Child Maintenance- Would You Grass Up Your Ex

Child Maintenance- Would You Grass Up Your Ex

Author
Discussion

Fastchas

Original Poster:

2,640 posts

120 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
After 6 years of separation and divorce from my wife who cheated on me and split the family, I've decided to make a go with my girlfriend of 3/4 years.
Up to now I've cared for my 2 boys 50% of the time. I used the equity (£45k) from the sale of the home to buy another property, she used her's for a failed business venture and has nothing left apart from a now barely worth it eBay shop which we built up together.
My GF and I have decided to go for it, sell both our houses (she owns hers outright) and buy another place together but this means me moving out of the area. My boys will stay with their Mom and get the Child Tax Credits but also now qualify for Child Maintenance from me.
I discussed the move with her and she's happy for me and the conversation was constructive.
However, she mentioned she would be moving soon into a 3-bed house and I suggested she waits till I move so she gets more money per month and can move to a nicer area/house. She would also be moving in with her partner, the one who broke up the family with her.
He earns £55k a year, she knows it would mean she wouldn't qualify for handouts, the same way my GF won't for her kids when I move in together with her (I earn £22k PA).
If she doesn't declare the situation she would be entitled to get circa £650pm in CTC plus £200pm maintenance from me.
Would you withhold the maintenance till she came clean with the arrangement or pay it regardless?
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to pay for my children and the thought of giving up my 13 & 7 year olds is very hard.
So...

Pay the maintenance regardless;
Withhold the maintenance until she declares? Why should she receive so much leaving me to struggle?
Grass her up if she doesn't declare?

Edited by Fastchas on Wednesday 26th July 12:01

...

8,842 posts

186 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
Grass the cheating up.

Blown2CV

28,699 posts

202 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
why do you know the details of the finances which she has not declared?

Don1

15,936 posts

207 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
Blowing the whistle on the ex - will that cause more damage to the already fractured family dynamic? Especially with you moving away - it would be easy to get the message to the kids of 'Daddies going away and is also making our life worse'.

Better to hold it as a bargaining chip I'd say.

Fastchas

Original Poster:

2,640 posts

120 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
Blown2CV said:
why do you know the details of the finances which she has not declared?
Anyone can get the details online what the entitlements are.
Nothing is definite yet, my GF and I havent sold up yet.
It's just the way the conversation went Monday night. The ex said "...and if I declare it I won't get a penny in CTC".
I hope she would declare it but maybe the thought of missing out on that £650pm would make her think twice.

Fastchas

Original Poster:

2,640 posts

120 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
Don1 said:
Blowing the whistle on the ex - will that cause more damage to the already fractured family dynamic? Especially with you moving away - it would be easy to get the message to the kids of 'Daddies going away and is also making our life worse'.

Better to hold it as a bargaining chip I'd say.
This is one thing I've thought about. Let it be and let her run the risk of being caught.
We always had a very good relationship. In fact, the GF can't stand it, she thinks it's abnormal and thinks it should be like her's with her ex, always fighting and getting nowhere!

Christmassss

650 posts

88 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
Did she say she was going to continue claiming CTC?

EDIT: Ignore me...you have already answered.

Just leave her to it IMO, she'll get caught the moment the guy gets any post sent there, credit checks etc etc


austinsmirk

5,597 posts

122 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
my wife works for the HMRC, occasionally has to deal with Tax credit.

If yr not honest, it catches up with you, they'll issue re-payments, bills etc.

she endlessly deals with people who swap/change/move ptrs in/out, change jobs and don't declare changes/incomes.

So the TC gets stopped, reduced, billed for.

People assume TC is an income stream. It can stop in a minute.


This isn't about grassing up/you/they/claimant whoever, has an obligation to be honest and inform.

Fastchas

Original Poster:

2,640 posts

120 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
austinsmirk said:
my wife works for the HMRC, occasionally has to deal with Tax credit.

If yr not honest, it catches up with you, they'll issue re-payments, bills etc.

she endlessly deals with people who swap/change/move ptrs in/out, change jobs and don't declare changes/incomes.

So the TC gets stopped, reduced, billed for.

People assume TC is an income stream. It can stop in a minute.


This isn't about grassing up/you/they/claimant whoever, has an obligation to be honest and inform.
biggrin I should have known this would bring you out of the woodwork to reply Austin! Your council thread posts are mostly her life now we're divorced and she's living in a 2-bed maisonette opposite cokehead mothers.

ZOLLAR

19,908 posts

172 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
Fastchas said:
After 6 years of separation and divorce from my wife who cheated on me and split the family, I've decided to make a go with my girlfriend of 3/4 years.
Up to now I've cared for my 2 boys 50% of the time. I used the equity (£45k) from the sale of the home to buy another property, she used her's for a failed business venture and has nothing left apart from a now barely worth it eBay shop which we built up together.
My GF and I have decided to go for it, sell both our houses (she owns hers outright) and buy another place together but this means me moving out of the area. My boys will stay with their Mom and get the Child Tax Credits but also now qualify for Child Maintenance from me.
I discussed the move with her and she's happy for me and the conversation was constructive.
However, she mentioned she would be moving soon into a 3-bed house and I suggested she waits till I move so she gets more money per month and can move to a nicer area/house. She would also be moving in with her partner, the one who broke up the family with her.
He earns £55k a year, she knows it would mean she wouldn't qualify for handouts, the same way my GF won't for her kids when I move in together with her (I earn £22k PA).
If she doesn't declare the situation she would be entitled to get circa £650pm in CTC plus £200pm maintenance from me.
Would you withhold the maintenance till she came clean with the arrangement or pay it regardless?
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to pay for my children and the thought of giving up my 13 & 7 year olds is very hard.
So...

Pay the maintenance regardless;
Withhold the maintenance until she declares? Why should she receive so much leaving me to struggle?
Grass her up if she doesn't declare?

Edited by Fastchas on Wednesday 26th July 12:01
Regarding the child maintenance is that a private agreement or through the CMS?
if through the CMS you won't be able to withhold it, if it's a private agreement then there's a good chance if you piss her off and withhold it she'll go through the CMS, based on what you've put in your post you're in a similar bracket bar the fact I don't see my childrene and I pay around £312 based on CMS calculations so it could cost you more by rocking the boat (even with overnight stays taken into account).

Has she said she won't be declaring it or have you assumed?

difficult position.

Blown2CV

28,699 posts

202 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
i was more meaning the amount that her partner earns, how did you find that out? Did she just come out and tell you?

Fastchas

Original Poster:

2,640 posts

120 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
ZOLLAR said:
Fastchas said:
My stuff
Edited by Fastchas on Wednesday 26th July 12:01
Regarding the child maintenance is that a private agreement or through the CMS?
if through the CMS you won't be able to withhold it, if it's a private agreement then there's a good chance if you piss her off and withhold it she'll go through the CMS, based on what you've put in your post you're in a similar bracket bar the fact I don't see my childrene and I pay around £312 based on CMS calculations so it could cost you more by rocking the boat (even with overnight stays taken into account).

Has she said she won't be declaring it or have you assumed?

difficult position.
It would be a private agreement. I've been on their calculator and would pay slightly more of what they say but not pay their admin fees of 12%?
Of course it's all an assumption after what she came out with but money does strange things to people, or lack of it.

Fastchas

Original Poster:

2,640 posts

120 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
Blown2CV said:
i was more meaning the amount that her partner earns, how did you find that out? Did she just come out and tell you?
Yes. I was very surprised. He also has to keep another house wife his ex in it, has 4 kids, 2 of working age.

PAULJ5555

3,554 posts

175 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
Hold on if she does not tell them it will cost you and us money coming out of the taxes we pay, I'm sure no one wants that and no one likes a benefit cheat. Time to tell tales however the council are rubbish at enforcing this if the b/f is not registered as living there.

Or I would not pay her and save the money in a savings account for when they grow up, tell her what you are doing. Let her go to the CSA if she wants the truth to come out. You are now part of the money scam.









ShyTallKnight

2,207 posts

212 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
Just to be clear. You haven't been paying her any CM since you split up..??

Fastchas

Original Poster:

2,640 posts

120 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
ShyTallKnight said:
Just to be clear. You haven't been paying her any CM since you split up..??
That's right. You may not know this but if you have joint parental custody then no maintenance is paid. I had 50% custody.
I had them 5 nights one week, then 2 nights the next week, continued like this since my youngest was 18 months old.

loafer123

15,406 posts

214 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
Paul makes a very good point.

I am not happy about paying your ex some of my money that she is not entitled to.

ZOLLAR

19,908 posts

172 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
Fastchas said:
It would be a private agreement. I've been on their calculator and would pay slightly more of what they say but not pay their admin fees of 12%?
Of course it's all an assumption after what she came out with but money does strange things to people, or lack of it.
Yeah I do it that way, CMS calculate but I pay directly to the ex.
If you can, keep it out of the CMS as you have to notify them if you intend to earn more or less than 25% of your previous tax year, depending on your job it can be a headache to try and work that out so it restricts you in most respects.

Having read the thread a bit more in depth I'd certainly keep an ear to the ground and drop an anonymous tip off if you have suspicions, just make sure you're white than white too.

Fastchas

Original Poster:

2,640 posts

120 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
Something I am concerned about is upsetting the applecart. She might then alienate the boys aainst me or prevent me from seeing them (I doubt this though but again, money makes people do strange things).
We all know how hard it is for the courts to enforce fathers rights in these situations.

ShyTallKnight

2,207 posts

212 months

Wednesday 26th July 2017
quotequote all
Fastchas said:
That's right. You may not know this but if you have joint parental custody then no maintenance is paid. I had 50% custody.
I had them 5 nights one week, then 2 nights the next week, continued like this since my youngest was 18 months old.
Ah didnt realise you had been awarded joint parental custody.