Men, Public toilets & loosing all control
Discussion
An engineering firm where my dad used to work had a fairly squeamish male loo cleaner. He was always moaning about the state of the traps, splatter, skids, paper etc. On and on....
So one day, the guy's made up some clay mixed with colouring agents to get it nice and brown. A lot of clay. Then they fashioned a massive and very realistic moist but firm turd about two feet long and four inches thick out of it, with all the ridges and bumps you could expect and hung it over the toilet seat - one end in the water, the other end touching the floor.
The guy actually fell for it, went ballistic while everyone denied being the culprit as usual.
So one day, the guy's made up some clay mixed with colouring agents to get it nice and brown. A lot of clay. Then they fashioned a massive and very realistic moist but firm turd about two feet long and four inches thick out of it, with all the ridges and bumps you could expect and hung it over the toilet seat - one end in the water, the other end touching the floor.
The guy actually fell for it, went ballistic while everyone denied being the culprit as usual.
Otispunkmeyer said:
Echos nightclub in Loughborough.... You wouldn't even force a rat to live in those bogs. They were abhorrent and from what my OH described, the ladies was at least twice as bad as the mens!
What were you doing in Echos in the first place?It was rank when it opened about 25 years ago. Surprised it's still going.
Zetec-S said:
The Ferret said:
He must have baked the motherf***er all morning, you could have pulled it out and had a game of rounders with it.
No amount of flushing would shift it and only served to threaten the house with flooding. For three days and nights we all had to go into university to use a toilet until we finally prevailed upon Tim to deal with it. Double bagging his arm with rubble sacks he went in armed with a stick and after half an hour the monster was vanquished.
I moved out after that.
vixen1700 said:
My wife has told me how bad the ladies can be, s
t and blood all over the place. 
Said she walked into an unlocked cubicle recently accidently and saw a woman taking a st whilst eating a peeled orange from her lap.
This is a big City bank!
I work in Switzerland where, on the whole, people seem to have grasped how to use a toilet. But one german chap in my office regularly goes for some Haribos from the vending machine, then heads to the toilets and eats the whole pack while dropping the kids off. t and blood all over the place. Said she walked into an unlocked cubicle recently accidently and saw a woman taking a s
t whilst eating a peeled orange from her lap. This is a big City bank!
Maybe we should introduce them.
Glastonbury early/mid 1990's , st everywhere , the car parks , footpaths , hedgerows . Stinking festival of fecal matter wherever you turned . I tried using the sit down stter once , opened the door and was driven back by the anal apocalypse within . I was lucky , had my van to sleep in and a bucket with a lid , the poor fkers whose tents were used as ad hoc stters and those that pitched close to the overflowing bogs , sleeping bags floating in a tide of piss & st by the 2nd day
Music was good though , mind you
t everywhere , the car parks , footpaths , hedgerows . Stinking festival of fecal matter wherever you turned . I tried using the sit down stter once , opened the door and was driven back by the anal apocalypse within . I was lucky , had my van to sleep in and a bucket with a lid , the poor fkers whose tents were used as ad hoc stters and those that pitched close to the overflowing bogs , sleeping bags floating in a tide of piss & st by the 2nd day Music was good though , mind you
I remember being in the bogs in an office at work where someone had had an 'incident' in the toilets.
On top of the white seat, at the back, was a smear of st which formed the base of a fanned out spray of liquid st that had blown up the wall behind the toilet. Obviously, someone had hit the gas before getting their arse seated on the bowl. The resulting st was slopped over the sides of the toilet base and puddled on the floor.
There was also a phantom stter busy at work at one of the other offices. The area boss, who had an office on the second floor with a private toilet in an adjoining room, was suffering a targeted campaign of stting. The office was left locked, but someone had acquired a spare key and was letting themselves in on night shift to st in the bog. The stter was apparently sitting on the bowl facing the cistern, so his turds were laying above the waterline. The water traps a lot of the stink, so this method would create maximum offence.
That office has been demolished and the boss has retired now, but the cleaner who had to tackle those burnt on turds still works for us. It could perhaps do with a cold case review.
On top of the white seat, at the back, was a smear of s
t which formed the base of a fanned out spray of liquid st that had blown up the wall behind the toilet. Obviously, someone had hit the gas before getting their arse seated on the bowl. The resulting st was slopped over the sides of the toilet base and puddled on the floor. There was also a phantom s
tter busy at work at one of the other offices. The area boss, who had an office on the second floor with a private toilet in an adjoining room, was suffering a targeted campaign of stting. The office was left locked, but someone had acquired a spare key and was letting themselves in on night shift to st in the bog. The stter was apparently sitting on the bowl facing the cistern, so his turds were laying above the waterline. The water traps a lot of the stink, so this method would create maximum offence. That office has been demolished and the boss has retired now, but the cleaner who had to tackle those burnt on turds still works for us. It could perhaps do with a cold case review.
Some toilet disasters are quite innocent....
I once had to attend an office for a work meeting with my boss. I got there 10 mins early and needed the bog. It was the type of meeting I would be in trouble for if I was late.
When I'd finished it wouldn't flush away. I tried numerous times but it wouldn't disappear. The meeting time was nearing and I feared I would be late. I remembered seeing a cleaners mp bucket outside the toilet so I went and got it, filled it with water from an outside tap, returned to the cubicle and poured the water into the toilet from a height, hoping it would flush it away. I didn't, instead the contents of the toilet splashed out all over the walls and floor. There was paper and sh!te all over the place.
I had to leave it to go to the meeting, but returned 1hr later having raided the cleaners store, to clean it up. Anyone going in there in the meantime would have almost died, and thought it disgusting someone could do that.
Still makes me laugh.
I once had to attend an office for a work meeting with my boss. I got there 10 mins early and needed the bog. It was the type of meeting I would be in trouble for if I was late.
When I'd finished it wouldn't flush away. I tried numerous times but it wouldn't disappear. The meeting time was nearing and I feared I would be late. I remembered seeing a cleaners mp bucket outside the toilet so I went and got it, filled it with water from an outside tap, returned to the cubicle and poured the water into the toilet from a height, hoping it would flush it away. I didn't, instead the contents of the toilet splashed out all over the walls and floor. There was paper and sh!te all over the place.
I had to leave it to go to the meeting, but returned 1hr later having raided the cleaners store, to clean it up. Anyone going in there in the meantime would have almost died, and thought it disgusting someone could do that.
Still makes me laugh.
Honeymooned in Egypt. A week to 10 days in, I had something that disagreed with me. Had to get up 9 times during the night to abuse the hotel amenity in the hall. 6-7 hour bus trip the next day across the desert, clenching, just waiting for the half way break. Got out of the bus, rushed to the bog following a dozen local chaps, saw the state of the place ( hole in the floor with one of those bits of twisted/ corkscrew metal pipe that looks like a pig's pizzle ) & got back on the bus - still clenching. Not a comfortable trip.
At least in respect of the huge unflushed turd, I reckon green box ticking is partly responsible.
My office has:
(1) non flushing urinals (to save water and encourage smells)
(2) Small flushes in the pans (to save water and make flushing anything bigger than a broad bean doubtful)
(3) Exaggerated delay before pan allows a second flush, so if first is not enough, tough.(More water saving).
All this water saving leads to constant blockages and plumber call outs, no doubt in a diesel van negating all green efforts so far...
My office has:
(1) non flushing urinals (to save water and encourage smells)
(2) Small flushes in the pans (to save water and make flushing anything bigger than a broad bean doubtful)
(3) Exaggerated delay before pan allows a second flush, so if first is not enough, tough.(More water saving).
All this water saving leads to constant blockages and plumber call outs, no doubt in a diesel van negating all green efforts so far...
Heading down south some years ago I stopped off at Washington services for a coffe and a pee.
There must be about 100 cubicles there and I managed to pick the one that someone had st in. He hadn't st in the toilet, he'd st on the lid. It was like a pile of logs, there wasn't even any bog paper used so he was either a proper manky bd or was going for full comic effect.
There must be about 100 cubicles there and I managed to pick the one that someone had s
t in. He hadn't st in the toilet, he'd st on the lid. It was like a pile of logs, there wasn't even any bog paper used so he was either a proper manky bd or was going for full comic effect. 
Promised Land said:
Otispunkmeyer said:
Echos nightclub in Loughborough.... You wouldn't even force a rat to live in those bogs. They were abhorrent and from what my OH described, the ladies was at least twice as bad as the mens!
What were you doing in Echos in the first place?It was rank when it opened about 25 years ago. Surprised it's still going.
t holes in the early 2000s. One did have a worryingly sticky carpet...Nickbrapp said:
What worries me is these people who are having the sts so bad that it comes out like a fan all over the place, what the fk are they eating?
Have some fibre Jesus
I once worked on a building site and there was absolutely 100% a competition to make the worst cubicle messts so bad that it comes out like a fan all over the place, what the fk are they eating? Have some fibre Jesus
The above because the bloke cleaning them walked into a management meeting and had a full on rant about 'killing the next person who shat on the toilet seat'
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