Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
A bloke received a letter demanding he went to court on a particular date at a specific time.
When he arrived, the usher gave him a drum stick and seated him at the end of the bench.
All through the proceedings, he had to watch out for the judge giving him a signal.
Every time the signal was given, he had to get up, shuffle across behind the judge's chair and tap him on the wig with the drum stick.
After an hour, he realised he'd been called for Dury duty.
When he arrived, the usher gave him a drum stick and seated him at the end of the bench.
All through the proceedings, he had to watch out for the judge giving him a signal.
Every time the signal was given, he had to get up, shuffle across behind the judge's chair and tap him on the wig with the drum stick.
After an hour, he realised he'd been called for Dury duty.
Current leaders don’t seem to say anything meaningful, but looking up in the record books:
“Tough on Brexit; tough on the causes of Brexit”
“Brexit; Brexit; Brexit”
“Don’t let the Brexit bds grind you down”
“You Brexit if you want to; this lady’s not for Brexiting”
“This will not affect the Brexit in your pocket”
“Well ‘e would [Brexit], wouldn’t ‘e?”
“We will Brexit on the beaches...”
“Your Brexit needs you”
“Out! Damn Brexit!”
“A Brexit, a Brexit, my Kingdom for a Brexit”
“Is this a Brexit I see before me”
“Who burnt the Brexit?”
“Veni, vidi, Brexiti...”
“Friends, Romans, Brexiteers!”
“Ug! Ug! Brexit! Ug!”
“Tough on Brexit; tough on the causes of Brexit”
“Brexit; Brexit; Brexit”
“Don’t let the Brexit bds grind you down”
“You Brexit if you want to; this lady’s not for Brexiting”
“This will not affect the Brexit in your pocket”
“Well ‘e would [Brexit], wouldn’t ‘e?”
“We will Brexit on the beaches...”
“Your Brexit needs you”
“Out! Damn Brexit!”
“A Brexit, a Brexit, my Kingdom for a Brexit”
“Is this a Brexit I see before me”
“Who burnt the Brexit?”
“Veni, vidi, Brexiti...”
“Friends, Romans, Brexiteers!”
“Ug! Ug! Brexit! Ug!”
Another oldie, but always makes me chuckle.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
K12beano said:
Vipers said:
4 out of 3 people struggle with math.
Well that’s just not true.Although, of course, 66.6% do struggle with percentages.....
....and the other half cannot be bothered.
“There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t”.
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