Men, Public toilets & loosing all control

Men, Public toilets & loosing all control

Author
Discussion

cobra kid

4,906 posts

239 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
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OpulentBob said:
Aah, the "Lucky Eddie". Where you find the paper so clean, you fold it up and put it in your pocket for blowing your nose on later.
You fker. I'm snorting away in the office like a loon. Cheers pal.

J4CKO

41,284 posts

199 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
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Saw a post in Viz about wiping,

"How come dogs get a Rolls Royce arse, drop one and it crimps off perfectly, no need to wipe, where we get something that gets all clagged up and requires loads of wiping ?"

Good point I thought.

Captain Smerc

3,015 posts

115 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
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Many of the lovely pets I see about have rings like Chewbacca's after a dodgy Vindaloo . All dogs are filthy dirty mobile st machines .

Nickbrapp

Original Poster:

5,277 posts

129 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
quotequote all
J4CKO said:
Saw a post in Viz about wiping,

"How come dogs get a Rolls Royce arse, drop one and it crimps off perfectly, no need to wipe, where we get something that gets all clagged up and requires loads of wiping ?"

Good point I thought.
Because dogs lick their own ahole clean before they give you a good morning kiss

Zetec-S

5,832 posts

92 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
quotequote all
J4CKO said:
Saw a post in Viz about wiping,

"How come dogs get a Rolls Royce arse, drop one and it crimps off perfectly, no need to wipe, where we get something that gets all clagged up and requires loads of wiping ?"

Good point I thought.
Our Lab has a habit of eating long grass when out for a walk. We try to stop him, but occasionally he'll eat enough that his stomach doesn't properly digest, and it comes out all knotted and rope like. Trouble is he can't always push it all out, so you have to give a helping hand by pulling it out for him, and hoping nothing else follows through behind vomit

MrBrightSi

2,912 posts

169 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
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Used to work in a quite upmarket nightclub for the town where im from as a potwasher and glass collector when needed, enjoyed it as being the only potwasher willing to do some of the busier stuff meant you could get away with murder and the place had a steady stream of people with which to either have a laugh at the expense of or actually get to know and enjoy the company of.

One bank holiday the toilets had the usual massive queue outside the ladies and one of the female glass collectors had begged us to help her out as it was a hell hole in there, toilet paper everywhere, piss covered floors the ussual vile female toilet behavior. We had a female bouncer come with us to make it all legit as it was a couple of lads and me helping clean up the mess, i started by picking up all the glasses by this massive queue to the ladies and headed back upstairs, the glass was a watery brown with quite a bit of material in. Turns out some lass, in the queue had took a st in the glass, this wasn't a pint glass, it was a small cocktail glass thing. Never ever ever helped clean anywhere near the ladies after that.

Oh one last one which is the honest truth. The building had a septic tank in the basement, it started overflowing on another heavy bank holiday, called in the bloke to come rod it and get it all sorted (his money for overtime on a bank holiday was insane) he pulled out umpteen pairs of shoes and handbags from the tank blocking it all up. Women had gone out and flushed their bags and shoes down the toilet.

No one will ever tell me that women when pissed up are more cleanly than guys, ever, not after that.

4941cc

25,867 posts

205 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
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OpulentBob said:
Aah, the "Lucky Eddie". Where you find the paper so clean, you fold it up and put it in your pocket for blowing your nose on later.
laugh

J4CKO said:
Saw a post in Viz about wiping,

"How come dogs get a Rolls Royce arse, drop one and it crimps off perfectly, no need to wipe, where we get something that gets all clagged up and requires loads of wiping ?"

Good point I thought.
Because we usually don't adopt the squatting posture - as we are designed to. If we did, no paper required.

Shakermaker

11,317 posts

99 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
quotequote all
J4CKO said:
Saw a post in Viz about wiping,

"How come dogs get a Rolls Royce arse, drop one and it crimps off perfectly, no need to wipe, where we get something that gets all clagged up and requires loads of wiping ?"

Good point I thought.
Also made me consider that there are several traits from the animal kingdom that us humans would really love. Imagine being able to fly! Or to swim really well! Or keep warm in the depths of winter!

But then I looked at my cat and am glad that we have evolved passed having to lick our own aholes clean after every st.

paul789

3,676 posts

103 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
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Rawwr said:
paul789 said:
There aren't many things better in life. Feels like a victory; topped only by 'Straight through, clean wipe'.
Well, the only reason I used two sheets is because I didn't believe the first sheet.
thumbup

paul789

3,676 posts

103 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
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There was a thread a few years ago, where somebody was having an issue with inconsiderate parking. Another ph'er offered to squat over the windscreen and empty his bowels. He mentioned that it would make an appropriate mess, as he had a few 'medical issues'.

Also mentioned that he'd need a coffee and a cigarette to get things ticking over.

This thread reminds me of that magnanimous (in the sense of 'very generous....especially toward.....someone less powerful than oneself), selfless gesture. Ph at its nutty best.

Rawwr

22,722 posts

233 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
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paul789 said:
There was a thread a few years ago, where somebody was having an issue with inconsiderate parking. Another ph'er offered to squat over the windscreen and empty his bowels. He mentioned that it would make an appropriate mess, as he had a few 'medical issues'.

Also mentioned that he'd need a coffee and a cigarette to get things ticking over.

This thread reminds me of that magnanimous (in the sense of 'very generous....especially toward.....someone less powerful than oneself), selfless gesture. Ph at its nutty best.
Could be worse, he could've offered to do the old Chicago Sunroof.

matchmaker

8,462 posts

199 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
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I was told by one of the guys who worked on the reception in Barlinnie Prison that a common problem they had was with winos who didn't wipe their arses properly after a st. The remaining st dried on to their arse hairs leaving them unable to have another dump.

Some poor bd had to take a pair of scissors to the matted mess to "clear the way", as it were.

gtidriver

3,334 posts

186 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
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matchmaker said:
I was told by one of the guys who worked on the reception in Barlinnie Prison that a common problem they had was with winos who didn't wipe their arses properly after a st. The remaining st dried on to their arse hairs leaving them unable to have another dump.

Some poor bd had to take a pair of scissors to the matted mess to "clear the way", as it were.
That is grim.

Europa1

10,923 posts

187 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
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MrBrightSi said:
are more cleanly than guys, ever, .
Donald Trump appears to have joined PH.

Zod

35,295 posts

257 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
quotequote all
matchmaker said:
I was told by one of the guys who worked on the reception in Barlinnie Prison that a common problem they had was with winos who didn't wipe their arses properly after a st. The remaining st dried on to their arse hairs leaving them unable to have another dump.

Some poor bd had to take a pair of scissors to the matted mess to "clear the way", as it were.
What's wrong with a hose?

sc0tt

18,032 posts

200 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
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rofl


MattHall91

1,268 posts

123 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
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I thought this thread had lost its spark last week. Glad to see that is not the case smile as you were.

Zetec-S

5,832 posts

92 months

Thursday 21st September 2017
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sc0tt said:
rofl

hehe

AJordan

169 posts

142 months

Friday 22nd September 2017
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I'll just leave this here biggrin


talksthetorque

10,815 posts

134 months

Friday 22nd September 2017
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^^^^^^^^^^rofl

Don't know why, but laughed loudest at this: