Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[Evangelion]

Halmyre said:

Frank7 said:

Halmyre said:

... lots of stuff about Yorkshiremen ...

It's possible they don't all share such a free and easy outlook.

My brother's father-in-law (or my sister-in-law's father, same person), who hailed from Tenby, once described a Yorkshireman as "a Scotsman with the generous streak removed."

[psi310398]

Evangelion said:

My brother's father-in-law (or my sister-in-law's father, same person), who hailed from Tenby, once described a Yorkshireman as "a Scotsman with the generous streak removed."

I know this is a joke thread but, in all seriousness, I have never met an ungenerous Scot. They may have many faults but the fabled meanness is not one I've encountered.

Back to normal service.

[familyguy1]

Doofus said:

I feel bad now, because I've never asked you.

don't feel bad Doofus, its a big world with lots of people in it and my use of the word "everyone" was a generalisation.

[glenrobbo]

familyguy1 said:

Doofus said:

I feel bad now, because I've never asked you.

don't feel bad Doofus, its a big world with lots of people in it and my use of the word "everyone" was a generalisation.

Family Guy,
When you said "Everyone", did you mean both of them, or just the three?

[familyguy1]

everyone = me, myself and I

[Robbo 27]

Evangelion said:

My brother's father-in-law (or my sister-in-law's father, same person), who hailed from Tenby, once described a Yorkshireman as "a Scotsman with the generous streak removed."

Its not true that copper wire was invented by a scientist, its just that two Yorkshiremen were fighting over a penny.

I was chatting with the window cleaner who has a holster sort of thing attached to his belt, the wet sponge blade goes into it whilst he is drying off the window

Looks like this



Cost about £2.

His holder had been repaired many times with duct tape but still the water leaked down his trouser leg, I asked him if he wanted me to repair it with more tape. His reply was no, he had a new one at home but didnt want to use it yet as he was getting the most out of the faulty item during the summer months, having wet trousers during the summer was (almost) a good thing.

This is the most Yorkshire thing I have heard.

Edited by Robbo 27 on Tuesday 19th June 13:45

[Crapday]

Robbo 27 said:

Its not true that copper wire was invented by a scientist, its just that two Yorkshiremen were fighting over a penny.

Well its wasn't an Aberdonian that dropped the penny as it hit the back of his head as he bent down to pick it up.

[Halmyre]

Crapday said:

Robbo 27 said:

Its not true that copper wire was invented by a scientist, its just that two Yorkshiremen were fighting over a penny.

Well its wasn't an Aberdonian that dropped the penny as it hit the back of his head as he bent down to pick it up.

In 1964 there were 400 cases of typhoid in Aberdeen, traced back to a contaminated tin of corned beef. Only in Aberdeen could you get 400 slices from a tin of corned beef...

[Peanut Gallery]

There is the Aberdonian who could never get the cup of tea he wanted, with 2 spoons of sugar.
At home, he was too tight, so he only put 1 spoon in.
Out and about, the sugar was free, so he always took 3 spoons.

Only in Aberdeen -
Man gets head stuck in a rubbish bin-
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-north-east-...

[Vipers]

Peanut Gallery said:

There is the Aberdonian who could never get the cup of tea he wanted, with 2 spoons of sugar.
At home, he was too tight, so he only put 1 spoon in.
Out and about, the sugar was free, so he always took 3 spoons.

Only in Aberdeen -
Man gets head stuck in a rubbish bin-
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-north-east-...

Be carefull what you say about Aberdeen, this is the only place I know where you can get four seasons in one day

Maybe I should have stayed in gods counry..................

[Doofus]

Vipers said:

Be carefull what you say about Aberdeen, this is the only place I know where you can get four seasons in one day

I'm in the Midlands, and round here you can get one in 40 minutes, or it's free.

[Ali_D]

Evangelion said:

My brother's father-in-law (or my sister-in-law's father, same person), who hailed from Tenby, once described a Yorkshireman as "a Scotsman with the generous streak removed."

Tenby the coastal town in South Wales?

[66mpg]

You can always tell a Yorkshireman but you can’t tell him much.

[Last Visit]

cobra kid said:

psi310398 said:

In a similar vein to the stereotypes about fighter pilots and Yorkshiremen?

Guilty as charged (Yorkshireman).

As they say...Never ask a man if he's from Yorkshire: if he is, he'll tell you soon enough; if he isn't, it'll only embarrass him.

(also from Yorkshire...originally)

[Evangelion]

Ali_D said:

Evangelion said:

My brother's father-in-law (or my sister-in-law's father, same person), who hailed from Tenby, once described a Yorkshireman as "a Scotsman with the generous streak removed."

Tenby the coastal town in South Wales?

Sorry, meant to say Selby!

[Jonboy_t]

[glenrobbo]

Evangelion said:

Sorry, meant to say Selby!

You sir, have obviously past your Selby date.

[Shuvi McTupya]

glenrobbo said:

You sir, have obviously past your Selby date.

Oof!

[Robbo 27]

Halmyre said:

I don't know how that chimes with the section in the Yorkshireman's Constitution* that goes "hear all, see all, say nowt".

* for the uninformed:
Hear all, see all, say nowt
Eat all, sup all, pay nowt
And if tha ever does owt for nowt
Do it for thy sel'

Met a man yesterday in ASDA Barnsley.

'Has thee got thee bearing for salad counter, I is a vegan tha knows'.

'Over there, on your left'

'Ta lad, and speaking of left, Boycott was a marvel playing to left handers, he walks on water tha knows He were as good as my Jack Russel, ha d a gold statue of 'im when he passed'

'Eighteen carat?''

'No chewing a bone, he werent no vegan'.

[grumpy52]

psi310398 said:

Evangelion said:

My brother's father-in-law (or my sister-in-law's father, same person), who hailed from Tenby, once described a Yorkshireman as "a Scotsman with the generous streak removed."

I know this is a joke thread but, in all seriousness, I have never met an ungenerous Scot. They may have many faults but the fabled meanness is not one I've encountered.

Back to normal service.

I totally agree , the Welsh on the other hand !