Divorcing empty nesters...

Divorcing empty nesters...

Author
Discussion

BigLion

Original Poster:

1,497 posts

98 months

Thursday 4th August 2016
quotequote all
Why does it seem that once children leave the home couples end up divorcing? I would have thought that's the time to enjoy life with each other but seems not to be the case.

Feel sorry for a friend of mine, worked his arse of all his working life and treated his wife like royalty, she didn't want to work so he let her do what she liked. Now their kids have grown up she wants a divorce???

Vitorio

4,296 posts

142 months

Thursday 4th August 2016
quotequote all
They stayed together for the kids, and they probably endured that for long enough to really get sick of each other.

I split earlier this year with the ex, we have two kids, 2 and 5 years old. Both mine and my ex's parents split up later in life, and we both are convinced staying together for the kids is the wrong decision.

Impasse

15,099 posts

240 months

Thursday 4th August 2016
quotequote all
Money for one. She'll claim that his kids meant she was never able to pursue her career but her staying at home enabled him to earn his wage today. Therefore she'll feel entitled to a chunk of that wage along with an interest in any pensions and the keys to the current marital home. She gets a family for free, a place to live and an income for life.

Some will put up with temporarily being with someone they no longer love for the sake of financial security.

grumbledoak

31,504 posts

232 months

Thursday 4th August 2016
quotequote all
^^^ Those two.

Staying together for the kids is over, and/or the lifestyle that a woman can get out of divorce.

Sheepshanks

32,538 posts

118 months

Thursday 4th August 2016
quotequote all
Impasse said:
...and the keys to the current marital home.
Why would she get that if there are no kids still at home?

Vitorio

4,296 posts

142 months

Thursday 4th August 2016
quotequote all
Impasse said:
Money for one. She'll claim that his kids meant she was never able to pursue her career but her staying at home enabled him to earn his wage today. Therefore she'll feel entitled to a chunk of that wage along with an interest in any pensions and the keys to the current marital home. She gets a family for free, a place to live and an income for life.

Some will put up with temporarily being with someone they no longer love for the sake of financial security.
Makes me think i kinda dodged a bullet...

foxsasha

1,416 posts

134 months

Thursday 4th August 2016
quotequote all
I think all a large part of it is that kids mask just how boring people find their other half. When it's suddenly just the two of them they realise can't stand each others sole company/one can't stand the other and it's game over. The kids act as a buffer whilst their at home.

Robertj21a

16,475 posts

104 months

Thursday 4th August 2016
quotequote all

The female of the species needs to reproduce - she needs a man to satisfy that need. Once she has had some children to nurture, paid for (usually) by the man, then there's little reason for her to stay in that relationship.

Ari

19,328 posts

214 months

Thursday 4th August 2016
quotequote all
HUGE assumption that it's always the woman that leaves (SWT no doubt). What a surprise.

Plenty of blokes have a 'mid life crisis' and bail out.

mph1977

12,467 posts

167 months

Thursday 4th August 2016
quotequote all
BigLion said:
Why does it seem that once children leave the home couples end up divorcing? I would have thought that's the time to enjoy life with each other but seems not to be the case.

Feel sorry for a friend of mine, worked his arse of all his working life and treated his wife like royalty, she didn't want to work so he let her do what she liked. Now their kids have grown up she wants a divorce???
Rather than the 'staying together for the sake of the Children' angle it;s often the fact that

1. Children leaving home is a life changing event
2. The parents suddenly have a lot more time together on their hands

mph1977

12,467 posts

167 months

Thursday 4th August 2016
quotequote all
foxsasha said:
I think all a large part of it is that kids mask just how boring people find their other half. When it's suddenly just the two of them they realise can't stand each others sole company/one can't stand the other and it's game over. The kids act as a buffer whilst their at home.
exactly - also it reduces the time they spend together - alone especially if one or both parents is speanding hours a week supportingtheir ofsprings sporting or artistic endeavours

jonah35

3,940 posts

156 months

Thursday 4th August 2016
quotequote all
foxsasha said:
I think all a large part of it is that kids mask just how boring people find their other half. When it's suddenly just the two of them they realise can't stand each others sole company/one can't stand the other and it's game over. The kids act as a buffer whilst their at home.
Exactly this.

Plus, people look in the mirror, dont see a fit young 21 year old looking back at them and think 'is this it?'


alfie2244

11,292 posts

187 months

Thursday 4th August 2016
quotequote all
grumbledoak said:
^^^ Those two.

Staying together for the kids is over, and/or the lifestyle that a woman can get out of divorce.
+1 got the T shirt.

SeeFive

8,280 posts

232 months

Thursday 4th August 2016
quotequote all
I split with my wife almost 2 years ago. She was always a bit of a nagger. Without going into detail, this escalated to ridiculous levels when the kids left home. We discussed it at length but there was no change - it got worse and led to all sorts of false accusations. Essentially, I got the kids share of her bad side too after they left the nest.

So, unable to do anything about it and unable to make any more changes and efforts myself, unable to take any more, after a couple of years trying to change things, I left.

I am sure that I would not be the only one in this position - when the kids go, you become the focus of all things bad. All day and all night. It's no life.

Guess who the bad guy is?

PurpleMoonlight

22,362 posts

156 months

Friday 5th August 2016
quotequote all
Ari said:
HUGE assumption that it's always the woman that leaves (SWT no doubt). What a surprise.
You are absolutely correct.

The woman rarely leaves, they force the man out so that he is homeless.

Robertj21a

16,475 posts

104 months

Friday 5th August 2016
quotequote all
PurpleMoonlight said:
You are absolutely correct.

The woman rarely leaves, they force the man out so that he is homeless.
Unfortunately, all too true.

TwigtheWonderkid

43,248 posts

149 months

Friday 5th August 2016
quotequote all
Robertj21a said:
The female of the species needs to reproduce - she needs a man to satisfy that need. Once she has had some children to nurture, paid for (usually) by the man, then there's little reason for her to stay in that relationship.
rofl

So there we have it, the entire character of 3.5 billion people summed up in 2 sentences.

rolleyes

jshell

11,006 posts

204 months

Friday 5th August 2016
quotequote all
BigLion said:
Why does it seem that once children leave the home couples end up divorcing? I would have thought that's the time to enjoy life with each other but seems not to be the case.

Feel sorry for a friend of mine, worked his arse of all his working life and treated his wife like royalty, she didn't want to work so he let her do what she liked. Now their kids have grown up she wants a divorce???
Erm, I think you've answered your own question with the bit in bold. Many women need a challenge, if they are treated too well, they see it as weakness and get bored.

It used to be the sage advice of previous generations: Keep them well fked and poorly shod!*

  • better say that I'm not saying I agree, just repeating an oft used quote of older gen's.

Ari

19,328 posts

214 months

Friday 5th August 2016
quotequote all
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Robertj21a said:
The female of the species needs to reproduce - she needs a man to satisfy that need. Once she has had some children to nurture, paid for (usually) by the man, then there's little reason for her to stay in that relationship.
rofl

So there we have it, the entire character of 3.5 billion people summed up in 2 sentences.

rolleyes
Indeed. Welcome to Pistonheads! biggrin

GroundEffect

13,819 posts

155 months

Friday 5th August 2016
quotequote all
Robertj21a said:
PurpleMoonlight said:
You are absolutely correct.

The woman rarely leaves, they force the man out so that he is homeless.
Unfortunately, all too true.
You guys are done-wrong Adonis' aren't you?

Some could easily say that the male of the species is hard-wired to spread its seed as far and wide as possible.

One pump, done. Move on.

Eh?