- drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system he's called a pervert ?

fatboy18

18,930 posts

210 months

Wednesday 19th July 2017
quotequote all
leigh1050 said:
When a woman gets a vibrator it's seen as a bit of naughty fun.
But when a man orders a 240 volt fkmaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with six speed pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with non- drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system he's called a pervert ?
hehe Just going to pop mine back in the wardrobe biggrin

schmunk

4,399 posts

124 months

Thursday 20th July 2017
quotequote all
fatboy18 said:
leigh1050 said:
When a woman gets a vibrator it's seen as a bit of naughty fun.
But when a man orders a 240 volt fkmaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with six speed pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with non- drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system he's called a pervert ?
hehe Just going to pop mine back in the wardrobe biggrin
Careful - it's a bit of a squash in here.

Halmyre

11,148 posts

138 months

Thursday 20th July 2017
quotequote all
fatboy18 said:
leigh1050 said:
When a woman gets a vibrator it's seen as a bit of naughty fun.
But when a man orders a 240 volt fkmaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with six speed pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with non- drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system he's called a pervert ?
hehe Just going to pop mine back in the wardrobe biggrin
Is that a euphemism?

48k

12,981 posts

147 months

Thursday 20th July 2017
quotequote all
I had some mind-blowingly fantastic sex with Kylie Minogue yesterday and I learned two things:

1. She really does have the most amazing body.

2. The staff at Madame Tussauds are killjoys.

PixelpeepS3

8,600 posts

141 months

Thursday 20th July 2017
quotequote all
i just heard a whispa that a lorry carrying 25 tons of chocolate has caught fire on the A2 near bluewater.

Early reports indicate he collided with a double decker and there is a bounty on his head for causing the accident.

Apparently Errol Brown is going to do a tribute concert for those affected

fatboy18

18,930 posts

210 months

Thursday 20th July 2017
quotequote all
Sounds like the driver well and truly Fudged up!

Moonhawk

10,730 posts

218 months

Thursday 20th July 2017
quotequote all
PixelpeepS3 said:
i just heard a whispa that a lorry carrying 25 tons of chocolate has caught fire on the A2 near bluewater.

Early reports indicate he collided with a double decker and there is a bounty on his head for causing the accident.

Apparently Errol Brown is going to do a tribute concert for those affected
Timeout! Puns on here are a Dime a dozen, please try and stay on Topic.

fatboy18

18,930 posts

210 months

Thursday 20th July 2017
quotequote all
Well if the Puns do stop that would call for a Celebration

Evangelion

7,641 posts

177 months

Thursday 20th July 2017
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Right, I'm not Lion around reading this rubbish any longer - I'm off to my Ma's.

48k

12,981 posts

147 months

Thursday 20th July 2017
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I'm really loving my ABBA branded toilet at the moment. What a loo!

silverfoxcc

7,683 posts

144 months

Thursday 20th July 2017
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Apparently it is going to be a marathon clear up

davhill

5,263 posts

183 months

Thursday 20th July 2017
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Was that Mars idea? It's the sort of thing she Snickers about.

I really shouldn't Malteser.

Blatter

852 posts

190 months

Thursday 20th July 2017
quotequote all
PixelpeepS3 said:
Apparently Errol Brown is going to do a tribute concert for those affected
What, you mean like, at a seance?


Usget

5,426 posts

210 months

Thursday 20th July 2017
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There's quite a few Linkin Park titles which would make good puns, but I can't bring myself to do it. RIP chap.

Frimley111R

15,537 posts

233 months

Thursday 20th July 2017
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I got a dig bick
2. You that read wrong
3. You read that wrong too
4. You checked
5. You smiled
7. You are wondering why you're still this reading this
8. You saw that mistake... right? (On 7)
10. But did you see that I skipped 6?
10. You checked
11. And saw you that I doubled 10 and skipped 9
12. I said saw you, not you saw
13. I also skipped 2
14. You got tricked
15. I'm just wasting your time go back to scrolling through the rest of PH.

Muntu

7,631 posts

198 months

Friday 21st July 2017
quotequote all
48k said:
I'm really loving my ABBA branded toilet at the moment. What a loo!
I had a really smutty dream about the blonde one from ABBA last night.

I only woke up because his beard was tickling my balls

Frimley111R

15,537 posts

233 months

Friday 21st July 2017
quotequote all
Muntu said:
48k said:
I'm really loving my ABBA branded toilet at the moment. What a loo!
I had a really smutty dream about the blonde one from ABBA last night.

I only woke up because his beard was tickling my balls
hehe

Fluffsri

3,161 posts

195 months

Friday 21st July 2017
quotequote all
Muntu said:
I had a really smutty dream about the blonde one from ABBA last night.

I only woke up because his beard was tickling my balls
LMAO
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