Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
glenrobbo said:
Vipers said:
rayny said:
Vipers said:
actually it was a lovely place, moved on to greener pastures work wise.
I never realised that you were a farmer, - I thought you were a matelot Specialising in brown trout?
Cotty said:
driverrob said:
Watership Down:
You've read the book.
You've seen the film.
Now taste the pie.
There must be a few films you could work into that, Babe springs to mindYou've read the book.
You've seen the film.
Now taste the pie.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112431/
Vanordinaire said:
I bumped into my mate's wife and daughter in Tesco one day. Asked the little girl if she'd seen the Peppa Pig jigsaws going cheap in the next aisle. Thought the mum was going to kill me when I pointed out the packs of bacon bits and left her to explain to her puzzled looking toddler...well I thought it was funny!
Vanordinaire said:
I bumped into my mate's wife and daughter in Tesco one day. Asked the little girl if she'd seen the Peppa Pig jigsaws going cheap in the next aisle. Thought the mum was going to kill me when I pointed out the packs of bacon bits and left her to explain to her puzzled looking toddler...well I thought it was funny!
My daughter LOVES that damn pig! I may offer her that jigsaw...but she also loves bacon
bigandclever said:
I know a man who taught his dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
He went from Barking to Tooting in an hour.
That was nearly funny...He went from Barking to Tooting in an hour.
It just needs a Kitten Killer to pop along and explain that Barking isn't on the Underground network and you need to specify Bec or Broadway for Tooting...
What?
What???
Oh, Ok....
K12beano said:
hat was nearly funny...
It just needs a Kitten Killer to pop along and explain that Barking isn't on the Underground network and you need to specify Bec or Broadway for Tooting...
What?
What???
Oh, Ok....
Barking is on the District and Hammersmith & City lines. The station is not underground, but it is served by London Underground trains.It just needs a Kitten Killer to pop along and explain that Barking isn't on the Underground network and you need to specify Bec or Broadway for Tooting...
What?
What???
Oh, Ok....
Trophy Husband said:
A woman ran in to a police station screaming "Grape! Grape! Grape!"
The desk sergeant said "Surely you mean rape?"
She said "No, there was a whole bunch of them."
Footballers?
Reminds me of the Matelot said he had hermes.The desk sergeant said "Surely you mean rape?"
She said "No, there was a whole bunch of them."
Footballers?
His pal said. "Do you mean herpes"
He said " No, I'm a carrier"
Evangelion said:
I have a friend in the police force, who has special responsibility for checking people's computers, to make sure they contain nothing that is racist or sexist, or discriminates against the disabled, one-parent families, vegans or other minority groups.
He's a PC PC PC.
Ello ello ello!He's a PC PC PC.
Trophy Husband said:
A woman ran in to a police station screaming "Grape! Grape! Grape!"
The desk sergeant said "Surely you mean rape?"
She said "No, there was a whole bunch of them."
Footballers?
Woman ran into the same police station shouting “help I’ve been raped by a docker”.The desk sergeant said "Surely you mean rape?"
She said "No, there was a whole bunch of them."
Footballers?
“How do you know it was a docker” asked the desk sarge.
“Well, he had a cloth cap on, a hook in his belt and I had to do all the work”.
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