Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

TOPIC CLOSED
TOPIC CLOSED
Author
Discussion

55palfers

5,893 posts

163 months

Monday 23rd April 2018
quotequote all
A horse is in the pub having a few pints when he spots a donkey in the corner. He nips over to have a natter, donkey asks "what did you do for a living" and the horse replies "I ran on the flat in the summer and over the jumps in the winter", donkey says "I worked with the kids on blackpool beach" and follows up with "did you win anything?"

The horse nods "yeah on the flat I won the Oaks, St. Leger and the Derby and over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup”. They arrange to meet at the donkey's house a week later and donkey decides that he has to impress the champion horse.

He buys a big picture of a zebra and hangs it above the fireplace. When he horse arrives, he says "lovely place you have here and who's that in the picture on the wall?" the donkey replies "thats me when I played for Juventus"

rayny

1,143 posts

200 months

Monday 23rd April 2018
quotequote all
Vipers said:
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.

'The Murphy twins are drunk again.'
Come on Vipers , tell us the first names of the Murphy twins smile

Doofus

25,732 posts

172 months

Monday 23rd April 2018
quotequote all
rayny said:
Come on Vipers , tell us the first names of the Murphy twins smile
Murphy. Derrrr.

rayny

1,143 posts

200 months

Monday 23rd April 2018
quotequote all
Doofus said:
rayny said:
Come on Vipers , tell us the first names of the Murphy twins smile
Murphy. Derrrr.
OK Doofus -What were the surnames of the Murphy twins ?
Or were they both called Murphy Murphy ?

EarlOfHazard

3,601 posts

157 months

Monday 23rd April 2018
quotequote all

Laurel Green

30,770 posts

231 months

Monday 23rd April 2018
quotequote all
laugh

fatboy18

18,930 posts

210 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.

Tony 1234

3,465 posts

226 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
EarlOfHazard said:
laugh

Evangelion

7,642 posts

177 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
55palfers said:
... the donkey replies "thats me when I played for Juventus" ...
Seeing as the donkey was from Blackpool, wouldn't Newcastle United have been more plausible?

stuartmmcfc

8,653 posts

191 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
Evangelion said:
55palfers said:
... the donkey replies "thats me when I played for Juventus" ...
Seeing as the donkey was from Blackpool, wouldn't Newcastle United have been more plausible?
Notts County might be closer and so even more plausible?

Vipers

32,801 posts

227 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
fatboy18 said:
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
Then they went to the pub, she said "Sit down Ill get them in"

She said to the barman "Two sherries please"

He said "Dry"

She said "No two".

K12beano

20,854 posts

274 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
National Trust have thought hard about this one, a Commemorative Tea Towel to celebrate the Emancipation of Women....

Why not get the little lady one for her kitchen duties....


Frank7

6,619 posts

86 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
stuartmmcfc said:
Evangelion said:
55palfers said:
... the donkey replies "thats me when I played for Juventus" ...
Seeing as the donkey was from Blackpool, wouldn't Newcastle United have been more plausible?
Notts County might be closer and so even more plausible?
I take it that you’re all at the wind up? Newcastle? Notts ”verdammt” County?
That’s a bit like a guy saying, “I slept with Michelle Keegan”, and one of his friends saying, “Well, I did Sarah Millican”, and the other saying, “Yeah? I did Jo Brand.”

AstonZagato

12,652 posts

209 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
Frank7 said:
stuartmmcfc said:
Evangelion said:
55palfers said:
... the donkey replies "thats me when I played for Juventus" ...
Seeing as the donkey was from Blackpool, wouldn't Newcastle United have been more plausible?
Notts County might be closer and so even more plausible?
I take it that you’re all at the wind up? Newcastle? Notts ”verdammt” County?
That’s a bit like a guy saying, “I slept with Michelle Keegan”, and one of his friends saying, “Well, I did Sarah Millican”, and the other saying, “Yeah? I did Jo Brand.”
Yeah, and the horse would definitely know the line up for Newcastle. No donkey has ever played for them (well, apart from Marcelino)

K12beano

20,854 posts

274 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
Good to keep an eye on the dangers:


The Ferret

1,145 posts

159 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
Good Lord, how can I unsee that one please?

glenrobbo

35,088 posts

149 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
Evangelion said:
55palfers said:
... the donkey replies "thats me when I played for Juventus" ...
Seeing as the donkey was from Blackpool, wouldn't Newcastle United have been more plausible?
How about "Hoofentus"?
That would work, without any bickering or dissecting of little furry young felines... rolleyes

glenrobbo

35,088 posts

149 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
The Ferret said:
Good Lord, how can I unsee that one please?
yikes Strewth!!!

I'm not in love either! My eyes, my eyes! nono


:wibblewibblewibble: weeping

simoid

19,772 posts

157 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
fking lefties

EarlOfHazard

3,601 posts

157 months

Wednesday 25th April 2018
quotequote all

TOPIC CLOSED
TOPIC CLOSED