Any other expectant Dads?

Any other expectant Dads?

Author
Discussion

nmd87

833 posts

189 months

Thursday 21st December 2017
quotequote all
Davie said:
I'm 6 months in now with my little man.

Observations, my advice would be routine but remain flexible as whilst you may be intent on a military spec schedule, the little human will have other ideas.

Mine is now eating porridge / wall paper paste sort of stuff... health visitor said it'd take a wee or two for him to get used to it so it's unlikely he'd eat much initially and would probably refuse using a spoon. First attempt, high chair sorted, tarpaulin down, eye protection donned and he grabbed the spoon and shoved in in his gob... now he can't be fed fast enough and has had a go at banana, soup and some mushed up fruit. His poos are horrific.

He's also started to move more... moved himself from the middle of a double bed and fell off the side the other day much to the wife's horror. From there on we decided our actions thus far to stop such antics were futile and upped the game so he's now either on the floor of strapped in to something, the duct taped and padlocked. He still moves. Zero interest in crawling, wants to try and walk... we're screwed, totally screwed.

Also moved to his own room... he was fine. I wasn't. Took me a couple of weeks to get used to that. Wifey was happy but then she has him all day so is glad of the respite / peace / own space but as I work, I feel like I've barely seen him over the past 6 months so guess I just wanted to be near him all the time so being in another room was tough, really tough and I'm still struggling with that. Granted he's got more monitors and sensors than your average M5 but it's still a struggle... think part of me doesn't want him to grow up so fast and he is.

Got another pram... third one now. This time he sits facing us and it's much lighter so better for her to chuck in the car etc as the other "off road" one is built like a 1970's Volvo and weighs the same and the frame that his car sit used to fit on to is showing wear. I hasten to add, the total cost for all of said prams plus all the attachments, canopies, covers and so on was £60.00. One was free and the other two were from the local Bernardos and nigh on new. Likewise his cot was a tenner second hand and his changing table was a fiver, both were repainted by her ladyship.

On which note, we haven't bought him any clothes... people have been very kind and have passed on stuff which is great, he just barfs on it or craps himself anyways and he's growing at an alarming rate. If buying your stuff new is your thing then great, no issue with that but I'm actually astounded at how much can be saved by thinking outside the box and there's no shame in using the local charity shop, everything that he's outgrown gets handed back in or passed to a local children's charity because there's kids out there who have nothing, literally nothing so be kind, pass stuff on, share, reuse and not be too proud because the wee one doesn't care what his pram cost, it's society that does sadly.

We're also at the stage where she is thinking about going back to work soon and that's causing some tension... neither of us want to pay for full time care, more so when that's what the missus does so she's thinking of part time and we're kinda fortunate that it's a possibility for us. Again, cutting costs elsewhere opens up more opportunities for us and that's worth it's weight in gold. He goes to playgroup and swimming lessons... the latter should be taken with a degree of artistic license, lessons = floundering around in a pool for 30mins, drinking half of it and timing his nappy changes to coincide with a busy changing room. Did I mention they're horrific? Upside is said swimming lessons have lead me to meet some more new Dads and that's been brilliant too, none of this chest beating / little Timmy can drive already bks but just having some bloke time with people in the same boat is good, yes the wife is my go to for everything but sometimes we blokes need blokes and not the gung ho types either.

As for me... I struggled and I still do. I struggle with the guilt of leaving her day in, day out and I struggle to then finish "work mode" and jump in to "Dad mode" and also "Husband mode" and so I feel like she is akin to a greyhound, calmly and confidently striding ahead on a fixed path... very serene, very composed. I'm like an excitable Spaniel... here, there, maybe over there, chase this, dig that, run back, hide... never on the same track but trying to make up for it with enthusiasm and I think that wears thin for her. The more I try, the worse I make it so have been trying very very hard of late to just relax, don't try and envisage what will happen or what I'll do when I get in - wing it. I'm also trying not to look at her too much, trying not to let her mood dictate my mood.... trying not to be too worried about her and trying not to assume it's me that's to blame. Hard to understand what she does and feels day in, day out but that works both ways and with a baby, it's hard to have that time to be there for each other... I bring thee back to the 7pm bedtimes and his own room, hard as that is for me it gives us time to step back from being parents for a bit, be husband and wife and that's made a huge difference to us. Sometimes it feels like you're being swept along in the current which is fun, exciting and great but everybody needs some calm water to take stock at times and we've grown to learn just how critical that is.

Had a couple of nights of recently, grannies took care of him which was difficult too... the worries of leaving him and will they / he be ok but they were and having the chance to take off the porridge stained trousers and the chewed top and don the kilt and for her, the sparkly dress that she wore when I proposed and head out for a night together was unbelievable. What was more unbelievable was that back home, we have a little boy who is doing ok and given that a few years ago, I didn't believe any of that would be possible... that's equally unbelievable, wouldn't change it for the world.

So yes, it's been hard... really hard.... and I feel for all those who have harder a tougher time than me for one reason or another, I honestly don't know how some people cope with the bigger challenges that new life can bring so if that's you, I doff my cap... you have my utmost respect.

Enough waffling, need to get him a Christmas present... Scalextric looks good... of course he's old enough love, but if not... I am.
Thanks. As a father of a three month old boy, I enjoyed reading this.

There are good times and difficult times. It's easy to forgot the good times during the difficult times, and vice versa.

Vaud

50,289 posts

154 months

Thursday 21st December 2017
quotequote all
nmd87 said:
Thanks. As a father of a three month old boy, I enjoyed reading this.

There are good times and difficult times. It's easy to forgot the good times during the difficult times, and vice versa.
Yup. And then you forget all the difficult and have a second.

Which is roughly like playing level 1 on a computer game and then being dropped straight into level 100. It's familiar and it vaguely feels the same but is exponentially harder and you are playing two different game mechanics at the same time.

SpeckledJim

31,608 posts

252 months

Thursday 21st December 2017
quotequote all
Vaud said:
nmd87 said:
Thanks. As a father of a three month old boy, I enjoyed reading this.

There are good times and difficult times. It's easy to forgot the good times during the difficult times, and vice versa.
Yup. And then you forget all the difficult and have a second.

Which is roughly like playing level 1 on a computer game and then being dropped straight into level 100. It's familiar and it vaguely feels the same but is exponentially harder and you are playing two different game mechanics at the same time.
Echo this.

You think you've got it under control so you have the second. Then:

  • The first one throws you more challenges
  • The second one is harder work on his own than the first one ever was
  • The dynamic between the two of them makes each one harder work than they would be in isolation
1+1= c.8

Max5476

978 posts

113 months

Friday 22nd December 2017
quotequote all
So after 9 months patient waiting, Zachary was finally born on the 12th December, a healthy little boy. The 10 days since have been a whirlwind of nappies, clothing changes, and struggling with feeding. Finally feel we might be getting into a groove now.

Vaud

50,289 posts

154 months

Friday 22nd December 2017
quotequote all
SpeckledJim said:
Echo this.

You think you've got it under control so you have the second. Then:

  • The first one throws you more challenges
  • The second one is harder work on his own than the first one ever was
  • The dynamic between the two of them makes each one harder work than they would be in isolation
1+1= c.8
In our case there are four years between them, so their dynamic is pretty good, in fact, excellent so far. It’s the sheer tiredness from keeping up with both of them and the complexities of different levels of development and stimulation.

Unexpected Item In The Bagging Area

7,015 posts

188 months

Friday 22nd December 2017
quotequote all
Max5476 said:
So after 9 months patient waiting, Zachary was finally born on the 12th December, a healthy little boy. The 10 days since have been a whirlwind of nappies, clothing changes, and struggling with feeding. Finally feel we might be getting into a groove now.
Fantastic! Sounds like you’re well into the swing of things like we are, although we’re struggling with sleep some nights. My OH was very upset last night as she got only an hour, on top of the general knackeredness she’s currently feeling. Not fun.

We know it will get better but it’s a small comfort!

Vaud

50,289 posts

154 months

Friday 22nd December 2017
quotequote all
For the first 6 months write off "normal" life. If the house, washing, etc is chaos then meh... live off whatever food you want and ignore outside pressures to do other things.

It does get easier, and before you know it you have an assertive small person insisting it is Christmas today.

phl

22 posts

86 months

Sunday 24th December 2017
quotequote all
Unexpected Item In The Bagging Area said:
Congratulations! How are you getting on? We’re doing well except that my OH is struggling a bit with the lack of sleep and the fact that it’s only an hour or two at a time. Having visitors most days doesn’t help but it’s inevitable at the moment.

Our little girl is wonderful though.
Thanks mate. The lack of sleep is the hardest part. Much harder than I imagined. We're getting about 3 hours at a time at most. He seems to be having a growth spurt at the moment so the feeding is pretty much constant! We've not had many visitors, I think due to the run up to Christmas. I'm sure that'll kick off next week.

Wouldn't change a thing about him though!

Blown2CV

28,697 posts

202 months

Sunday 24th December 2017
quotequote all
phl said:
Unexpected Item In The Bagging Area said:
Congratulations! How are you getting on? We’re doing well except that my OH is struggling a bit with the lack of sleep and the fact that it’s only an hour or two at a time. Having visitors most days doesn’t help but it’s inevitable at the moment.

Our little girl is wonderful though.
Thanks mate. The lack of sleep is the hardest part. Much harder than I imagined. We're getting about 3 hours at a time at most. He seems to be having a growth spurt at the moment so the feeding is pretty much constant! We've not had many visitors, I think due to the run up to Christmas. I'm sure that'll kick off next week.

Wouldn't change a thing about him though!
at 2 weeks old it probably isn't a growth spurt yet, more like cluster feeding which they just do until pretty much like 3 weeks or so. It's just the Mrs's supply ramping up. Also they're not v good at feeding yet, so they have to try harder and it takes more effort. It does ease automatically. At some point soon they'll stop feeding through the night necessarily too. Hang in there smile

Rebew

141 posts

91 months

Sunday 24th December 2017
quotequote all
Blown2CV said:
phl said:
Unexpected Item In The Bagging Area said:
Congratulations! How are you getting on? We’re doing well except that my OH is struggling a bit with the lack of sleep and the fact that it’s only an hour or two at a time. Having visitors most days doesn’t help but it’s inevitable at the moment.

Our little girl is wonderful though.
Thanks mate. The lack of sleep is the hardest part. Much harder than I imagined. We're getting about 3 hours at a time at most. He seems to be having a growth spurt at the moment so the feeding is pretty much constant! We've not had many visitors, I think due to the run up to Christmas. I'm sure that'll kick off next week.

Wouldn't change a thing about him though!
at 2 weeks old it probably isn't a growth spurt yet, more like cluster feeding which they just do until pretty much like 3 weeks or so. It's just the Mrs's supply ramping up. Also they're not v good at feeding yet, so they have to try harder and it takes more effort. It does ease automatically. At some point soon they'll stop feeding through the night necessarily too. Hang in there smile
My OH read an article about what a baby has to do to take each sip of breast milk, it's about 6 different steps all with different shapes of the tongue and swallowing at the right time, as soon as we realised how complicated it can be it became much easier to be patient with him as you realise that he is learning just as much as we are. We're 9 weeks in now and he jumps straight on and goes to town without any encouragement. We also have slept from 11-6 for 3 nights in a row. It does get easier, and every second is worth it!

Alex_225

6,234 posts

200 months

Tuesday 26th December 2017
quotequote all
Had a rather interesting Xmas so far as my partner gave birth to a little girl on Christmas Eve.

My daughter from my previous relationship met her for the first time today and is utterly smitten with her little sister. She's four so she's 'the big girl' haha.

Vaud

50,289 posts

154 months

Tuesday 26th December 2017
quotequote all
Alex_225 said:
Had a rather interesting Xmas so far as my partner gave birth to a little girl on Christmas Eve.

My daughter from my previous relationship met her for the first time today and is utterly smitten with her little sister. She's four so she's 'the big girl' haha.
4 years seems to be a good age gap. Ours are 4 years apart and the eldest is very, very good with her little sister.

A friend has 3 kids, all 4 years gap and said it was perfect.

Shakermaker

Original Poster:

11,317 posts

99 months

Wednesday 27th December 2017
quotequote all
Congratulations to all the new dads of this week...

Still waiting here. I'm back in the office today but am on standby in case anything happens of course, though we're still a few days out from the due date. Missed the "Christmas Day baby" which my wife was very worried about.

I think I've finished decorating the baby's room now as well over the weekend, my mum made some new curtains which have gone up, I've painted loads, built lots of furniture and put some shelves up - think I'm doing OK!

astirling

419 posts

171 months

Thursday 28th December 2017
quotequote all
After a false start early in the summer, my wife and I are now expecting again and due in June. Have found this thread really interesting so far, thanks to all to have contributed.

The key question for me between now and then is...what car seat can I fit in the back seat of my Evora?

Alex_225

6,234 posts

200 months

Friday 29th December 2017
quotequote all
Vaud said:
4 years seems to be a good age gap. Ours are 4 years apart and the eldest is very, very good with her little sister.

A friend has 3 kids, all 4 years gap and said it was perfect.
Yeah it seems to be a good balance so far. My four year old wants to be the big girl so is keen to help and is adamant she's not a baby so there's a clear difference. My cousins were two years apart and the eldest one had moments where he wanted to still be a baby so toes were trodden on.

Seems to be working very well so far anyway. That said my eldest lives with her mum more than with me so there's no chance for her to get bored of a crying new born!

rsbmw

3,464 posts

104 months

Friday 29th December 2017
quotequote all
Alex_225 said:
Vaud said:
4 years seems to be a good age gap. Ours are 4 years apart and the eldest is very, very good with her little sister.

A friend has 3 kids, all 4 years gap and said it was perfect.
Yeah it seems to be a good balance so far. My four year old wants to be the big girl so is keen to help and is adamant she's not a baby so there's a clear difference. My cousins were two years apart and the eldest one had moments where he wanted to still be a baby so toes were trodden on.
Good news, daughter is 4.5 and son due in the next couple of weeks.

Vaud

50,289 posts

154 months

Friday 29th December 2017
quotequote all
rsbmw said:
Good news, daughter is 4.5 and son due in the next couple of weeks.
Being the “grown up” girl, little tasks like getting nappies, etc all seemed to work. Now 6 months old and the older one is a great distraction for the youngest - pulling funny faces, etc gives you a few mins peace if you are trying to put washing on, post rubbish on the internet, etc.

Animal

5,246 posts

267 months

Tuesday 2nd January 2018
quotequote all
Just gone 28 weeks and my missus has gestational diabetes so lots of diet changes and we won't be allowed to go beyond term so will likely be induced.

New car bought, car seat ordered, tidying up the spare room/nursery. It's all getting close!

Shakermaker

Original Poster:

11,317 posts

99 months

Tuesday 2nd January 2018
quotequote all
Well Christmas and the New Year have passed without incident.

Finally, on NYE, I got the nursery finished. Bloody shelves..

Anyway, I think I am now, physically at least, ready to go. Mentally, still nowhere near.

Due date is this Saturday so it could be any time now and I'll have to leave the office in a hurry. The midwife has booked us in for an induction the 18th if nothing has happened naturally by then, but we could go for a sweep next Monday if we wanted to.

These last few weeks have been very hard on my wife - and as someone said, it seems to be an effective way of getting you over the fear of childbirth, making you as uncomfortable as possible in any position you care to adopt...

fizz47

2,663 posts

209 months

Tuesday 2nd January 2018
quotequote all
Shakermaker said:
Well Christmas and the New Year have passed without incident.

Finally, on NYE, I got the nursery finished. Bloody shelves..

Anyway, I think I am now, physically at least, ready to go. Mentally, still nowhere near.

Due date is this Saturday so it could be any time now and I'll have to leave the office in a hurry. The midwife has booked us in for an induction the 18th if nothing has happened naturally by then, but we could go for a sweep next Monday if we wanted to.

These last few weeks have been very hard on my wife - and as someone said, it seems to be an effective way of getting you over the fear of childbirth, making you as uncomfortable as possible in any position you care to adopt...
My wife was recommended a professional masseuse who specialises in massaging pressure points that will help induce labour .. booked her to come and had a 60 min session with her....

12 hours later her contractions started ... a friend who is a doctor oridignally recommended the masseur who who also went into labour very soon after the massage..

Whether it directly helped or indirectly pushed things along - worse case scenario she had a relaxing massage..