I miss my dad

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Discussion

TheAngryDog

Original Poster:

12,394 posts

208 months

Sunday 23rd April 2017
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I don't usually get too emotional on here, and I know I made a recent post about friendships. I just feel the need to post something. I don't expect replies, though I am sure I will get some and I am sure some will be mocking, but C'est la vie.

My dad passed away 3 months ago. This in itself hurt me more than I expected. I know they say time is a healer but it hasn't helped. I know it's early days still and I cope, get on with life etc, but it's always there, the knowing.

I get married on Friday, he was supposed to be there. He never got to see any of his kids get married and I know that he was looking forward to it immensely. I am looking forward to it but dreading it also, as I know I am going to miss him on the day. As the date gets closer I feel myself getting more upset about the fact. The only solace I get is that he knew I was getting married.

I miss him every day, even though I didn't get to see him as much after moving away, but he was only ever on the end of the phone and he always looked forward to hearing from me or seeing me. I just hope that I can do him proud on Friday and afterwards.

Sorry, bit rambly, not enough swearing. 1/10.

WolfAir

456 posts

134 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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Mate you have my deepest condolences. We often take our parents for granted and assume they'l be around forever.
Take solace in fulfilling your dreams and being happy for, speaking as a father, his happiness lies in the happiness of his children.
All the best for Friday.

Moominho

893 posts

139 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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What you are feeling is completely normal, and 3 months is no time. My parents died years ago but I still have times when I am really sad about missing out things with them. Little things like going to see a car my father would like or going to my mums favourite park can make me feel like a lost little boy.

Time does make things easier, but i think it takes years, not months. Good luck for Friday, your dad will be proud of you.

It's awfully dusty in here...

Robbo 27

3,605 posts

98 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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There would be something very wrong if you didnt miss him, an important prt of your life just suddenly taken away.

It has been many years since my father died and I still wish he was around, there is a gap, that is not easily filled by anyone or anything else.

Remember him and cherish his memory. I found some comfort by buying a journal notebook and putting down my thoughts and memories, his qualities and shortcomings, what I learned from him and the joys that we shared. I have added to this over the years and included his family history. This may work for you.

Vocal Minority

8,582 posts

151 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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If you are dreading Tge feeling of missing him on the day, have you told your soon to be wife? At the risk of sounding like a cheap therapist, it's ok to cry smile

Also, tell your mum, because she'll be missing him just as much. It won't make it easier I'm sure, but maybe it'll take the edge off it a little

I'm so sorry for your loss at this time. But share as much as you can with those you love, they will not take it as an article of bad faith against the big day.

I hope it all goes ok

PorkInsider

5,877 posts

140 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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3 months is no time at all. I can imagine it taking much more time to fully come to terms with losing a parent and start to move on. I'm also close to my parents, whom I'm lucky enough to still have around, and I know it will be very hard when the time inevitably comes.

I hope you'll be able to put aside your grief for a while and enjoy your big day. I say that because I know how easy it is to feel guilty about being happy when you've recently lost someone, but remember that being happy doesn't mean you're forgetting about him or you're not still sad that he's gone.

Anyway, all the best for your wedding. beer

g3org3y

20,606 posts

190 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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WolfAir said:
Mate you have my deepest condolences. We often take our parents for granted and assume they'll be around forever.
Take solace in fulfilling your dreams and being happy for, speaking as a father, his happiness lies in the happiness of his children.
All the best for Friday.
Moominho said:
What you are feeling is completely normal, and 3 months is no time.
Echo the above. It'll take years, not months. The reminders will continue but your ability to cope will improve in time.

Best wishes

wack

2,103 posts

205 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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My dad died last March at 82 so it's just over a year now , I live 150 miles away but regularly made the effort to go and see him and spoke almost daily on the phone, like you I really miss not being able to talk to him, when a parent dies you never know when the last visit is

Mine was going to see him in hospital , having a nice chat , me leaving then just standing looking at him for a minute when he was unaware I was still there.

He died 3 days later at home, it does get easier , possibly in my case because he wasn't in great health so if he was still alive it'd be with a lot of pain, my mum died young at 49 , that was hard , she didn't see either my sister or I married , nor any grandchildren , it took me a long time to deal with her death

You have my deepest sympathies, with time you'll come to accept its the natural order of things and remember the good times you had with him

ellroy

7,000 posts

224 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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It's a few days over 19 years ago my Dad passed.

It does get easier with time, but you never loose the gap in your life that appears.

Chin up OP and my sympathy on your loss.

Hainey

4,381 posts

199 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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Angry, I lost my Dad last year and I know exactly how you feel. I miss the old boy every day in life and like you I've found it doesn't get easier with time passing. It's made me realise how precious memories are, and how little money means in the overall scheme of things as I'm now trying to realign my work life balance so I do more with my own children.

Hang in there mate. That's all I can say.

krisdelta

4,566 posts

200 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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I lost my Dad 19 years ago when I was in my early 20's, he was ill for years before. It does get easier but big events do make you think! I still miss him numerous times a week and now see my friends having the more "pals" father / son relationship we never got to.

Embrace the happy memories and consider raising a glass to him at the event.

grumpy52

5,565 posts

165 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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So sorry for your loss , I lost my dad two years ago and mum 2 years before that .
I miss them both every day for all sorts of silly reasons .
We , as a family were very close even though we live all over the country .
I cared for both at the end of their lives and dad held my hand as he passed away .
It takes time ,so what if you get emotional,it's perfectly normal and their is no time limit .
If you need a good blub ,have a good blub ,it is far better for you than bottling it all up .
Anybody close to you will understand and support you .
A good idea is to have a book or box of memories,it helps as an outlet for your grief .
Good luck with your wedding , your dad will be there ,he will be in the hearts of all those that loved him .

Landlord

12,689 posts

256 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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What you're feeling is totally normal.

I lost my dad 2.5 years ago. It hurt more than I could ever imagine it would. 3 months is no time at all to expect anything to have got easier, IME. I reckon it took me 18 months until I could look at a picture of him without feeling a deep sense of pain. 18 months until the memories were upsetting and quickly quashed from my mind. I remember thinking "just how long will this take. how long until it doesn't hurt". No one can answer that. IME, it was just something you had to accept would take as long as it takes.

I remember I read something shortly after he died (I was looking for a lot of answers at that time) and someone described it like this - which made sense to me;

When you lose someone you immediately have this gaping hole in your life. Only this hole is sharp and pointed. Every moment it jabs you and you feel intense pain. Time doesn't fill this hole but it rounds off the points so that, whilst they're still there and uncomfortable, they no longer hurt in the same way.

Like I say, this resonates with me. I think about him every day. You will have times, especially in these early days, where you find yourself "forgetting" that he's gone. I remember not long after he died I was flicking through the TV guide and saw there was a documentary on Concorde. My dad was a massive aircraft buff. I though "Ooo. I'll go and tell dad about.... oh.". That really stung.

I'm afraid I can't make any of this any easier for you but I encourage you to accept that you need to be patient.

C0ffin D0dger

3,440 posts

144 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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As per all the other replies, it's a tough thing to deal with.

I still wish my Dad was around, he died just over five years ago to cancer, he met my son but not my daughter. I've now come to realise that it was him that held the family together, my wife used joke about how they'd call us pretty much every week I always used to think this was my Mum's doing but since he passed away it can go over a month between phone calls. Even when she does ring we seem to have so much less in common and we end up talking about the weather, her garden etc. she doesn't really even seem that interested in the kids, just a passing how are they getting on type conversation which is odd. As she doesn't drive we hardly ever see her and whenever we go to hers (pretty much just Christmas now) she seems so stressed by it all that it's just not fun and I just seem to spend the whole time telling the kids not to do stuff. Whereas I'm sure my Dad would be a lot more interested in the children and we had a lot more to talk about - cars, home brewing, DIY etc. I really do miss him. frown

mr_spock

3,340 posts

214 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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It does get better, but doesn't go away. My dad died 36 years ago when I was 18, I still well up on his birthday, or when big life events happen, or when I go to visit his grave. I hope I always do.

RRLover

450 posts

201 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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I feel your pain.
My dad passed away last year very suddenly & with little to no warning. He was healthy ish, 59, still worked away & an infection took a hold of him & 3 days later he was gone.
Broke my heart, he was my best friend. Being the oldest of 4 siblings i had to deal with everything & sort it all out.
I buried him in the morning & i was on a flight to Tenerife at 4pm that afternoon. It took a while for it all to settle in & when it got me it hit me hard.
I had for a while the notion to go to the cemetery to visit him & when i got there i just had to leave, dont know what it was.
I miss him like mad & my 2 year old wont grow up knowing him which hurts even more.

Soov330e

35,829 posts

270 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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Mate

Sorry about your Dad, man.

My Dad passed away nearly ten years ago. I still miss him.

Sometimes when me and my son (4) are out and about I do think "Dad would have loved this".

It never goes away, but it does get easier.


Three months is nothing. Hang in there.

And know this - he is at peace, and you will see him again.




Edited by Soov330e on Monday 24th April 09:55

lost in espace

6,135 posts

206 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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25 years ago for me, I used to think it would get easier but you just learn to deal with it. I never got to do any adult stuff with my dad, was a normal teenager and didn't want anything to do with my parents too uncool. He died suddenly for no reason, pointless.

Eddie Strohacker

3,879 posts

85 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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Ten years ago & I miss him every day. I've never got over it but like others say, you reach a form of accommodation with it. The worst for me is he never got to see my daughter grow up, I find my self keeping his memory alive with her almost constantly.

tjl

385 posts

171 months

Monday 24th April 2017
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I miss my dad. A little over 4 years ago at age of 84. Love you dad.