Travelling vs long term relationship
Discussion
I'm not really sure what to do, I have always planned on going traveling and I have always planned on going on my own. The plan was always to finish my apprenticeship, do a year of working after so I had experience that would hopefully allow me to walk into a job when I returned. I completed my apprenticeship in 2016, I have done a year of work and over that year I set myself a goal of saving £10K and leaving around Jan 2018.
It is now a year later, I have £10K and 2 cars to sell, so there is no money issue, I can afford to go travelling long term. I'm not really enjoying my job anymore and pretty much all of my friends have moved back to uni in other cities, so it seems like I'm at the perfect point to up and leave.
My girlfriend of almost 5 years split up with me last month over the whole travelling thing, which is fair enough. I wouldn't have gone whilst I was still with her but she always knew that I planned to go on my own. Since she was the only thing that was really holding me back, it seems like now is even more the perfect time for me to go, but...
Splitting up has really rocked me, and now I'm actually at a point where I'm ready to go, the whole thing seems very daunting. Landing in a different country on my own sounded great while I was planning it all but now I'm not sure if I have the balls.
At the moment I feel really down. I work nights all week so my life has always revolved around the weekends, which was fine when my mates were about and I had a girlfriend to visit but now I dread them. I have nobody to talk to, nothing to do and I spend most of my time alone. I'm fed up.
I have a few options:
1. Up and leave on my own ASAP. I have a 3 month notice period, so I need to start the ball rolling if I do this. I know I would enjoy it, it's just the initial plunge that terrifies me.
2. Wait for my girlfriend to come with me. She has said she will be ready to come in 2 years. At the minute she is at uni with 1 year left and then another year to become fully qualified and save up. I'm ready to go now and if I was staying I would need to switch jobs. I feel like the whole travelling thing would be better as a couple than alone, but I have only begun to think this since we split up.
3. Call the whole thing off and get back together. Maybe we would go travelling together, maybe not but it would be instant relief to me feeling so s
t. There is a danger I would end up settling down with her and starting an "adult" life (work, bills, get a house etc.) when avoiding this is half the reason I wanted to go.I would just like to hear some people's thoughts on the whole thing. Also if anybody has any experience travelling alone long term, specifically in Australia that would be nice to hear too.
TL;DR
Go travelling on my own in Australia or stay with my girlfriend of 5 years.
Just go. I’m 39, mortgage up to hilt, ok car, mrs, two step-kids...I really like my life but if you were my mate asking that question at your age I’d say go for it.
You’ve got so little time on this planet it’s ridiculous... it’s a hair’s width on a the grand timescale of earth.
Ps - didn’t get past the first two paragraphs and went for the tldr summary
You’ve got so little time on this planet it’s ridiculous... it’s a hair’s width on a the grand timescale of earth.
Ps - didn’t get past the first two paragraphs and went for the tldr summary
Mr. Nice Guy said:
....At the moment I feel really down. I work nights all week so my life has always revolved around the weekends, which was fine when my mates were about and I had a girlfriend to visit but now I dread them. I have nobody to talk to, nothing to do and I spend most of my time alone. I'm fed up.....
I'd generally say go, but if the above is true in this country, it may be true elsewhere. Go.
I'll be following you shortly. Been dithering about it but honestly if I don't do it now, and I have always wanted to, it will likely never happen.
I'm 27 and sounds like you're a bit younger than me. A bunch of guys I was friends with, worked with or have met travelling in Europe over the years have done long term travelling and they all love it. It's such an enriching experience.
I'll be following you shortly. Been dithering about it but honestly if I don't do it now, and I have always wanted to, it will likely never happen.
I'm 27 and sounds like you're a bit younger than me. A bunch of guys I was friends with, worked with or have met travelling in Europe over the years have done long term travelling and they all love it. It's such an enriching experience.
Edited by gregs656 on Monday 23 October 20:22
Rollin said:
Mr. Nice Guy said:
....At the moment I feel really down. I work nights all week so my life has always revolved around the weekends, which was fine when my mates were about and I had a girlfriend to visit but now I dread them. I have nobody to talk to, nothing to do and I spend most of my time alone. I'm fed up.....
I'd generally say go, but if the above is true in this country, it may be true elsewhere. He had talked about going abroad and his dad stumped up for his flight out and held the money for a return flight in a separate account.
Roll on twelve months and joe is a head chef at some obscure jungle hotel in Thailand with a ‘click add to basket bride’ and unlikely to return.
It really turned his life around and he’s living la Vida loca compared to how he was.
Get yourself away pal,have a great time and make some great memories.
You have been thinking about this for years and if you don't do it you will regret it and blame others possibly.
Remember 10 grand won't go far,so you best plan it well. Pick up a bit of work as you go.
Australia is a great country but don't just visit there only.
You have been thinking about this for years and if you don't do it you will regret it and blame others possibly.
Remember 10 grand won't go far,so you best plan it well. Pick up a bit of work as you go.
Australia is a great country but don't just visit there only.
3 weeks ago both myself and the wife were in Thailand, we did a few organised days out and on every one were younger people who had originaly set out to travel by themselves, some had formed groups, some were still by themselves.
We got chatting to some of them and the underlying theme was that they had all set out, by themselves to travel and experience the world, making friends on the way, they would stop in a city, town or village for a few days in a hostel and then move on to the next town.
Some were students who had just graduated and intended spending a few months travelling before starting their career, some worked and would take a couple of weeks off work and just travel by themselves, then return to work; all of them said they were having a fantastic time and would do it again.
We had kids young so are travelling now but, both of us have said that we would have loved to have done what these people are doing.
Get out and do it while you can, you will make friends along the way and you will have a fantastic time.
We got chatting to some of them and the underlying theme was that they had all set out, by themselves to travel and experience the world, making friends on the way, they would stop in a city, town or village for a few days in a hostel and then move on to the next town.
Some were students who had just graduated and intended spending a few months travelling before starting their career, some worked and would take a couple of weeks off work and just travel by themselves, then return to work; all of them said they were having a fantastic time and would do it again.
We had kids young so are travelling now but, both of us have said that we would have loved to have done what these people are doing.
Get out and do it while you can, you will make friends along the way and you will have a fantastic time.
Traveling to enrich your life, and running away from problems at home, are two different mindsets.
If you're running away from things, then it's best to have a goal in mind, otherwise you'll just mope and drift while spending lots of money. Something like "find a job in Asia within 6 months" or whatever.
If you're running away from things, then it's best to have a goal in mind, otherwise you'll just mope and drift while spending lots of money. Something like "find a job in Asia within 6 months" or whatever.
Definitely go as you have planned. Buy your air ticket and everything else will fall into place. Get stuck into the final details and maybe it will keep your mind off your ex. Get onto the Thorn Tree on Lonely Planets forum (if its still relevant and you haven't already), communicate with others, see if anyone else has similar plans and maybe meet up for support etc.
At 34, me and the now ex wife sold up and went travelling around the world for 4 months (America, Fiji, NZ, Oz, Thailand and India) before emigrating to the US. I was a bit late to the game of backpacking/travelling, but we didn't have kids and friends had done it before me said I wouldn't regret it. We didn't. Everything went really well. If you are staying in hostels etc, its really easy to meet people, everyone's in the same boat, and people are happy to talk about their experiences etc. Don't worry about being lonely or anything like that. Sure, the first night in a new place may seem daunting, but do your homework on planning the first couple of days and you'll be fine. After a few weeks it will all be second nature and your new way of life. You will get by with far less than you thought you needed. When I did it in 2003/4 there were internet cafes everywhere and the wife and I just booked a few days ahead for the next place. Never had a problem.
Have you read the book "Are you experienced"? check it out. Hilarious.
If your into cars like I am, I always tried to find a local car museum or event going on as my special interest. In India I made it my goal to find an Indian built Triumph Herald. Checked that off the list.
Once you're away and enjoying yourself then hopefully your mind won't dwell too much on the ex. I am sure there will be times, its human nature. Time is a healer though. With the internet and Facebook etc, the world is a smaller place and maybe you will stay in touch with her and there may be a path to reconnecting when you get back. But don't hold that torch.
This experience could be a game changer for you. Do it.
At 34, me and the now ex wife sold up and went travelling around the world for 4 months (America, Fiji, NZ, Oz, Thailand and India) before emigrating to the US. I was a bit late to the game of backpacking/travelling, but we didn't have kids and friends had done it before me said I wouldn't regret it. We didn't. Everything went really well. If you are staying in hostels etc, its really easy to meet people, everyone's in the same boat, and people are happy to talk about their experiences etc. Don't worry about being lonely or anything like that. Sure, the first night in a new place may seem daunting, but do your homework on planning the first couple of days and you'll be fine. After a few weeks it will all be second nature and your new way of life. You will get by with far less than you thought you needed. When I did it in 2003/4 there were internet cafes everywhere and the wife and I just booked a few days ahead for the next place. Never had a problem.
Have you read the book "Are you experienced"? check it out. Hilarious.
If your into cars like I am, I always tried to find a local car museum or event going on as my special interest. In India I made it my goal to find an Indian built Triumph Herald. Checked that off the list.
Once you're away and enjoying yourself then hopefully your mind won't dwell too much on the ex. I am sure there will be times, its human nature. Time is a healer though. With the internet and Facebook etc, the world is a smaller place and maybe you will stay in touch with her and there may be a path to reconnecting when you get back. But don't hold that torch.
This experience could be a game changer for you. Do it.
Mr. Nice Guy said:
3. Call the whole thing off and get back together. Maybe we would go travelling together, maybe not but it would be instant relief to me feeling so st. There is a danger I would end up settling down with her and starting an "adult" life (work, bills, get a house etc.) when avoiding this is half the reason I wanted to go.
Getting back with someone just because you're a bit lonely isn't fair on yourself, it certainly isn't fair on her, and it won't work because as soon as you stop feeling st. There is a danger I would end up settling down with her and starting an "adult" life (work, bills, get a house etc.) when avoiding this is half the reason I wanted to go.t you'll start remembering why you wanted to go and were prepared to let her go to do it. If this was the love of your life you'd know it and we wouldn't be having this conversation.
Rollin said:
Mr. Nice Guy said:
....At the moment I feel really down. I work nights all week so my life has always revolved around the weekends, which was fine when my mates were about and I had a girlfriend to visit but now I dread them. I have nobody to talk to, nothing to do and I spend most of my time alone. I'm fed up.....
I'd generally say go, but if the above is true in this country, it may be true elsewhere. Another vote here for go. Yesterday if possible.
Honestly, its such a no-brainer it needs to be slapped into you. The pro list - everything. The con list - nothing.
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