Management Speak

[Humble Pi]

Heard a new manager at work twice say in a meeting “ok so let’s put a foot on the ball and not do that again going forward”

[hutchst]

I think I might be tempted to participate next time a meeting of the steak holders is arranged.

[blueST]

My company is particularly afflicted by this problem. Myself and a colleague try to keep a record of the best ones in the hope we can sell our memoirs.

“Let’s shake the duvet and see what falls out” = “Anyone got any ideas cos I haven’t a clue”

“We should soon be in a position to start breathing our own smoke” = “We can keep any budget savings we can make”

“I’m just being the critical friend here” = “I just want to make you look crap in front of the bosses to further my career”

[p4cks]

Using ‘myself’ when you mean ‘me’ can maybe considered somewhat management speak

[blueST]

p4cks said:

Using ‘myself’ when you mean ‘me’ can maybe considered somewhat management speak

Or in this case, just a poor grasp written English

[DoubleD]

blueST said:

p4cks said:

Using ‘myself’ when you mean ‘me’ can maybe considered somewhat management speak

Or in this case, just a poor grasp written English

It happens a lot.

[blueST]

DoubleD said:

blueST said:

p4cks said:

Using ‘myself’ when you mean ‘me’ can maybe considered somewhat management speak

Or in this case, just a poor grasp written English

It happens a lot.

Having worked their a long time, I have found that I’ve got used to the constant stream of nonsensical waffle and I have to make a conscious effort to not start using the phrases, and I fail from time to time. Caught myself referring to “rich data” the other day.

[Scabutz]

We have a new chap started at work. He is ambitious but also very inexperienced. Seems to be trying to make up for his lack of experience by using endless management speak. He used the words solutionise 3 times in the same meeting the other day.

In other news I sent a tender document out to a few companies and one replied thanking me for "reaching out". That's them struck off immediately. I might amend the document and say any use of management speak is strictly forbidden and will result in breach of contract.

[sicarumba]

Yesterday at work I was invited to a project meeting. I declined due to the location. I've had many meetings there, back when it was called meeting room 12, but now it's been permanently booked out by the project manager for a long-term project (let's call it Project Square) the room has been renamed to the Project Square Win Room.

I've not even clicked tentative.

[rfisher]

We need to look at the granular data.

No we don't.

[PurpleTurtle]

Allan L said:

Scabutz said:

HR have all the time in the world to come up with crap jargon . . .

"Human Resources" is itself crap jargon for what we used to call Personnel. Moreover when it was Personnel they recognised they were dealing with people, not a "Resource".

p4cks said:

My mate refers to them as Human Remains.

as did we in our time.
Surprising that the "man" syllable is still permitted and we don't have to write "Huperson"

Edited by Allan L on Friday 20th September 15:23

Yeah, they love being referred to as ‘Personnel’

[curlyks2]

Allan L said:

Scabutz said:

HR have all the time in the world to come up with crap jargon . . .

"Human Resources" is itself crap jargon for what we used to call Personnel. Moreover when it was Personnel they recognised they were dealing with people, not a "Resource".

p4cks said:

My mate refers to them as Human Remains.

as did we in our time.
Surprising that the "man" syllable is still permitted and we don't have to write "Huperson"

Also now know in some organisations as Employee Success.

Using this thread as inspiration: when the porthole is holisitcally cleaned, whatever lens is deployed to focus in, a deep dive of any granularity reveals that, when the cards are all run up the flagpole, the entire raisin d'être of Employee Success is to keep the company legal.

[V1nce Fox]

Conversely, the guy in charge of our team is ex-forces and we've all worked together for a long time. Our meetings are often him reading what he's been told to pass down then having a conversation as a group that sounds like something from Gene Hunt.

We've got the highest success rate in the whole organisation.

[Scabutz]

We have a winner. I got an email yesterday and someone has actually used "blue sky thinking" as a phrase, and they are not taking the piss.

[DoubleD]

Yeah ive worked with a few guys who like blue sky thinking.

[Hoofy]

Time to step it up, foot to the floor and call it cloud-free thinking.

[blueST]

This stuff is just so common I don't even notice it, and can't even properly resist it creeping into my own language. But, encouraged by this thread, today's highlights were "we need to wrestle this issue to the ground" and "Are we in that headspace yet?". In fact using the word "space" to describe some abstract objective or topic area seems to be all the rage at the minute.

[SCEtoAUX]

"The Solksjaer Trajectory"

[StanleyT]

PurpleTurtle said:

Allan L said:

Scabutz said:

HR have all the time in the world to come up with crap jargon . . .

"Human Resources" is itself crap jargon for what we used to call Personnel. Moreover when it was Personnel they recognised they were dealing with people, not a "Resource".

p4cks said:

My mate refers to them as Human Remains.

as did we in our time.
Surprising that the "man" syllable is still permitted and we don't have to write "Huperson"

Edited by Allan L on Friday 20th September 15:23

Yeah, they love being referred to as ‘Personnel’

Our's had exactly that issue with 'Human' so after having being Personnel", "Human Reources", "Human Remains" etc etc they are now "People and Organisation". PO works quite well as an acronym.

Anyway, to address the gender paygap between men peni endowed and women mammary endowed as men peni endowed are traditionally higher paid in our company, I have decided to identify as female non peni endowed (so my wife says). That should help the statistics.

[Lily the Pink]

StanleyT said:

Anyway, to address the gender paygap between men peni endowed and women mammary endowed as men peni endowed are traditionally higher paid in our company, I have decided to identify as female non peni endowed (so my wife says). That should help the statistics.

But surely a lot of the peni-endowed are right mammaries, are they not ?