Any other expectant Dads?
Discussion
Vaud said:
vonuber said:
cbmotorsport said:
For those who have had little ones already - was your relationship with your wife a struggle for a while? We seem to constantly row about things, I always feel like i'm teetering on the edge of an argument.
Yes.It's the sleep deprivation. Sleep is the single most important aspect of your physical and mental health. Mess with it for a few days and you're all over the place.
Mess with it for months on end and you're both a long long way from operating properly on your own, never mind in your interactions with each other.
cbmotorsport said:
I feel like there's a points system I'm not party too, and cannot compete with. I'm merrily going to work every day, coming home and doing my best to help and take responsibility, but it's evidently not enough in my wife's eyes. She claims she's doing it on her own, and we're not acting as a team etc etc.
Oh the old 'i do everything you do nothing' thing.That's still a regular one with us, to the point our 4 year old has started saying 'i do everything' when we ask her to tidy up.
vonuber said:
Oh the old 'i do everything you do nothing' thing.
That's still a regular one with us, to the point our 4 year old has started saying 'i do everything' when we ask her to tidy up.
My 6 year old said this morning "I do all your jobs daddy, you have to realise that I'm not your slave". I didn't know wether to correct her for being a bit cheeky, recognise her for being articulate or chastise myself as it is the same phrase I have used to her when tidying up her mess...That's still a regular one with us, to the point our 4 year old has started saying 'i do everything' when we ask her to tidy up.
I love this thread, the internet can be a horrible place these days, I'm pretty much done with social media and the attitudes it attracts. But this thread is a prime example of the other side of the coin, the sense of community, support, a forum to be open and voice worries. I've seen nothing but constructive replies and reassurance. Maybe it's the baby hormones but it actually makes me feel rather warm and fuzzy.
I've really enjoy reading everyones experiences so felt it was my duty to offer mine. I have a 12 year old daughter, born when I was 19, split with her mum before she was 18 months, long story but she now lives with me and my partner of 7 years. The pregnancy/birth is all a bit of a blur now if I'm completely honest – quite overwhelming at the time and a lot has happened since. I could write pages and pages about her, and the pride she's given and continues to give me, but as this is an expectant dad's thread then I feel its more appropriate to talk about the new addition to our family – our little boy born 5 week's ago today...
Pregnancy went relatively smoothly, we had a number of extra growth or orientation scans, but all turned out to be false alarms. The first growth scan suggested as he was growing rather quickly (concern about diabetes or something), turned out there was just more fluid in there than expected. Second growth scan later in pregnancy because he didn't seem to grow much in 2 weeks, you guessed it, less fluid more baby.
Birth however was a bit of an experience. 15 hours of intense and grueling labour. Personally I found this the hardest bit – watching your loved one go through that is not easy and I felt pretty helpless. I spent most of the 15 hours sat on one of those inflatable balls alternating between the gas and air and sick bowl. I must admit the Mrs said some funny things on the gas that provided a bit of humour and a nice break from the constant anxiety I was feeling. At one point she thought she was a fish floating around in the birthing pool
I would also advocate strategically positioning yourself next to the 'exhale' part of the breathing apparatus, and time your in breaths with her out, a little fuzzy headed after a few minutes of passive nitrous breathing and the flavour instantly reminded me of balloons in my party days.
We'd been admitted to hospital about 5pm, so now somewhere around 7am and progress was slowing, the o/h was exhausted and had very little left to give at this stage. We were moved to a different ward with a doctor and for some reason, whether it be new laying position or sheer coincidence, baby became rather stressed and the heartbeat kept dropping rapidly. The decision was made that an emergency C section was in the best interested of mum and baby.
I'm going to describe this as well as I can for anyone who might find themselves in this position, completely unprepared like we did. Mrs was given the talk about anaesthetic, risks and procedure. It was explained that a spinal block would be default option and that she would lose all feeling below the arms. If complications occurred then a general anaesthetic may be required. Risks are very low but can include permanent nerve damage, headaches, etc etc – at this point all she wanted was the baby out, safe and healthy so ticked and scribbled wherever she was asked to. We were then separated, mum into theatre and me into a room to get changed. The small room had piles of different sized scrubs, I just grabbed a trousers and a top, oblivious to size I ended up with a huge pair of bottoms and a tiny top, V neck I must add so full chest garden was given the light of day. I was then given a disposablebandana hair net, ironic as I have little to no hair, and met back up with one of the nurses outside the room. I was then invited to join them in the operating theatre whilst they prepared - 'here's the man of your dreams' one of the nurses joked as I walked in looking quite frankly, ridiculous.
There were probably about 8 or 9 people in the room, and rather bright lights! I was shaking with adrenaline by this point, and despite going to the toilet before getting changed, I almost instantly was desperate for a piss again. This one would have to wait, I was fully prepared to piss myself in order to keep my promise and not let go of my o/h's hand. She was visibly shaken, frightened, exhausted – in that moment I experienced a new found love and respect for this woman that I didn't even think was possible. The anaesthetist was an interesting character, older chap, well spoken and a bit of a mad scientist, helped by his array of machines and fluids and medical instruments. He had a good sense of humour and a soothing tone that helped a little with the mood. I was sitting in a chair next to the o/h's head, 'I'm not in the way am I' I remember saying, 'no Mr Kew, we work around you' they replied. A sheet was stretched between two poles either side of the bed to create a partition from us and what was soon to become the warzone. The anaesthetist was sat in a chair to my left at the very head of the bed, amid the rattle of equipment, and him tinkering with his mad scientist machines that were connected to a drip in my partners arm, he popped his head over the trenches to keep us updated, 'we're well underway' he would say. I'm not entirely sure how long it took, maybe 15 minutes but I didn't unlock my eyes from my partners, played with her hair and kept telling her we would meet our little man soon.
After what seemed like a lifetime, the anaesthetist called out with a grin 'we have a head!' – this was shortly followed by the first sounds we would here our little boy make, the unmistakable new born cry that seems to evaporate the weight my shoulders had been carrying for the best part of 24 hours. They took him over to a baby-resus bay (this is completely normal so don't panic), and checked him over and cleaned him off, he'd decided that it was all a bit too much and shat everywhere so they wanted to do a bit of tar removal before wrapping him up and handing him over to us. Once wrapped up the crying stopped almost immediately, and his features became recognisable, his glassy black eyes stared at us with a frown (this runs in the family) that translated quite clearly into 'what the actual f
k is going on and who are these strange creatures'.
After a cuddle with mum, and a cuddle with myself, I explained that I literally would piss myself if I didn't get to the toilet. They explained that they just need to finish up the stitches (I think this takes about 30-45mins in total), and that I could go get changed out of my flattering blue two-piece and they would meet me outside shortly.
I probably waited about 10-15 mins outside, for them to come out. Initially frustrated but on reflection it was good composure time, it had been an incredibly intense experience. I got myself together and sat and watched a few other dads enter the room in their scrubs waiting to go into theatre. A nod and fragile smile was all I could muster to let them know it would be okay. It probably didn't help but they nodded back and for a moment hopefully felt slightly less alone. Mum and baby were then wheeled over to join me in our bay, numerous staff members came and shook my hand and congratulated us and we were left to stare at his little face. I must add that no matter what people say about the NHS, I could have hugged every single staff member that day and they couldn't have done a better job or brought a better attitude with them. Truly amazing people.
Sorry for the long post! Got a bit carried away, had a lot more on my mind than I thought. Was going to write a bit about our experience over the last 5 weeks since he joined us but probably not many left reading after that lot so I'll leave it here for now. Hope it at least helps or reassures anyone who might have a similar experience.
Edit for typos.
I've really enjoy reading everyones experiences so felt it was my duty to offer mine. I have a 12 year old daughter, born when I was 19, split with her mum before she was 18 months, long story but she now lives with me and my partner of 7 years. The pregnancy/birth is all a bit of a blur now if I'm completely honest – quite overwhelming at the time and a lot has happened since. I could write pages and pages about her, and the pride she's given and continues to give me, but as this is an expectant dad's thread then I feel its more appropriate to talk about the new addition to our family – our little boy born 5 week's ago today...
Pregnancy went relatively smoothly, we had a number of extra growth or orientation scans, but all turned out to be false alarms. The first growth scan suggested as he was growing rather quickly (concern about diabetes or something), turned out there was just more fluid in there than expected. Second growth scan later in pregnancy because he didn't seem to grow much in 2 weeks, you guessed it, less fluid more baby.
Birth however was a bit of an experience. 15 hours of intense and grueling labour. Personally I found this the hardest bit – watching your loved one go through that is not easy and I felt pretty helpless. I spent most of the 15 hours sat on one of those inflatable balls alternating between the gas and air and sick bowl. I must admit the Mrs said some funny things on the gas that provided a bit of humour and a nice break from the constant anxiety I was feeling. At one point she thought she was a fish floating around in the birthing pool
I would also advocate strategically positioning yourself next to the 'exhale' part of the breathing apparatus, and time your in breaths with her out, a little fuzzy headed after a few minutes of passive nitrous breathing and the flavour instantly reminded me of balloons in my party days.We'd been admitted to hospital about 5pm, so now somewhere around 7am and progress was slowing, the o/h was exhausted and had very little left to give at this stage. We were moved to a different ward with a doctor and for some reason, whether it be new laying position or sheer coincidence, baby became rather stressed and the heartbeat kept dropping rapidly. The decision was made that an emergency C section was in the best interested of mum and baby.
I'm going to describe this as well as I can for anyone who might find themselves in this position, completely unprepared like we did. Mrs was given the talk about anaesthetic, risks and procedure. It was explained that a spinal block would be default option and that she would lose all feeling below the arms. If complications occurred then a general anaesthetic may be required. Risks are very low but can include permanent nerve damage, headaches, etc etc – at this point all she wanted was the baby out, safe and healthy so ticked and scribbled wherever she was asked to. We were then separated, mum into theatre and me into a room to get changed. The small room had piles of different sized scrubs, I just grabbed a trousers and a top, oblivious to size I ended up with a huge pair of bottoms and a tiny top, V neck I must add so full chest garden was given the light of day. I was then given a disposable
There were probably about 8 or 9 people in the room, and rather bright lights! I was shaking with adrenaline by this point, and despite going to the toilet before getting changed, I almost instantly was desperate for a piss again. This one would have to wait, I was fully prepared to piss myself in order to keep my promise and not let go of my o/h's hand. She was visibly shaken, frightened, exhausted – in that moment I experienced a new found love and respect for this woman that I didn't even think was possible. The anaesthetist was an interesting character, older chap, well spoken and a bit of a mad scientist, helped by his array of machines and fluids and medical instruments. He had a good sense of humour and a soothing tone that helped a little with the mood. I was sitting in a chair next to the o/h's head, 'I'm not in the way am I' I remember saying, 'no Mr Kew, we work around you' they replied. A sheet was stretched between two poles either side of the bed to create a partition from us and what was soon to become the warzone. The anaesthetist was sat in a chair to my left at the very head of the bed, amid the rattle of equipment, and him tinkering with his mad scientist machines that were connected to a drip in my partners arm, he popped his head over the trenches to keep us updated, 'we're well underway' he would say. I'm not entirely sure how long it took, maybe 15 minutes but I didn't unlock my eyes from my partners, played with her hair and kept telling her we would meet our little man soon.
After what seemed like a lifetime, the anaesthetist called out with a grin 'we have a head!' – this was shortly followed by the first sounds we would here our little boy make, the unmistakable new born cry that seems to evaporate the weight my shoulders had been carrying for the best part of 24 hours. They took him over to a baby-resus bay (this is completely normal so don't panic), and checked him over and cleaned him off, he'd decided that it was all a bit too much and shat everywhere so they wanted to do a bit of tar removal before wrapping him up and handing him over to us. Once wrapped up the crying stopped almost immediately, and his features became recognisable, his glassy black eyes stared at us with a frown (this runs in the family) that translated quite clearly into 'what the actual f
k is going on and who are these strange creatures'.After a cuddle with mum, and a cuddle with myself, I explained that I literally would piss myself if I didn't get to the toilet. They explained that they just need to finish up the stitches (I think this takes about 30-45mins in total), and that I could go get changed out of my flattering blue two-piece and they would meet me outside shortly.
I probably waited about 10-15 mins outside, for them to come out. Initially frustrated but on reflection it was good composure time, it had been an incredibly intense experience. I got myself together and sat and watched a few other dads enter the room in their scrubs waiting to go into theatre. A nod and fragile smile was all I could muster to let them know it would be okay. It probably didn't help but they nodded back and for a moment hopefully felt slightly less alone. Mum and baby were then wheeled over to join me in our bay, numerous staff members came and shook my hand and congratulated us and we were left to stare at his little face. I must add that no matter what people say about the NHS, I could have hugged every single staff member that day and they couldn't have done a better job or brought a better attitude with them. Truly amazing people.
Sorry for the long post! Got a bit carried away, had a lot more on my mind than I thought. Was going to write a bit about our experience over the last 5 weeks since he joined us but probably not many left reading after that lot so I'll leave it here for now. Hope it at least helps or reassures anyone who might have a similar experience.
Edit for typos.
Edited by Kewy on Tuesday 20th August 15:38
Edited by Kewy on Tuesday 20th August 15:39
Hey dads.
Been a few days since I last posted on here. We've named her Harriet Rose at last so it's nice calling her by her name. Big headline is Harriet has lost 11.5% of her weight which is in the cause for concern area so have to go to a drop in tomorrow for another weighing to see if she's creeped up. It really hit us both as we thought we were doing the best we could with the feeds as the wife's milk was slow to come through. Have to admit we've used a bit of formula as top ups via a cup to ensure she's getting enough now to help her weight go up along with boob and then expressed milk from a cup. Wife is doing so well and going through the 3-5 day ups and downs which we are managing well. Hopefully tomorrow she'll be at a good weight and we won't have to be admitted.
Went for our first outing to aldi and a coffee shop today which was good and bad for 4 days on. Good in the sense my wife breastfed in public for the first time but then she cried after and we are very conscious we're making a racket in the coffee shop and got uncomfortable and left. I think this will change and we won't care as much but still transitioning to that phase.
Sleep is going OK too the wife is getting a good amount as am I but nights are worse as I'm definitely in a deep sleep when I get woken up!
Been a few days since I last posted on here. We've named her Harriet Rose at last so it's nice calling her by her name. Big headline is Harriet has lost 11.5% of her weight which is in the cause for concern area so have to go to a drop in tomorrow for another weighing to see if she's creeped up. It really hit us both as we thought we were doing the best we could with the feeds as the wife's milk was slow to come through. Have to admit we've used a bit of formula as top ups via a cup to ensure she's getting enough now to help her weight go up along with boob and then expressed milk from a cup. Wife is doing so well and going through the 3-5 day ups and downs which we are managing well. Hopefully tomorrow she'll be at a good weight and we won't have to be admitted.
Went for our first outing to aldi and a coffee shop today which was good and bad for 4 days on. Good in the sense my wife breastfed in public for the first time but then she cried after and we are very conscious we're making a racket in the coffee shop and got uncomfortable and left. I think this will change and we won't care as much but still transitioning to that phase.
Sleep is going OK too the wife is getting a good amount as am I but nights are worse as I'm definitely in a deep sleep when I get woken up!
Hope everyone is ok, we are 5 and a half months in.
We found it easier doing a night shift each. One does the feeds whilst the other gets some decent sleep. Pointless both feeling the pain.
It meant sleeping apart but it’s only temporary.
Amelia is going brilliantly now other than a mad week a few weeks ago where her second tooth was coming through and she was in pain.
Ashton and Parsons gel has been great. Better than ambusol.
Parenting is not a walk in the park
We found it easier doing a night shift each. One does the feeds whilst the other gets some decent sleep. Pointless both feeling the pain.
It meant sleeping apart but it’s only temporary.
Amelia is going brilliantly now other than a mad week a few weeks ago where her second tooth was coming through and she was in pain.
Ashton and Parsons gel has been great. Better than ambusol.
Parenting is not a walk in the park
Evening all, regarding tension between parents I would agree it is likely one of the main symptoms of sleep deprivation. The wife and I haven't been too bad so far but there have been a few moments of exasperation and fraught words shared - particularly during an periods of extended crying, but we have learned to just get on with it rather than dwell too much. Ultimately, the old "don't go to bed angry" is the rule we live by.
I'm fortunate enough to have had 4 of the last 8 weeks off work, so it has been good to share the sleep duties and assist with the chores. When I'm working, the deal is I get a full nights' sleep as my wife can nap during the day if required, but recently he has been sleeping 6 hours between feeds during the night.
Otherwise, at 8 weeks old our son is developing brilliantly. Holding his head up and steady, very alert and aware of his surroundings - we spent a happy and quiet hour watching Hyperdrive on Netflix earlier tonight, probably aided by the bright colours but I'm determined to make him a petrolhead as young as possible!
My wife went to a Daisy class with a group of 13 other mums and babies, at 8 weeks old he is apparently much bigger than most of the babies who are 12-14 weeks old. Takes his appetite from his dad
I'm fortunate enough to have had 4 of the last 8 weeks off work, so it has been good to share the sleep duties and assist with the chores. When I'm working, the deal is I get a full nights' sleep as my wife can nap during the day if required, but recently he has been sleeping 6 hours between feeds during the night.
Otherwise, at 8 weeks old our son is developing brilliantly. Holding his head up and steady, very alert and aware of his surroundings - we spent a happy and quiet hour watching Hyperdrive on Netflix earlier tonight, probably aided by the bright colours but I'm determined to make him a petrolhead as young as possible!
My wife went to a Daisy class with a group of 13 other mums and babies, at 8 weeks old he is apparently much bigger than most of the babies who are 12-14 weeks old. Takes his appetite from his dad
Dyl said:
we spent a happy and quiet hour watching Hyperdrive on Netflix earlier tonight, probably aided by the bright colours but I'm determined to make him a petrolhead as young as possible!
Try "Racing in Slow Motion" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghqHDKzQ5lQBoth of mine liked it
anonymous said:
[redacted]
You're not a terrible person, let's be clear on that!ALL couples I know, including ourselves have been through almost the exact replica of the situation above. It's really really difficult for all parties but especially so for the man in my humble opinion - you're at work all day & helping out at night and through the night at some points.
Kids are hard work, fact. Mine is about to turn 3 and it's just as tough but in different ways.
Hang in there, stay strong and keep talking to each other.
anonymous said:
[redacted]
No judging in this thread. All sounds very familiar.Depending on the age of the baby, consider a nursery place, even just for a few mornings a week to give your partner some downtime. Or pay someone to take the baby for a push for a couple of hours (local facebook can be helpful)
You are both feeling the pressures and strains and it's f
king hard work. You both deserve downtime. We used breastfeeding and co-sleeping for both kids (mum doesn't have to get up so much) and that gave mum a bit more sleep (and me in the spare room)anonymous said:
[redacted]
Probably...but not for anything you've written here 
Women and men are wired differently when it comes to this sort of thing. I've really struggled to feel any connection to our 5 month old daughter, however progress is starting to be made...but not at the rate my wife is doing the same.
Just checking in, thanks for the good wishes.
Wife had an emergency c-section at 1am, placenta had ruptured. Baby was without oxygen for a short while, had no heartbeat for 4 whole minutes and had to be resuscitated
As a result baby is in an intensive unit at a hospital 20 miles away with the right facilities.
Decided on the name Beatrice.
Mum on the road to recovery now, hoping she can be transferred to the same hospital today.
Have had approx 45 minutes sleep and collapsed on the breakfast table only to be woken by my kids!
Typical timing; loved ones are away on holiday.
Wife had an emergency c-section at 1am, placenta had ruptured. Baby was without oxygen for a short while, had no heartbeat for 4 whole minutes and had to be resuscitated
As a result baby is in an intensive unit at a hospital 20 miles away with the right facilities.
Decided on the name Beatrice.
Mum on the road to recovery now, hoping she can be transferred to the same hospital today.
Have had approx 45 minutes sleep and collapsed on the breakfast table only to be woken by my kids!
Typical timing; loved ones are away on holiday.
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