Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

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Jagmanv12

1,573 posts

163 months

Wednesday 20th June 2018
quotequote all
grumpy52 said:
I totally agree , the Welsh on the other hand !
I had one Welsh chap who expected me to drive to the Severn bridge to show him a car I was selling. rolleyes

glenrobbo

35,077 posts

149 months

Wednesday 20th June 2018
quotequote all
Jagmanv12 said:
grumpy52 said:
I totally agree , the Welsh on the other hand !
I had one Welsh chap who expected me to drive to the Severn bridge to show him a car I was selling. rolleyes
He was obviously too tight to stump up for a passport to get across the border. wink

kowalski655

14,599 posts

142 months

Wednesday 20th June 2018
quotequote all
Jagmanv12 said:
grumpy52 said:
I totally agree , the Welsh on the other hand !
I had one Welsh chap who expected me to drive to the Severn bridge to show him a car I was selling. rolleyes
Well, you wouldnt want to go INTO Wales, would you

K12beano

20,854 posts

274 months

Wednesday 20th June 2018
quotequote all

48k

12,981 posts

147 months

Wednesday 20th June 2018
quotequote all
This weekend's Devon and Cornwall music festival has had to be cancelled after organisers couldn't decide if The Jam or Cream should be on first.

K12beano

20,854 posts

274 months

Wednesday 20th June 2018
quotequote all
48k said:
This weekend's Devon and Cornwall music festival has had to be cancelled after organisers couldn't decide if The Jam or Cream should be on first.
Demoted to just using double cream these days.....

Jonboy_t

5,038 posts

182 months

Wednesday 20th June 2018
quotequote all
Monday: Greg
Tuesday: Ian
Wednesday: Greg
Thursday: Ian
Friday: Greg
Saturday: Ian
Sunday: Greg

That’s the Gregorian calendar.

funkyrobot

18,789 posts

227 months

Wednesday 20th June 2018
quotequote all
Jonboy_t said:
Monday: Greg
Tuesday: Ian
Wednesday: Greg
Thursday: Ian
Friday: Greg
Saturday: Ian
Sunday: Greg

That’s the Gregorian calendar.
Seems more like a Grinder dating calendar to me.

ApOrbital

9,942 posts

117 months

Wednesday 20th June 2018
quotequote all
smile

davhill

5,263 posts

183 months

Thursday 21st June 2018
quotequote all
A bloke received a letter demanding he went to court on a particular date at a specific time.
When he arrived, the usher gave him a drum stick and seated him at the end of the bench.
All through the proceedings, he had to watch out for the judge giving him a signal.
Every time the signal was given, he had to get up, shuffle across behind the judge's chair and tap him on the wig with the drum stick.
After an hour, he realised he'd been called for Dury duty.

K12beano

20,854 posts

274 months

Thursday 21st June 2018
quotequote all
Current leaders don’t seem to say anything meaningful, but looking up in the record books:

“Tough on Brexit; tough on the causes of Brexit”

“Brexit; Brexit; Brexit”

“Don’t let the Brexit bds grind you down”

“You Brexit if you want to; this lady’s not for Brexiting”

“This will not affect the Brexit in your pocket”

“Well ‘e would [Brexit], wouldn’t ‘e?”

“We will Brexit on the beaches...”

“Your Brexit needs you”

“Out! Damn Brexit!”

“A Brexit, a Brexit, my Kingdom for a Brexit”

“Is this a Brexit I see before me”

“Who burnt the Brexit?”

“Veni, vidi, Brexiti...”

“Friends, Romans, Brexiteers!”


“Ug! Ug! Brexit! Ug!”


Vipers

32,799 posts

227 months

Thursday 21st June 2018
quotequote all
Another oldie, but always makes me chuckle.



The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.

LordGrover

33,531 posts

211 months

Thursday 21st June 2018
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Excellent Vipers flourish to end. clap

Vipers

32,799 posts

227 months

Thursday 21st June 2018
quotequote all
4 out of 3 people struggle with math.

K12beano

20,854 posts

274 months

Thursday 21st June 2018
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Vipers said:
4 out of 3 people struggle with math.
Well that’s just not true.

Although, of course, 66.6% do struggle with percentages.....

....and the other half cannot be bothered.

phazed

21,844 posts

203 months

Thursday 21st June 2018
quotequote all
Vipers said:
4 out of 3 people struggle with maths.
Corrected that for you

We can’t have Americanisms creeping In smile

havoc

29,928 posts

234 months

Thursday 21st June 2018
quotequote all
phazed said:
Vipers said:
4 out of 3 people struggle with maths.
Corrected that for you

We can’t have Americanisms creeping In smile
You're right - we should build a wall, and set up internment camps!

Laurel Green

30,770 posts

231 months

Thursday 21st June 2018
quotequote all
havoc said:
You're right - we should build a wall, and set up internment camps!
yes Upper case to the left, lower case to the right.

phazed

21,844 posts

203 months

Thursday 21st June 2018
quotequote all
Laurel Green said:
yes Upper case to the left, lower case to the right.
Or in India, " Upper caste to the left, lower caste to the right".t

PixelpeepS3

8,600 posts

141 months

Thursday 21st June 2018
quotequote all
K12beano said:
Vipers said:
4 out of 3 people struggle with math.
Well that’s just not true.

Although, of course, 66.6% do struggle with percentages.....

....and the other half cannot be bothered.
99.6% of statistics are made up anyway.

“There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t”.
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