Any other expectant Dads?
Discussion
ciege said:
5 and 7 year old here...
1. Listen and try most things - some work, some don't - do what works for you.
2. Put them to bed, make them stay in bed, never, ever change this - never had going to bed issues!
3. Infrocol for colic
4. ISOFIX car seats are handy as you lift them in and out without waking them up
5. If possible try not to have dummies, we didn't for first one - great, then cracked!
6. Seriously routine bath and bed every night!
7. Don't let ANYONE tell you giving a bottle will cause nipple confusion, load of old rubbish ours took both never any problems.
8. Look after mum!!
9. Look after mum - lots of people will be telling her lots of things, it's her child she can do it her way...!
10. Get yourself on ebay and start buying toys as you now have an excuse!!!!!! My daughter loves Lego more than my son
All solid advice (4 year old and a 3 day old...)1. Listen and try most things - some work, some don't - do what works for you.
2. Put them to bed, make them stay in bed, never, ever change this - never had going to bed issues!
3. Infrocol for colic
4. ISOFIX car seats are handy as you lift them in and out without waking them up
5. If possible try not to have dummies, we didn't for first one - great, then cracked!
6. Seriously routine bath and bed every night!
7. Don't let ANYONE tell you giving a bottle will cause nipple confusion, load of old rubbish ours took both never any problems.
8. Look after mum!!
9. Look after mum - lots of people will be telling her lots of things, it's her child she can do it her way...!
10. Get yourself on ebay and start buying toys as you now have an excuse!!!!!! My daughter loves Lego more than my son
2. is debatable... If co-sleeping works for you then it doesn't always cause issues.
louiebaby said:
I work in quite a large office, so there's always a "new Dad" somewhere.
I love it when they start boasting. "He's 6 weeks old, and he's been sleeping through for the last month or so."
Inevitably, about a fortnight later they look like an extra from a zombie movie, and haven't slept for a few days. Karma is great.
Expecting our first in November - I'm pretty much retired (maybe do a few hours a day three times a week, from home) and wife doesn't work. So.... I'm kind of hoping it will be easier with neither of us having to get up for work or do the zombie thing you mention.I love it when they start boasting. "He's 6 weeks old, and he's been sleeping through for the last month or so."
Inevitably, about a fortnight later they look like an extra from a zombie movie, and haven't slept for a few days. Karma is great.
We think (hope) that with us both at home we can catch up with sleep during the day if neeed.
However, I expect to be proved completely wrong!
Just have to see what happens and have plenty of coffee on standby I guess.
Vaud said:
All solid advice (4 year old and a 3 day old...)
2. is debatable... If co-sleeping works for you then it doesn't always cause issues.
Yes the old co-sleeping debate, it was a bit of a eureka moment with our first as he was a hungry little sod often wanting feeds 4-5 times a night and pretty much refused to settle in the moses basket or cot. This was pretty hard on the wife. I figured that with the cot base raised to its highest its mattress was the same height as our divan, so I removed one side of the cot and stuck it in the corner of the room then shoved our bed up against it. Now when he woke the missus could pretty much roll over and flop her tit in his gob and he'd feed and fall back to sleep again. Then so could she. At this time I'd resigned myself to sleeping in the spare room for the next few months.2. is debatable... If co-sleeping works for you then it doesn't always cause issues.
The sell similar things now specifically for the purpose but we didn't need one: http://www.madeformums.com/reviews-and-shopping/8-...
Our first is due on the 14th of September and our first NCT class is tomorrow night.
Emmotional state seems to alternate between excitement and mild panic. I felt it massively kicking away last night which was cool.
We don't know what flavour we getting but Have been given so much stuff that we are kind of covered for the most part. Her friends have also organised a baby shower for this weekend so likely to get more stuff!
Emmotional state seems to alternate between excitement and mild panic. I felt it massively kicking away last night which was cool.
We don't know what flavour we getting but Have been given so much stuff that we are kind of covered for the most part. Her friends have also organised a baby shower for this weekend so likely to get more stuff!
C0ffin D0dger said:
Yes the old co-sleeping debate, it was a bit of a eureka moment with our first as he was a hungry little sod often wanting feeds 4-5 times a night and pretty much refused to settle in the moses basket or cot. This was pretty hard on the wife. I figured that with the cot base raised to its highest its mattress was the same height as our divan, so I removed one side of the cot and stuck it in the corner of the room then shoved our bed up against it. Now when he woke the missus could pretty much roll over and flop her tit in his gob and he'd feed and fall back to sleep again. Then so could she. At this time I'd resigned myself to sleeping in the spare room for the next few months.
The sell similar things now specifically for the purpose but we didn't need one: http://www.madeformums.com/reviews-and-shopping/8-...
Yup. You also then have one functioning parent which makes life easier.The sell similar things now specifically for the purpose but we didn't need one: http://www.madeformums.com/reviews-and-shopping/8-...
Generally with parenting, work out what works for you as the little people haven't read the books. Oh, and lots of theories have moved on in the last 30+ years so your own parents advice can be particularly bad
NCT classes are great but can be a bit "rose tinted", i.e it will all go to plan, she won't need any pain relief, breast feeding is easy type stuff.
Which is great, until it gets to the point where baby won't come out and the doctor tells you to get a set of surgical scrubs on as your wife is going to be wheeled into theatre for a C-section, your baby spends 4 days in intensive care and then stops gaining weight after a few weeks due to an undiagnosed tongue tie making it too hard for him to feed, and all the health visitors/breast feeding mentors all just say "stick with it a bit longer". yea helpful.
They don't tell you about that side of it at the NCT classes.
Some people get a lot out of them, meeting new people in the same boat etc. but the one we went to was full of mid thirties estate agents/sales reps/ yummy mummy types in brand new A class mercs who I had no time for whatsoever...
Which is great, until it gets to the point where baby won't come out and the doctor tells you to get a set of surgical scrubs on as your wife is going to be wheeled into theatre for a C-section, your baby spends 4 days in intensive care and then stops gaining weight after a few weeks due to an undiagnosed tongue tie making it too hard for him to feed, and all the health visitors/breast feeding mentors all just say "stick with it a bit longer". yea helpful.
They don't tell you about that side of it at the NCT classes.
Some people get a lot out of them, meeting new people in the same boat etc. but the one we went to was full of mid thirties estate agents/sales reps/ yummy mummy types in brand new A class mercs who I had no time for whatsoever...
lufbramatt said:
Some people get a lot out of them, meeting new people in the same boat etc. but the one we went to was full of mid thirties estate agents/sales reps/ yummy mummy types in brand new A class mercs who I had no time for whatsoever...
I'll fit right in then as soon as I become a sales rep and lease an A180 BlueEfficiency then?
lufbramatt said:
Which is great, until it gets to the point where baby won't come out and the doctor tells you to get a set of surgical scrubs on as your wife is going to be wheeled into theatre for a C-section
Nothing like a Grade 1 emergency c-section or "crash section"... to focus the mind around the complexities of the birth process.... been there... traumatic for all.They hit a button and the surgical team are being timed; the baby must be out inside 25 mins, IIRC.That said, the absolute brilliance of the NHS - from the relative calm of a delivery room to an operating theatre with a room of experts is something that will stay with me for the rest of my life.
Sorry OP - most births are fine, but do make sure your wife talks through the birth plan properly with her consultant and midwife so that you are better informed going into it; it makes it less scary when things then happen, at least in my experience.
Here's a question for those of you with children:
What did you get from your employer in the way of time off when the baby arrived?
My company policy is that I am entitled to the basic, 2 weeks of paternity leave at whatever pittance they can get away with as a minimum. I'd certainly be looking to take off an extra couple of weeks, if I can.
But I really want to know how best to approach asking them for what I really want: A month off, paid, in addition to my normal leave entitlement. I don't know how likely this is, but I think I have a few things running in my favour:
I will have been with the company for 14.5 years at around the time of the due date, and I would hope that given I'm still there, I have made a good impression. I believe I am well liked by the senior team members. I also know the value of discretion - if I did get what I wanted, I wouldn't be bragging about it to all the others in the company who might be also expectant dads/mums etc.
What did you get from your employer in the way of time off when the baby arrived?
My company policy is that I am entitled to the basic, 2 weeks of paternity leave at whatever pittance they can get away with as a minimum. I'd certainly be looking to take off an extra couple of weeks, if I can.
But I really want to know how best to approach asking them for what I really want: A month off, paid, in addition to my normal leave entitlement. I don't know how likely this is, but I think I have a few things running in my favour:
I will have been with the company for 14.5 years at around the time of the due date, and I would hope that given I'm still there, I have made a good impression. I believe I am well liked by the senior team members. I also know the value of discretion - if I did get what I wanted, I wouldn't be bragging about it to all the others in the company who might be also expectant dads/mums etc.
Shakermaker said:
Here's a question for those of you with children:
What did you get from your employer in the way of time off when the baby arrived?
My company policy is that I am entitled to the basic, 2 weeks of paternity leave at whatever pittance they can get away with as a minimum. I'd certainly be looking to take off an extra couple of weeks, if I can.
But I really want to know how best to approach asking them for what I really want: A month off, paid, in addition to my normal leave entitlement. I don't know how likely this is, but I think I have a few things running in my favour:
I will have been with the company for 14.5 years at around the time of the due date, and I would hope that given I'm still there, I have made a good impression. I believe I am well liked by the senior team members. I also know the value of discretion - if I did get what I wanted, I wouldn't be bragging about it to all the others in the company who might be also expectant dads/mums etc.
Born at 3am, back in the office at 11. The joys of self employment.What did you get from your employer in the way of time off when the baby arrived?
My company policy is that I am entitled to the basic, 2 weeks of paternity leave at whatever pittance they can get away with as a minimum. I'd certainly be looking to take off an extra couple of weeks, if I can.
But I really want to know how best to approach asking them for what I really want: A month off, paid, in addition to my normal leave entitlement. I don't know how likely this is, but I think I have a few things running in my favour:
I will have been with the company for 14.5 years at around the time of the due date, and I would hope that given I'm still there, I have made a good impression. I believe I am well liked by the senior team members. I also know the value of discretion - if I did get what I wanted, I wouldn't be bragging about it to all the others in the company who might be also expectant dads/mums etc.
Shakermaker said:
What did you get from your employer in the way of time off when the baby arrived?
Two weeks full pay for 1st child and then a phased return (I was more responsive to work queries than driving a project) for another 2 weeks. No travel for first month.Two weeks is enough to get a routine going. Shopping online helps as well.
You may need more time if your wife has a c-section as lifting and carrying (as well as driving) is not advised - up to 6-8 weeks for a "full" recovery but your mileage may vary.
Asking for 2 weeks + take some holiday to create some short weeks on your return?
Also 2 weeks on full pay. Can also take parental leave after that though unpaid. There is some scheme now where you can share maternity leave with you wife, not really sure how it works though.
We were lucky with the first as he was due on Good Friday (2011) and the following weekend was Will's and Kate's bash so we got the Friday off on that week so I actually had a week of holiday in exchange for three days of annual leave before my paternity leave started. He arrived on the Easter Monday.
We were lucky with the first as he was due on Good Friday (2011) and the following weekend was Will's and Kate's bash so we got the Friday off on that week so I actually had a week of holiday in exchange for three days of annual leave before my paternity leave started. He arrived on the Easter Monday.
lufbramatt said:
NCT classes are great but can be a bit "rose tinted", i.e it will all go to plan, she won't need any pain relief, breast feeding is easy type stuff.
Which is great, until it gets to the point where baby won't come out and the doctor tells you to get a set of surgical scrubs on as your wife is going to be wheeled into theatre for a C-section, your baby spends 4 days in intensive care and then stops gaining weight after a few weeks due to an undiagnosed tongue tie making it too hard for him to feed, and all the health visitors/breast feeding mentors all just say "stick with it a bit longer". yea helpful.
They don't tell you about that side of it at the NCT classes.
Are you me?Which is great, until it gets to the point where baby won't come out and the doctor tells you to get a set of surgical scrubs on as your wife is going to be wheeled into theatre for a C-section, your baby spends 4 days in intensive care and then stops gaining weight after a few weeks due to an undiagnosed tongue tie making it too hard for him to feed, and all the health visitors/breast feeding mentors all just say "stick with it a bit longer". yea helpful.
They don't tell you about that side of it at the NCT classes.
The surgery was all very calm - the team were utterly amazing. I was kept at the head end with the anaesthetist, who seemed to have the job of keeping the pair of us quiet! Son was winched out of the sun roof, cleaned up and checked, then passed to me. He prompty weed on me. Luckily I could just ditch the scrubs and use the shower in my wife's delivery room!
The tongue tie was horrific - made the first night at home a living hell. Health visitor arrived the next day, diagnosed and we were back on track. Operation a few weeks later...
Eddie Strohacker said:
Shakermaker said:
Here's a question for those of you with children:
What did you get from your employer in the way of time off when the baby arrived?
My company policy is that I am entitled to the basic, 2 weeks of paternity leave at whatever pittance they can get away with as a minimum. I'd certainly be looking to take off an extra couple of weeks, if I can.
But I really want to know how best to approach asking them for what I really want: A month off, paid, in addition to my normal leave entitlement. I don't know how likely this is, but I think I have a few things running in my favour:
I will have been with the company for 14.5 years at around the time of the due date, and I would hope that given I'm still there, I have made a good impression. I believe I am well liked by the senior team members. I also know the value of discretion - if I did get what I wanted, I wouldn't be bragging about it to all the others in the company who might be also expectant dads/mums etc.
Born at 3am, back in the office at 11. The joys of self employment.What did you get from your employer in the way of time off when the baby arrived?
My company policy is that I am entitled to the basic, 2 weeks of paternity leave at whatever pittance they can get away with as a minimum. I'd certainly be looking to take off an extra couple of weeks, if I can.
But I really want to know how best to approach asking them for what I really want: A month off, paid, in addition to my normal leave entitlement. I don't know how likely this is, but I think I have a few things running in my favour:
I will have been with the company for 14.5 years at around the time of the due date, and I would hope that given I'm still there, I have made a good impression. I believe I am well liked by the senior team members. I also know the value of discretion - if I did get what I wanted, I wouldn't be bragging about it to all the others in the company who might be also expectant dads/mums etc.
I got 2 weeks full pay and thought I was doing well, most people I speak to get 2 weeks full pay, or 2 weeks @ on the minimum rate
Ive got another due in January, was a bit of a shock and not planned, not sure if my partner and I have accepted it, as we have done bugger all to cope with it. Its classed as a high risk pregnancy so already had 2 scans and several specialists appointments .
Never done any prenatal classes not much point now us
We have 4 kids already 3, 16 & 18 , looking forward to another, although not sure how we will cope, our house is already too small
Not really sure what to recommend, get used to having no sleep, no time and no spare money!!!
I do love kids though, not a fan of the baby stage , 18 months plus is great , love my daughter now who is coming up to 3 and treasure every moment with her
DRFC1879 said:
Oh and one more thing; the single best piece of advice I ever got:
Routine, routine, routine.
Routine.
Routine.
It'll be a pain in the arse missing things that you might do at certain times on certain days to start with but it'll save you so much aggro in the long run.
This, makes your life easy, gets a bit tedious but the benefits are worth the sacrifice. Routine, routine, routine.
Routine.
Routine.
It'll be a pain in the arse missing things that you might do at certain times on certain days to start with but it'll save you so much aggro in the long run.
Shouldn't lose sight of the main thing though: Good times. The early bit passes & when it does, the fun starts. I've loved being a dad, didn't mind the nappies & the feeds, you just get on with it. And you get to watch an amazing thing happen as they turn into a person before your very eyes.
Um, anyway, where's my oil filter wrench & my beer?
Um, anyway, where's my oil filter wrench & my beer?
SpeckledJim said:
I'll be the lone voice that says don't worry about routine.
We didn't with ours, and whilst friends were dashing about trying to fit everyone's life around The Routine, we just brought our kids with us and let them eat and nap as-and-when it was practical.
Life is complicated enough without having to design it to accommodate a number of additional fixed hard-points.
Just our experience, everyone will do it their own way.
You do what works best. For us, my daughter is not a sleepy child and grumpy when tired so sleep had to be managed (and still does). I was jealous of parents in cafes and restaurants with the baby fast asleep in the pushchair. Ours would wake up as soon as you stopped or there was a noise (too nosy!) and then that was it - 5 or 10 mins nap, overtired! Or now, if she has any sort of afternoon nap then she won't be asleep before 9 or 10pm, and so then you get fussing and lose an evening! So managing through routine or staying in if necessary made life easier.We didn't with ours, and whilst friends were dashing about trying to fit everyone's life around The Routine, we just brought our kids with us and let them eat and nap as-and-when it was practical.
Life is complicated enough without having to design it to accommodate a number of additional fixed hard-points.
Just our experience, everyone will do it their own way.
Another thumbs up for those midwives and docs on the delivery suites, they are s
t hot at what they do.
Our midwife stayed on after her shift ended a further 4 and a half hours just so that the Mrs didn't have to get used to a new face. We got her a whopping great hamper full of stuff for her efforts that day as it wasn't an easy birth.
t hot at what they do.Our midwife stayed on after her shift ended a further 4 and a half hours just so that the Mrs didn't have to get used to a new face. We got her a whopping great hamper full of stuff for her efforts that day as it wasn't an easy birth.
dazwalsh said:
Another thumbs up for those midwives and docs on the delivery suites, they are st hot at what they do.
Our midwife stayed on after her shift ended a further 4 and a half hours just so that the Mrs didn't have to get used to a new face. We got her a whopping great hamper full of stuff for her efforts that day as it wasn't an easy birth.
They are angels and make a real difference. The clinical outcome is one aspect, the mental outcome of having great people support you is very real.t hot at what they do.Our midwife stayed on after her shift ended a further 4 and a half hours just so that the Mrs didn't have to get used to a new face. We got her a whopping great hamper full of stuff for her efforts that day as it wasn't an easy birth.
I am prepping a hamper for the team that just looked after us.
(edit: by hamper, I mean a big box of biscuits, treats, nice drinks, cake, etc. Not an actual hamper)
Edited by Vaud on Wednesday 5th July 22:55
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