Protecting wealth before marriage ?
Discussion
Northbloke said:
Not the same scale but I was in a somewhat similar position to the OP. I made it to late 30s as a single bloke and with a half decent career behind me and a prudent savings attitude I was well set up financially; mortgage nearly paid off and able to take early retirement by 50ish if I fancied it. <PH mode> I also had an Impreza Turbo company car and a private TVR, 5 foreign holidays a year etc. </>. Life was very good.
Along the way I'd been close to marriage several times but never thought we'd grow old together so opted out. Then I started taking out a lovely single mum (with a young daughter) once a week for fun, neither of us wanted anything more. I remember admiring her as she didn't claim a penny off her ex and had 3 jobs trying (but failing) to make ends meet. After a year or so we had grown close and when her landlord put her rent up I invited her and her daughter to move in (rent free). We just clicked, all was well and a year later we got married, I paid off all her debts and we started on our own family.
After initially reading the part in bold my immediate thought was "you idiot, you are so going to get screwed over". Would I be correct in thinking that she is around 10 years younger than you and as soon as you split up (and probably even before you split up) she couldn't wait to start dating again?Along the way I'd been close to marriage several times but never thought we'd grow old together so opted out. Then I started taking out a lovely single mum (with a young daughter) once a week for fun, neither of us wanted anything more. I remember admiring her as she didn't claim a penny off her ex and had 3 jobs trying (but failing) to make ends meet. After a year or so we had grown close and when her landlord put her rent up I invited her and her daughter to move in (rent free). We just clicked, all was well and a year later we got married, I paid off all her debts and we started on our own family.
In my experience it all boils down to Alpha Fux, Beta Bucks for most women. In their 20s they are in full party carousel mode and are getting smoked and poked by as many exciting bad boys as possible. Of course this means that they end up living in rented accommodation with loads of debts so once they get to 32/33 they try and grab a beta wallet to provide a house, children and money. Obviously these beta guys are the sort of men they would have friend zoned 10 years ago but now they definitely have something the women want.
So one day the woman wakes up, realises how utterly bored she is and blames it all on the beta husband. He has bent over backwards to provide everything she needed, even to the point of allowing her to give up work as soon as the children are born. However the one thing he can't give her is excitement and tingles so before you know it she is looking for attention and working out how she can keep everything while getting rid of the husband.
It is almost like women need two men, one to give them children and pay for everything and another man for excitement and 'gina tingles.
You would have to be mental to marry a woman if you have money and she has nothing as it is only a matter of time before she realises she can divorce you and keep it all.
Joey Deacon said:
Northbloke said:
Not the same scale but I was in a somewhat similar position to the OP. I made it to late 30s as a single bloke and with a half decent career behind me and a prudent savings attitude I was well set up financially; mortgage nearly paid off and able to take early retirement by 50ish if I fancied it. <PH mode> I also had an Impreza Turbo company car and a private TVR, 5 foreign holidays a year etc. </>. Life was very good.
Along the way I'd been close to marriage several times but never thought we'd grow old together so opted out. Then I started taking out a lovely single mum (with a young daughter) once a week for fun, neither of us wanted anything more. I remember admiring her as she didn't claim a penny off her ex and had 3 jobs trying (but failing) to make ends meet. After a year or so we had grown close and when her landlord put her rent up I invited her and her daughter to move in (rent free). We just clicked, all was well and a year later we got married, I paid off all her debts and we started on our own family.
After initially reading the part in bold my immediate thought was "you idiot, you are so going to get screwed over". Would I be correct in thinking that she is around 10 years younger than you and as soon as you split up (and probably even before you split up) she couldn't wait to start dating again?Along the way I'd been close to marriage several times but never thought we'd grow old together so opted out. Then I started taking out a lovely single mum (with a young daughter) once a week for fun, neither of us wanted anything more. I remember admiring her as she didn't claim a penny off her ex and had 3 jobs trying (but failing) to make ends meet. After a year or so we had grown close and when her landlord put her rent up I invited her and her daughter to move in (rent free). We just clicked, all was well and a year later we got married, I paid off all her debts and we started on our own family.
In my experience it all boils down to Alpha Fux, Beta Bucks for most women. In their 20s they are in full party carousel mode and are getting smoked and poked by as many exciting bad boys as possible. Of course this means that they end up living in rented accommodation with loads of debts so once they get to 32/33 they try and grab a beta wallet to provide a house, children and money. Obviously these beta guys are the sort of men they would have friend zoned 10 years ago but now they definitely have something the women want.
So one day the woman wakes up, realises how utterly bored she is and blames it all on the beta husband. He has bent over backwards to provide everything she needed, even to the point of allowing her to give up work as soon as the children are born. However the one thing he can't give her is excitement and tingles so before you know it she is looking for attention and working out how she can keep everything while getting rid of the husband.
It is almost like women need two men, one to give them children and pay for everything and another man for excitement and 'gina tingles.
You would have to be mental to marry a woman if you have money and she has nothing as it is only a matter of time before she realises she can divorce you and keep it all.
Joey Deacon said:
You would have to be mental to marry a woman if you have money and she has nothing as it is only a matter of time before she realises she can divorce you and keep it all.
Why would she want to divorce you? Just to get all of it? 
I'm amazed by all these stories of women suddenly having personality changes and running off with blokes money. All these blameless blokes and manipulating scheming women. It takes two people to make a relationship work.
If you all believe the nonsense on this thread, or worse, base your life decisions on other people's failed relationships, you're simply heading for a string of unsuccessful relationships yourself.
I know there's a lot of cynicism about women in here but this thread is a bit sad if people actually believe the nonsense they're coming out with, most of it is simply bitter people trying to remove blame for their relationships not working out. It would be interesting to hear some of your partners or ex partners describing the dynamics of your relationships.
Younger posters.do yourselves a favour and avoid these threads before you end up like the bitter people you're all apparently taking relationship advice from. If you don't, you'll simply end up like them.
El stovey said:
Why would she want to divorce you? Just to get all of it?
I'm amazed by all these stories of women suddenly having personality changes and running off with blokes money. All these blameless blokes and manipulating scheming women. It takes two people to make a relationship work.
If you all believe the nonsense on this thread, or worse, base your life decisions on other people's failed relationships, you're simply heading for a string of unsuccessful relationships yourself.
I know there's a lot of cynicism about women in here but this thread is a bit sad if people actually believe the nonsense they're coming out with, most of it is simply bitter people trying to remove blame for their relationships not working out. It would be interesting to hear some of your partners or ex partners describing the dynamics of your relationships.
Younger posters.do yourselves a favour and avoid these threads before you end up like the bitter people you're all apparently taking relationship advice from. If you don't, you'll simply end up like them.
Thing is, did the failure cause a good man to turn bitter, or was the man always bitter and that's what caused the failure?I'm amazed by all these stories of women suddenly having personality changes and running off with blokes money. All these blameless blokes and manipulating scheming women. It takes two people to make a relationship work.
If you all believe the nonsense on this thread, or worse, base your life decisions on other people's failed relationships, you're simply heading for a string of unsuccessful relationships yourself.
I know there's a lot of cynicism about women in here but this thread is a bit sad if people actually believe the nonsense they're coming out with, most of it is simply bitter people trying to remove blame for their relationships not working out. It would be interesting to hear some of your partners or ex partners describing the dynamics of your relationships.
Younger posters.do yourselves a favour and avoid these threads before you end up like the bitter people you're all apparently taking relationship advice from. If you don't, you'll simply end up like them.
You seem to be alleging the latter - and it's a fair enough assumption when everything is going just fine in your own world - but I think the message does eventually get through to younger men just by sheer weight of numbers if nothing else.
Most relationship breakdowns where blokes say "she just changed overnight", if we're honest with ourselves, the signs were there for a long time - we just didn't want to see them.
Why do they break down? Most of the time, for one reason or another, because she just "wasn't feeling it" anymore. Only a surprisingly small amount of the time it is due to some painful action on the part of the husband - infidelity etc. Most of the time, she just got bored, or the husband stopped being someone she found interesting (blokes are classic for changing when we settle into a relationship and becoming complacent), or maybe a better option came along. Either way she's just not feeling it anymore. But the bloke doesn't realise, he keeps acting like normal, which makes her feel oppressed and resentful and kind of disgusted - as you would, when you're forced to spend time with someone you don't much like, maybe even have them expect to be intimate with you.
The resentment builds, with hubby feeling things are wrong but still not really picking up on why, and eventually in her eyes he becomes the enemy, symbol of everything wrong in her life and the source of unhappiness. And that is why reason and fairness goes out the window in the divorce settlement. She's not a scheming manipulator who changed overnight, he's just become the incarnation of everything negative in her life. Probably disgusted with herself for ever even marrying him and doesn't understand why she was so misled - clearly he's been this awful man all along and she just never saw it till now. Why wouldn't she try and get everything she possibly can? She owes him nothing, she made a huge mistake in her life and he's taken advantage of her for years.
Venturist said:
Thing is, did the failure cause a good man to turn bitter, or was the man always bitter and that's what caused the failure?
You seem to be alleging the latter - and it's a fair enough assumption when everything is going just fine in your own world - but I think the message does eventually get through to younger men just by sheer weight of numbers if nothing else.
Most relationship breakdowns where blokes say "she just changed overnight", if we're honest with ourselves, the signs were there for a long time - we just didn't want to see them.
Why do they break down? Most of the time, for one reason or another, because she just "wasn't feeling it" anymore. Only a surprisingly small amount of the time it is due to some painful action on the part of the husband - infidelity etc. Most of the time, she just got bored, or the husband stopped being someone she found interesting (blokes are classic for changing when we settle into a relationship and becoming complacent), or maybe a better option came along. Either way she's just not feeling it anymore. But the bloke doesn't realise, he keeps acting like normal, which makes her feel oppressed and resentful and kind of disgusted - as you would, when you're forced to spend time with someone you don't much like, maybe even have them expect to be intimate with you.
The resentment builds, with hubby feeling things are wrong but still not really picking up on why, and eventually in her eyes he becomes the enemy, symbol of everything wrong in her life and the source of unhappiness. And that is why reason and fairness goes out the window in the divorce settlement. She's not a scheming manipulator who changed overnight, he's just become the incarnation of everything negative in her life. Probably disgusted with herself for ever even marrying him and doesn't understand why she was so misled - clearly he's been this awful man all along and she just never saw it till now. Why wouldn't she try and get everything she possibly can? She owes him nothing, she made a huge mistake in her life and he's taken advantage of her for years.
So what you're saying is most relationships don't work out because BOTH people involved don't communicate properly and won't compromise and show empathy and then don't put in enough effort to make it work when the resultant cracks start to appear? You seem to be alleging the latter - and it's a fair enough assumption when everything is going just fine in your own world - but I think the message does eventually get through to younger men just by sheer weight of numbers if nothing else.
Most relationship breakdowns where blokes say "she just changed overnight", if we're honest with ourselves, the signs were there for a long time - we just didn't want to see them.
Why do they break down? Most of the time, for one reason or another, because she just "wasn't feeling it" anymore. Only a surprisingly small amount of the time it is due to some painful action on the part of the husband - infidelity etc. Most of the time, she just got bored, or the husband stopped being someone she found interesting (blokes are classic for changing when we settle into a relationship and becoming complacent), or maybe a better option came along. Either way she's just not feeling it anymore. But the bloke doesn't realise, he keeps acting like normal, which makes her feel oppressed and resentful and kind of disgusted - as you would, when you're forced to spend time with someone you don't much like, maybe even have them expect to be intimate with you.
The resentment builds, with hubby feeling things are wrong but still not really picking up on why, and eventually in her eyes he becomes the enemy, symbol of everything wrong in her life and the source of unhappiness. And that is why reason and fairness goes out the window in the divorce settlement. She's not a scheming manipulator who changed overnight, he's just become the incarnation of everything negative in her life. Probably disgusted with herself for ever even marrying him and doesn't understand why she was so misled - clearly he's been this awful man all along and she just never saw it till now. Why wouldn't she try and get everything she possibly can? She owes him nothing, she made a huge mistake in her life and he's taken advantage of her for years.
Sa Calobra said:
Most PH men will tell you women aren't to be to trusted. The rest of us know it takes two to make a great relationship.
Nor should men.I well and truly don't get how society ever decided it was a great idea to bet your financial future and the roof over your head on the feelings another person you may not know very well has towards you.
I've been in enough relationships to know how quickly things change and how little consideration there is for you when the lights go out.
I'll never, ever put myself in that position via marriage. I wish all the best to anyone who does marry.
Du1point8 said:
My OH has asked about how she can sign something to protect each others assets if we get married, how does one do that?
She has certain property and I have certain property, mine is worth lots, hers is very sentimental. She would like to know how she can get a legal document to protect each others personal assets?
We already have a bloody good life and the everything we do is paid together is on an equal salary based income split (her choice not mine), we have a petty cash joint account we both use sometimes. Other than that she has the mentality that what she earns is hers and what I earn is mine.
Can PH advise in a contract that we can sign that states our own pensions/investments/etc are ours, but if we go in joint for something like a house together then that will be split equally?
(looking to buy a new house next year that we will own together, plus 2/3 more investment properties for my pension for me and one for her)
What you are describing is a pre-nup. As has been mentioned numerous times on this thread, these are not binding on the UK, and of limited value. See a solicitor. If you are going to get married, be prepared to share all your assets.She has certain property and I have certain property, mine is worth lots, hers is very sentimental. She would like to know how she can get a legal document to protect each others personal assets?
We already have a bloody good life and the everything we do is paid together is on an equal salary based income split (her choice not mine), we have a petty cash joint account we both use sometimes. Other than that she has the mentality that what she earns is hers and what I earn is mine.
Can PH advise in a contract that we can sign that states our own pensions/investments/etc are ours, but if we go in joint for something like a house together then that will be split equally?
(looking to buy a new house next year that we will own together, plus 2/3 more investment properties for my pension for me and one for her)
El stovey said:
I'm amazed by all these stories of women suddenly having personality changes and running off with blokes money.
Perhaps you shouldn't be. Then you wouldn't come across as being such a wide-eyed-fairy-tale-happy-ending-believing-innocent in these matters. Because at the moment you sound incredibly naïve.
Cold said:
El stovey said:
I'm amazed by all these stories of women suddenly having personality changes and running off with blokes money.
Perhaps you shouldn't be. Then you wouldn't come across as being such a wide-eyed-fairy-tale-happy-ending-believing-innocent in these matters. Because at the moment you sound incredibly naïve.
Don't you think it's more likely that it's both of their fault? Perhaps you're one of the blokes unwilling to take responsibility for the failure of your relationships? I know it's easier to devolve responsibility and blame it all on some kind of female grasping madness. It's not going to help you move on though and do better next time.If you are part of the usual dull anti woman posting on here,, your 'women are usually to blame and they want my money' attitude is much more naive than accepting joint responsibility for an unsuccessful relationship.
I've got plenty of friends who are divorced and many of my friends have said similar about their wives "going mad" and "money grabbing" etc. Their ex wives all tell my wife a very different story,
Anyone with half a brain and the slightest bit of understanding will know a failure of a marriage will likely be both people's fault. I work in an industry with one of the highest divorce rates, I'm very familiar with it and the causes thanks.
Edited by anonymous-user on Saturday 29th April 21:00
El stovey said:
So you also believe these women are randomly having complete personality changes and running off with blokes money? Really?
Don't you think it's more likely that it's both of their fault? Perhaps you're one of the blokes unwilling to take responsibility for the failure of your relationships? I know it's easier to devolve responsibility and blame it all on some kind of female grasping madness. It's not going to help you move on though and do better next time.
I've got plenty of friends who are divorced and many of my friends have said similar about their wives "going mad" and "money grabbing" etc. Their ex wives all tell my wife a very different story,
Anyone with half a brain and the slightest bit of understanding will know a failure of a marriage will likely be both people's fault. I work in an industry with one of the highest divorce rates, I'm very familiar with it and the causes thanks.
Yes, I do believe the examples we're being given here are as described. Sure, there are other reasons for divorce and I acknowledge and recognise them, but the ones detailed here and on other pages of PH seem to fall within the remit of your description.Don't you think it's more likely that it's both of their fault? Perhaps you're one of the blokes unwilling to take responsibility for the failure of your relationships? I know it's easier to devolve responsibility and blame it all on some kind of female grasping madness. It's not going to help you move on though and do better next time.
I've got plenty of friends who are divorced and many of my friends have said similar about their wives "going mad" and "money grabbing" etc. Their ex wives all tell my wife a very different story,
Anyone with half a brain and the slightest bit of understanding will know a failure of a marriage will likely be both people's fault. I work in an industry with one of the highest divorce rates, I'm very familiar with it and the causes thanks.
And, no. Although I have been married, I've never been divorced.
El stovey said:
Anyone with half a brain and the slightest bit of understanding will know a failure of a marriage will likely be both people's fault. I work in an industry with one of the highest divorce rates, I'm very familiar with it and the causes thanks.
]
EXACTLY.]
It's equally the mans fault that she fell on that other guys dick, whilst he was at work
And of course the divorce one.
(the POF bit is spot on
Venturist said:
Why do they break down? Most of the time, for one reason or another, because she just "wasn't feeling it" anymore. Only a surprisingly small amount of the time it is due to some painful action on the part of the husband - infidelity etc. Most of the time, she just got bored, or the husband stopped being someone she found interesting
I'd be fascinated to see your evidence that divorces are almost always the woman's fault! I don't think I'll hold my breath waiting for it though...
El stovey said:
Why would she want to divorce you? Just to get all of it?
I'm amazed by all these stories of women suddenly having personality changes and running off with blokes money. All these blameless blokes and manipulating scheming women. It takes two people to make a relationship work.
If you all believe the nonsense on this thread, or worse, base your life decisions on other people's failed relationships, you're simply heading for a string of unsuccessful relationships yourself.
I know there's a lot of cynicism about women in here but this thread is a bit sad if people actually believe the nonsense they're coming out with, most of it is simply bitter people trying to remove blame for their relationships not working out. It would be interesting to hear some of your partners or ex partners describing the dynamics of your relationships.
Younger posters.do yourselves a favour and avoid these threads before you end up like the bitter people you're all apparently taking relationship advice from. If you don't, you'll simply end up like them.
I'm amazed by all these stories of women suddenly having personality changes and running off with blokes money. All these blameless blokes and manipulating scheming women. It takes two people to make a relationship work.
If you all believe the nonsense on this thread, or worse, base your life decisions on other people's failed relationships, you're simply heading for a string of unsuccessful relationships yourself.
I know there's a lot of cynicism about women in here but this thread is a bit sad if people actually believe the nonsense they're coming out with, most of it is simply bitter people trying to remove blame for their relationships not working out. It would be interesting to hear some of your partners or ex partners describing the dynamics of your relationships.
Younger posters.do yourselves a favour and avoid these threads before you end up like the bitter people you're all apparently taking relationship advice from. If you don't, you'll simply end up like them.
- *Deep breath***
It's about the FAIRNESS of divorce, in particular when the man brings 99% of the assets to the relationship in the first place.
Please, do me a favour. Scroll up and find the post by Northbloke. It's the one where he was set up for a comfortable early retirement at 50 with a house bought and paid for, married a woman with nothing and ended up homeless as a result.
Now yes, I'm with you, two to tangle, we haven't heard her side of the story, etc etc.
But honestly, go and have a careful read of that story and come back here and tell us again that this isn't something that anyone should concern themselves about should they find themselves about to get married in similar circumstances. That people should just ignore these threads.
Tell us how he just needed to have worked a bit harder at the relationship and he could have guaranteed a happy ending.
Maybe you've inherited many many millions and can afford to drop a few mill and just don't care. Good for you if so.
But for us normal plebs who have worked hard for our meagre pile over many years, believe me, this stuff is important.
Sad that it has to be considered at all I grant you, but here in the real world, it isn't the crazed mumblings of bitter men, it is real and it is important.
Just ask Northbloke.
Ari said:
I'd be fascinated to see your evidence that divorces are almost always the woman's fault!
I don't think I'll hold my breath waiting for it though...
"Fault" isn't what I said. I don't think I'll hold my breath waiting for it though...
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/10357...
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