Juvenile things that make you snigger (Vol. 2)
Discussion
George Smiley said:
Pearoast from here https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...And it's exactly the same pic I posted as I cropped the original before posting it !
MartG said:
Pearoast from here https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
And it's exactly the same pic I posted as I cropped the original before posting it !
It made me snigger!And it's exactly the same pic I posted as I cropped the original before posting it !
Killer2005 said:
This is the trouble with modern society, and it's dependence on mobile phones. The "victim" claims to have "endured a terrifying encounter" with this gimp, yet her very first instinct, instead of turning and fleeing, or kicking him square in the nuts, is to "take a quick snap for instagram".Police are looking for a tall man, dressed head to toe in black rubber. Shouldn't be too hard to find in a village in Somerset, then...
Last night I was riding my bicycle along the Stour Valley Way, when I encountered someone stood on a bench facing the river. My front light lit him up clearly, and, startled by my presence he turned around. In profile I could see he had his old chap in his hand. I suspect he was masturbating toward the river when I disturbed him. I didn't even consider taking a picture, I just followed the path away from him and left him in peace to finish off...
yellowjack said:
Last night I was riding my bicycle along the Stour Valley Way, when I encountered someone stood on a bench facing the river. My front light lit him up clearly, and, startled by my presence he turned around. In profile I could see he had his old chap in his hand. I suspect he was masturbating toward the river when I disturbed him. I didn't even consider taking a picture, I just followed the path away from him and left him in peace to finish off...
Id have probably shouted ‘if you’re not fishing put the maggot away’
Random story I found on Facebook,
12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR and you don't want to be a coward in front of your older brother's friends. It's suppose to be lemon flavoured but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything lemon in their life. You are already regretting this decision.
12:06 pm: You deep throat a cupcake like you've been saving it for the apocalypse because let's face it...that time is here. It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life.
12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of crap in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser. Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.
12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to god there is enough elasticity in your butt hole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1...
12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God...is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The crap / water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down. Is that blood? False alarm. That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench whats left of your butt hole to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid shart as it gurgled out of your ass.
1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have s
t out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your butt hole now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it. You're now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats. You meet Jesus.
8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they've seen in the last 8 hours. You're broken. Your butt hole's broken. Your spirit's broken. Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn't have a st stain on it, and you're going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it.
- I'd like to apologise in advance for what you are about to read.
12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR and you don't want to be a coward in front of your older brother's friends. It's suppose to be lemon flavoured but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything lemon in their life. You are already regretting this decision.
12:06 pm: You deep throat a cupcake like you've been saving it for the apocalypse because let's face it...that time is here. It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life.
12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of crap in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser. Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.
12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to god there is enough elasticity in your butt hole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1...
12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God...is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The crap / water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down. Is that blood? False alarm. That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench whats left of your butt hole to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid shart as it gurgled out of your ass.
1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have s
t out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your butt hole now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it. You're now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats. You meet Jesus.8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they've seen in the last 8 hours. You're broken. Your butt hole's broken. Your spirit's broken. Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn't have a s
t stain on it, and you're going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it.
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